In truth she was just allowing her starved heart a little ease in the company of all three of them, father, son and daughter, that was all. Yet in that moment in the deserted clinic it was only the two of them that mattered, and Lizzie knew that no matter what she said to herself she was on the point of falling for a man who had kept faith for nearly six years since losing his wife. But was he likely to turn to her if he was ready for a new beginning? As her doubts resurfaced, she thought not.
‘My day has been a busy one as always,’ he said easily in reply to the question. ‘Otherwise I might have come across sooner.’
‘Did you want me for something?’ she asked awkwardly, and he wondered what she would say if he told her that he’d come because he hadn’t seen her since the start of their working day and he’d needed to get another glimpse of her before she left for home.
He couldn’t believe what was happening to him. The honey-haired midwife with eyes the colour of violets had originally impressed him with her expertise and devotion to the job, but now she was getting to him in a different way and the last thing he wanted was to be out of control of his feelings.
He was sorry for her, deeply so. To lose a husband and an unborn child at the same time was a ghastly thing to have to live with, and from what he’d seen of Lizzie so far it seemed as if it had turned her spirit inwards because she’d had no one to turn to.
He had been fortunate in that respect as friends and family, in the form of Anna, had rallied around him unstintingly and now here he was, nearly six years on and becoming alive again.
She was waiting for a reply to the question and on the spur of the moment he said, ‘Helen lives at Bracken House during the week so once Polly and Jolly are asleep I’m free to go out if I want to, and I wondered if you would like to go for a stroll by the lake later this evening, and maybe when the light has gone we could have a drink in The Pheasant or a coffee at the Hollyhocks?’
‘Oh, well, yes, that would be nice,’ she replied, trying to conceal her surprise. ‘What time would you want me to be ready?’
‘I’ll call for you at half past seven if that’s all right. It should give us an hour or so of daylight before night falls.’ Turning towards the connecting door that separated the clinic from the surgery, he said with sudden brevity, ‘Bye for now, Lizzie,’ and returned to his own part of the premises.
James was already regretting the idea, she thought when he’d gone, and she wasn’t so sure it was a good thought either, yet she knew she would be ready and waiting for his ring on the doorbell when half past seven came.
He was late and when she opened the door to him his first words were in the form of an explanation. ‘I never leave the house until the children are asleep and they were ages in settling down tonight,’ he said apologetically. ‘Since learning to read they do the bedtime-story bit and I listen, and the one that Jolly had chosen went on for ever, but they caved in at last and are now in dreamland.’
‘You don’t have to explain,’ she told him gently, her doubts about the wisdom of them being alone together forgotten. ‘In any loving family the children must come first by the very fact of them being young and defenceless. Don’t ever feel you have to apologise for loving your children, James.’
There was wistfulness in her voice and it made him want to take hold of her and soothe away the pain, but he wasn’t going to. He could tell that Lizzie wasn’t sure about them spending the evening together, let alone cuddling up to each other, be it innocent or otherwise.
An autumn sun was getting ready to set by the time they reached the lake and as the house that David had renovated to its former splendour came into view James broke the silence that had fallen between them by saying, ‘The newlyweds will be back with us on Monday so we’ll be fully staffed at the surgery once more, which will leave Ben free to pursue his own interests if he wishes.’
Lizzie was only half listening. On the day of the wedding she’d been too wrapped up in the bride and bridegroom to take too much note of the house, but now she was gazing entranced at the elegant dwelling that David had resurrected from local stone and carried the name of Water Meetings House.
James was following her glance and said, ‘The reason David rebuilt this place was because it had been the childhood home of his mother who had died when he was very young. He had never seen it until he came to live in Willowmere. Just a little further along the road is the place where the two rivers that flow through the village meet, hence the name Water Meetings House.’
‘I think I might buy a property when I’ve adjusted to the new job and new surroundings,’ she told him. ‘I’ve been like a piece of flotsam with no fixed abode for the last few years and I’m beginning to feel it is time I put down some roots. I’m committed to renting the cottage for at least six months, but it can take that long for a house sale to go through, so that would be no problem.’
‘No, indeed,’ he agreed absently.
She observed him questioningly, but it seemed as if he had no further comment to make so she concluded that her future plans were of no interest to him, and that she was being a little too hasty in thinking that his suggestion they spend the evening together was for any reason other than his desire to be hospitable.
She might have thought differently if she’d known that the reason for his reticence was because he’d been imagining her making Bracken House her permanent home and had been staggered at the way his thought processes were working.
But as she didn’t, she turned the conversation into safer channels by asking if he knew that Sarah had seen Ben that afternoon and he’d confirmed that she was pregnant.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I saw her as she was leaving and she told me about the baby.’ He was smiling. ‘Young Sarah couldn’t be in a better place to be pregnant. I’m told that there will soon be a wedding coming from that direction which will please Edwina Crabtree and her company of bellringers who officiate at all weddings and funerals in Willowmere.’
They were back in the village and he said, ‘So what is it to be, the pub or the tea rooms…or your place?’
