Samantha Sharp Chronicles 2

by C C Roth

  “Hey, what’s up bro?” I grabbed an empty chair and scooted it over, ignoring the pain in my back as I sat down.

  “Nothing, just wondering.”

  “About what?”

  “Stuff.”

  “Sounds deep. I should probably leave you alone with all that.”

  “Shut up. You’re not the only person who has things to worry about, Sam.”

  “I’m just the only crazy one, right?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t want to get into this with you.”

  “Me either. I just thought maybe you should look at this. I took it and it occurred to me that maybe you’d want it too.”

  I held out Mom’s black leather book.

  “What is it?”

  “It was Mom’s journal. She said she had boxes of them back home in the basement. I just thought you’d like to read it. It’s not easy but it’s better than not knowing.”

  He reached over and took it from me slowly, like he was afraid it might break or something.

  “Don’t worry, she actually did think you were perfect so no surprises in there for you.”

  He almost smiled, “She never thought that. She loved you, Sam. You’re just…”

  “Not an easy person to love. Yeah, I’m starting to get that.”

  “Good. It’s about time.”

  “There’s parts of it that just don’t make sense, though. Almost like she was making things up. Here,” I flipped it open to one of the pages where she talked about a fake vacation and sat while Mike read the entry.

  His brow furrowed, “Yeah, that’s weird. That never happened. Hang on, let me read a few more.”

  “Well that’s not the weirdest part. She keeps mentioning R. and I have no clue who she’s talking about.”

  I sat while he flipped through page after page, scowling as he digested every entry.

  “Do you think she was having an affair? Do think that’s who R. is? I mean Dad was perfect, I can’t imagine her ever cheating on him but, maybe?”

  He huffed a little. “Dad wasn’t perfect, Sam. No one is. And yes, she could have been having an affair but I’m guessing it’s more likely that R. is someone from work. And not her insurance job or else she’d just use a name. It has to be someone from the CIA. Maybe that’s why some of the entries don’t make sense. It could be that it’s a code, to leave a message for this R. person.”

  “Do you think we could find them?”

  “No. I don’t think we’d have a chance in hell. I’m guessing if someone she worked with needed to be identified by only one initial then they’re not going to be tweeting their current location for us. Why would you want to find them?”

  “Dunno. I just thought, maybe…I thought if some of the things she wrote in here were fake, as in a code like you said, then maybe it’s all fake. Maybe she didn’t really think of me that way. Like when she wrote about being frightened of me.”

  He sighed and punched my arm, “Hey, stop. What good does it do to sit around thinking about that? It doesn’t change anything. If anything, it makes it worse. She’s gone and she did her best. End of story.”

  “Why didn’t they ever talk to me? About how I’m different. Why did they try to keep it from me?”

  “When you were little Mom made me promise that I would look out for you. You’ve always been…” he searched for a word that wouldn’t send me into a tailspin.

  “Difficult?” I offered.

  “That works, yeah difficult. In school it was kind of my job to keep an eye on you, but it was easier then. I’m not about to quit on you now just cause the world went to crap. But this thing with Mitchell has to go one of two ways. Mom and Dad would want us to stick together, you know they would. I know you’re upset with Mom still and that’s okay but…you have to try. You have to try and not let this part of you take over completely. You’re a rockstar when you’re not being a huge pain in the ass.”

  I laughed, “Right.”

  “Mom and Dad made me swear not to talk about it with you.”

  “They didn’t want to treat me differently.”

  “No, they didn’t. And they tried not to.”

  “Maybe they should have. What…” I could feel creepy emotions swirling around, making me nervous to ask the question I already knew the answer to. “What did they say is wrong with me?”

  He turned to face me. “Nothing is wrong with you.”

  “That’s not true,” my cold friend was speaking for me again.

  “Mom and Dad said that sometimes you would probably jump without thinking and that I should be there to help you out when you got in trouble.”

