by Paul Langan
“Go ahead, Carl. Tell them,” Mom said. “We’ve waited long enough. ”
Darcy braced for the worst. This had to be what Mom had been upset about for so long, the strange problem that kept her parents up each night talking. The mysterious secret that, until now, had left her mother crying and her father unable to talk.
Dad took a deep breath and cleared his throat. Darcy tried to guess what was happening. Was it that he was fired and they were going to have to sell their house and move back to the apartment? Was it that Dad and Mom’s decision to get back together wasn’t working out? Were they going to separate again? Darcy glanced back at Jamee, whose eyes were focused unblinking on Dad’s face.
“Your mother and I have something important to tell you, something that’s gonna change a lotta things around here,” Dad said.
“It’s not anything bad, is it?” Jamee asked. “Darcy said—”
“No, it’s not bad, but it’s not going to be easy for any of us, and we’re gonna need both of your help. ”
“Is everything okay? Is someone sick?” Darcy asked, totally confused.
“No, no one’s sick, Darcy,” Mom cut in. “We’re expecting a baby. I’m pregnant. ”
Darcy’s jaw nearly detached from her skull and tumbled to the floor.
“What?”
“For real? ” Jamee screamed, standing up from the table as if she couldn’t contain what she had just heard. “Are you serious?”
“She’s serious, all right. Your Mama’s already two months along. She’s due in February,” Dad said, his face breaking into a smile. “You two are going to be big sisters. ”
Darcy sat back, unable to comprehend what her parents just said, her hands pressed to her cheeks in shock.
“Are you all right, Darcy?” Mom asked.
Darcy’s mind spun at the news, the secret that had been hidden from her, one that had made her worry for weeks. She almost felt as if her parents had lied to her. As happy as she was with the news, she was also overcome with relief and hurt.
And her own secret, suddenly thawed by emotion, burned painfully in her chest ready for release. No more lies, she thought.
“No, Mom,” Darcy admitted. “I’m not all right. ”
Chapter 10
Everyone at the table turned to Darcy as if she had screamed out a curse in the middle of dinner.
“Darcy, what are you saying?” Jamee asked.
“I’m saying I’m not all right,” Darcy repeated, her hands beginning to tremble. “What about that didn’t you understand?”
“Darcy, you got problems,” Jamee protested. “This is the best news ever.
Why can’t you just be happy for once?”
Darcy shook off the tears that threatened to well in her eyes. “You just don’t get it, Jamee. You never do. ”
“Darcy what’s wrong?” Dad asked. “I thought you’d be thrilled at the news. ”
“I am, Dad, but you guys shouldn’t have kept this from us, not for this long,” Darcy said, wiping her eyes. “For weeks you’ve been walking around like something was wrong, and whenever I asked you about it, you said it was nothing. You guys were lying. And I could see it in your eyes,” Darcy admitted. “I was worried. Like maybe you were about to split up again or something. ”
Jamee turned away, unable to hold Darcy’s gaze.
“I’m sorry, baby,” Mom said, reaching across and grabbing Darcy’s hand.
“But I’m not young anymore, and lots of things can go wrong. We were waiting to see what the doctors said, and, to be honest, it was a big decision for your father and me. ”
“It’s a big decision for all of us,” Darcy countered. “Before Grandma died, we used to talk about everything. Even though things were tough, we were a family. Now you never talk to us. It’s like we’re strangers in this house. You don’t even ask me what I’m doing anymore. Instead, you’re always too tired or stressed, or I don’t know what,” Darcy said, frustrated at her own words. She didn’t want to accuse her parents or push them away. She just wanted them closer, yet she couldn’t bring herself to ask. A tear rolled down along her cheek.
Darcy’s mother nodded, getting up from the table and walking over to Darcy. “Oh, baby, I am so sorry,” she said, putting her arm on Darcy’s shoulder. “We didn’t know what we were putting you through. I know things have been rough around here since Mama passed away, but believe me, there is nothing more important to your father and me than you two. And that’s never gonna change. You hear me?”