He was sounding her out, she thought. Wary that she might have her eye on the vacant slot in his life. She told him coolly, ‘I can’t see the Hollyhocks being open at this hour, so perhaps just one drink at The Pheasant and then I’ll say goodnight, if you don’t mind.’ She didn’t mention her cottage.
‘No, not at all.’ And where her tone had been cool his was easy as if he wasn’t bothered either way.
They had one drink with little to say to each other and James was about to leave her at the gate of the cottage. This was unreal, Lizzie thought as they faced each other in the autumn twilight.
She didn’t want him to go, yet neither did she want him to stay, because if he did it would be the beginning of something she couldn’t control, and afterwards she would be floundering in all the things she’d avoided so far, such as uncertainty, hope, dismay, all brought about by giving in to the sexual chemistry that was keeping her rooted to the spot instead of bidding him a swift goodnight and hotfooting it inside.
She was about to discover she needn’t have got herself in a state. James was turning, ready to go, and saying, ‘Some time, if you like the idea, I’ll take you along the river bank to where an old water-mill has been turned into a restaurant. That’s if you’re keen to get to know these parts.’
‘Yes, of course I am,’ she told him, and asked James if he was offering to play the tour guide out of politeness rather than anything else. ‘Why don’t we go there next Saturday with Pollyanna and Jolyon after she has tried on the blue shoes and he has seen where Daisy the cow grazes. It would be more interesting for them than having lunch here, with the rooms being so small.’
‘Mmm, we could do that if you like,’ he said in the same easy manner, as he took in the message she was giving out. It was clear that Lizzie didn’t want to be on her own with him. She’d been edgy all the time they’d been together tonight. Was she afraid that his honourable wid
ower reputation was a front for a guy who didn’t miss the chance of a no-strings-attached romp with an available member of the opposite sex when it presented itself?
Thinking that she could at least have invited him in for a drink after giving up his evening for her, she said lamely, ‘You could come in for a coffee, James.’
‘Thanks, but I need to be off,’ he said in a tone that was empty of expression. ‘Although Helen is at Bracken House she doesn’t like to be kept up too late. I’ll see you in the morning, Lizzie. Bye for now.’ Then he was gone, striding past the colourful peace garden on his way back to the life that she was envious of in spite of herself.
What had happened? James was thinking. She’d been so cool and reserved and clearly hadn’t wanted to invite him in for coffee, though it had fitted in with the rest of her reluctance to be alone with him.
Yet when there’d been just the two of them in the clinic at the end of the day he hadn’t been aware of anything like that. There had been a strong feeling of mutual attraction, and if he’d stayed any longer something would have developed between them. But it hadn’t been there during the evening and now he was deciding that it must have been wishful thinking on his part.
Olivia Derringham arrived the next morning with some good news that Lizzie was grateful for, after spending most of the night lying awake and wishing she’d acted less like a nervous virgin while she’d been with James. She’d fallen into a restless sleep eventually and had woken up to grey skies and a heavy downpour.
‘My husband is meeting the leaders of the primary care trust that controls St Gabriel’s next week with regard to a birthing pool,’ Olivia said. ‘The discussion will be about how much will it cost and how important it is in comparison to other much-needed medical facilities.
‘He is going to offer to pay half the cost and that should help to bring about a favourable decision, but he thinks, and so do I, that the trust will want to wait a while to see first how well the clinic works, which could mean some delay. So how does the idea strike you, Lizzie?’
‘I think the fact that it is even going to be considered is incredible, and that His Lordship is very generous indeed to offer to help with the funding of it,’ she said joyfully. ‘I can’t wait to tell James!’
‘Go and do so now,’ Helen said. She glanced at Sarah, who had been looking pensive ever since arriving. ‘We’ll hold the fort for a while, won’t we, Sarah?’
‘Mmm, I suppose so,’ she said listlessly, and on the point of going through to the surgery Lizzie stopped.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked. ‘Have you told Sam and your parents you’re pregnant?’
‘Mum and Dad know and they don’t have any problem with it, but it’s going to be days before I can get in touch with Sam as his troop is out of reach on manoeuvres and likely to be so for some time.’
‘Oh, that’s a shame,’ she sympathised, ‘just when you’re bursting to tell him your exciting news. He might ring you, have you thought of that? And you will be able to tell him then, Sarah. Keep your fingers crossed that he will.’ Hoping she had offered the young receptionist a little crumb of comfort, she went to find James.
When she appeared in the doorway of his consulting room he observed her in surprise. Gone was the reticent woman of the night before. Her eyes were shining, mouth soft with pleasure, and he wondered what had caused such radiance. He’d like to bet it wasn’t the sight of him behind the desk.
‘Lord Derringham is going to approach the hospital trust about a birthing pool,’ she told him jubilantly. ‘Isn’t it wonderful?’
‘It must be if it can make you look like that,’ he said dryly, and watched her delight dwindle.
‘What do you mean?’ she asked stiffly. ‘How would you expect me to look on being told something like that?’
‘Exactly as you did a moment ago,’ he replied coolly, the feeling strong inside him that Lizzie didn’t need a man in her life, she was in love with the job. Which was great, he supposed, and he had no reason to be jealous about that.
