The Arms of a Better Man

by Indiana Wake

  So, maybe he really would let her in, at least to let her be his friend. She didn’t pity him, she wasn’t nosy, she was just caring and strangely honest.

  And beautiful. He could see that now that his annoyance had gone. Katie Lacey was really beautiful.

  Chapter 14

  “I wish I hadn’t agreed to come here again,” Katie said solemnly. “You know I don’t enjoy it.”

  “I don’t think it’s the barn dance you don’t enjoy, is it?” Janet said and looked crestfallen.

  “No, it isn’t. But look at Todd, he hasn’t stopped staring at me all night and it’s exhausting. I can’t stand the feeling of being stared at.” Once again, Katie thought of Arlen and how draining it must be for him at times.

  But he seemed to be getting along better lately, especially the more time they spent together, and she was certain that he was already a very different man from the one who had sneered at her outside the diner and growled at her over the dinner table.

  “Just ignore him.”

  “Janet, that’s easier said than done. I wish he’d stare at you instead.”

  “So do I, then Jimmy would go over and frighten the life out of him. That would put an end to it.” Janet said and started to laugh.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to ruin your night. And I really did enjoy dancing with you and Jimmy.”

  “You turned down a fair few fine-looking young men tonight, honey.”

  “I don’t want to dance with any of them, Janet,” Katie said with a sigh. “And I don’t want to talk about it. Just believe me when I tell you that they are not for me.”

  “I know they’re not,” Janet said mischievously. “And I reckon I know who is.”

  Janet was using the sort of tone that little Kyle and Jane used on one another when they were teasing, and it made Katie laugh.

  “Oh, do you?” she said and felt her cheeks reddening.

  “Mama tells me that you’re something of a regular guest over there these days.”

  “Over where?” Katie said tantalizingly.

  “At the Bryant place, you know very well what I mean.”

  Although Janet was twelve years older, when she embarked on this kind of conversation, she might just as well have been a girl of sixteen. She was so excited about romance, even somebody else’s, and Katie thought it made her all the lovelier.

  “I’m just trying to be a friend to Arlen, that’s all.”

  “And I’m sure he appreciates it, honey.”

  “I appreciate it too. It feels like a long time since I had a friend.”

  “Oh, Katie.” Janet said sadly.

  “No, I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I’m just saying a fact,” Katie said honestly. “But it still feels nice to have a friend who listens. And we can talk about all sorts of things that I couldn’t imagine talking to my old friends about.”

  “What kind of things?”

  “About how the war is going on and how we think it’s going to end.”

  “That sounds like kind of a morose conversation, Katie,” Janet said cautiously.

  “Maybe, but somebody needs to talk about it.”

  “I suppose Arlen’s been through all sorts of things that would finish off the rest of us,” Janet said and looked clear across the barn to where Jimmy was in the line to get them some fruit punch.

  “I think so. I mean he’s bound to have been, but he doesn’t really say anything about that.” Katie shrugged. “Maybe I should ask him.”

  “Maybe that should be one of the times where you don’t ask something outright.” Janet reached out and took her hand. “Some things are too hard to talk about unless a person is really ready. You might have to wait for him to offer something rather than ask.”

  “Really?” Katie asked, thinking that she still had so much to learn about the world, about people.

  She hadn’t really meant to isolate herself as long as she had, it had just happened. It hadn’t been a purposeful thing, it was just the way it was. She was just being herself.

  And being herself hadn’t always appealed to others, at least not until now.

  “Trust me.” Janet smiled.

  “I suppose I have things in common with Arlen. I’ve always been a little bit different, not quite the same as everybody else, you know, not what people are expecting. And now Arlen is probably feeling the same, just for different reasons. People stare at him because of the way he walks, their curiosity just getting the better of them. People stare at me sometimes, wondering why I’m not making what they think is the best of being pretty. Wondering why I’m different, why I spend my time alone gardening or reading. I suppose it’s just easier when you finally meet somebody in the same kind of circumstances. Well, not the same, but you know what I mean.”

  “I know exactly what you mean, and I’m glad you two have kind of found one another.” Janet leaned in close. “And I always thought young Arlen was kind of handsome too.”

  “I guess,” Katie said and thought about it for a moment. “He is, but I don’t think that concerns him much.”

  “Maybe not. Maybe he doesn’t think he’s handsome anymore, now that he’s injured.”

  “I reckon that would be an easy thing to think.”

  “Maybe you should tell him that he’s handsome.” Janet shrugged.

  “I don’t think so, Janet,” Katie said incredulously. “I don’t think he’d welcome that any more than I would. I’d be like Todd, wouldn’t I?”

  “No, you wouldn’t be anything like Todd Garner,” Janet said and laughed so hard that her eyes shone. “For heaven’s sake!”

  “What?”

  “Telling somebody you know and like well that they are good-looking isn’t an insult, Katie. It’s nice to compliment people.” She was still laughing. “You really are so strange. There is a difference between being shallow and being honest. You’ve taken the time to get to know Arlen, it’s nothing like Todd. Todd wouldn’t give two hoots for what a girl was like, what she thought, what she wanted in the world. He only cares about how she looks and I completely understand why it is you wouldn’t think twice about him. But it’s not his compliments which make him distasteful, it’s his motives.”