Darcy looked up into her mother’s eyes. She was surprised to see tears in them. Dad was next to her and Jamee next to him. They were all staring at her with concern and love. Darcy’s heart ached for them, for her deceased grandmother, for the family they once were and could still be. She wiped her eyes.
“Jamee’s right about me,” Darcy said, turning away from their intense gaze. “I do have problems. ”
“I didn’t mean it, Darcy,” Jamee said. “I’m sorry. ”
“But you were right. ”
“What are you saying, Darcy? There’s nothing wrong with you. ”
“No, Dad, there is. ”
“Baby, tell us what you mean,” Mom said.
Darcy shook her head, no longer able to hide her own dark secret, her fears. “Something happened to me that day . . . ” Darcy paused, angry at how vulnerable and crazy she sounded. “That day I was attacked by Brian. ”
Dad’s forehead creased with concern, and he kneeled down next to her. Jamee looked stunned, as if someone had slapped her in the face.
“I’m just not the same, Mom. I can’t sleep. I get nervous when I’m around guys, and I’m scared all the time. So scared,” she said, a great tide shifting in her chest. “I don’t know what to do. ”
“Why didn’t you tell us about this?”
“I guess I wanted to keep it secret. You guys seem so stressed all the time. I just didn’t want to make things worse for you, but I can’t hide it anymore,” Darcy admitted, beginning to sob. “I need help, Mom,” she said, tears flowing freely from her eyes. “I need help. ”
Darcy felt Mom’s arms wrap around her tightly, and she closed her eyes. It was as if she was a child again, safe in Grandma’s arms.
“We’re gonna get you the help you need, baby,” her mother said. “I know some good counselors at the clinic and at the hospital. Everything’s gonna be all right. I promise you. ”
For a time, Darcy sobbed as the stress and worry in her mind gradually gave way to relief, and the night’s news slowly began to sink in.
“I can’t believe you’re having a baby,” Darcy said, looking up at her parents. “We really are a family aren’t we?”
“Yes we are, and we’re about to get bigger,” Dad said.
“I wish Grandma was here,” Jamee said. “This would make her so happy. ”
“I know, Jamee, but don’t worry. I told Grandma all about this before she died. She knew before your father did,” Mom said with a smile. “You know what she said? ‘I always imagined you with three kids, Mattie. Now I know why. ’”
Weary after the family dinner, Darcy took the cordless phone, went into her room and dialed Tarah’s number.
“Hello?”
“Tarah, it’s me. I need to talk to you,” Darcy said.
“Girl, it’s about time. I been meanin’ to call you, but I just got off the phone with Coop. Turns out old Larry Nye didn’t fire him. So many workers complained about Duane that his Dad decided to kick him out of the garage. I guess it’s true. What goes around comes around,” Tarah said.
“That’s cool,” Darcy said nervously, trying to find the right way to say what was really on her mind.
“Darce, what’s going on?” Tarah asked. “I ain’t never seen you as upset as you were last night. You got me worrying over here. ”
“Tarah, I have a lot of explaining to do,” Darcy said, taking a deep breath. “I’m so sorry for what happened with Troy, and for acting so weird lately. I n
ever told you this, but something happened to me after Hakeem left. ”
Without holding anything back, Darcy recounted the whole story about Brian Mason, from the moment they met to the time he attacked her. Before Tarah could even respond, Darcy explained how the attack changed her, leaving her edgy, unable to rest. She then told her about the panic attack and the episode in the park with Troy. “I just couldn’t control it, the way he grabbed me. ”
“Aw, Darce, why didn’t you say something to me, girl? I knew somethin’ was eatin’ at you, that you were unhappy. I could see it on your face as plain as day. Honestly, I was gettin’ scared,” Tarah said.
“I didn’t want you to know. I guess I was afraid of what you’d think. ”
“Girl, I understand that, but I’m your friend. You shouldn’t keep secrets from the people that care about you. We’re just here to help. That’s why God made us friends and put us in this crazy world together,” Tarah said, her words strong and pure, as if they came straight from her heart.
