Better Than Okay

by Jacinta Howard

  She nodded and finished writing the last sentence of her story on the self-absorbed R&B group from Hades and pushed her chair back, standing to follow Chuck back to the graphic department. The art team had the coolest office by far. There were no cubicles, just a free-flowing space. The walls were covered with various prints from artists like Jean Michel-Basquiat and Dalí along with some of UMusic’s best covers.

  “I really had fun with this puppy,” he told her proudly as she leaned over his desk, staring at the large computer screen.

  She grinned. He’d been working on her Jazz Festival feature for the past couple of days and it looked even better than she’d hoped.

  “You took some fantastic shots,” he told her again, pointing to one particularly unique shot she was able to get of the audience at one of the shows.

  “Thanks,” she smiled. “This looks really, really dope, Chuck.”

  She resisted the urge to hug him. She couldn’t have asked for anything more from her first big feature.

  “Hey, Destiny,” Gabe said, poking his head around the door. “Roc D is performing tonight at Viper Lounge, did you want to go?”

  She hesitated. She was supposed to be having dinner at Dorian and Brian’s. They hadn’t seen each other since he popped up at her house Tuesday night because he’d been so busy with work. She was actually kind of glad. She needed the space. And the time. And she knew he sensed that.

  “It’s cool if not,” he shrugged when she hesitated. “We would only cover it in snapshots anyway if you did go.”

  “Yeah, I do kind of have plans already,” she said. “But if they change I’ll let you know?”

  “Okay, cool, I’ll just put you on the list just in case.”

  Gabe walked all the way into the room, studying the layout of her story over Chuck’s shoulder.

  “Oh, this came out really nice,” he said, nodding his head in approval. “Nice job, both of you.”

  “Thanks,” she said grinning from ear to ear. She patted Chuck on the shoulder and followed Gabe out. It was time to go home and her stomach was already grumbling loudly. She made her way back to her cubicle to grab her keys then headed out of the door.

  She planned to go home first to change, which she honestly felt a little guilty about. She was changing her clothes to go see Brian. She still hadn’t talked to Dorian about her and Brian’s situation and she didn’t plan on it. She felt bad keeping something this major from him, but she wanted to stay quiet until they figured out exactly what was going on.

  She was embarrassingly aroused just thinking about Brian and the kisses they’d shared. She rolled down her window, letting the humid air fill her car. She wiped her brow, her thoughts still on Brian. Even though they hadn’t actually seen each other, he called her every day.

  Honestly, their phone conversations weren’t really any different. Maybe because it was impossible for him to do his intense, soul-peering stare through the phone. She pulled into her parking space and bounded up the stairs to her apartment just as her phone rang.

  “Yo, don’t forget to bring your blender so that we can all partake in some margaritas,” Dorian said as soon as she answered.

  “Dude, seriously. If you remind me again about the freakin’ blender…” She held the phone between her ear and shoulder and pushed open the front door. He’d called her at least three times today already.

  “Shut up, dork. Alright, see you in a minute.”

  She hung up and threw her bag on the futon, heading back to her bedroom. She would’ve taken a quick shower, but she knew they were waiting on her for the drinks, so she opted for body spray and a quick face wash. She threw on a strapless, purple cotton sundress and applied a little bit of makeup, braiding her hair to the side, so that it hung over one shoulder. She stared at herself in the mirror. She was getting cute for Brian. It was weird, but sort of exciting. She smiled and flicked the light off and headed into the kitchen to grab the blender just as her phone rang again. She sighed and answered.

  “What, Dorian?”

  “Don’t forget the blender.”

  She rolled her eyes and hung up.

  * * *

  She could already hear noise as she approached Dorian’s apartment. She’d assumed that it would just be the three of them but from the sounds that were seeping through the door, Dorian was having a party. She’d barely knocked when the door flung open.

  “Hey, Tweet!” Nathan greeted her with a huge grin. He pushed his thick-rimmed glasses up on his nose and quickly ran his fingers through his dark brown hair.

