‘What’s wrong?’ he wanted to know. ‘Why are you about to rush off? Is it something I’ve said?’
She shook her head. ‘No. It is something that I have left unsaid. You might be surprised to know that my life has not been unlike yours, James, and I can’t see it altering in the near future. I was married to someone I loved dearly and lost him, as well as the baby I was carrying, in a ghastly accident on the motorway. It was three years ago and I’ve never found anyone since to equal Richard.’
There was amazed concern on his face and she thought guiltily that the last sentence wasn’t true. She had found someone. He was standing next to her. And she shuddered to think what he would say if he knew.
‘Don’t go,’ he said gently, his blue gaze full of compassion. She sank back down onto the chair. ‘You’ve had to cope with that all alone? No relatives or friends?’
‘There was an aunt way back who brought me up when I lost my parents quite young. But she saw it as a chore more than anything else and was only too willing to let me spread my wings when I was old enough. She hasn’t been in contact since, but I do have friends. Giles Meredith at St Gabriel’s and his wife were there for me at the time and a few others, but I think they’ve wearied of my desire for solitude and have drifted away.
‘But don’t feel sorry for me, James. I have midwifery, the job that I was cut out for, to keep me sane, and I count myself fortunate because now I’m working in this lovely village with you and lots of other kind people around me.’
She was smiling now. ‘And if you would like to refill my glass, why don’t we drink to Willowmere, the new maternity clinic and the village practice?’
As they clinked their glasses together on that he said softly, ‘You are welcome here at Bracken House any time, Lizzie. I get weary of my own company sometimes.’
She didn’t take him up on that, but as her glance held his over the top of the glass she offered, ‘If you have any trouble with the plait I’ll be only too pleased to oblige.’
‘What? Every morning?’
‘Yes, if need be.’
That would suit him just fine, he thought, starting each day with them all together, him, her and the children. But he wasn’t going to risk having Lizzie shy away from him by telling her so. Not after them beginning to understand each other better after the revealing conversation they’d just had. So he said with a change of direction but still with the same thought in mind, ‘Do you want to go up and have a peep at them?’
‘Mmm, yes, please,’ she said immediately.
James preceded her up the stairs and led her into a large airy bedroom where Pollyanna and Jolyon’s beds were side by side, and as she looked down at them, sweet and defenceless in sleep, Lizzie thought that his children had lots of love in their lives, they didn’t need hers.
Unaware of the direction of her thoughts, James said unwittingly, ‘Anna will be home soon, as I told you, and they are both really excited as they’re very fond of her. For a long time she helped look after them like the mother they’d never known, and I had to be careful who I employed to fill the gap when she married Glenn and went to work in Africa.’
‘Fortunately Jess has been great and Helen looks after them like a doting grandma, so the separation hasn’t upset them too much. Polly lives every moment as it comes, but Jolly is a different matter. There is a depth to his thinking that amazes me and at the same time worries me. He needs stability even more than Polly.
‘I sometimes feel that I’m the only thing in his life that he’s sure of and I should have done something about it long ago, but as you’ve just so rightly said some people are hard to replace, impossible in fact.’
She was one step ahead of him on that, Lizzie thought, by already being in the process of discovering that it wasn’t quite so impossible as she’d previously thought. She wanted to reach out and hold him close for comfort, but she lacked that sort of confidence and so instead said in a low voice, ‘From what I can see, you’re doing a wonderful job of bringing up your children, James. Don’t ever feel guilty about that.’
At that second Pollyanna stirred in her sleep and he whispered, ‘If Polly wakes up and finds you here, she’ll be out of bed in a flash, so maybe we’d better go back down.’
She nodded reluctantly and he thought surely Lizzie could see that he was aware of the attraction she had for the children and that she was equally drawn to them. But he wasn’t going along a road that led to a mother for his children who wouldn’t love him too, and there were no signs of that so far.
