Better Than Okay

by Jacinta Howard

  Her words came out slowly, weighed down by her thick Cajun accent.

  “Okay, I think I’ll try that,” he said, unleashing another one of his disarming grins. Destiny never remembered him flirting so much with random women before. She studied her menu and concentrated on the items listed there.

  “What’ll it be for you, honey?”

  “I think, I’ll have…” she hesitated for a long second, scanning the menu again. She always had trouble deciding what to get at new restaurants. “Sorry for taking forever,” she apologized, glancing up at her.

  “I’m in no rush, honey,” she smiled. “Why don’t you try what your boyfriend here is having?”

  Destiny’s eyes flew to Brian, who was smirking.

  “We’re just friends,” she corrected her, blushing. The waitress raised her eyebrows in surprise. She glanced at Brian then back to Destiny.

  “Why are you denying our love, baby?” he asked, playfully, causing her cheeks to heat and the waitress to laugh. “I’m hurt.”

  Destiny glared at him, and he closed his mouth, shrugging as he exchanged a look with the jovial waitress. She bit her lip and studied her menu, growing agitated, although she didn’t know why. It wasn’t the first time that someone mistook them for a couple, or that Brian made a joke of it.

  “Okay,” she finally decided, mostly so that India would stop smiling at her like she was some clueless little girl. “I’ll go with that too.”

  “And to drink?”

  “Lemonade for both of us,” Brian quickly answered because he knew it was what she always ordered.

  The waitress jotted it down on her pad then smiled and winked at Brian before sauntering off. Destiny frowned and bit her lip.

  “What’s up with you?” Brian asked, looking at her. His brow wrinkled slightly as he studied her face. “You seem irritable all of a sudden.”

  “I’m not,” she quickly countered, although the fact that he was always able to read her so well was irritating in itself.

  It was killing her buzz and she released a breath. She glanced over at the young couple sitting at the table next to them. The guy kept calling the girl “boo.” She scowled and shook her head.

  “What?” Brian asked again, glancing over at the couple quickly before looking back to her.

  “I hate it when guys say ‘boo’,” she said, wrinkling her face in distaste. “It’s so cornball-ish.”

  Brian chuckled. “Cornball-ish?” he repeated.

  She shrugged.

  “Since when don’t you like terms of endearment, Tweety Bird?” He raised an eyebrow at her, amused.

  She rolled her eyes. “‘Tweety Bird’ is a silly nickname, not a term of endearment.”

  He grinned, considering her, and she felt compelled to explain further.

  “I mean, I guess some of them are okay, but ‘boo’ and ‘babe’ and ‘sweetie’ are not cool,” she frowned.

  “I seem to remember… what was that guy’s name with the big ears that you liked in the eighth grade?”

  “I never liked anyone with big ears,” she lied. She knew he was talking about Ryan LaTroy, a guy she had a crush on in middle school. They’d even gone to the eighth grade dance together.

  He looked at her, smirking. “You know who I'm talking about, don’t lie, you’re not good at it. What was his name?”

  He looked off, thinking. “Reggie? Roland? Reynaldo?”

  “Reynaldo? Seriously? It was Ryan. And his ears weren’t that big.”

  He fixed a look on her and she had to laugh.

  “Okay, they were a little big, but he was cute. And nice.”

  He smirked again and shook his head. “I remember him calling you ‘boo’ on a very regular basis.”

  She laughed and eyed him. She was kind of surprised he remembered that. They’d gone out for all of one month. Mostly they just talked on the phone since she wasn’t allowed to really date until she turned sixteen. He’d come by the house a couple of times, and both Dorian and Brian had done their best to scare him off. They were already sophomores in high school, so it wasn’t hard for them to be intimidating.

  “I was like fourteen though,” she said, sipping her lemonade, which had just arrived. “I’m a grown woman now and cheesy nicknames are corny.”

  He chuckled and met her eyes.

  “So, if I said, ‘Baby, you are such a cutie pie, especially when you blush,’ you’d think I was… cornball-ish?”