But with the feeling of futility that the previous night had left him with he persisted with his downbeat approach to what she’d just told him and said, ‘It is good news, but if you remember when the subject came up before, I said we had to learn to walk before we could run.
‘It is early days to be thinking of something on that scale, we, and you in particular, have to prove ourselves. The clinic has only been open a couple of weeks and though I have every confidence in you, Lizzie, I’m sure the trust will feel as I do that we need to wait a while.’
‘I do realise that,’ she said stiffly, ‘and so do the Derringhams, but I did at least expect some enthusiasm from you on hearing that it is a possibility. I won’t keep you any longer.’ And turning on her heel, she left him to his thoughts. They were not happy ones.
What on earth had possessed him to be such a wet blanket? he wondered sombrely. He was as keen on the idea as Lizzie was, probably even more so as he’d long wanted an improvement in Willowmere’s maternity services.
But seeing her all lit up about the birthing pool, which would cost an arm and a leg if the idea ever got off the ground, had made him question what it would take for him to make her look like that, and he’d been snappy instead of supportive.
He had a patient waiting so couldn’t follow her to apologise, but the first chance he got he was going to say he was sorry. What reason he would give for his abrupt manner he didn’t know, as he was in no position to tell her the truth in the face of her attitude the night before.
When Lizzie returned to the clinic Olivia asked, ‘Well? Was he pleased?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Lizzie told her with the chill of his manner still on her. ‘He seemed preoccupied and also was at great pains to point out that we need to prove our worth first.’
‘And what did you say to that?’ Olivia enquired.
‘That we all know that.’
‘James is a great guy and just as keen as any of us to give pregnant women the best service possible. You must have caught him at an awkward moment. He’ll be right as rain tomorrow, Lizzie, you’ll see.’
‘I hope so,’ she replied.
It mattered a lot that all should be open between them, and if she’d done something wrong she wanted to put it right. He’d made a quick departure the night before when she’d wriggled out of having him and the children for lunch at the cottage and had suggested that she take them to the restaurant that he’d mentioned beside the water-mill instead.
Maybe that was what had made him so unlike the delightful man she could so easily let herself fall in love with, and that was the crux of the matter. She was out of practice when it came to romance…and family matters, never having had a proper family of her own. She thought wistfully how Pollyanna and Jolyon were completely at ease with her and she with them. If only she could be like that with their father…
CHAPTER SEVEN
LIZZIE was called out to an imminent birth in the lunch-hour, leaving one of the practice nurses in charge of the clinic, and as she drove to the market garden on the edge of the village where the Dawson family lived she was hoping that this time it would be a son for Will Dawson and his wife, Melanie.
They already had three daughters and the pregnant mum had told her that if this one wasn’t a boy they were giving up. Lizzie had delivered each of the girls for Melanie when she’d been based at St Gabriel’s, but on this occasion she was only a short distance away when it was time for the birth…
Melanie was strong and healthy and one of those fortunate women who seemed to find childbirth easy, which was often due to the mother’s pelvic measurements, and if everything went to plan she would be up and running soon after the delivery. Putting the washer on and making a meal as if bringing a newborn into the world was all in a day’s work.
Sadly, as Lizzie knew from experience, it wasn’t like that with every pregnant woman, and a recent case came to mind where what she’d been expecting to be a straightforward deli
very had turned into a nightmare of unexpected haemorrhaging immediately after the birth and had nearly been fatal for the mother.
Fortunately the skill of a surgeon had saved her and Lizzie had seen her recently, looking fit and well with a bonny baby in her arms, but it had been a reminder that there was always the chance of something unforeseen happening in the process of giving birth.
There had been no sign of James as she’d driven off the forecourt of the practice and his car hadn’t been there, so she concluded that he was either out on his home visits or having lunch elsewhere, and again she wondered why he’d been so downbeat when she’d mentioned the birthing pool.
Whatever the reason, it had shown her that they were not on each other’s wavelengths as much as she’d thought they were, but maybe it was for the best. How often had she told herself that no relationships meant no heartache, and so far it had proved to be true. But that had been before she’d met a country doctor who was every woman’s dream man.
It was the same as before when she got to the Dawsons’ house. A fast, straightforward delivery for Melanie, but as Lizzie placed the newborn into its mother’s arms there was one difference. It was a boy and from the expression on his parents’ faces they were delighted that their family was now complete.
‘I don’t need to initiate you into the dos and don’ts of breastfeeding, do I, Melanie?’ she said with a smile for the radiant mother when she was ready to depart. ‘But I’ll be calling each day for a while to make sure all is well.’ And off she went, accepting once again that the ache that was mixed with the pleasure of every birth she was involved with was not going to go away.
The afternoon was well gone when Lizzie arrived back at the clinic, and as soon as she presented herself Sarah said, ‘Dr Bartlett was called away earlier. His little boy had a nasty fall in the school playground at lunchtime and he’s taken him to St Gabriel’s for tests as his head hit the concrete really hard when he fell. He rang a few moments ago to ask if you were back and when I said you weren’t he left his mobile number because he wants a quick word about Jolyon.’
Country Midwife, Christmas Bride Page 9