It was almost midnight and James wasn’t happy when Lizzie got up to go. ‘They’ll be coming out of the pub about now,’ he said. ‘It can be a bit rowdy sometimes and I can’t leave the children to see you safely home.’
They’d chatted about various things after he’d taken her up to see them, none of them personal after their previous discussion. Then James had insisted that she stay for supper and the time had flown, with Lizzie wistfully thinking that this was what she was short of, some congenial male company. But she reminded herself that the solitary life had been her own choice in those days of pain and grief and she’d never felt the need to regret it…until she’d met James.
‘I’ll be fine,’ she assured him. ‘It’s only a few minutes’ walk away.’
He shook his head. ‘That may be. But the fact remains that I invited you here and it’s up to me to see that you’re safe.’
A lump came up in her throat at his concern and as tears pricked she fought them back lest she make a spectacle of herself. The next moment she was observing him in amazement as he said, ‘Helen always keeps the spare room ready in case of visitors. I would be happier if you stayed the night.’
Lizzie could actually feel her jaw dropping. ‘And what would I do for nightwear?’ she croaked.
‘I can find you a pair of my pyjamas. They’ll be a bit voluminous on you.’ Laughter was in the eyes looking into hers as he added, ‘Better too big than too small, don’t you think?’
‘Err, yes, I suppose so,’ she agreed, ‘and, yes, I will stay if it puts your mind at rest.’ Now it was her turn to be amused. ‘But what about your reputation if Helen finds me on the premises when she turns up in the morning, or Jess when she comes to get the children ready for school?’
‘Their amazement will only be equalled by their relief.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘At finding me with a member of the opposite sex. I don’t know whether you are aware of the fact but the whole village is trying to marry me off.’
‘Is that so? Well, I can assure you that I will be long gone before they arrive.’
‘OK. Whatever,’ he said easily. ‘But I will sleep more soundly knowing that you’re tucked up in the spare room instead of walking home on your own.’
It was only half-true. He would feel happier, but he would also be very much aware that the only woman he’d looked at twice for a long time was sleeping under his roof in a pair of his pyjamas.
When they were about to separate on the landing he said, ‘How long is it since you slept with someone else in the house?’
She gave a rueful smile. ‘A long time. It will be a pleasant feeling knowing that I’m not alone, yet I can’t complain as it has been my own choice.’
He nodded. ‘Sleep well, Lizzie.’ Turning, he went into his own room and closed the door firmly behind him as if to say that was the last she would see of him until morning.
CHAPTER SIX
LIZZIE awoke the next morning to the sound of whispering, and when she opened her eyes Pollyanna and Jolyon were beside the bed in their nightwear, eyes full of solemn curiosity.
As she smiled at them Jolyon asked, ‘Lizzie, why are you wearing Daddy’s pyjamas?’
‘They’re too big,’ Pollyanna pointed out.
‘Er, yes, they are a bit,’ she agreed. ‘Your daddy invited me to supper last night and it was late when we’d finished, so he asked me to stay.’
‘And didn’t you
have a nightie?’ Pollyanna questioned.
‘Not with me, no.’
‘You could have had one of Mummy’s.’
‘I don’t think your daddy would have liked that.’
While they’d been speaking Jolyon had wriggled under the bedclothes and was now snuggled contentedly beside her. Patting the bed at the other side, Lizzie held out her arms to Pollyanna and she didn’t hesitate.
At that moment James called, ‘Children, you are not to disturb Lizzie. It’s Monday morning and Jess will soon be here. Breakfast is ready so, chop, chop, let’s be seeing you at the table.’
Having no response, he was coming up the stairs and as they heard him go into their room the children snuggled out of sight under the bedclothes.
Seconds later he knocked on the door and Lizzie called, ‘Come in, James.’ When he appeared she asked innocently, ‘Can’t you find them?’