“Besides, I know some real good people where I work that help girls all the time who are dealin’ with stuff like this. Whenever you’re ready, let me know. Counselors are there all the time every day. I’ll even go with you if you want. ”
“Are you serious?”
“Of course I am! What kinda friend would I be if I didn’t?”
“Tarah, you’re the best,” Darcy said, suddenly feeling relieved, as if Tarah had just taken a great weight off her shoulders.
“I know. That’s what Coop says all the time,” she said with a laugh.
Darcy sighed, grateful Tarah was in her life. She had become more than just a friend. She was like another sister. But then Darcy thought of Brisana and how, not far away, she was home, waiting for a phone call, looking for help from a friend. Hoping for an answer from Darcy.
“There’s something else I gotta ask you. ”
“Shoot, girl. I’m listening. ”
“A friend of mine thinks she might be pregnant. She doesn’t know where to go, and she made me promise not to tell anyone. ”
Tarah suddenly got quiet, and Darcy knew what she was thinking. Of course, Tarah would figure it out. Who else could it be? But at least Darcy had followed Brisana’s wishes, keeping her name hidden. Tarah would understand that.
“Is she okay, Darce?” Tarah asked, her voice filled with concern.
“She needs to find out. She’s upset. ”
“Tell her to go to the clinic and see Dr. Styles. If you go in early, you should be able to see her. She’s the one all the teenage girls go to. She’ll be in tomorrow,” Tarah said. “Darcy, if the test is positive, they’re gonna have to contact her parents. ”
After a brief talk on the phone, Darcy convinced Brisana to meet her in front of the Brown Street Community Center at 8:30 a.m.
“I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I promise,” Darcy said, until Brisana reluctantly agreed to go.
Out on the street, the air was cool and clear, but the morning sun already glowed overhead with yellow fire. In a few hours, it would be a hot summer day. Darcy could feel it.
For a second, as she made her way to the clinic, Darcy wondered if Brisana would even show up, but then she spotted her walking down the street, her eyes dark and stormy.
“I’m scared. What if I’m pregnant, Darcy? What am I gonna do?”
“Let’s just wait and see what happens,” Darcy said as they walked into the glass and stucco building. The main hallway led to a corridor lined with door labels that made Darcy cringe.
Family Planning Office. Rape and Abuse Crisis Center. Counseling and Psychological Services Office. The signs made her tremble, reminding her of her own demons and the counseling she would need for herself. But that would happen another day. At the end of the hall, Darcy spotted the sign she wanted: Medical Clinic.
“This way,” she said, guiding Brisana gently, her hand on her back.
They stepped into a waiting room with a gray tile floor and muted pink walls. Against the far side of the room was a row of plastic chairs and a table full of magazines. A small TV was bolted overhead in the far corner of the room. It was tuned to a morning talk show that Darcy didn’t recognize. Straight ahead was a receptionist in a white shirt, holding a clipboard.
“Can I help you?”
“Yeah, we’re here to see Dr. Styles,” Darcy said. She could feel Brisana shaking.
“Are you sisters? Is one of you over eighteen?” the woman asked. “No, we’re friends. I’m sixteen, and I’m afraid I’m pregnant,” Brisana said, her voice shaky and rough. “Can I please see the doctor?”
The receptionist nodded understandingly. “Normally, we don’t see people who are under eighteen without a parent, but I’ll see what the doctor says. For now, fill these out,” she said and handed Brisana some forms.
Darcy led Brisana to a seat and helped her complete the paperwork and return the sheets to the receptionist. “I’m so glad you’re here with me, Darce. I don’t know what I’d do without you. ”
“It’s okay, Brisana, I’ll probably be coming back here soon myself,” Darcy admitted.
“What do you mean?”
Darcy told Brisana about Brian and the attack, and how she planned to get help at the center. It was the third time she had repeated the story, but already it had less of a grip on her, as if each time she told it, she healed a little bit. “You were the only one who warned me about Brian. You tried to help, and I never listened. I’m just returning the favor,” Darcy said.
