Better Than Okay

by Jacinta Howard

  Her lips were full and red and her eyes were smoky, the makeup she was wearing brought out the light brown in them. Raven grinned at her, knowing she was checking her reflection for Brian. Destiny blushed and Raven winked at her, laughing. They got out and headed up the short walkway to Dorian’s apartment. Raven knocked loudly.

  “Watch Brian’s reaction,” she whispered quickly before the door swung open.

  Destiny ignored her.

  “Ya’ll are late,” Dorian complained as soon as he opened the door. “You do know we’re just going to a bar right and not Fashion Week?”

  Destiny rolled her eyes at him and he grinned, wrapping her in a quick bear hug. He let her go and she slid past him into the house. She hadn’t seen him in a couple of days, although he usually stopped by on the nights Brian wasn’t able to. Dorian turned and shut the door then grabbed Raven wrapping her in a hug, lifting her off of her feet.

  “I’ve missed you, Chipmunk,” he told her, his dimples indenting his cheeks as he smiled down at her.

  “And I’ve been miserable without you, Clarence Jenkins,” she quickly retorted, grinning back at him.

  He laughed heartily and hugged her again. “You look incredibly sexy, Chipmunk,” he said, brazenly assessing her.

  She’d taken off her glasses and her makeup highlighted her eyes. Her dress hit her mid-thigh, showing a healthy amount of leg. Raven grinned and stood on her tiptoes, pressing a quick kiss against his cheek. She pulled back studied him just as openly as he had her a few seconds ago. He was wearing a gray V-neck t-shirt and dark blue jeans.

  “You look pretty damn delicious yourself, Clarence.”

  Destiny paid them no attention. She’d stopped trying to figure out the nature of their flirtation and weird pet names years ago. Through alcohol, shared rooms, and break-ups they’d never crossed the line beyond flirting and she knew they never planned to, they both had told her as much.

  “I come bearing gifts,” Raven was saying in her faux British accent. She pulled a bottle of expensive vodka out of her suitcase-sized purse.

  “I knew I loved you for a reason,” Dorian declared, kissing her forehead before examining the bottle. “Good thing we got a driving service, I’m pretty sure no one wants to be the designated driver tonight.”

  “Whoa, Clarence. Balling are we?” she asked eyeing him.

  Dorian shrugged. “They bought an ad so my company gets a discount.”

  He motioned for them to follow him into the kitchen and Destiny trailed after them, wondering where Brian was, just as he rounded the corner.

  “Brian!” Raven squealed, running to him and hugging him tightly.

  The crooked smile Destiny loved so much was on his face and as always, her stomach flipped at the sight of it. He was wearing a dark blue Henley that showed the expanse of his chest without being tight and a pair of purposely worn jeans. His face was a little stubbled but in that rogue, slightly-overworked-but-still-sexy-kind-of-way. He looked like a freaking Calvin Klein model. She half-expected a bottle of overpriced cologne to magically appear in his hands.

  “Glad you made it in one piece,” he smiled, dropping a kiss on her cheek.

  “So, how are you liking Miami so far?” she asked, tilting her head up at him.

  He grinned his eyes falling on Destiny. “I love it.”

  Raven smiled knowingly and glanced at Destiny before quickly stepping aside. He continued to stare at Destiny and she smiled at him, which wasn’t hard with him looking so good.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hey,” he replied, his smile increasing.

  His eyes travelled over her slowly and she blushed at the amount of heat she saw in his. Her hair was hanging over one shoulder in loose spiral curls and Raven’s skills with lipstick and blush made her feel like she was about to try out for a Robin Thicke video or something.

  “Raven brought vodka,” she said lamely because he was looking at her so intently.

  “I see,” he answered, although she didn’t know how because he hadn’t stopped looking at her.

  “Dude, seriously, can you stop staring at her and move?” Dorian asked motioning toward the kitchen entrance that they were blocking.

  Destiny knew she turned the color of her dress. Brian grinned and stepped out of the way back toward the living room and Dorian brushed past him, shaking his head.

