In the Arms of the Beast

by K. A. Merikan

  Beast was silent for a few moments. “I mean… maybe not immediately after, but it’s not like any of us can nurse. We could leave him in the care of someone experienced for a couple of days.”

  “Who, though? It sounds so risky.” Laurent shook his head. “And taking the egg could be perilous as well.”

  Beast slid his hand off Laurent and once again put it on the steering wheel. “So what… are we not allowed to go away until Marcel is old enough to go with us? Or do you want him to spend every single vacation with us from now on?”

  Laurent frowned, surprised by the sudden change in Beast’s tone. “We can’t make plans when the world might collapse in a matter of months. So what does it matter?”

  “But planning a baby in the face of the Apocalypse makes more sense? Can’t we have a break?”

  “I’ve never had a ‘vacation’ when I worked at the book shop, and yet here I am, alive and well. We won’t die if we don’t take days off,” Laurent said, even though the truth was that he used to detest having to work from dusk until dawn.

  “Maybe, but what does this have to do with anything? This isn’t the nineteenth century, and I want time with my husband,” Beast said, slowing to pass the gate to club grounds.

  “And we will have time. We have many close friends to oversee Marcel from time to time. Is something else the matter? Because you’re agitated for no reason.”

  Beast’s jaw clenched, and he briefly glanced Laurent’s way. “I’m not agitated. Just tired. All I want is some alone time with you. Is that really so unreasonable? Don’t you want that?”

  “Of course I do. Remember that time you took me on a boat? I loved it. I’m just trying to also account for the new responsibilities we might have.” But the conversation was going in circles, so Laurent opted for a change of topic when he spotted a chance for it on the horizon. “Oh, look, is that the delivery truck from Mr. Magpie?”

  Beast sighed. “Might be. He did say something’s coming our way.”

  The silence that continued until they drove up to the huge truck was heavy on Laurent’s shoulders, but the crowd standing by the open back of the vehicle quickly consumed all of his attention. Knight and Joker were laughing so hard the latter stumbled to the asphalt after pointing Laurent’s way.

  Beast left the car first and headed straight toward them. “What’s going on?”

  Laurent was right behind him, desperate not to be left out.

  Knight wiped a tear out of his eye but still bent in half as his body released another bout of laughter. “The prince’s carriage has arrived.”

  Laurent sped up to see what was inside, but the moment he looked into the truck, he just cocked his head, unable to understand what he was seeing. Furniture smothered in golden paint was carefully covered in bubble wrap, endless boxes monogrammed with MM filled every gap, and the confused drivers were in the process of unloading a crib that imitated a tiny carriage, all gold, pearl and intricate carvings worthy of a prince.

  And to add a droplet of even more absurdity, Shadow emerged from the back of the truck hugging a massive, human-sized teddy bear and called out to Gray, who watched it all with a smirk. “Look, it’s taller than you! Isn’t that amazing? What a lucky baby. We should get a decorated bed like that for our room. But bigger, so we can have sex in it!”

  Joker dragged his hands down his tear-stained cheeks. “Beast, you might have to give up your living room and bedroom to the kid if you want to fit it all in.”

  Beast watched in silence, but the twitch in his eyelid told Laurent exactly what he thought. This wasn’t good at all. Laurent hated seeing him so tired or crushed by the magnitude of chores he needed to attend to. He’d deal with this for him.

  Laurent was careful when choosing Magpie’s number on his new phone. He’d once accidentally called their favorite Chinese restaurant, and he had to order something out of embarrassment. He wasn’t in the mood for General Tso’s chicken right now.

  “Good afternoon, Jasper,” Laurent said once Magpie picked up the call, since Beast had told him Magpie wanted to be on a first name basis with them. “I think there’s some kind of misunderstanding.”

  Magpie laughed in apparent delight. “Oh, Laurent? You two couldn’t decide on the interior colors, so I assumed, white, gray, and gold would be the perfect neutrals for Marcel’s chamber. You don’t need to thank me, I thoroughly enjoyed the shopping.”