  His voice dropped and he studied her, his eyes dark and amused. Her mouth was suddenly dry so she took another sip of her lemonade.

  “Yes,” she said, shifting in her seat, a little unnerved.

  “You’re blushing now, Destiny. So I feel like you’re lying.” He stared at her for a long second, laughter dancing in his eyes and she squirmed in her chair, looking away toward the paintings on the wall.

  “So, what happened between you and Tamara?” she asked pointedly, deliberately shifting the conversation to his ex-girlfriend.

  She knew they’d broken up a couple of months ago, though he refused to tell her why. She was actually kind of surprised to find out he’d even gotten into a serious relationship. He’d never had one previously that she knew of. She’d wondered what made Tamara so special, aside from the fact that she was stunningly beautiful. She was almost ashamed to admit that she’d looked her up on Facebook because she was so curious.

  Brian’s eyes narrowed the way they did when he was deciding whether or not he wanted divulge any information.

  “It just wasn’t working,” he answered finally.

  She tilted her head to the side, studying him. He’d never been forthcoming with information about his relationship with her and it was annoying.

  “Um, obviously, or else you’d still be together,” she said frowning slightly. “Care to elaborate?”

  “Not really,” he responded, accepting his plate from the waitress with a polite smile. Destiny waited until they were alone again before pressing him further.

  “How come you’re so secretive when it comes to her?” she asked.

  “How come you’re so curious?” he tossed back. He shot her a pointed look and took a large bite of his po’ boy.

  “I was just surprised you decided to settle down in the first place, and then it just like, ended abruptly, with no explanation.”

  He eyed her, a slight grin on his face as he swallowed. “Why was it surprising?”

  “Because I’ve never known you to be interested enough in anyone to actually commit,” she answered honestly, picking up a fry and popping it into her mouth. “You and Dorian both have a short attention span when it comes to women.”

  He shrugged and nodded in casual acknowledgment. “Things change though.”

  “So, Tamara changed you?”

  “I wouldn't go that far,” he said, smirking. His eyes grew serious. “But being with her did kind of… put some things in perspective. So maybe.”

  “Then why didn’t you stay with her?” she prodded, ignoring her own sandwich, as she studied him. “If she changed you and all of that? Why not stay with her?”

  She’d never really heard him talk about relationships or women like this. She was still curious about what had made Tamara so special. Honestly, she’d never thought any of the women she’d seen Brian with were good enough for him. They were all smart and pretty, not air-headed and prissy like Dorian’s women, but they were always missing something. That intangible thing that she figured a guy like Brian needed.

  “I didn’t say she changed me,” he said, starting to sound a little annoyed. “Being with her changed my perspective. It helped me figure out what I really wanted.”

  “And what was that?” she asked quietly, her pulse increasing as she waited for his answer. She bit her lip as she studied him.

  “Who,” he corrected, his voice dropping as he met her eyes. “Who I wanted.”

  “Then who?” she asked, blinking back her surprise at his deliberate distinction. “Who did you want?”r />
  He didn’t answer immediately, but the intensity of his gaze was nearly overwhelming. He released a humorless chuckle, then grinned, nodding at the untouched po’ boy on her plate.

  “You should eat your sandwich before it gets cold.”

  She stared at him for a long minute, slightly annoyed that he was being so mysterious, and a little unnerved. She knew him well enough to know that he was dodging her question and she wouldn’t be getting any answers from him anytime soon.

  “You’re annoying,” she said, furrowing her brow.

  He chuckled deeply, his eyes amused with a hint of something else that she couldn’t quite read.

  “You like me anyway though,” he supplied with a half-grin.

  She rolled her eyes and sighed audibly, still scowling at him and picked up her sandwich. She bit into it and immediately closed her eyes in ecstasy, all traces of annoyance totally forgotten.

  “Good, right?” he grinned around another mouthful.

  She nodded vigorously. “If I could marry this sandwich, I would.”

