Commitment

by Forrester, Nia

  Riley forced a tight smile. “What concern is that of yours?”

  Her only education in these messy and sordid confrontations came from movies and television—she never dreamed she would be involved in one.

  Keisha’s neck started working on its axis. “For your information, I don’t want him.”

  “Good,” Riley said coldly. “So we agree on something.”

  Over Keisha’s shoulder she could see Shawn making his way toward them. He looked downright frantic and she couldn’t help but enjoy his discomfort a little bit. His worst nightmare realized. If it was a fraction of what she’d felt when she found out about Keisha in the first place, it was punishment enough.

  “Yeah?” Keisha asked sarcastically. “What’s that?”

  Riley gave her a sweet smile. “That you should stay the hell away from my husband.”

  Just saying the words gave her a rush. Lorna would disown her if she knew she’d been engaged in a catfight over a man, of all things, but it felt good on a deep primal level. Keisha turned on her heel and flounced away, brushing by Shawn as she did so. Then he was standing where Keisha had been, his face almost gray. He didn’t seem to know what to say. They stood staring at each other for a few moments until Riley decided to put him out of his misery.

  “I’m fine,” she said, her voice flat.

  He studied her face for a few moments more and then she could see his frame begin to relax. “You sure you’re a’ight? What’d she say to you?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Knowing she wasn’t angry seemed to fuel Shawn’s own anger. He glanced over his shoulder in the direction Keisha had gone.

  “That fucking bitch don’t know . . .”

  “Forget it,” Riley said, taking his arm. “And don’t call her a bitch. She didn’t get here all on her own.”

  “Baby . . .”

  “Forget it.”

  The confrontation with Keisha had actually made her feel better. She got it now. Shawn’s betrayal had only been part of what nagged at her these past months. His betrayal was something they would have to deal with between them, and if they were lucky, maybe they could get through it. But now she knew that the other part that tormented her was her unfulfilled need to affirm that he was hers and no one else’s. And now she had.

  The thought hit her like a sledgehammer. She was Lorna Terry’s daughter for heaven’s sake. She should not need this as much as she did. She shouldn’t, but she did. Shawn had told her once that she “belonged” to him and she couldn’t, or didn’t want to understand what he meant. But she understood it now.

  Looking Keisha in the eye and claiming him had not made her feel weak, or dependent, or deluded. It made her feel empowered. Shawn was her husband. He belonged to her, and she to him.

  Riley grabbed a belt loop on either side of his slacks and pulled him toward her so that they were pressed against each other.

  “I want to know right now. Am I going to have to worry about there being other Keishas out there?”

  Shawn looked her directly in the eye. “No.”

  “You swear?”

  “You and me,” he said firmly.

  “You know we’re going to have to talk about this,” she said. “Right?”

  He nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. “Yeah, I know.”

  “Maybe a lot,” she said, testing him. “Until I feel comfortable again. Until I can trust you.”

  “Okay.”

  Their eyes held until Shawn looked down to release her hold on his belt loops, instead pressing his palms against hers then weaving his fingers through her own.

  “Let’s go,” he said.

  “We’re in the middle of a party for you. Where are we going?”

  “I want to be alone with you. We can come back later. They’ll be here all night.”

  g

  Shawn was propped on his elbows, the weight of his lower body resting on hers. His face was glistening with sweat and Riley could still feel him inside her, gently pulsating, and her own muscles, clenching and unclenching about him. He kissed her, and she could taste the saltiness of their combined perspiration; involuntarily, she tightened about him once again. Shawn emitted a light groan against her lips. She ran her fingertips over his triceps feeling the scratches, carved into his skin minutes earlier by her fingernails. Turning her head to the side and raising it slightly off the pillow, she could just reach up enough to kiss him there.

  “These are going to sting,” she said.

  Shawn smiled at her. “I don’t care.”

  “Was it like this?” she asked him before she could censor herself. “With Keisha?”