  “Hey,” she smiled, giving him a high-five as she passed by him walking into the living room.

  The game was on and she could hear music coming from the kitchen. It smelled like chili peppers and tortillas. There was a huge bowl of chips in the center of his huge dining room table and a bowl of salsa dip. At first she’d thought it was weird that Dorian had decided to buy such a big table as a single guy, but he was always entertaining and she eventually realized it made sense.

  She halted briefly in her steps when she saw Pink Dress Girl from the bar sitting on the couch, a drink in her hand. Today she was dressed in a pair of short shorts and a pink strapless top with heels. Destiny could never figure out why women wore shorts with heels. It seemed contradictory in its very nature.

  “Tweet!” Dorian exclaimed boisterously, rounding the corner from the kitchen. He had a spatula in his hand. “You remembered the blender!”

  She rolled her eyes at him. He laughed and threw an arm around her shoulders.

  “Hey, Amber, this is Tweet,” he said, gesturing to where Pink Dress was sitting.

  “Hi, nice to meet you,” Destiny greeted her, moving out of Dorian’s embrace so that she could shake her hand.

  “Nice to meet you, too,” Pink Dress replied politely, subtly skimming her eyes over her, the way practically every girl who didn’t know they were cousins did. The only one in recent memory who hadn’t done that was poor, thoroughly dismissed Nichelle.

  “I’m Dorian’s cousin,” Destiny offered, mostly because she sort of felt sorry for the girl.

  She looked relieved and this time smiled at her a little more genuinely. Dorian took the blender from Destiny and nodded toward the kitchen.

  “Get in here and help me, woman,” he said, unintentionally sounding like a caveman.

  Pink Dress giggled and got up to follow him. He turned and smacked her butt loudly, causing her to jump and yelp before giggling again.

  “Tweet, who you got for the game?” Nathan asked her, seating himself in the chair perpendicular to the couch.

  “Probably the Clippers,” she shrugged. “The Nuggets need to start rebounding.”

  He looked impressed and Destiny tried not to be offended. She knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but it was a little annoying that she wasn’t expected to know anything about sports or music just because she was a girl. She glanced around, wondering where Brian was.

  “I’ll be back in a sec,” she told Nathan, heading toward the kitchen.

  “Hey, where’s Brian?” she asked, poking her head around the doorframe.

  “In his room I think,” Dorian answered, flipping the chicken and peppers that were simmering in a large skillet on the stove.

  She would’ve offered to help but Pink Dress was, of course, trying to impress him with her domestic abilities and had on an oven mitt, fiddling with another pan on the stove.

  She nodded and headed down the short hallway toward Brian’s room. She could hear OutKast pouring through the speakers and she grinned. His door was half-open and she knocked before stepping in. She paused abruptly and stood there for a second, taking in Black Dress Girl sitting at Brian’s desk, using his laptop, as he hovered over her. The girl was laughing loudly when she glanced up at Destiny. She looked up at Brian when she saw Destiny, as if she was the one that needed an explanation.

  “Sorry,” Destiny mumbled, finally finding her voice, meeting Brian’s eyes. “I didn’t realize yo
u were busy.”

  He looked shocked to see her or something. Her heart was in her stomach and she backed quickly out of the room. Black Dress Girl was even prettier than she remembered, and her sundress hugged her curves in a way that made her boobs look like they could pop out of the top at any minute. Destiny felt plain in comparison.

  “Hey, where you going?” Brian asked, jumping up to follow her, his brow wrinkled.

  She kept walking but he stopped her in the hallway, grabbing her hand. He didn’t say anything, just stood and looked at her, waiting for her to speak like he always did.

  “I was clearly interrupting,” she said, keeping her voice low.

  She tried to make her way down the hallway, but he grabbed her hand again.

  “Uh-uh,” he said firmly, shaking his head. “Come here.” He pulled her toward him leading her back in the direction of his room.