  “Not if, they said when.”

  “Well, yeah. I mean it’s not like you have the cleanest track record, Sam. You’ve done plenty of messed up stuff, I mean even before Avian-X. Remember when you started a fight with that Senior at school? Ava? She was three times your size. You can’t tell me that was well thought out.”

  I chuckled a little. “No, it wasn’t. And you stepped in right before she pummeled me.”

  “Yeah, and I always will. That’s just my job. I just wish sometimes you’d make my job a little easier.”

  I nodded and felt a ball of emotions strangling my throat as it rose up from the empty pit in my stomach. “I’m sorry I make everything harder for you. I don’t mean to.”

  He threw an arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. “I’m lucky to have you as my sister and you don’t make everything harder. Just most things.”

  That earned him an elbow to the ribs. “I’ll do better, I will.”

  Liar.

  “Look, I’ve got your back. I do. But I need something from you if we’re going to do this. I need you to make a promise.”

  “What? Like a blood-oath or something?”

  “No, nerd we already have the same blood anyway. I need you to promise that this is it. After this we go home. Things are finally heading in the right direction. The electricity will be up, people will start moving back into cities, there’s going to be an election. We need to go back to normal. Can you promise me that we’ll go home?”

  Shit. Over my dead body.

  I rubbed my hands together. Normal? Was he joking? He was willing to run into a shitstorm with me and all he wanted was a promise that the rest of my life would go back to basic. Ugh. I didn’t want to be boring again. I didn’t want the old normal, day to day anymore. I’d gotten a taste of something better. But he was risking a lot and had always risked a lot for me. I could at least give him this.

  Dammit.

  “Fine, yeah, okay. We’ll go home.”

  It was enough. Whether he believed me or not hearing it out loud was enough.

  He nodded and gave me another punch. “And lighten up on Karina, she’s not so bad.”

  “She’s awful and I will not lighten up.”

  “Whatever. Go hang out, try not to kill Wyatt. Talk to someone about normal stuff for a change.”

  “I don’t do normal.”

  “No kidding? I hadn’t noticed.”

  I stood slowly, trying to avoid getting dizzy.

  “One more thing. You do this for you, not for Mitchell. I still don’t trust him. I don’t care how much good he’s done or what everyone says about him, something is off. The way he looks at you, like you’re a new shiny toy. Don’t let him get in your head and mess you up. Don’t let him turn you into his own personal monster.”

  “Oh, come on. Seriously?”

  “I mean it, Sam. Don’t let him do this to you.”

  I nodded, it was the only thing I could do. I had no interest in being anyone’s personal “monster,” but Mike just couldn’t see things the way I could. Mitchell wasn’t that guy. He was trying everything in his power to prevent that guy from winning the upcoming election. In a few days Mike would figure it out, he’d see Mitchell for who he really was. And even though we’d be gone soon, we’d be able to say we helped Mitchell Anderson once, before he was president.

  “Hey. Y
ou miss her?” he asked suddenly, lifting up the journal.

  “Yes.”

  “Then that’s it, that’s all that matters. Stop torturing yourself wondering how things could have been different. This is what we have.”

  “Geez, you sound like me.”

  He laughed, “Yeah, we’ve been spending too much time together.”

  “Okay, I’m going.”

  “Sam? Thanks for the journal.”

  “Sure. Thanks for…everything.”

  ────♦────

  I was lying on my bed running through scenarios about how our assault on Quantum would go tomorrow night. Like a child on Christmas Eve, I could feel the tension building and I knew I would struggle sleeping that night. Concussion or not, I was going in. I’d already lied about feeling better and I figured with enough pain meds and adrenaline, I’d be able to power through. I pulled out Noah’s picture and found myself staring at his eyes wondering if he’d be alive when we found him. Everything would be changing after tomorrow, and I didn’t want it to. My cold friend was satisfied with a life of chaos and violence. I didn’t know what I was going to do about promising Mike I’d go home. He needed normalcy which meant he would need to leave me eventually, but the guilt of abandoning me would eat him alive. Maybe it would be better if I left, more humane. If I just disappeared, then he wouldn’t have to hate himself.