She watched his mouth curve with amusement as he observed the small mounds on either side of her, and wondered what it would be like to be kissed by him. For his part James was taking in the vision of his unexpected guest with hair splaying across the pillow minus the plait and the rest of her submerged in his pyjamas.
At that moment the children came whooping out from under the bedclothes with excited cries and he thought that his wish was being granted. The four of them were going to start the day together, but it seemed that the thought was premature as Lizzie was checking the time and saying, ‘I need to get mobile or I’ll be late for the clinic.’
‘Surely you’ve time to have breakfast with us?’
She shook her head. It was a tempting offer, but she didn’t want to be there when Helen and Jess arrived. She needed time to recover her sanity before her working day began, and to do that she needed to be away from James for a while.
Other requirements were that she needed a shower and to get dressed in her uniform when she got back to the cottage. If there was any time left after that she would have some breakfast.
James took the children downstairs and when she was ready to leave, Lizzie stopped in the doorway of the kitchen where they were eating and said, ‘Thanks for your hospitality, James, which I would like to return. Will you and the children have lunch with me at my place next Saturday, if you haven’t got anything arranged?’
‘We don’t have anything arranged, do we, children?’ he asked the twins.
‘No!’ they cried enthusiastically.
Just as he’d known she would, Pollyanna asked, ‘Can I try your blue shoes on, Lizzie?’
‘Yes, of course you can,’ she replied, ‘and what would you like to do when you come to lunch, Jolyon?’
‘I want to see Daisy the cow that you thought was a bull.’
‘I’m not so sure that Lizzie wants to be reminded of that,’ his father said reprovingly.
‘I can see that I’m not going to be allowed to forget it,’ she said good-humouredly, ‘but you can certainly see Daisy if she’s anywhere around, Jolyon. For all we know it might be from her that we get our milk.’ Her glance switched to James. ‘I really must go. I’ll see you later at the practice.’
He was at the worktop, pouring that same milk on to the children’s cereal, and when he looked up there was regret in his eyes.
‘What?’ she asked.
‘Maybe we’ll have breakfast together another time.’
‘Er…yes, maybe we will,’ she said uncertainly, and wondered what the how, why and where of it would be.
As she left Bracken House, Bryan Timmins was coming up the path with the daily delivery of milk that he made to most of the houses in the village, and if he was surprised to see the new community midwife leaving James Bartlett’s house at that time of day, he concealed it well and wished her a civil good morning.
As Lizzie hurried homeward she thought that she should be thankful that it hadn’t been Helen or Jess that she’d met back there. That really would have caused raised eyebrows, yet would it have mattered? There wasn’t going to be anything between James and herself except mutual respect, and on her part a growing affection for his children that he didn’t appear to have any problems with.
He frequently made it clear that he was a one-woman man and until she’d met him she’d felt the same about Richard, but now she was starting to feel that it would be no betrayal of her love for her husband if ever James looked her way.
They’d both known sorrow and had kept faith, but suddenly the ice around her heart was melting because she’d met a country doctor who stood out like a star in a dark sky.
He’d said jokingly that the villagers would like to see him take a new wife, but it had been clear that he had no serious intent on that score, and if he ever did have she couldn’t see him looking in the direction of someone like herself.
From what she knew of him so far, James would want a wife who would love his children like a mother. But first and foremost he needed someone who would love him as a wife, and when it came to passion she’d only ever made love with Richard and that had been so long ago she’d almost forgotten what sleeping with a man was like. Would her blood ever warm again with the heat that came from desire? she wondered.
They arrived at the practice at the same time, not late but with no time to spare, greeted each other briefly, then went their separate ways. And as Lizzie’s day got under way the steady arrival of expectant mothers from Willowmere and the surrounding villages kept her too busy to think about her own concerns.
‘Doesn’t this kind of job make you feel broody?’ Sarah asked when they stopped for lunch.
