Commitment

by Forrester, Nia

  Riley looked at her. “Thank you,” she said. “For today.”

  Tracy nudged her affectionately. “I know you would do the same for me.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” Riley looked at her. “I know I wasn’t exactly the best company.”

  “Let’s go out for a crazy-expensive dinner,” Tracy suggested.

  Riley manufactured a smile. “Only if it’s at least four courses and at least one of them involves chocolate.”

  “I’m sure we can manage that.”

  The first thing Riley noticed when they got to the suite was the absence of a message light on the bedside phone. And her cell phone had remained reproachfully silent all afternoon. Shawn had allowed the entire day go by without trying to contact her, even though she’d flown six hours to see him.

  Who did he think he was?

  It wasn’t as though she didn’t have other options. She could just as easily have stayed in New York and had a perfectly pleasant, uncomplicated weekend with someone who was completely into her and didn’t have crazy-ass mood swings.

  “I’ve got first on the shower,” she told Tracy, flinging her bags aside.

  Riley adjusted the water so that it was as hot as she could stand it and washed her hair with the harsh, too-fragrant hotel shampoo. This trip had been a bad idea to begin with. Whatever it was she had with Shawn clearly only survived on the island of Manhattan. Tracy had been right all along – she and Shawn were completely wrong for each other and this could only end badly if they continued.

  As it was, she was getting too attached. Watching him walk away from her in the club, she’d felt a split second of sheer panic, experiencing in that moment what it would be like when he walked away for good. And it was inevitable that he would. She was a phase with him, like many others before her, she was sure. They had amazing chemistry and for the moment, he couldn’t get enough of her but that kind of connection didn’t last, especially not for guys in his business. And when it was over, really over, she would . . . she didn’t know what she would do. That was the problem. What she had with Brian was comfortable, so why mess that up?

  So this little spat with Shawn was a good thing, really. Maybe she wasn’t in so deep right now and could go back to New York and let it die a natural death. He would be on the West Coast for a long enough time for her to get over him.

  And then maybe things with Brian would develop the way they were supposed to. If she was honest with herself she would admit that they couldn’t move forward with Shawn in the picture. There was always part of her that was torn and held apart.

  By the time her shower was done and she stood in front of the mirror putting on moisturizer, she almost felt good about her decision. So that was that. This thing with Shawn had been destined to end at some point, and now it would. On her terms.

  Then she opened the bathroom door.

  Shawn was sitting on her bed, wearing gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt with a red fitted baseball cap turned to the side. In an instant, all her resolutions dissolved. He looked so ridiculously good it only pissed her off all over again.

  “Hey,” he said.

  Riley stood stock still with the towel wrapped loosely about her. Tracy was standing silent nearby, obviously trying to read her expression.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, grateful that her voice didn’t quaver.

  Shawn stood and advanced toward her, his gaze fixed on her face. With each step he took, she took corresponding steps backward until there was nowhere to go and her back was literally against the wall.

  “I had a teacher in the seventh grade,” he said, leaning in so that his forehead was touching hers. “He used to say, ‘manage your expectations and you’ll manage your emotions.’ I haven’t been managing either.”

  “No, you haven’t,” she agreed.

  “I’m sorry,” he said simply.

  His kiss was feather-light at first, and then it deepened. Riley reached up and put her arms about him. When Shawn turned his head so that his mouth was instead on her neck, she reluctantly pushed him away, grabbing her towel just before it hit the floor. Over his shoulder Riley caught sight of the weary resignation on Tracy’s face.

  “Is Brendan around for dinner?” she asked.

  g

  Shawn looked over at Riley, on her stomach, stretched naked across the bed at his feet, her face resting on a pillow. She sighed.

  “I’m hungry,” she said raising her head suddenly, as though she’d just identified the solution to a long-perplexing problem.

  “Let’s order something then.” He reached for the menu in the side-table drawer and flipped it open.

  “I feel awful about ditching Tracy,” she said.

  “She’s a’ight. Brendan will take care of her.”

  “Not sure I like the sound of that,” Riley murmured.

  She reached for the remote, switching channels until she found the news and was suddenly absorbed by television, watching with one leg raised, swinging it back and forth. Shawn traced a finger along her calf and tugged the sheets so that she slid toward him and her left leg was resting against his. She turned to smile at him briefly over her shoulder and caught sight of the computer in the corner.

  “What’s with the laptop?” she asked.

  Shawn followed her gaze to where he’d propped it, still in the box. He’d forgotten all about his plans to look up Riley’s mother. When she was back in New York, he would revive that little project.

  “I thought I should have one,” he said vaguely.

  “That’s a pretty serious piece of hardware. Are you hacking into NASA or something?”

  “You want it?” he asked.

  Riley looked at him. “No I don’t want it. Will you stop?”

  “Stop what?”

  “Why do you keep thinking you have to give me stuff?”

  “I don’t think I have to give you stuff. I want to give you stuff.”

  “I don’t see the difference.” She sat up and took the menu from him. “Anyway let’s get this show on the road. I’m starving.”