  “Riley, c’mon.”

  “I just . . .” She needed to know that this kind of intensity wasn’t routine for him. Something he got from just anybody. “I want to know.”

  “You want to know what? What it felt like? I was drunk . . .”

  “You told me that,” she said impatiently. “I want to know if it was like this. Like it is with us. Or better.”

  “No,” he said right away. “Look at me. When we’re together like this, when I’m inside you, feeling you, making love to you? It’s like, some astral plane, seriously spiritual type shit. Nothing else even comes close. Nothing.”

  g

  Shawn watched his wife dancing with Chris Scaife, who was a little closer than he needed to be, and noted that it had been a long time since he’d been this mellow. Riley had wanted to know everything so he told her, leaving nothing out, as difficult as that was. Yes, he’d sent Keisha a plane ticket. Yes, he’d flirted with her for weeks before that. Yes, he’d known she was attracted to him and would sleep with him if he was willing. Yes, to all of it. While he talked, tears had streamed down her face, but she hadn’t made a sound. When he reached out to her, she’d held him at bay.

  No, Riley said. Just finish. Let’s just get it out and finish it.

  And so he kept talking. Shawn watched her cry and kept his distance and when he was done, when she knew everything she wanted to know and had asked every difficult question, she turned over onto her stomach and with her back to him, held the pillow and cried some more. When finally she spoke again, her voice was muffled.

  Now I know what happened, she said. But someday soon we’re going to have to talk about why.

  Then he reached out and placed a hand on her naked back, testing to see whether it was safe to touch her again. She’d turned over to look at him and her eyes were puffy and tinged in red. She held out her arms to him, her lower lip trembling.

  You can hold me now, she said.

  And so he went to her. They lay there together for awhile until Riley had gotten up and headed for the bathroom.

  C’mon, she said. Let’s go back to your launch party.

  Maybe confession really was good for the soul. And it just might save his marriage.

  Over the time they’d been separated, Shawn had had a good long time to contemplate his role in what happened and the truth was, he’d never considered the consequences of cheating on Riley before he did it. Having her marry him was mostly about making sure she wasn’t available to anyone but him and as long as that was true, he’d considered their marriage a success. He hadn’t given serious thought to the fact that Riley had every right to expect that he would be available only to her.

  While he definitely hadn’t planned on infidelity as a lifestyle, he’d subconsciously given himself a pass—after all, he knew that there was no one out there who would put even a dent in his feelings for his wife, so the occasional slip-up could be forgiven, so long as he wasn’t caught. What he hadn’t counted on was the God-awful feeling the deception alone had produced. The gulf in his marriage hadn’t been created by Riley finding out, it had been created by the act itself. Nothing he’d done with Keisha, nothing he could do with anyone would be worth it.

  If it hadn’t been for the party, he could have stayed in the hotel room with Riley all night, reacquainting himself with her body, her sounds, the
smell and taste of her. But there was plenty of time for that; it was one of the perks of being married, lovemaking at your leisure.

  “I told you I wasn’t playin’, right? I told your wife everything.”

  Shawn turned and looked at Keisha, incredulous that she would even dare approach him after what she’d done. Around them, the party went on, but a few people slowed down as they walked by, curiously watching the young woman who had leaned over into the VIP area but not had quite enough courage to walk right in.

  “You need to get the fuck out my face,” he said.

  At the sound of his voice, slightly raised, one of the security guys, stationed at VIP entrance made as though he was about to remove Keisha but Shawn waved him away.

  “Why, your wife gon’ beat me up?” she sneered.

  He looked at her. “Somebody needs to.”

  Keisha pulled back. “Oh so you gon’ hit me now? You threatening me?”

  “Keisha. Let the shit go. We did it, it’s done. Forget it.”

  “It wasn’t all that . . .”

  “Then why you sweatin’ me?” Shawn said exasperatedly. “Don’t act like you ain’t been in this situation before.”

