It Was Always You

by Barnes, Miranda

  ‘One thing I should tell you,’ Dad said. ‘Your mother’s worried about your relationship with this fellow.’

  ‘Don? Why on earth is she worried? He’s a lovely man.’

  ‘She thinks you’ll be emigrating.’

  He glanced at her.

  ‘Oh, well.’ She smiled and gave a little shrug. ‘Mum worries about everything. She always did.’

  ‘That’s true.’

  He left it there, and she was pleased he did. He had given her something else to ponder. If only she wasn’t so tired, she thought, she would ponder it. As it was, she just wanted to get home, go to bed and get some sleep.

  Mum gave no outward sign of worry. She just wrapped Anna in her arms and hugged her.

  ‘You look tired, dear. So you must have had a very good holiday,’ she said, without much logic but with every ounce of motherly common sense.

  ‘Oh, I am – and I have!’ Anna laughed. ‘It’s lovely to see you, Mum.’

  ‘You, too, dear. Are you hungry?’

  ‘Hungry?’ She shook her head. ‘A cup of coffee would be nice, though. Then I must get some sleep. I’m desperate for it.’

  In her own room, in her own bed, she relaxed and felt safe and well. And comfortable. All the questions, spoken and unspoken, could wait until tomorrow – or this afternoon! As she drifted off, she felt very happy. She was so glad to be home.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  It was the next day before Anna got up for good. Before that, she slept a lot of hours, woke for a time, even ate, but always she returned to bed. The next morning her long sleep was finally over. She woke soon after seven, her old time, and after some stretching and turning got up. It was time to face the day, and to see how Callerton had fared in her long absence.

  Disappointingly, she saw none of her friends when she ventured out onto the street. She wandered along towards her old shop out of sheer habit. It was still there, and still closed up. Whatever the Wilsons were planning, it hadn’t happened yet. One or two of her former customers, elderly women, were out and about, looking just as lost as she felt herself. She had a quick word with them, and was touched to hear them say how much they had missed her – and the shop.

  On her way back along the street, she approached the old ruined house where she had seen Matthew working just before she went away. Disappointingly again, she could see no-one there, but someone had done a lot more work on it in her absence. A new roof had been installed, to go with the new windows. Was it all down to Matthew?

  Then she stopped and stared. She couldn’t believe it. The ground floor now had what she could only think of as a shop window. It couldn’t be anything else.

  She was astonished. What on earth was that about? Someone thinking of opening a shop in Callerton? Who? And what kind of shop? She shook her head. It made no sense at all.

  Later, she called at the stables where Carol worked.

  ‘Anna! You’re back.’

  Anna grinned happily. ‘I am – in person.’

  Carol dropped everything, abandoned the horse she was brushing and rushed over to greet her.

  ‘Oh! How are you? How was the holiday? How’s Don? When…?’

  Anna laughed and waved her to a stop. ‘Yesterday morning,’ she said. ‘But I’ve been in bed asleep since I arrived. I was exhausted.’

  ‘I bet! Oh, it’s so good to see you. Come into the café. I’ll make us a coffee.’

  ‘The café?’

  Carol waved airily at the timber cabin adjacent to the stables. ‘My café. My home from home.’

  ‘Oh, that café!’ Anna said, laughing. ‘I thought for a moment something must have happened or changed while I’ve been away.

  ‘In Callerton? No way!’

  The cabin was a cosy little place. Especially so in winter, when the little wood-burning stove was usually on the go. Anna flopped on to one of the scruffy armchairs Carol had rescued from somewhere – a redundant old people’s home, probably – and watched her friend make coffee.

  ‘It’s great to be back home.’

  Carol brought two coffee mugs to the little table beside Anna. ‘But you had a good holiday?’

  ‘Oh, yes! I did. The holiday of a lifetime.’

  ‘Lucky you.’

  ‘But it’s still good to be back.’

  ‘Here?’

  ‘Here.’ Anna nodded and suddenly felt more certain of that than anything else in her life. ‘This is home.’

  ‘I suppose it is, but... Oh, Anna, tell me everything! What did you do?’