  So, there I lay, fiddling with Noah’s photo and questioning the meaning of life. His smile was forced, the kind you make on picture day so your mom will be happy. I wondered if we’d find him tomorrow or if too much time had gone by and he was already rotting in the ground somewhere. I hoped not, a part of me thought I’d like to see what his real smile was like. Were his eyes really that blue?

  “Hey, Norman Bates. Whatcha doing?” Navin flopped on the bed next to me.

  “Who’s Norman Bates? Where do you get these names anyway?”

  He smiled like he always did at my ignorance. “Oh, you know, just the world. Normal people stuff. So, what are you doing? Why aren’t you down at dinner?”

  I rolled on my side to face him and shrugged. “Dunno. Just thinking.”

  “Yikes. What’s that like? Don’t do that you might hurt yourself.”

  He got a chuckle out of me which seemed to make him proud. He nodded to the photo in my hand. “You making eyes at your boyfriend again? You know it’s not going to change no matter how many times you look at it, right?”

  “Shut up, I’m just, curious about him. That’s all. I wonder what his parents feel like with him gone.”

  “I hope we find him. So you can stop staring at his face.” He tickled my side a little and I dropped the picture on the ground.

  “You know you sound sort of jealous… of a photo.”

  His tone turned serious again. “Sam? I uh, I sort of wanted to talk to you.”

  “Well you’re off to a good start. About what?”

  “Well, we might die tomorrow.”

  “Yep, probably.”

  “I was wondering about something.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well…”

  “God, what? Just ask,” I snapped. Navin never had this much trouble talking. He shifted his weight on the bed and cast his eyes down looking nervous. He was acting super weird.

  “It’s just…you know…you’ve never even asked me about my family. And you’re the only one who hasn’t. Everyone else has asked and told me their stories about the X outbreak, but not you. It’s sort of been bothering me but, I don’t know, it’s sort of a relief too. I was just wondering why, I guess.”

  His face was intense, and his dark eyes were staring me head on waiting for my response.

  “It’s because I already know what happened. If they weren’t dead, you wouldn’t be here.”

  He cast his head down to hide his face for a moment, his eyes glistening.

  Oh god, he’s going to emote all over us.

  The memory playing in his head was painful and I could see him struggling with it. He needed comfort which meant he needed someone other than me. But I was getting pretty good at faking it. I rubbed a hand over his cheek, as he had done for me once.

  “We’ve all lost, Navin. I don’t think there’s anyone left who hasn’t. Do you? Maybe in a way we’re lucky because we only have ourselves to worry about. I don’t have the fear that comes with caring about someone like that anymore. And I don’t cry anymore, I know that much. It’s all just… frozen.”

  He turned to look at me again. “You don’t feel anything, do you?”

  “Just the cold. A cold empty space inside my middle where I used to keep everything else.”

  “Would you care if something happened to me, Sam? If I died tomorrow would it mean anything to you?”

  This was what he’d really wanted to ask, what he was having trouble getting out. I didn’t know how to respond. My cold friend was answering no but some other part of me didn’t want to hurt him or maybe I just didn’t want to explain anymore. So, I mustered up my best empathetic impersonation and held his gaze.

  “Of course, I’d care. I need you. You said so yourself, remember? You were right. I need you.”

  Liar.

  He pretended to believe me, and I let him. He nodded and for the moment seemed to feel better. I guess sometimes we just need to know that someone cares about us in some small way. Maybe for most people it’s too depressing to think it wouldn’t cause a ripple in anyone’s day if we dropped dead.