  They ordered lobster, sirloins, Cobb salad and chocolate cake with a bottle of cabernet sauvignon from room service, promising a substantial tip for express service.

  While they waited they got going again, Shawn rolling over onto his back and pulling Riley along so that she was astride him. Hands on her hips, he watched as she moved, eyes closed, lips slightly parted, and neck arched backward. Watching her like this usually got him there quicker, but not this time. She moaned quietly and her breathing and movements quickened, and Shawn could feel deep inside her, as she pulsated, gripping and releasing him. He closed his eyes and tried not to think, until finally she climaxed, collapsing on his chest, her head resting just beneath his chin.

  “You okay?” she asked, her breathing still uneven. “You didn’t . . .”

  “No,” he said.

  “Well then let me help you with that.”

  She smiled naughtily and raised herself off him sliding down, taking him in her hands. While he’d watched her move, a small, cynical part of Shawn had wondered if she made the same noises and faces with Brian. And just the idea that she’d done to Brian what she was about to do to him . . . Shawn bit down hard on his lower lip to repel the thought which felt exactly like a knee to the gut.

  None of the usual distractions worked to keep his mind off her when they were apart, but he’d grown accustomed to that long ago. Now he realized he couldn’t keep his mind off her even when they were together. Difference was, when he didn’t have to wonder where she was in the moment, he wondered instead about where she had been.

  “Let’s get married,” he said, just as she lowered her head.

  The words came far more easily than he expected. It was something he’d been thinking about without admitting it to himself until yesterday; something that had been nestling in the back of his mind for weeks.

  Riley froze and then all of sudden she had rolled free of him and was sitting up, in
stunned disbelief.

  “What did you say?”

  “I said, let’s get married,” Shawn repeated.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Look at me,” he said. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

  Riley studied his face for a few moments, eyes wide. Finally convinced that it was not a ruse, she heaved a deep sigh.

  “Why, Shawn? Because you think then you’ll own me?” she said. “I’ll have to come whenever you call? And you won’t have to worry about competing with Brian anymore?”

  She was pissed, he realized with surprise.

  Of all the emotions in the range of human experience, this was furthest from what he might have expected. He’d never even come close to asking someone to marry him before, never for a single, solitary moment even considered it. And here she was, acting like he’d asked her to turn tricks on the corner or something.

  A few short raps on the door caused them both to look up. Shawn stood and pulled on his sweats, waiting for Riley to pull his shirt over her head before he opened the door.

  They stared at each other tensely as the servers set up the food in the living room, and Shawn absently signed the slip, ushering them quickly out the door, while Riley stood by, motionless.

  “Let’s eat,” he said.

  Riley seemed to contemplate for a moment until her hunger won out. She sat at the table, uncovering her cutlery methodically, barely looking up. Her brow was furrowed, her lips pursed.

  Shawn joined her and began on one of the lobster tails, waiting for her to speak first. Several minutes passed as they ate in silence. Riley slowly and methodically cut her steak into several small, symmetrical pieces, still not looking at him.

  On the trip before the last one when they’d fought about her coming out to L.A., he was in the middle of prepping to go to Europe for shows in London and Paris. For weeks he’d walked around pissed and difficult to work with, not even knowing why. Then one night while listening to Riley on the phone describing with amusement, a run-in she’d had with someone in the Mayor’s office, it hit him. It was the thought of being so far away, in such a different time zone from her and for so long that had gotten under his skin. Being away from her at all was growing a lot more difficult than he expected.

  Prep meetings and rehearsals on the West Coast didn’t leave him much time to fly to New York but he’d strong-armed Brendan into making it happen anyway. One night. That was all the time he could spare. Riley had a work event, something she couldn’t miss. So they made plans for him to pick her up there when she was done.

  Shawn had pulled up in front of the restaurant at the appointed time, just as Riley emerged from building. She was wearing a short skirt, which she seldom did. With it she had on a red turtleneck, black opaque tights and those boots of hers. Still, she’d looked so pretty, that at first, he’d smiled just at the sight of her.

  But she wasn’t alone.

  With her was a tall, blonde guy, one of those downtown hipster types, with skinny pants and snug jacket. He had his arm about Riley’s waist as though to steady her. They stood in front of the restaurant chatting for a few moments and then before turning to head in the direction of the subway, the blonde guy had leaned in to kiss her directly on the lips.

  Riley smiled and blew him a kiss as he walked away waving; something in her manner reassuring Shawn that the guy was just a friend. But there had been a moment before that realization took hold – just a moment, but it was time enough to mess up his mood – of deep, searing, irrational anger.

  He was angry because he was leaving for Europe and wouldn’t see her for almost eight weeks.

  He was angry because while he was gone, her life would go on as usual like he didn’t even exist.

  He was angry because even though this current joker was just a friend, she did in fact have a boyfriend who, while he was gone, would kiss her, and hold her about the waist like this guy had and would even make love to her and Riley would let him, and would like it.