  They talked for a good long while. Anna told her as much as she could before her voice gave out on her. She only wished she had photographs ready to show.

  ‘What about Don?’ Carol asked at last. ‘How was it?’

  ‘Fine. He was very nice, very kind. And his sister and her family were too. They all were.’

  ‘So?’

  Anna laughed. ‘What do you mean "so"?’

  ‘You know! What’s going to happen? Has he asked you to marry him?’

  Anna nodded. ‘More or less.’

  Carol laughed. ‘That doesn’t sound very romantic.’

  ‘Yes, then. OK? Yes, he has. Now we’ve got to sort out the practicalities.’

  Carol got up to give her a hug. ‘That’s wonderful news. I’m so pleased for you.’

  It was wonderful news, Anna thought. It really was. But the practicalities were something else. They were going to take some sorting.

  ‘What’s going on with that old house?’ she asked. ‘The one Matthew was working on when I went away. It looks as if someone has decided to open a shop.’

  Carol shrugged. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I’ve not taken much notice. You’ll have to ask Matthew.’

  She looked round as if seeking a clock.

  Busy, Anna thought. Of course she was. Carol had a job to do. Better let her get on with it. Time to go.

  ‘See you tonight?’ she asked. ‘Would you like me to collect Peggy, and us all go into Alnwick together for a meal? To that Italian, perhaps?’

  ‘Oh, yes!’ Carol said, giving her a quick smile. ‘Let’s do that. Celebrate your news.’

  Somehow that idea didn’t cheer Anna up very much at all. She just wanted to get back to normal.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Peggy, of course, already knew. ‘Congratulations! She cried as soon as Anna appeared.

  Anna laughed. ‘How did…?’

  ‘Oh, the bush telegraph works pretty well these days. The internet helps as well, of course. So are we celebrating?’

  ‘We are. Tonight. With Carol.’

  ‘Great!’

  *

  Peggy was still in good form that evening. She never shut up all the way to Alnwick. Anna was glad Carol was driving. Somebody had to concentrate on the road.

  ‘I’m so looking forward to visiting my cousin plus old friend all the way across the big, old Atlantic,’ Peggy started.

  Anna laughed. ‘The Atlantic? It’s not that big. Do you know, on the way there you spend twice as much time, and twice as many miles, flying over Canada than you do across the Atlantic.’

  ‘Really?’ Peggy said.

  ‘Really?’ Carol said. ‘That’s interesting,’ she added, looking as if it was exactly the opposite. ‘Now tell us what the club scene’s like.’

  "Romano’s" was, as Peggy put it, comfortably crowded. That meant pretty well full, but without people queuing for a table.

  ‘Lucky we booked,’ Carol said.

  Anna nodded. ‘It’s my treat tonight,’ she added. ‘To celebrate.’

  ‘But I’m driving!’ Carol wailed. ‘How can I celebrate?’

  Peggy thought she had the answer. ‘We’ll get Luigi, or whatever he’s called,...’

  ‘Romano,’ Anna said.

  ‘Romano, then. We’ll get him to put any spare wine in a bottle for you to take home.’

  ‘Along with any left-over spaghetti,’ Anna suggested.

  ‘Of course,’ Peggy
said.

  ‘Nice,’ Carol said, glowering fiercely.

  ‘What’s Sally Anne’s house like?’ Peggy asked. ‘Is it wonderful?’

  ‘Yes,’ Anna admitted. ‘It really is a beautiful house. Lovely big rooms. Two storeys, but with a basement as well. And a verandah at the front.’

  ‘I can picture it,’ Carol said. ‘A rocking chair on the porch.’

  ‘And one of them big swings that take two people,’ Peggy added.

  Anna laughed. ‘Not quite. But near enough. They do have chairs on the front porch. Then, at the back, there’s a big deck overlooking the garden. There’s a barbecue set-up on that.

  ‘And it’s in a lovely area. Nice and quiet, in the suburbs.’

  ‘Quiet?’ Peggy said, sounding disappointed. ‘How far from the centre?’

  ‘About fifteen miles.’