  “Told you,” Raven mouthed when Brian’s back was turned, giggling as she followed Dorian into the kitchen.

  Brian took Destiny’s hand and pulled her toward him, wrapping her in an embrace. “You’re trying to kill me, right?” he asked her quietly, his eyes full of desire, though a playful grin was on his lips.

  “Why would I want to do that?” she answered, blushing for the hundredth time in the past fifteen minutes.

  He grinned at her reaction and dropped a kiss on her lips then pressed his forehead to hers, inhaling her scent.

  “You are so damn cute,” he groaned softly.

  She breathed him in, not even realizing how intensely she’d missed him in the forty-eight hours since she’d last seen him. It scared her how dependent on him she was becoming.

  “Yo, we’re about to do some shots!” Dorian yelled from the kitchen.

  He let her go reluctantly and shook his head again.

  “Killing me,” he repeated softly, grinning. He grabbed her hand and led her into the kitchen. Dorian had already filled four shot glasses to the brim. Brian released her hand and passed her one. She eyed it tentatively.

  “To not having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to teach bad ass middle schoolers for another six weeks,” Raven animatedly declared, raising her glass.

  “To sexy chipmunks wearing sexy dresses,” Dorian chimed in, winking his eye at Raven.

  “To uncontained beauty,” Brian said, quietly, not taking his eyes off of Destiny.

  Dorian rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. “Okay, Gandhi, damn,” he said wryly, glancing at him before directing his attention to Destiny. “Tweet?”

  “To…” she paused, thinking. “To rogue Calvin Klein models. And exclamation points.”

  Brian gave her an inquisitive look then smiled, lighting up her insides and she grinned back. They tossed back their shots simultaneously and Destiny winced as the smooth heat spread slowly from her throat to her stomach.

  “Another one for the road?” Dorian asked, already grabbing the bottle.

  “Hell, yes,” Raven declared.

  He refilled everyone’s glass and waited until they were raised.

  “To living,” he said simply, and they all downed the shot.

  Chapter 14

  Destiny was having fun. She honestly hadn’t expected to, but clowning around with Raven, Dorian, and Brian was more fun than she’d had in a while. She hadn’t thought about him all night. They were sitting at the table now, having a cocktail. She didn’t know what number Raven and Dorian were on, but she was still sipping on her first. After two shots, she was already feeling fuzzy and giddy and did not want to make the full voyage to Drunk Town this early in the night. She noticed that Brian was taking it slow too.

  They ended up at a lounge that had a dance floor. It was one of the newer urban chic places that had started sprouting up around the city, and was made to resemble a New York loft. Its concrete floors were splattered with bright orange and blue paint and there were plush blue couches decorating the space. There was a large window where a wall should’ve been with a spectacular view of the Miami skyline.

  As the night had progressed and the music switched from acid jazz to dance music, more, and more people were filling it up. She’d covered the lounge a couple of months ago for Pitch.com when it’d first opened. From the looks of it, they’d found their groove. Michael Jackson was currently vibrating throughout the space.

  “Tweety, look! It’s Professor McGregor!” Raven exclaimed, her eyes dancing with excitement.

  Raven was sitting in Dorian’s lap, her drink in her hand, as she pointed indiscree
tly toward the bar area.

  “Shut up!” Destiny said, turning to look. She was seated next to Brian and his arm was stretched comfortably behind her. She moved more solidly into his side, her legs crossed toward him.

  She squinted at the guy, who was clearly not the strange, balding English professor who’d insisted that the essence of life itself was wrapped up in a James Baldwin novel. She rolled her eyes.

  “Ray, that is not him. Why would he be in Miami at a random club anyway?”

  “Professors need to have fun too?” she shrugged, taking another sip from her bright pink straw.

  “Yeah, but that guy had a little too much fun if I remember correctly,” Dorian chimed in knowingly.

  “What is with you and teacher scandals?” Brian asked wrinkling his face.

  Dorian shrugged then grinned. “Remember Ms. Leonard from psych?”