  He laughed, stuffing another bite into his mouth.

  “So,” she said, releasing a breath and changing the subject, although she was still curious about his mysterious love life, “I talked to Lexi about a week ago. I had to cut the conversation short though because I was headed to do an interview. How is she?”

  Brian’s little sister, Alexis, was fifteen and totally had him wrapped around her finger. He stared at her for a second longer then smiled and shook his head ruefully.

  “Giving Clara problems.”

  He said it with a slight grin so Destiny knew whatever problems he was referring to couldn’t be that serious. Brian had moved in with his great aunt Clara and her husband Alfred when he was fourteen after his mom disappeared on one of her binges. Rather than let the state take them, since neither one of their dads was in the picture, Clara had volunteered for the job. Although Clara took them in, Brian was ten years older and had always acted more like Lexi’s dad than her brother. Destiny knew without asking that he was going to have a really hard time leaving Phoenix.

  “Does she know you’re moving yet?” she asked gingerly.

  His expression shifted, the amusement leaving his eyes. He sighed and ran a hand over his head.

  “Yeah, I told her right after I took the offer.”

  He fell silent, his expression stoic.

  “I guess she took it hard,” Destiny said, not really even needing to ask.

  She knew Lexi well enough to know what her reaction was. She’d babysat her every day after school all throughout high school and kept in touch with her regularly even now. She’d be heartbroken that Brian was leaving.

  “She cried… a lot,” he finally said, fixing his eyes on his lemonade. “You know how Lex is. So emotional.”

  Destiny studied him, biting her lip. As controlled as he always was, the one thing that always got to him was Lexi’s tears. She hadn’t even thought about the mixed emotions he had to be experiencing. Landing this job meant he was leaving his little sister.

  “She’ll be alright, Brian,” Destiny said softly, hoping her tone was reassuring. “She’s smart. And she has Clara. She just needs time to digest this and like, adjust.”

  Brian nodded and sighed before finally glancing up at her.

  “I’m not sure if this is the right thing for her, ya know? There’s only so much that I can do, being so far away. And now she’s getting older and she got a bunch of dumb-ass little dudes coming around. Somebody needs to be there to keep them in check.”

  He shook his head, scowling and Destiny tried to suppress her grin. Brian was really overprotective and it was a little funny. She felt kind of bad for Alexis.

  Loud laughter suddenly rang throughout the restaurant and they both turned to look at the group of drunken twenty-somethings that had just entered the restaurant, whooping and hollering like it was Mardi Gras. Destiny glanced at the Charlie Parker painting that was hanging on the wall next to Brian then looked back at him, weighing her words.

  “Well, I mean, she has Clara,” she said carefully. “I know you feel like the parent. I guess you kind of are in some ways. But you have to be able to live your life too, Brian.”

  She met his eyes, trying to read his expression. She couldn’t and she sighed.

  “For real,” she continued when he didn’t say anything. She leaned forward a little forcing him to meet her eyes. “We’ll keep tabs on her and she’ll come visit us on all of her breaks.”

  His eyes widened and he lifted an eyebrow. “Us?” he repeated with a chuckle.

  She rolled her eyes, glad that he was at least smiling.

  “You know what I mean.” She waved a hand dismissively.

  They both grew quiet again and Brian shifted his gaze to the window, looking out at the foot traffic on the street. It was getting busier by the hour. She took another bite of her sandwich, chewing in silence. One of the main reasons she liked hanging with Brian so much was because their silences were never uncomfortable. He didn’t expect her to entertain him and vice versa. He returned his attention to his nearly empty plate, polishing off the last of his sandwich. She caught herself studying his features still trying to figure out what it was about him that had changed so much in the year since she’d last seen him. He glanced up at her and caught her staring at him. He met her eyes, his gaze serious.

  “You cool?” she asked, a little frazzled by the intensity in his eyes.

  He grinned and nodded his head. He paused, openly studying her face.

  “I just really missed you… exclamation point.”

  His tone was playful and she smiled.