  He gave me a soft kiss, tender and sweet, and I melted just a little into his warmth. My body sent an alarm to my brain telling me we were alone in a bed together and my brain’s response was to pull him closer. The closer we came the further all the rest of it seemed to be. All the death, the loss, the emptiness…for a moment it was lifetimes away from us.

  His hands slid easily around me and pulled me in, sending a shockwave through me. His kisses turned full and heavy as if they would envelope me completely until there was nothing between us but our own desperate breaths of wanting. Once again, my body no longer belonged to me as it moved against his. Just when I felt like I might blackout from adrenaline or rip his clothes off, we heard a thundering of footsteps running up the stairs. Dinner was over and the troops were moving out. In a moment we would be interrupted.

  I trembled a little as I pulled away to sit up, immediately feeling cold and lost without his warmth.

  “Sam, if I told you I loved you, would you feel it? I mean, do think you could love me? I’m just asking for future reference.”

  I turned to meet his eyes, the tiny little flecks of gold sparkling with desire. “Do you want me to be honest?”

  “Yes.”

  “I have no idea. I think I’d want to feel it though. But that wouldn’t be enough for you, would it?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe it would.” He searched my face, looking for someone that wasn’t there.

  A hurricane of giggling could be heard from down the hall as people made their way back from dinner.

  “We should probably get out of bed, right?” I asked, hoping he’d say no.

  “Yeah, c’mon. Let’s go eat something before it’s all gone.”

  He hopped up holding out his hand for me and I took it without hesitation. For just a heartbeat we stood hand in hand and toe to toe, his lips only inches from my own. He wanted me to tell him I loved him or hated him or felt anything that made sense…but I couldn’t. We both knew it. He looked down at me for just one second more, wanting to hear something I could never give him. Poor Navin. It seemed such a loss to waste your love on someone who could never return it.

  9 Shattered

  The day was on us and I was amped, my cold friend buzzing in my ears all morning eager to be set free. Having cleared the air with Mike I didn’t have that nagging load on my conscience as I made my plans to assassinate Ross. Yes, I was doing it behind Mike’s back and against his wishes, but Mitchell’s logic had taken hold. If Mike wanted “normal” this was how we
would get it. Mitchell and I had everything laid out. Waiting for the night to come was excruciating. We would load up after dinner and head to the lab as the sun was setting, just as we did during the dry run, using the dark of night as our cover. Sneak in, sneak out, no fuss. Except something was going to go wrong because how could it not? I’d assured the guys a dozen times not to worry but I knew full well there was plenty to worry about. It was a building full of armed military forces trained to keep us out or subdue us on sight. There was going to be trouble…and I was giddy with anticipation.

  Mitchell saw us off like a proud General sending his army into battle. We said our goodbyes in front of the rainbow house and confirmed, for the 20th time, we would not return for 48 hours. He and Karina hugged goodbye, and he gave her all the sweet, fatherly reassurances she so badly craved. And when he looked at her, I saw genuine love in his eyes. That was his power, that was what moved people. His extraordinary ability to see and immediately fill a person’s most vulnerable needs. It was also what was so addicting.

  The drive was the same except for the silence. No small talk on game day, only focus and quietly jittering nerves. Everyone was wound up and it showed as I took stock of our crew in the truck. Mike rode with me and Navin this time. Whether it was to show his loyalty or keep a closer eye on me I don’t know, but it put Karina in an epic funk. What did she expect though? Mike was loyal to the core and you couldn’t choose a girl over family, no matter what she looked like. He gave me his grin, his signature “I got your back” grin, and I knew we’d be alright after all. When the night was over this would be it, we’d be heading home for real. Would our house be the same? Would Navin come with us? How the hell would that work? I couldn’t think about it in that moment, there were too many possibilities. But the one certainty was that Mike and I were good, and we’d keep what was left of our family together. And who knew, maybe after Quantum I’d be satisfied. After Ross died maybe the darkest part of me would be silent again and I could go back to a normal life. Maybe.

  Probably not.