  Beast looked back at Laurent, and the moment he spotted the phone at his ear, he approached, ignoring the other guys, who kept mocking them without mercy. In fact, more people were on their way, as if whoever arrived here first had alerted the whole clubhouse.

  “Is that him? Put it on speakerphone,” he said, and when he realized Laurent had no idea what he was asking for, he took the smartphone and tapped it. “What were you thinking? Our kid’s room isn’t big enough for all that stuff!”

  Magpie gave a deep sigh. “Then you have clearly not planned things well. Do I have to think about everything? I hope there is still time. I will send a crew of builders to expand your lodgings. Marcel will need the space to play freely.”

  “I don’t think it necessary right now,” Laurent said, but he didn’t want to offend a man of such means. To be fair, he did appreciate the gold coating on the crib and the intricate woodwork of the canopy.

  Beast didn’t censor himself, though. “No. This is our child. Mine and Laurent’s. And we will decide how to decorate his room and what toys to buy him. I thought I made myself clear enough last time.”

  Magpie was silent for a moment, and when he spoke, his tone was a tad higher than usual. “I see.”

  Laurent wished to put out the fire of Beast’s words quickly. The last thing they needed now was to antagonize their benefactor and partner. “But we greatly appreciate all the thought put into the gifts. It’s just that it would be better if you consulted them with us next time.”

  Magpie hung up.

  Laurent ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “Beast. A tad more diplomacy wouldn’t hurt. I too think this is excessive, but there is no need to quarrel with him over such matters when Magpie would make such a good godfather for Marcel.”

  Beast frowned. “Since when are you religious?”

  “Excuse me? I might not be the most pious of men, but the demons we are dealing with should only be more reason to remember God’s existence.”

  “Don’t you think you should have talked to me about this? And if Marcel absolutely needs to be christened, wouldn’t it make more sense to ask one of our actual friends?” Beast asked, pointing toward the group of bikers in time to see Knight throw a barely-clothed Nao over his shoulder and run off for a reason Laurent had missed.

  “First of all, even if you doubt the existence of God, a christening won’t hurt anyone. Is it not better to take the precaution in case you’re mistaken? Secondly, Beast…” Laurent wrapped his arms around Beast and pulled him aside. “Our friends will be there for Marcel either way, but Magpie is a very rich man. If he wants to get involved, it will only be for Marcel’s benefit.”

  Beast scowled, glaring at the piles of boxes the delivery men were tirelessly removing from the truck. “All this is already a headache.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want any of this?” Shadow asked, appearing right next to them out of nowhere.

  Gray followed him at a leisurely pace, no longer bothered by anything, including the forthcoming end of times. Laurent thought his attitude was short-sighted, considering that Baal’s coming would wipe them all out of existence, but he had other things to deal with. Namely, Beast’s stubbornness.

  “Of course we don’t want any of this. My kid won’t be raised as some kind of rich wuss!” Beast snarled.

  Laurent was taken aback, unsure of how to interpret the words. “A good income is the key to the pursuit of freedom.”

  Shadow wasn’t listening of course, too occupied with the delivery men. They were carrying a delicate-looking desk down the ramp at the back of
the truck when he walked up to them and took the piece of furniture out of their hands. “I’ll take this one then.” He put the desk on one arm and jumped off the ramp, approaching Gray with a smile. “We can put it in the gym and use it for free weights.”

  Gray snorted, covering his face with one hand. “It’s too delicate. Are you sure you don’t want something for our room?”

  “Not the crib, please,” Laurent said. “I do find it rather charming.”

  Beast inhaled loudly and glared at him. “Oh, so you’ll just accept all this? You give that monster a finger, he’ll want your whole hand!”

  Laurent bit his lip. He wasn’t greedy, just… practical. “There’s no reason to refuse a hand extended in friendship. He has no family to call his own.”