  Brian laughed and mirrored his expression.

  “Hell yeah, I remember,” Brian said definitively, earning him a look from Destiny.

  Ms. Leonard taught senior psychology in high school and every boy in the school had an unattainable fantasy about her, including Brian. She even used to let him drive her car sometimes. Destiny was pretty sure that was against school policy but Brian had a way with women, even back then. She scowled at him and he chuckled and kissed the side of her head.

  “Professor McGregor was really sexy though,” Raven continued, ignoring Brian and Dorian, her expression overly dreamy.

  Destiny frowned. “Um, no. He was not even remotely close to sexy. He looked like the Planters Peanut guy.”

  Raven laughed, waving Destiny off.

  “I beg your pardon!? What is this nonsense of which thou speaketh? Am I not the sexiest man you know?” Dorian interrupted, doing a terrible impersonation of either Russell Crowe in Gladiator or Gerald Butler in 300. Destiny wasn’t sure which and had the feeling he wasn’t either.

  Brian shot a glance at him. “I think she already told you the answer to that— no. You just lost to a professor who looks like a talking peanut.”

  Destiny laughed and Dorian dramatically slammed his hand down on the coffee table in front of them, now in full theatrical mode.

  “What say you people? Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained?”

  Good Lord.

  “You’re not even making sense right now, Clarence,” Raven said, wrinkling her face at him.

  “Quiet!” he bellowed. “It doesn’t have to make sense, peasant woman! Now, hush thyself go run amuck!”

  Destiny couldn’t help but burst into giggles and she glanced at Brian who was shaking his head, laughing as he took another sip of his drink. Raven rolled her eyes and Dorian poked her lightly in the side, causing her to squirm and laugh.

  “Okay,” Raven said, composing herself and turning abruptly toward Brian, “me and Tweety have been arguing about it and we need you to be the deciding factor.”

  Brian raised his eyebrows curiously waiting for her to continue. He ran a finger lightly up and down Destiny’s shoulder. He barely touched her but her body was immediately tuned to the place where his fingers brushed her skin.

  “Okay, if Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent got into an arm wrestling match, who would win?”

  Brian stared at her then at Destiny, grinning. He shrugged. “Um, Michael Keaton Batman or Christian Bale Batman?” he asked, playing along.

  “Dude, Superman,” Dorian interrupted. He looked at her like she was crazy. “He’s super man.”

  “We have so not been arguing about that,” Destiny denied, rolling her eyes. Brian chuckled.

  “Yeah, but Bruce Wayne has gadgets,” Raven insisted animatedly, ignoring both of them as she shifted on Dorian’s lap to look at him. “So like, maybe he would strap some contraption to his arm and have super powers that would allow him to beat Superman.”

  Dorian shook his head.

  “The only thing that could possibly beat Superman is kryptonite, which would be cheating.”

  “No, it wouldn’t be cheating because it’s a legitimate weakness. Just like Batman’s humanness is a legitimate weakness if he’s fighting a super man.”

  “Chipmunk, your ass is cute as hell, but you’re obviously drunk and theorizing,” Dorian interrupted.

  They went on arguing and Destiny looked up at Brian, grinning. He shook his head leaned forward to grab his drink, taking a healthy swig before he sat the glass back down on their coffee table.

  “You good?” he asked her quietly.

  She nodded her head quickly, trying not to frown. She was tired of being asked that. Like she was about to break down at any moment. They were at a lounge. Not in the middle of a parking deck. Or on her futon. This she could handle.

  She grabbed her drink, taking a long sip through her absurdly pink straw. She knew she shouldn’t be upset, especially with Brian who had all but given up his life to make sure she was alright on a daily basis. But she couldn’t help it. She just wanted to feel normal for one night. And being asked if she was OK a hundred times was not helping. She took another sip and let the liquor wash over her, calming her nerves.

  “Hey,” he said, softly, causing her to look up at him again. “Did I tell you that you look really, really good in that dress?”