  “Oh, so you thought you could just hit it and treat me like I was some kinda hoochie or some-fuckin’-thing. And it ain’ even . . .”

  “You want me to apologize? Is that it?”

  “Yeah. Exactly. I want you to apologize.”

  Shawn crooked his finger, calling her closer. Smiling with satisfaction, she leaned in.

  “Y’know what, Keisha,” he said, his eyes on hers. “You’s a triflin’-ass, hood-rat bitch. You think the sex wasn’t all that? Well guess what? I don’t even remember that shit. If you think I’m about to apologize when you should probably be thanking my ass, then you must be sucking on a crack pipe in between all the dicks I hear you been had in your mouth.”

  Keisha blinked twice and her lips trembled as she spoke. “Fuck you, Smooth,” she said. She turned and pushed people out of her path as she walked away.

  Shawn sighed. Now, finally, maybe he could look ahead.

  g

  The next day was Riley’s last day there. Shawn had a four a.m. call time for the video shoot and worked straight through until after ten a.m. Then he went back to the hotel for brunch with his wife. She was just waking up and reached for him sleepily as he entered the suite. Shawn crawled into bed with her, still fully clothed.

  “I ordered us up some food,” he said, speaking into her shoulder.

  “Good. I don’t think I could get up now even if I wanted to,” she said, her voice hoarse. “Last night was insane.”

  “It was,” Shawn said, thinking about his confrontation with Keisha.

  “But I think I’ve had enough of insane, honestly,” Riley said seriously. “I want our life back. I want you back.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. But I’m still angry with you. And I’m not sure how much I can trust you so I’m sure I’ll be a bitch sometimes, and ask too many questions, and make your life a living hell . . .”

  “I can hang if you can,” Shawn stopped her.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  Riley gave him a small smile and touched the side of his face. “So we’re in this thing, huh?”

  “We’re in it,” he said.

  After they ate, it was back to the set until it was time for Shawn to take her to the airport. When he dropped her off, he felt his throat tighten as she disappeared into the terminal. When he got back into the car Brendan turned and stared at him.

  “Wait a second. Don’t tell me you’re crying,” he said. “Shake it off, punk.”

  Shawn laughed. “Fuck you, man.”

  They were on the freeway headed back to the hotel when Brendan’s mobile rang. He said a few words and handed it off to Shawn. It was Mike.

  “I been tryin’ to reach you,” Mike said. He sounded sober, serious—so basically, unlike himself.

  “What up?”

  “What happened between you and Keisha?”

  “She got in my face and I told her ass what was up. Come to think of it, what you bring her to the club for?”

  “Smooth, I wouldn’t worry ‘bout that right now if I was you.”

  “Yeah? You know that bitch talked to my wife? My wife, kid. You better make sure you tell her . . .”

  “Smooth, she say she gon’ put a charge on you.”

  Shawn was momentarily silenced. “A what?”

  “A rape charge.”

  Shawn blinked.

  “Smooth, I tried to talk to her, man. But she say that . . .”

  “When was this shit supposed to . . ?”

  “I don’ know, man. But I had to let you know that shit was about a drop. She say she pressing charges as soon as she get back to New York.”

  “When she leaving?”

  “With me and D. Tonight.”

  “Where that bitch at right now?” Shawn asked. He bit down hard on his lower lip.

  “C’mon man, you don’ wan’ do nothin’ stupid. All you need to do . . .”

  “Yeah, go ahead. Tell me what I need to do when I got a rape charge hangin’ over my head,” Shawn said.

  Next to him Brendan’s head whipped around at the words ‘rape charge’.

  “Smooth, I tried to tell her that . . .”

  “You need to try harder,” Shawn cut him off.

  “I’ll do what I can, man. But the way she sound right now,” Mike sighed. “It might not go like we want it to.”