  “And that surprises you?” Beast asked, dismissing Shadow, who singlehandedly carried a large cupboard with carvings of knights out of the truck.

  “I want this one. Could I have this one, please?” he asked with the joy of a child tasting candy for the first time. Beast waved his hand in dismissal, and Laurent had to watch the precious cupboard leave their possession.

  “I suppose not. But maybe becoming a godfather could change him for the better.” Laurent pulled on Beast’s hand. “How about we go to our apartment and see which item could fit in the baby’s room?”

  Beast exhaled and gestured toward Knight, who at last put Nao down and approached them with a wide grin. “Need help with painting the walls pink?”

  Beast was having none of that. “Not in the mood right now. Can you have this moved into one room? We’ll think what to do with all that crap once we see all of it.”

  Knight shrugged but winked at Laurent before going off to chat with the delivery men.

  “Can we have the desk, or are you gonna think about that too?” Gray said, petting Shadow’s broad back, as if all this was acceptable to him.

  Beast glanced at the piece of furniture and nodded begrudgingly. “Yeah, sure, take it. It’s gonna go well with your minimalist room.”

  Gray shrugged and leaned against Shadow’s body, playing with a strand of long black hair that happened to nudge his hand. “I don’t live on my own anymore. I think Shadow should feel it’s his space too. It’s all about compromise.”

  Beast huffed, his face reddening. “You’re gonna teach me about compromise? Seriously? Take the goddamned desk and go!”

  Gray wasn’t bothered by the outburst, and left with a smiley Shadow and two pieces of expensive furniture.

  Laurent took a few seconds to come up with something to say. “Is it the gold that bothers you so much?”

  He followed Beast back to the car, and since they were only driving to the garage, he chose not to buckle his seatbelt. Beast had veins bulging on his forehead when he switched on the engine and sped away from the truck so rapidly Laurent stiffened, holding onto the seat.

  “It’s everything. This whole thing is too much to handle right now. We should have other priorities,” Beast growled as he drove along the building.

  Laurent shook his head, done with pandering to his husband’s anger. “We can’t close our eyes and pretend it’s not happening.”

  “Meaning what exactly?” Beast asked, parking the car in his space directly across from the garage door.

  “What is the point of worrying about impending doom all day if there’s nothing we can do right now?” Laurent opened the door as soon as the car stopped and was glad to feel the steadiness of the cement floor. “Might as well consider how to organize Marcel’s room, or how he should call each of us. Because we can’t both be ‘father’.”

  Beast burst out of the vehicle as if he couldn’t stand the dense atmosphere inside it either. His body language was so combative Laurent would have feared him if he didn’t know better. “Laurent, wake up! We are facing the end of the world, and you’re wondering what a kid who might not even hatch should call us? You shouldn’t have forced me into this!”

  Laurent stared at Beast over the hood of the car, frozen like Lot’s wife after she’d looked at the destruction of Sodom. He could practically feel salt on his lips. “What is your meaning?”

  Beast scoffed. “Isn’t it obvious? Have you seen Nick lately? That’s the kind of danger we’re up against! And what happened to him is nothing in comparison to what’s coming for all of us,” he said with a face so twisted that for once he did remind Laurent of a demon.

  Laurent frowned. “So we should stop living even though these could be the last months of our lives? When the ground underneath your feet opens, do you want to look back on your life and realize that you died long before?”

  Beast spread his arms. “I’d have spent those months with you. And now… you brought this child into our lives without asking me beforehand. Just put me on the spot. We’ve been together for less than a year. I haven’t even considered any of this.”

  Laurent squinted, unsure if he was hearing this right. “You are thirty-three years old and you haven’t thought whether you want a child or not?” He opened the back of the car, suddenly desperate to feel Marcel’s weight in his arms.

  “No! I never felt like I wanted to have kids. Maybe you should have actually talked to me about it instead of making all those major decisions on your own. You even named him without asking for my opinion!”