Lizzie’s expression was serene enough, but she admitted, ‘Yes, it does sometimes, but it also gives me a great feeling of fulfilment when I’ve been there for the mother all through the pregnancy and at the end am there to bring the child safely into the world.’
She knew that Sarah was engaged to be married quite soon and said, ‘I’ll be delighted to do the same for you whenever the time comes.’
It had been said jokingly and Lizzie was surprised to see a warm tide of colour stain Sarah’s cheeks. When she spoke the reason for it was there. ‘I think it might have come already,’ she confessed. ‘I’ve missed two months on the run.’
‘And have you done a pregnancy test?’
‘No. I don’t want to be pregnant before the wedding,’ she wailed. ‘Sam is in the army and when he came on leave before being posted abroad for three months we got carried away on the night before he left.’
‘So why not go to see Ben? He’s a famous paediatric surgeon. Not a gynaecologist, of course, but would be a good guy to see if you feel embarrassed about consulting James.’
‘I’ve told James that I think I could be pregnant and he said if I want to consult him to pop into the surgery, though I think I’d rather go to the chemist,’ Sarah said. ‘But the staff there have known me since I was small and I don’t want it all over the village before I’ve told Sam.’
‘So better to see one of the doctors, then, as they are bound by patient confidentiality,’ Lizzie soothed. ‘They’ll be on their rounds now, but pop into the surgery as soon as Ben or James, if you’d prefer to see him, are back. It’s a pity that Georgina isn’t around. She would be the ideal one to consult, but she’s occupied with her own baby at the moment and it could be a long time before she wants to return to the life of the GP.’
The lunch-break was over, there were a couple of women in the waiting room so it was time to get back. Sarah had to put her possible pregnancy out of her mind until one of the doctors came back from his house calls.
When Sarah came back in the middle of the afternoon after going next door, her expression said it all. There was a mixture of dismay and apprehension in it, but there was also a kind of dawning wonder as she said, ‘I’ve seen Dr Allardyce. James had been called out to an emergency and wasn’t there. Oh, Lizzie, I’m pregnant!‘
‘So what do you think your fiancé and your parents will say when you tell them?’ Lizzie asked.
‘Sam will
be thrilled. We’d planned the wedding for as soon as he comes on leave once his three months out there are up, and by then I’ll be three and a half months pregnant. As for my mum and dad, they’ll be a bit stunned at first but as long as I’m happy about it they won’t mind. They understand how hard it is for Sam and I to be apart for so long.’
‘And are you?’
‘Happy? I will be when I’ve got used to the idea.’
Lizzie was smiling. ‘So shall I book you into the clinic?’
‘Yes, please,’ was the reply, and Sarah went back to her duties with a dazed expression on her face.
‘I haven’t experienced any morning sickness so far,’ she announced when there was a lull between patients in the late afternoon. ‘Do you think I will, Lizzie?’
‘You might not,’ she replied. ‘Though you’ll be lucky if you don’t, but not all pregnant women have to endure it.’
Sarah had gone dashing off home to phone Sam and to tell her parents her news, and Lizzie was on the point of locking up the clinic for the night when James appeared. It was the first time they’d seen each other since arriving that morning, and her spirits lifted.
When she’d gone to the surgery kitchen in the lunch-hour to make a snack he’d been out on his house calls and must have been busy since then as she’d seen nothing of him until now.
She wasn’t to know that after the time they’d spent together over the weekend he was feeling the need to be near her again, to see her, speak to her, but not to touch as that could trigger off events that might be regretted in the cold light of common sense.
‘So how has your day been?’ Lizzie asked, taking in every detail of the tall figure in the smart suit, with the direct blue gaze and kissable mouth. Their glances met, his questioning, hers warm, and she hoped he didn’t think she only wanted to know him because of his children. In other words, that she saw him as a means to an end. The idea was almost laughable. Wasn’t the usual ploy getting to know the children to get to the father?
Country Midwife, Christmas Bride Page 8