  His eyes were hooded as he stared at her, his gaze traveling from her face down her chest to her legs. Her body heated up immediately. She shook her head, not in answer to his question, but at herself. All it took was a look from him and she went from being agitated to on fire.

  “It’s really, really Raven’s,” she replied, suppressing a grin.

  He laughed a little louder than necessary and she knew he was probably a little buzzed too. He and Dorian had started drinking before her and Raven arrived at their house.

  “You just told me I was killing you,” she said. “Whatever that meant.”

  He stared at her for a minute, his expression growing serious.

  “It means you’re so damn beyond beautiful it’s hard for me to keep my hands to myself.”

  She blinked and stared up at him, startled by the intensity of his reply. He released a breath.

  “I said I wouldn’t call you ‘beautiful’ because it’s corny and I knew you would call me on it. But, shit, Destiny. You are. You’re beyond it. I don’t even know the word for it, but whatever it is, you’re it.”

  She didn’t know what to say to that, so she remained silent. She knew her face was flushed and the pit of her stomach tightened.

  “I’m trying to give you space,” he said, frustrated. “I know you need some time. But it’s hard.” He paused. “Especially when you wear red dresses.”

  He picked lightly at the material of her dress before removing his hand again. His eyes traveled to her lips and she inhaled.

  “Did I tell you I really, really like your lips?” he asked, his voice deep. “I’m pretty sure those aren’t Raven’s.”

  She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth subconsciously and he stared at her mouth, causing heat to spread through her body instantly.

  “They look drawn on,” he murmured.

  He was so close, all she had to do was tilt her head up a couple of inches and she could press her mouth to his. But that wouldn’t be fair. It’d be like teasing him because she didn’t know how she might react if they took it any further. And God, she wanted it to go further. She reached for her drink, quickly finishing it off as she looked away, disappointment, frustration, sexual tension and fury beating against her insides like a drum. When she looked back to him, he was watching her, waiting for her to share her secrets, as usual.

  “I’m sorry,” she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. Even though the music was thrumming loudly she knew he heard her. “You should have… more. It shouldn’t have to be this hard.”

  She shrugged listlessly.

  “There is no ‘more.’ All I want is you,” he countered just as softly.

  The sincerity in his tone made her look up sharply.

&
nbsp; “You’re all I want. I know it’s corn ball-ish, or whatever you call it, but, whatever. I learned the hard way a long time ago how important it is to say what you mean when you have the chance to say it.”

  His eyes grew distant and he looked away then back to her.

  “All that other easy shit is bullshit, Destiny. This is real life. And real life is full of unexpected things, things that hurt. Things that are inexplicable sometimes.”

  He paused again, sucking her in with his eyes.

  “I want you. Nothing has changed that. Nothing will change that.”

  She shook her head as if physically rejecting his words. She hadn’t even processed all of the emotions that were inside of her yet. But he still wanted her? He didn’t even know who she was anymore. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. So how could he possibly want what he didn’t know? She looked up at him. He was watching her digest what he’d said. It was like he was seeing into her brain, sorting through her muffled thoughts.

  She didn’t want him in her brain. She didn’t want to think about Brian’s feelings and everything she couldn’t be for him right now. She didn’t want to think about how fucked up and angry she felt inside. She just wanted to feel normal. And since she had no idea when that would be happening, she’d take feeling numb.

  “I need another drink,” she said, standing.

  She ignored the look of disappointment and hurt that flashed in his eyes. He controlled it quickly though, as he always did. Soon he would be tired of her. And sooner was better than later. She could barely handle sooner. She’d probably die if it were later when he decided this was too much to deal with.

  “Raven,” she called, breaking up the stupid ass conversation about Batman she was still having with Dorian. “Let’s go get a drink.”

  Raven eyed her then Brian and stood. Destiny headed for the bar.

  “What’s going on?” Raven asked as soon as they made it to the front of the lounge, where the bar was located.

  The neon lights that lined it were silhouetting her face as she looked at Destiny with concern. Destiny shook her head. She was so pissed. She hated the way she was behaving. She hated how Brian had just looked at her.