  “I really missed you too, Brian.”

  She took a sip of her drink and waited for their check to come.

  Chapter 3

  Destiny stood in the bathroom looking at her freshly washed face in the mirror. She had to be at the show in thirty minutes and needed to wash the humidity off her skin after hanging out with Brian all afternoon.

  After they’d finished eating, they’d decided to walk around a little longer. She wanted to get some shots of the scenery before she left. Gabe wanted to cover the festival from a different angle this year, so she was writing a personal narrative about her first time at the festival. Because their budget was so tight and they couldn’t afford to hire a photographer, they were relying heavily upon her photography skills to round out the piece.

  Brian’s mood was significantly lighter after their talk about his sister in the restaurant, which made her happy. He was so serious and responsible most of the time. It was good to see him relaxed. Hell, it was good to be so relaxed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun just hanging out. As usual, they’d talked about everything, from their old friends in Phoenix, to their jobs, to her non-existent dating life.

  She hadn’t seriously dated anyone since Jamal—if you could call that dating. She’d been infatuated with him in college. He was a senior who enjoyed games and she was a freshman with bad judgment. He was majoring in engineering and had offered to help tutor her in calculus, which led to many study dates because she sucked at math. Many study dates led to many ill-advised make-out sessions in her dorm room.

  And that was the problem. Their relationship stayed in her dorm room. They’d gone to the movies a couple of times, late at night. And that was it. But she was so absorbed in him she’d ignored common sense. She’d failed to realize that she’d become the very girl that she’d always pitied and silently judged for their blindness and stupidity.

  Then one night, after an especially long “study session,” he’d whispered that he loved her and said he wanted to be with her. And she believed him. That is, until he’d abruptly stopped talking to her around the time of his graduation. She found out a week later that he was engaged.

  He asked her to meet him for coffee afterward and he’d apologized profusely, still insisting his feelings for her were real, but that he needed to do the right
thing. The right thing by his new fiancé, not her. She’d cried—right then and there in the trendy college coffee shop that sold overpriced lattes. She actually let him see her cry. And he’d looked at her with pity. She didn’t know which was worse, his un-love or the fact that he felt sorry for her. Her tears hadn’t done a damn thing besides make her look weak. She’d vowed after that it would never happen again.

  Raven had been there through the whole thing, comforting her through her crying bouts, helping to restore her shattered self-esteem. Dorian was there for her, too, just in a different way. He’d threatened to kick Jamal’s ass if he ever saw him again, which wasn’t likely to happen since he moved with his new fiancé to Charlotte just a month after his graduation. Dorian never liked Jamal and made no qualms about telling her.

  She glanced at the clock, noting she had about fifteen minutes to finish getting ready. She still felt stupid every time she thought about Jamal, even though it was five years ago. The whole story was so cliché it was sickening, but it was her story. And it hurt. She wasn’t vulnerable very often. She wouldn’t allow herself to be. She learned enough about what that got you from watching Chrissy and seeing how her mom’s relationship with her dad had turned out.

  They’d divorced when she was ten. Her mom caught him cheating, and he said he couldn’t be married anymore. A year later he was living in Reno, married to some chick he’d only known for six weeks, helping her raise her two-year-old daughter. She’d listened to her mom crying herself to sleep more times than she cared to remember in the year that followed. Her crying hadn’t gotten her anything either. Her dad never came back.

  Suffice to say, she wasn’t big on the dating scene. She’d gone out a few times, but had deliberately kept it casual. Besides, she had other things to focus on—like her career. She wasn’t an idiot. She knew music journalism was competitive, especially if you were a woman. She also knew that there was a good chance UMusic wouldn’t last much longer and she needed to build her clips and establish herself more if she planned on eventually landing another gig. She didn’t have time for the endless drama that came with being in a relationship or seriously dealing with a guy. Yes, she got lonely at times. But she could deal with it. If it got unbearable, she’d call up one of the guys she’d hang with occasionally, usually Amari.