  She followed him, mostly because Nathan had looked up from his phone and could see them in the hallway.

  “Hey, Tiffany, I want you to meet Destiny,” he said when they entered his room.

  Destiny tossed him a look. He had a lot of damn nerve.

  “Nice to meet you,” Destiny finally said, hoping she didn’t sound as phony as she felt.

  The girl looked her up and down. She wasn’t nearly as subtle as Pink Dress. “Hi,” she said, as if uttering the single syllable took every ounce of energy she had.

  Destiny stared at her silently, her heart thudding in her chest. She was pissed and Black Dress Girl wasn’t helping. What the hell was she doing in his room? Brian glanced at Destiny, his expression unreadable.

  “You’re good here, right?” he said to Black Dress Girl.

  She smiled more widely than necessary and nodded. “I really appreciate your help,” she said silkily. She sounded like Marilyn Monroe or Dorothy Dandridge.

  “No problem,” he said patiently. He quickly glanced at the door and back at Black Dress Girl politely.

  She got the hint and stood up. “Guess I’ll see you out there?” she asked, pausing in the doorway.

  Brian nodded. The girl’s smile faltered a bit and she exited the room. He shut the door behind her and slowly turned to face Destiny. She kept her face expressionless. At least she hoped it was.

  “What’d you want to talk about?” she asked, feigning disinterest.

  “Come on Destiny, don’t be mad,” he said, seating himself on the edge of the desk.

  “I’m not mad. I’m sure Black Dress Girl was just in your room because she needed to be. ”

  “Black Dress Girl?” he chuckled and raised an eyebrow curiously.

  She stared at him. “She had on a black dress the first time you ogled her the night we went to the bar.”

  She didn’t mean to sound jealous. But she couldn’t really help it.

  “The only person I was ‘ogling’ that night was you, Tweet.”

  She looked away and he sighed and ran a hand over his head, shifting himself on the desk.

  “She needed to use the computer to send something off for work,” he explained calmly. “I let her.”

  “Okay.” She looked down at her feet, then over to the door. “It doesn’t matter anyway, Brian. I’m hungry; I’m going to get something to eat.”

  She made her way toward the door and heard Black Dress Girl’s shrill laughter from the living room. Damn, she was obnoxiously loud. Brian grabbed her hand again. She tried to snatch it away but he pulled her toward him so that she was standing in between his parted legs.

  “Hey,” he said, meeting her eyes. “I just let her use the computer, okay?”

  She looked away. She felt stupid. “It’s fine, Brian,” she said. “You don’t have to explain anything to me anyway. It’s not like we’re together.”

  “That’s your choice,” he said pointedly.

  She looked up at him. “You want a full-fledged relationship?” she asked disbelievingly.

  “I want you,” he said simply, not breaking eye contact.

  She stared at him, her breath coming quicker. She was just in the beginning stages of getting used to the idea of being more than friends with him. The thought of a real commitment freaked her out a little. He sighed and shook his head, his eyes unreadable.

  “You don’t ever need to be jealous,” he said after a long minute.

  He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist.

  “I’m not jealous,” she denied, glaring at him.

  “Right.”

  He chuckled and she looked away, embarrassed that he was finding so much enjoyment in this and she was still so turned on by him. His eyes were more serious when she looked back at him.

  “And so you know, I don’t remember what that girl had on at the bar,” he said, gauging her reaction. “But I remember you had on a pair of jeans and a black tank top thing and your hair was up with little pieces hanging down and you looked so good when you opened the door I wanted to...” he paused, shaking his head.

  “You wanted to what?” she couldn’t help asking, though she didn’t recognize her own voice.

  His eyes traveled slowly over her face, like he was visually caressing each feature and he pulled her closer to him.

  “I wanted to show you exactly what I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”

  Her face flushed as her already active imagination immediately kicked into overdrive. Unnerved, she backed up. He grinned at her and pulled her back to him. He hesitated once her lips were just centimeters from his, teasing her with his closeness.