“Oh, Darcy,” Brisana said, stunned at the news. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. ”
“It’s okay,” Darcy replied, swallowing her own emotions.
“Brisana Meeks,” a firm voice said, breaking their conversation. A young, dark-skinned woman with braids pulled tight behind her head stood over them with a warm smile. “I’m Dr. Styles. Can you come with me?”
“Sure. Can I bring my friend?”
“Absolutely,” she said, leading them back into a small examination room. The room was lined with medical posters. One of them was titled Female Reproductive System, and looked like something out of Darcy’s health class textbooks from eighth grade. “So tell me why you’re here,” Dr. Styles said, directing Brisana to sit on the room’s small examination table.
“I think I might be pregnant. I was with this boy. We weren’t careful, and now my period’s five days late,” Brisana said, as if she was ashamed.
Dr. Styles nodded thoughtfully and quickly examined Brisana, listening to her heartbeat, taking her pulse, and checking her eyes, ears, and throat. “Let me guess,” she added. “Your parents don’t know, and the boy doesn’t want anything to do with it. ”
Brisana nodded, wiping her eyes.
“Well, you’re not alone, and you came to the right place, which is one good thing. Another good thing is that you seem completely healthy. Now, the pregnancy test is painless and easy. You’ll know in a few minutes. The hard part will be if you are pregnant, but let’s do the test first. I need you to go to the bathroom, and urinate in this,” the doctor said, holding out a small plastic cup. Brisana looked squeamish but took the cup and headed to the bathroom. A moment later, she came out with the cup, and the doctor took it and disappeared.
“I’m so scared, Darcy. ”
Darcy put her hands on Brisana’s back reassuringly, though she was worried too. Dr. Styles returned after a few minutes. The room suddenly felt charged like the sky a second before a lightning strike.
“Brisana, have you been nervous the past week or so?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Because your test came back negative. You’re not pregnant. Sometimes, if you’re really nervous or upset, you can make your period irregular. If you don’t get it in a week, I want you to give me a call,” the doctor said.
“You mean . . . I’m not pregnant?” Brisana asked, as if she didn’t believe the words. Darcy sighed with relief.
“Nope. But if you keep
doing what you did, you will be. I see too many girls your age in here each day not to use my time to give you a little advice. First of all, you don’t have to have sex. No one ever got hurt from waiting a while.
“At the very least, if you are thinking about sex, take the time to make sure you know the person you are with, to make sure he deserves you and isn’t using you. And if you do decide to have sex, never do it without protection. Besides pregnancy, there are diseases, and young people just like you get sick every day for no reason. We don’t need any more suffering in this world. You gotta be careful.
“And one last thing: if some boy starts telling you he loves you so he can get busy, you need to get away from him. ’Cause if he truly loved you, he wouldn’t be pressuring you like that. Got it?”
Brisana nodded.
“Good. Now we got counselors across the hall you can see if you want to talk to someone, and you can always find me here if you have questions. But to tell you the truth, it would make me happiest if I saw you in five or ten years with a good man at your side,” she said with a smile. “Then pregnancy will be what it was meant to be. Good news. You hear me?”
“Thanks, Doctor,” Brisana said, as if she had suddenly been freed from prison.
As they left the office, they passed through the waiting room. Several young women waited anxiously in the plastic chairs. One teenaged girl was seated exactly where Brisana had been when she first came in. An older woman, probably her mother, sat next to her. Neither of them said anything, but neither of them had to. Darcy knew exactly what they were there for. So did Brisana.
“Not every test comes out like mine, does it?” Brisana said knowingly as they left the office.
“No, it doesn’t,” Darcy replied, noticing a second hallway leading to the side of building. A sign overhead read, “Little Learning Spot Community Daycare Center—Use Entrance at Rear of Building. ”
“That’s where Tarah works. I should stop and see her,” Darcy said. “You can wait here if you want. ”
Brisana paused for a second. “No. I should thank her. I know she figured it out. She’s not stupid. ”