  “Oh, I see,” Katie said and quietly concluded that her sister actually had a point.

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake, talk of the Devil and he’s sure to come sauntering across the barn,” Janet said with a grimace. “Where is my husband when he’s needed?”

  “What?” Katie said and then fell silent when she followed her sister’s gaze to Todd, who had got up from the hay bale from which he had determinedly stared at her for more than an hour and made his way over.

  “What about a dance, Katie?” he said, his thick eyebrows dipped and intense and his smile wide and insincere.

  “I’ve already had a dance, thank you,” she said simply.

  “Who with?”

  “With my sister, if it’s any of your business,” she said, annoyed at the idea that he thought he had a right to question her.

  “All right, snappy,” he said and started to laugh. “You can’t come to a barn dance and only dance with your sister. Not when you’ve made yourself up all nice and pretty.”

  “Why not?” Katie asked and knew that her simplicity often made her appear obstructive to others.

  Not that she minded on this occasion, since she thought it would work in her favor.

  “You sure do look pretty tonight, Katie.” He persisted, giving her what he likely thought was an appreciative stare.

  But to Katie, it felt intrusive. He looked her over from head to toe, towering over her as she sat on the bale of hay feeling uncomfortable and somewhat humiliated.

  “Well, thank you, that’s kind of you to say,” she said in a brittle tone. “But I still don’t want to dance with you, Todd.”

  “I don’t know, Janet. What’s wrong with your sister?” he probed, trying to hide his annoyance behind a forced humorous expression.

  “There’s not
a thing in the world wrong with my sister, Todd. She just doesn’t want to dance, that’s all.” Janet said firmly. “Oh, at last, here comes Jimmy with our drinks.”

  “Some other time then, Katie.” Todd shrugged and slouched away.

  “Why does he not just listen?”

  “Because he’s not the sort of man girls generally say no to. It’s getting the better of him, that’s all. But don’t worry, he’ll see somebody else and move along.” Janet reached up to take her drink from Jimmy. “Thank you, honey, but what on earth took you?”

  “You’re welcome.” Jimmy said humorously and rolled his eyes at Katie until she started to laugh.

  “I think you’re coming at the cattle too fast, Arlen. You’re getting them skittish,” David said and smiled.

  “I know, I can see it in their eyes,” Arlen said, and was pleased when his brother laughed loudly.

  “Come on, let’s take a little break. Mary packed us something.” David jumped down from his horse and rooted around in the saddlebag, producing a brown paper parcel. “Bread and cheese, I think,” he said, holding it aloft triumphantly.

  “She’s a good woman. I’m hungrier than I realized,” Arlen said patting his belly.

  “Am I coming up to you, or are you coming down?” David stood at the side of the wagon and looked up at his brother.

  “I reckon I’ll come down. I think I could do to stand up for a little while,” he said and slid quickly down from the wagon.

  Now that he was overcoming his embarrassment, Arlen had given himself time to work out the best way of getting into and out of the wagon. No longer did he scramble in the hopes that he could be seated before anyone noticed him. Instead, he took his time in a way which actually, in the end, made the whole process not only simpler, but quicker.

  For the last couple of weeks, Arlen had made a real attempt to put the wagon to better use out on the ranch. He’d even been rumbling about on his own, stopping here and there about the perimeter and mending fencing as he had always done before.

  Sure, everything took twice as long now that he had to keep climbing up and down, but he felt so much different now that he had a purpose again, even if their Saturday afternoon attempts to use the wagon to herd cattle could have gone better.

  But even in the face of small failures, Arlen was beginning to see the funny side. And he realized too that the easier he was with himself, the easier David was with him.

  Could it really be that he had been the one making things difficult between them? His bitterness on display making David bite his tongue rather than say the wrong thing? It certainly seemed that way.

  “Here you go,” David said, thrusting a great lump of bread into his hands no sooner he was down.

  He was pleased that David never tried to help him, letting him just do what he needed to do in his own way. He’d never told him as much, he just expected him to somehow know that he was grateful. No doubt in the same way that David had expected him to know that he cared.

  Either way, Arlen felt like a brother again. They weren’t exactly back to where they were before, but three years had passed, and a lot had happened. But he was feeling the old camaraderie growing day by day and it was making him feel as if life was coming back into his control again.

  “Thanks,” Arlen said and took a bite.

  “We’ll have another go at it after we’ve eaten. I reckon the cattle are softening towards you in the wagon. They’ll get used to it.” David sat down on the ground and spread the parcel out on the grass.

  As Arlen ate, he paced a little up and down, giving his leg some exercise. He’d been up in the wagon for a couple of hours and he wanted to loosen up a bit before he got back up into it again.

  “I reckon that’s the trick to everything. Just getting used to it,” Arlen said through a mouthful of bread.

  “And is that what you’re doing now? Getting used to it?” David asked and sounded a little uncertain.