  “Everybody knows I didn’t rape that ‘ho. Everybody on the tour saw her all up in my shit!”

  “I know that Smooth.” Mike sounded distraught.

  “Handle that shit, Mike. I’m tellin’ you.” He hung up and looked at Brendan. “Keisha. That shit is comin’ back.”

  “Damn, Shawn. A rape charge and you’re done. Even a robbery charge wouldn’t be as bad.”

  “B. I get that. You don’t need to rub the shit in. What should I do?”

  Brendan sighed. “Pay her off.”

  Shawn snorted. “Give that ‘ho money? From my blood, sweat and tea . . .”

  “Shawn, what’s the alternative? You want this in the papers? Just when you have a new label, when you and Riley just patched shit up?”

  Shawn chewed on a piece of loose flesh at the edge of his forefinger. Riley. What would she say to her mother? To her friends? To people at her job? He buried his face in his hands.

  “She’ll know it ain’t even true,” Brendan said.

  “I’m not worried about Riley thinking it’s true,” Shawn said impatiently. “It’s the people around her.”

  The pressure they would put on her to end the relationship would go without saying. In the first year of marriage, infidelity and a felony charge. Who in their right mind wouldn’t tell her to get the hell away from him? And Lorna on the subject of rape . . . hell, he might as well fold up the tents and go home. No matter how you looked at it, he hadn’t made her daughter’s life better; that was for sure.

  “Anybody who was on the tour knows what went on, man.”

  “B, it won’t make a difference. If she just gets it into one newspaper in New York that I raped her, it’s all over.”

  “That’s why you need to make it go away. Pay her off.”

  Shawn chewed harder on the skin around his nail. Maybe that was all he could do. Make it go away. Otherwise he would lose everything that was important to him – his reputation, his career, his wife.

  “A’ight,” he said resolutely. “How we gon’ do this?”

  g

  Things moved pretty quickly after that. Too quickly. The next morning, he finished shooting the music video and Brendan canceled all of his other engagements, including the show he had planned for that weekend. The Arista people weren’t happy, but considering how unhappy they were going to be when they heard about a pending sexual assault charge, it seemed like a good idea to fly to New York right aw
ay and take care of that problem first.

  Shawn reached Riley at work but she was still tired and in a crappy mood about having to leave him so soon, so he decided to wait until he saw her in person to drop the bomb. And it wasn’t as though he was too eager to share the news anyway. He wanted to believe that this wouldn’t change things between them. He had to believe it.

  Since he’d left the airport Mike had called three or four times and as far as he knew, Keisha hadn’t acted on her threat. But there was no guarantee she wouldn’t. Shawn flew out with Brendan late in the afternoon and got to New York sometime after midnight local time. Rather than go home, they stayed in a hotel near the airport. They had an eight-thirty meeting with the lawyers scheduled for the following morning, and as long as nothing had happened yet, Shawn preferred to do that before telling Riley anything. If he was lucky, the picture wouldn’t look as dismal after he found out what his rights were and maybe he could give her a reassuring picture along with the bad news. Maybe he would have worked out some kind of “settlement” of Keisha’s imagined grievances before crossing the threshold of his home.

  That was preferable, to go home without any shadow of his mistake with Keisha hanging over his head and that of his wife. Brendan had been trying to reach Mike since they’d landed, and there was no answer. Darryl was MIA as well. Sometime around three a.m., Shawn managed to fall into a restless sleep. Three hours later, he was awakened by pounding on the door to his suite. He staggered over to open it. Brendan was already dressed and ready to go.

  “It’s happened, man,” he said. “I just got the call. She pressed charges last night.”

  g

  Chapter Seventeen

  Riley was waiting for him downstairs when he arrived with Brendan at the offices of Graves, Baker & Pennell, pacing in front of the security desk with her arms folded. When they walked in she pulled off the knit hat she was wearing and came toward them.

  “Shawn, what’s wrong?” her eyes were wide and worried.