  “Kind of like right now,” he said, his voice low.

  He brushed his lips lightly against hers before fully kissing her. She was quickly learning that his kisses were a lot like him—slow and methodical, deliberate. She forced herself to pull away.

  “Someone could come back here,” she whispered breathily, looking guiltily toward the door.

  He frowned. “So?”

  She stared at him pointedly, her eyes wide.

  “The door is closed anyway, Destiny.” He moved her gently to the side and pushed himself off the edge of the desk, releasing a frustrated breath.

  “I just don’t want everyone knowing anything until we’ve figured out what we’re doing,” she murmured, trying to read his expression.

  “Yeah, okay,” he replied listlessly, opening the bedroom door.

  “Brian…”

  “Yo, let’s eat,” Dorian yelled loudly from the living room, interrupting her.

  “It’s fine, Tweet,” Brian said. He looked at her for a beat then headed toward the living room. She released a breath and followed him.

  * * *

  “O-M-G, this is so good,” Loud Girl said, her voice carrying over all of the other conversations going on around the table, the music that was still playing in the kitchen, and the television.

  She definitely had earned the name change. She chewed delicately on the delicate bite of enchilada she’d just put into her mouth and grinned unnecessarily again at Brian.

  “You made these right?” she asked him, even though she already knew damn well that he did.

  She licked the sauce off of her thumb then pushed her hair behind her ear and smiled at him again. Destiny looked away and took a healthy swig of her virgin Margarita. She knew she was driving and she didn’t want to risk it, even though right now, she wanted a shot. She stared at Loud Girl and asked herself for the twentieth time since they all sat down why the hell she was even here.

  Brian nodded and stretched his legs out in front of him as he took a sip of his beer. Destiny could feel him looking at her but refused to meet his eyes. He was sitting to her right and Nathan was to her left. Loud Girl had managed to seat herself directly across from him.

  “They are really, really good,” Pink Dress chimed in, nodding her head in enchilada agreement. She was seated between Loud Girl and Dorian.

  “Damn, what about the tacos and margaritas?” Dorian asked, looking wounded.

  Pink Dress shrugged a
nd giggled.

  “And what about the salsa?” Nathan chimed in, throwing his hands up in mock disbelief. Destiny eyed the salsa jar that was still on the table.

  “The salsa was the best of all, Nathan,” Destiny obliged him, patting his hand like she was his grandma.

  “Damn, straight,” he said as he laughed and threw a chip at her.

  She yelped and dodged the chip, scooting closer to Brian, inadvertently meeting his eyes. He was watching them intently. He took another swig of his beer.

  “So, hey, Tweet, B told me to check out your Static article yesterday on Pitch,” Nathan said looking at her.

  She glanced at Brian, surprised. He met her eyes briefly and she looked away.

  “What do you think about him signing that deal for a million? Smart move or should he have stayed indie?” Nathan asked.

  Static was one of the new rappers who had emerged in the past couple of years and with the buzz of his latest single, had garnered the attention of several major labels, one of which he’d recently signed with. The editor at Pitch had asked if she could do a last minute interview with him, which she had gladly accepted. She bit her lip now, considering.

  “I mean, it probably would’ve been better for independents as a whole if he would’ve stayed indie with the amount of buzz he has. You know, he could leverage that power, kind of pave the way for the other indie artists who are trying to do the same thing. ”

  “Yeah, but a mil is a mil,” Nathan shrugged.

  “True but everything isn’t about money,” she countered.

  “Gotta think long-term sometimes.” Dorian chimed in, stuffing a handful of chips into his mouth.

  “And it’s not like staying indie would’ve meant that he was broke,” she continued. “He’s definitely doing okay.”

  “True,” Nathan conceded with a shrug, smiling at her.

  She glanced over at Brian, who was watching her again. He looked at her for a long moment, holding her hostage with his gaze. The corners of his mouth quirked up, just barely, and he took another sip of his beer, still not breaking eye contact. Just a look from him and her insides were twisted.