  “Yes, I think I am.” Arlen spoke brightly, keen to make David feel at his ease. “I suppose I couldn’t have been angry at the world forever.”

  “It’s no more or less than anybody else would have been, I’m sure of it. Don’t go beating yourself up now.” David picked up the large chunk of cheese from the parcel and made to take a bite out of it.”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa! That’s for both of us!” Arlen said and hurriedly limped back over to where his brother sat, the cheese paused in mid-air.

  “I was going to share it!” He objected humorously.

  “Well, can you share it before you bite it? I don’t want my half having your big old teeth marks in it. That’d just put me off.” Arlen was pleased to see how his humorous outburst was affecting his brother.

  “Jeez! When did you get so sensitive?” He laughed and broke the cheese in half, holding out Arlen’s piece. “When you were a kid, you used to eat ants. You weren’t so fussy back then.”

  “No, I didn’t!” Arlen began to pace again, realizing just how much he was enjoying himself.

  “You did. When you were six or seven, you used to sit on the ground watching the ants going this way and that. And then you’d just reach out and pluck one of the poor devils up and pop it right into your mouth. Ask Mary if you don’t believe me.”

  “Did I really?” Arlen said and laughed.

  “You sure did. Back in the days when you didn’t care about teeth marks in cheese and such the like.”

  Everything felt suddenly familiar. Their ridiculous conversation was just exactly of the type they’d always had before. Day in day out, the two brothers had made one another laugh, finding common ground despite the difference in their ages.

  The feeling of being a square peg in a round hole had suddenly lifted, and Arlen was just back at home again. He really was home. He was different, but this was home nonetheless.

  He wandered a little further away in the pretense of exercise, blinking hard at the tears in his eyes. The emotion was sudden and strong; welcome and unwelcome all at once.

  “So, is Katie coming around after church tomorrow?” David called out to Arlen’s departing back.

  “I don’t know,” he said, only turning around once he’d gained full control of himself again. “But I reckon so.”

  “She’s becoming a regular feature here, isn’t she?” David said, and Arlen knew he was testing the water.

  “She’s certainly here more than my old friends. Given that they never come, that is.” Arlen shrugged and, despite his words, was determined not to slide back into his old, bitter ways.

  “She sure is a nice girl.” It was clear that David was trying to edge Arlen into a somewhat deeper conversation.

  “Katie? Yeah, she’s real nice. Kind of strange, but nice.” Arlen laughed in an offhanded way, hoping to divert the conversation he knew was coming.

  “She seems to like you too.” David went on artlessly and Arlen didn’t know whether to be amused or annoyed.

  “Yes, we get along just fine. She’s a good friend.” Arlen nodded firmly and hoped that would somehow put an end to it.

  “Maybe you’d want her to be a bit more than a friend though, one day, Arlen?”

  “Come on, David,” he said and walked back over to where his brother sat, gently lowering himself down onto the ground knowing that at least David was there to help him up afterwards.

  “What? I’m only asking.” David shrugged. “What’s wrong with that? She’s a nice girl, isn’t she?”

  “She is a nice girl. And that’s it, she’s a girl.”

  “You’re not trying to say she’s too young for you, are you?” David questioned and laughed. “What is she, eighteen? You’re only twenty-six, eight years isn’t so much.”

  “Maybe it’s too much for me,” he said and wished that David would just leave it.

  “What’s the matter, really?”

  “Nothing.” Arlen was beginning to get terse.

  “I know you, you’re my brother. I know you well enough to know when you like a g
irl.”

  “All right, all right, I do like her,” Arlen said, giving in finally. “More than like her.” He shook his head and threw the last corner of his bread back down into the parcel. “That’s not really the point, is it?”

  “If that’s not the point, I don’t know what is.” David looked suitably confused.

  “Katie is a great girl, kind, clever, and beautiful. Now, what would a girl like that want with a man like me? Dragging my leg around from here to the end of my life, clattering about the ranch on a wagon, for God’s sake.”

  “I’m sorry, I thought you were kind of coming to terms with that,” David said and looked downcast and worried as if he had made a grave mistake.

  “No, I’m sorry, David. And I’m not angry about the wagon; sometimes not even about my leg anymore. It's probably just the idea that it’s impossible, you know? I can’t let Katie throw her life away on someone like me. And let’s be honest, she only ever came here to help, to be my friend. I’m not going to start twisting and turning now and trying to pity her into something more. It’s not right, she deserves better.”

  “Well, I might be biased, but I don’t reckon there’s a better man in all of Oregon than you.” David shrugged. “But I’m only your brother.”

  “Yes, I think you might be biased,” Arlen said and laughed. “But you have to see it from my point of view. I can’t let myself lean on her to that extent. I’m not going to prey on her kind-hearted and good nature.”

  “Have it your own way. But what if it turns out that she feels the same way about you?” David said and reached for the last slice of bread-and-butter.

  “Well, if that little piece of storytelling ever comes true, I promise to rethink. But in the meantime, I think I’ll concentrate on how on earth I’m going to round up this germless herd of cattle with the wagon,” he said, making his brother laugh and effectively putting an end to the conversation.

  Chapter 15