  That night Shawn had fucked her hard. That night he didn’t care if anyone got off, his sole intention was to make sure she was so sore she wouldn’t want anyone to touch her for weeks. And now, despite seeing her in New York last week and having her here with him in L.A., those feelings hadn’t gone away. Hell, they hadn’t even subsided.

  “What is this all about?” she finally asked now, her voice quiet.

  She set aside her knife and fork and rested her hands on the table as though preparing for a negotiation.

  “What is this ab . . ? Riley I just think we should get married, that’s all.”

  She swallowed. “That’s all?” she demanded. “Do you even know my middle name? What elementary school I went to?”

  “No.”

  “Then why?”

  Because she couldn’t care less that he was K Smooth.

  Because minutes after she left, he was already thinking about when he’d see her again.

  Because her mind excited him as much as her body.

  Because he couldn’t stand the thought of her smiling at someone else the way she smiled at him, or holding their hand the way she did his.

  Because with her, he was that guy who didn’t want his girl dancing with anyone else. Little things. Big things. Everything about her.

  “I can’t lose you,” he said simply.

  She looked up at him, and her eyes were brimming over.

  “Think about it,” he said putting down his fork. “I’ll be away for awhile. Take that time and think about it.”

  “Is this because of last night? Because of Brian?” she asked, sounding desperate. “We never talked about being together exclusively and I never thought that that’s what you wanted, but if it is, maybe . . .”

  “No,” he cut her off.

  He finally identified the look on her face and what it meant. Panic. Hell, he should be the one in a panic. He had never thought in his wildest imagination of marriage as an option for him. Never believed there was a woman out there that would make him sign up for that particular brand of madness. And, in the abstract at least, it still sounded like madness but this wasn’t about marriage, it was about Riley. With her, he knew that boyfriend-girlfriend shit wasn’t going to be enough. He had to have her locked down.

  “No,” he said again. “I don’t want you to be my girlfriend, Riley. I need you to be my wife.”

  She looked down again, thoughtful.

  “I wasn’t being honest with you,” he continued, and Riley looked up into his eyes once again, waiting to hear what the deception had been. “But I wasn’t honest with myself either. All this time I’ve been pretending this is just about sex. And it stopped being about that I don’t even know how long ago. I don’t want us to meet in my hotel and screw and then you go back to your life and I go back to mine.”

  “Shawn . . .”

  “Wait a second, let me finish. I made you think it was about that, I know. And it was in the beginning. And then later I thought that’s all you were down for, so I rolled with it.

  “But even if it is, I can’t keep doing that. Because it’s about more than the sex for me, Riley.”

  She said nothing so he reached into his pocket and pulled out the pale robin’s egg blue ring box that had been in there all afternoon, sliding it across the table toward her.

  “It’s gotta be all or nothing.”

  “You bought a ring?” she asked, sounding pained.

  “That’s usually how it works.”

  “And ‘all or nothing’? That sounds like an ultimatum.”

  “It is.”

  She expelled a sharp breath, and the tears finally spilled onto her cheeks. “How could you just go and do this?”

  “Riley, I’m not saying you have to wear the ring, or even that you have to tell me right now. Take all the time you need.”

  She looked up at him, her eyes imploring. “So if I give the answer you don’t want to hear, you’ll what? Stop seeing me?”

  “Look, let’s just forget
about it for the rest of the time you’re here. You’re leaving tomorrow and I don’t want to waste time going back and forth about this.”

  “Forget about it?” she echoed.

  Shawn was strangely calm. As far as he was concerned, everything from here on out was on the real. From now on, until he had an answer, he had no intention of standing back and watching other dudes step to her as though he had no prior claim.

  Riley reached over and gingerly opened the ring box and Shawn had the satisfaction of watching as her eyes opened wide for a split second before she snapped it shut again. The ring was a three-carat cushion cut solitaire surrounded by bead-set diamonds. He wanted to go bigger but even if he didn’t know what elementary school she went to, he knew her well enough to be certain that anything bigger than this she would find vulgar.

  “So now I’m supposed to just sit here and eat chocolate cake?”

  She leaned back in her chair.

  “You did okay with that steak and lobster,” he pointed out.

  She gave him the barest hint of a smile and taking that as encouragement enough, Shawn poured her another glass of wine and slid the cake across the table.

  After a moment, she picked up her fork and took a bite.

  “Yum,” she said.

  g

  Chapter Three

  Everyone was holding up their glass, beer spilling over onto their wrists. Across the table, Brian’s eyes were bright and a little unfocused. They’d all been drinking for at least three hours, toasting the man of the hour with pitcher after pitcher of beer. Riley was feeling a little woozy herself. She didn’t usually drink this much, but Brian had been named president of the law review – a feather in his cap that surely meant he was on his way to brilliant career.

  “Here’s to the smartest brother in the five boroughs.”

  “Wait, wait, wait,” Brian said holding up a hand. “I actually think I’m the smartest in the tri-state area,”

  Everyone laughed.

  “My bad.” His friend Malik gave Brian some pound. “I wouldn’t want to geographically limit you to New York City when we all know your intellect is boundless . . .”