  Logically, Laurent understood most of what Beast was saying, but all he could hear was that Beast didn’t want a family with him. That he didn’t care for the son they had created together, and just went along with it for… for what?

  Laurent unbuckled the new backpack, and pulled it out of the car. Shattered on the inside, he was struggling with pain that prevented him from thinking clearly. “You should have said so! Stated it plainly in front of Magpie!”

  Beast’s face turned into a toothy mask. “I tried, but then you said it’s the only chance… and I wanted to make you happy. I didn’t have time to think it through at all!”

  The ache in Laurent’s heart was so much more intense than he could have ever expected. He wanted a son. He’d lost touch with his family so many years ago, after they’d given him away. And the man who’d taken him under his wing? No matter what Mr. Barnave had sometimes said, he’d never treated Laurent like his flesh and blood. Was it that strange to want a connection that ran deeper than the company of his husband and friends?

  “This is not a topic up for discussion,” Laurent said through clenched teeth. “Marcel is staying with me, even if I have to raise him myself. You think me incapable? Just you watch me! And as I will raise our son the best I can, feel free to party and indulge in debauchery until you’re old and gray!”

  Beast’s features faltered. “What? Laurent, what the hell are you talking about? This is ridiculous.”

  “It is not! You just told me you don’t want our child!” Laurent blinked back the memories of his father signing a contract with Mr. Barnave and selling him. Times had been tough, but no father should do such a thing to their child.

  Beast snarled. “So that’s how it is? I’m less important to you than a baby you haven’t even seen yet?”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. But how could I expect otherwise if you don’t understand how it feels to want to be a father.” Laurent shook his head and fastened the backpack with an extra strap over his chest. “I pity you.” He turned around and wouldn’t look back to avoid Beast seeing the tears flooding his eyes.

  He half-expected to hear Beast follow him, but the clever retorts or refusals to accept an apology gradually dispersed from his head when it became clear the distance between Laurent and his husband grew with each step he took. There were so many things he could have said to him in response to such hurtful words, but each and every one of them had tapered edges. Each one was useless in the face of Beast’s betrayal.

  For a moment, he believed that the cry of a baby was the product of his wounded imagination, but when he stood in the middle of a corridor and listened, he knew the sound was real.

&n
bsp; As if in a daydream, he followed the sunlit corridor toward the noise. The bright rays stabbed his eyes, coloring his vision a rusty shade, but he continued, hypnotized by the cries.

  They led him to an open room with a broken plastic chair in the entrance. Laurent stilled, watching a slender shadow move back and forth over the resin floor, but when he took a final step and peeked inside the empty chamber a young woman looked up at him from above a blue bundle of fabric wrapped around a baby.

  She wore velvety tracksuit pants and a tight T-shirt, but with her lush dark hair pinned loosely on her head creating a halo effect, she was like an entity from a distant world who appeared here to assist Laurent with her wisdom.

  Marcel suddenly felt heavier, and no matter how long Laurent stared at the scrunched face of the baby cradled against the woman’s chest, he could see why Beast had pointed out the size of the egg earlier. Her child was tiny. Tiny, and it had already been born.

  “E-excuse me, but who are you?” he asked, stepping into the room. For all he knew, the woman could be yet another menacing apparition. One could never be too careful in this godforsaken place.

  She frowned, and her eyes almost disappeared in the puffiness under them. “I could ask the same thing, but I’m guessing you might be Beast’s boyfriend.”

  “Husband.” But then he remembered he wasn’t even sure anymore with the way things had just unfolded, and added, “it’s complicated.”

  The woman smiled, rocking the baby in her arms. “I’m Lana. Travis told me about you. I could tell it was you from the accent.”

  “Travis? As in Knight? Are you friends?” Because he sure hoped this wasn’t Knight’s illicit child. Elliot wouldn’t take kindly to that kind of thing.