  ‘Fifteen miles!’

  Now Peggy was horrified. Anna laughed and began to explain how far people travelled and yet stayed within the city.

  ‘Where will you live?’ Carol asked. ‘In the city centre or on the edge? In a village outside even?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Anna admitted. ‘We haven’t discussed it. Anyway, they don’t have villages. From what I saw, you either live in the city or on a farm.

  ‘Don has an apartment in the downtown at the moment. I imagine we’ll live there for a bit, until we get sorted out. But it would be nice to have a house like Sally Anne’s, with a lovely big garden.’

  ‘A lovely big garden means lots of work,’ Peggy pointed out.

  ‘Well, she’ll have nothing else to do,’ Carol pointed out. ‘Will you?’ she added.

  Anna shook her head. ‘No, not at first.’

  That was still something she wasn’t happy about. She would have to do something, even if Don couldn’t see why.

  ‘Until the little ones arrive,’ Peggy said with a sly glance sideways.

  ‘Oh, that won’t be for a while!’ Anna said hastily. ‘At least, I hope not.’

  That was enough of that, she thought ruefully. They were getting into territory she hadn’t explored herself yet.

  Carol sighed. ‘So when are you going?’

  Anna shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. There’s a lot to sort out. It will take time, I expect.’

  ‘But soon?’

  ‘I hope so.’

  Soon? She hadn’t got that far herself yet. Everything really was so complicated. Her hope was that if she could get the next few days out of the way, and sort her head out, the way ahead would be straightforward. She could hardly tell the girls that she still hadn’t given Don a straight answer yet.

  Thankfully, the conversation moved on. There were other things to discuss. They ordered their meals. They enjoyed themselves.

  But Anna was still distracted. She wondered if the big change in her life really would come soon. Perhaps it would. But there was such a lot to sort out in a practical sense. She had no idea how long it would take to arrange immigration, for example. She even wondered if she could speed things up by claiming political asylum. Would that work? Half the people in the world seemed to be doing that these days.

  There were other things to sort out, too. Her parents needed to be told about her plans, for a start. Especially Mum.

  Not forgetting, of course, that she had to talk to Don first. She had told him that she needed to take such a big decision only when she was back home. She didn’t want to be rushed into it when she was in the midst of a wonderful holiday, and risk getting it wrong. He had said he understood, but she had known he was disappointed. So she owed it to him to make her mind up and tell him. Don needed to know where he stood, as much as she did.

  Peggy waved a glass in front of her face. ‘Anna?’

  She looked up at Peggy, who was on her feet. ‘What?’

  Peggy raised her eyes to the ceiling and pouted theatrically. ‘What’s wrong with this girl?’ she demanded.

  ‘Love,’ Carol said. ‘She’s in love.’

  ‘Can’t answer a simple question,’ Peggy grumbled.

  ‘What do you want, Peggy?’ Anna demanded, laughing.

  ‘Would you like another glass of wine?’

  ‘Who’s driving?’

  ‘I am,’ Carol said. ‘It’s my car, remember?’

  ‘In that case...’ Anna said, turning back to Peggy. ‘Yes, please!’

  ‘At last!’ Peggy said.

  ‘Has anybody seen Matthew lately?’ Anna asked.

  ‘Carol has,’ Peggy volunteered.

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Not since Sunday,’ Carol said with a grin. ‘Not for two whole days.’

  It took a moment but then Anna caught the drift. ‘You haven’t…?’ she began.

  ‘Oh, yes she has!’ Peggy said.

  Anna raised a quizzical eyebrow.

  Carol laughed. ‘I’ve been going out with Matthew, yes. Just this past few weeks.’

  ‘Oh? I am pleased for you,’ Anna said. ‘I’m pleased for you both. How is he?’

  ‘He’s fine. Matthew is fine.’

  But Anna wasn’t sure she was. She felt as if someone had hit her very hard in the solar plexus. She scarcely had air to breathe, let alone speak.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Mum, of course, was anxious to hear what she planned to do.

  ‘Have a rest, Mum. Catch up on some sleep, get used to being back here.’ She shrugged. ‘See people.’

  ‘That’s not what I mean, Anna.’

  They were sat at the kitchen table. Sunlight streamed through the window. Anna stared down the long garden at the back of the house. It looked beautiful. It always did at this time of year. There was so much colour in the borders. Perhaps later she would get out to do some weeding. There was always plenty to do.

  She knew perfectly well what Mum meant. Of course she did. She just wasn’t sure what to say to her.

  ‘Has Don asked you to marry him?’

  There it was, out in the open. She could evade the big question no longer.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, turning to her mother with a smile. ‘Yes, he has.’

  ‘I knew it!’

  ‘Of course you did. I wasn’t going to go all that way, for all that time, if it wasn’t serious, was I?’

  Mum looked so happy that Anna couldn’t help laughing.

  ‘That’s wonderful news, dear! When is it to be?’

  ‘When is what to be?’

  ‘The wedding! Don’t you play games with me, my girl.’

  ‘I don’t know yet. We haven’t decided.’

  ‘You don’t know!’

  ‘Well, there’s a lot to consider. You know...’

  ‘Of course I know! All the same... Where will it be? Here?’

  ‘Mum, can we just leave it for now? You’re asking me questions I can’t begin to answer.’

  Mum got up and moved across to the sink. She began washing up.

  ‘Sorry, Mum!’ Anna got up and moved behind her. She put her arms around her and hugged. ‘I didn’t mean to snap.’

  ‘That’s all right.’ Mum glanced over her shoulder and smiled as she continued working. ‘You’re just back. You must be exhausted. And here I am asking you all these questions.’

  Anna held on to her a moment longer. Then she squeezed. ‘There’s a lot to sort out,’ she repeated.

  ‘Of course there is.’

  Anna let go and returned to her chair.

  ‘Where does Don live?’

  ‘In the centre of the city. He has an apartment in a high-rise building. Wonderful views. But it’s just for convenience. He says we would get a house somewhere. Like his sister’s, probably. She has a lovely place in the suburbs.’

  ‘I can’t imagine living in the centre of a big city,’ Mum said. She sounded almost wistful. ‘It must be very exciting.’

  Anna smiled. Exciting? Yes, you could say that, she supposed. People, traffic, shops, and so on. Very different to Callerton, anyway.

  ‘What will you do yourself?’ Dad wanted to kno
w, when they were talking later.

  ‘I’m not sure at this stage, Dad. I’ll find a job doing something, I suppose.’

  ‘She’ll be busy building their home,’ Mum intervened. ‘Don’t talk daft – what will she do?’

  Dad looked dubious.

  ‘And having a family,’ Mum added, being very coy. ‘Later on, I mean. You’ll want that, won’t you, dear? When you get settled.’

  Anna gave her a wan smile that could have signified anything. What would she do? She had no idea. And the idea of having a family was far too distant a prospect to contemplate.

  She could have said, but didn’t, that they were supposed to be living in the twenty-first century now, not whatever century Mum thought it was. That would have been far too cruel. Sometimes, though, she felt a great urge to be cruel, and blow away all these old-fashioned ideas. Mum might be shocked to read the statistics about how many people had their children before they got married, not after.

  Not that that was necessarily a good thing, of course. Oh, I don’t know! she thought wearily. I don’t know what to do.

  ‘Anyway,’ Mum added, ‘Anna won’t need to work. Don seems to have a fine career.’

  That was true, Anna thought. He did. And so did all his friends. Fine careers, every one of them. Their wives and partners did, too. That was a thought that didn’t make her feel any better.

  ‘Anyway, you’ll be busy enough clearing snow,’ Dad said, giving her a wink. ‘From what I understand, there probably won’t be a lot of time for anything else in the winter out there.’

  Anna smiled reluctantly, not hugely amused but relieved to have the conversation diverted.

  *

  One thing she particularly enjoyed about being back home was that she could walk. She walked everywhere. She walked and walked. The lanes around Callerton were wonderful, especially at this time of year. There was hardly any traffic, and the verges were like wild-flower gardens.