Ruined by Shadows

by Lola StVil

  “What did Atlas think had happened?”

  “She… she thought Sadie was gone, Kane. We all did. I don’t know what’s happening. I can’t understand it.”

  “That’s what was bothering her back in the Land of Lost Souls. What she wouldn’t tell me about until we were home.”

  Sadie and Atlas have broken apart, but Atlas still hasn’t torn her eyes away from Sadie.

  “I thought I’d lost you. And it was only then I realized how much I still need you. How much I love you. How awful is that?”

  “It’s not awful at all. It’s human nature. I can only apologize for what you had to go through, but at least something good has come out of it.” Sadie smiles.

  She looks up at the rest of us.

  “I guess you’re all wondering what happened, so rather than tell the story over and over again, why don’t we all sit down and I’ll tell you all at once.”

  Everyone takes seats. Pest and Rachel sit so close together that they’re almost one. Rachel looks at Pest with such adoration it makes me want to barf. Maybe I misjudged her. Maybe Atlas was right, and she was just a girl with a crush. She sure seems into him. She can’t be that good at acting, can she? And why would she even bother stringing him along? I mean he’s well off, but he’s not like billionaire rich or anything.

  Sadie starts talking, and I shift my attention to her.

  “I’m sorry again that I put you all through that and made you all think I was gone, but for this to work, it had to look real. Your reactions had to be real.”

  “For what to work?” I ask.

  Her statement seems to clear up some of the confusion for the others, but for me, it just raises more questions. I’m probably going to have to get used to that until I get all caught up on what I’ve missed.

  “Atlas had to go to Marianna to get the location of the gate to the Land of Lost Souls,” Sadie explains. “You know Marianna, right?”

  I nod.

  “Only too well. Her prices are never fair.”

  “Exactly,” Sadie says. “But we had no other choice. To cut a long story short, the price was delivering the soul of an innocent man, one of Marianna’s prisoners, to the Land of Lost Souls.”

  I wince. I know how much agreeing to that must have hurt Atlas, and once more I’m reminded that she only had to feel that pain because of me.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper to Atlas.

  “It’s okay. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat to get you back,” she whispers back.

  “Atlas was willing to pay any price to get you back, Kane. We all were, but I couldn’t let her live with the guilt of handing over an innocent man against his will. And let you live with the guilt of thinking it was all your fault she was guilty.

  “My original plan was to do what you saw: to hand myself over in his place. I knew it would still hurt Atlas, but I figured it would be better to know someone had gone voluntarily.

  “I stumbled across an ancient spell. One that is rarely used because it needs a shit ton of Erinyes snake venom. But you’d just given me a large batch of just that, and I had everything else I needed. I made a potion called Geminos. It allows you to create a doppelganger of yourself who will look and act exactly the same as you do, but it’s just an illusion. It’s not really a part of you. And I sent that in my place. I wonder what the hooded guys will do when they discover I sent them a sophisticated shadow with no soul.”

  I feel myself smile.

  “You’re a genius, Mom,” I say.

  She shrugs. “I just know magic. I’m nothing special.”

  “Yes, you are,” Perry says. “Not many people would have even known that existed let alone been able to pull it off.”

  “That’s why you told me not to tell Kane until we were back at the loft, isn’t it?” Atlas said. “I thought it was because you thought he’d lose it.”

  “If it all went wrong, I thought it would be good to have you all back here before you had to deal with losing me. After being in that place, you know what it can do to a person. How it can suck out the joy from you and leave you feeling so despairing. I was worried it would affect Kane, whereas back here, he would understand the sacrifice I made was born of love. And of course, if it worked out, I knew I’d be here to greet you all and Kane would never have to experience the pain of thinking I had died for him.”

  “It’s why you wanted to be the one to open the portal as well, isn’t it?” Langston adds. “You knew you wouldn’t have time to let us get far enough away that we wouldn’t notice another one opening, so you used one you could keep open and step through the second we disappeared through the gate.”

  Sadie smiles and nods. “Something like that.” She winks.

  “Do all of your friends trick you like this, Atlas?” Rachel laughs. “Because that was one hell of a stunt. I’m impressed.”

  “Nah,” Perry says. “The rest of us are still dumb enough to try and talk sense into Atlas. Sadie is in a league of her own.”

  “Hey, I’m sitting right here, you know,” Atlas says to Perry.

  He feigns innocence. “It was us I said were dumb, not you.”

  “Whatever.” Atlas laughs.

  It’s so good to hear her laughing again. I think out of everything, it was her laugh I missed the most. The team begins chatting amongst themselves, the mood light. We’ve scored a victory today, and I’d love to sit right here, with Atlas’ thigh touching mine for as long as she wants to sit here, but I remember I wanted to talk to Pest about Rachel, and I decide to do it now. The longer I leave it, the more it will eat at me.

  Pest is a sensible guy, and if he tells me he’s known Rachel for a long time, and she’s sound, then I’ll trust his judgment and Atlas’s judgment and accept that she’s alright and I’m paranoid.

  I stand up and head for the kitchen.

  “Hey, Pest, you got a minute?” I say.

  “Sure,” he replies.

  He kisses Rachel, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. We’re going into the kitchen, not to fucking Mars. I enter the kitchen and stand with my butt resting on the edge of the sink. Pest isn’t far behind me.

  “It’s so good to have you back, Kane,” Pest says. “And from a purely selfish point of view, I’m glad that of all the bars you could have gone to, you went to the one Rachel was in and brought her into my life.”

  “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” I say.

  “It is? Do you want to congratulate me on scoring a girl like her? I mean, I know it’s early days yet, but I really think I’m falling for her, Kane.”

  “You do?” I say.

  I know I’ll have to tread lightly. I remember what Pest was like when he got himself all obsessed with my mom. I hope he isn’t going to get his heart broken here, but I don’t want to bulldoze over him and get his defenses up either.

  “How well do you know her?”

  He smiles. “About as well as you knew Atlas when you decided to ignore your role as the Keysu and help her.”

  Okay, he’s got me there.

  “So tell me about her then. Don’t be shy,” I urge him.

  “Well, I don’t need to tell you she’s beautiful and brave, right? She’s funny too. And intelligent, which is important to me. And she listens to me, Kane. Like really listens to me. Not like you and the others do when you pretend to listen to me babbling about my discoveries or my research. She actually takes it in without her eyes glazing over. And she asks questions.”

  “What sort of questions?” I ask.

  “The sort that you would maybe ask if you ever really listened. Kane, what’s going on here? This doesn’t feel like you being happy for me. It feels like you’re quizzing me, and I don’t like it. So tell me the truth. You don’t like her, do you?”

  “It’s not that, Pest. I don’t know her well enough to know whether I like her or not. And that’s my point. Neither do you. What do you know about her other than what you’ve just said?”

  “Isn’t she’s
intelligent, funny, and gorgeous enough? Do you want me to tell you she’s good in bed too?”

  “No,” I exclaim. “What’s gotten into you? I mean, what do you know about her past?”

  “Not much,” Pest admits. “We haven’t really talked about it. I know she’s one of Carla’s tribe, and yeah, that’s about it. But the past doesn’t matter. It’s the future that matters. Right?”

  I know I should just agree with him and be happy for him that he’s found someone he’s so clearly into, but that wouldn’t be right. Friends don’t lie to each other, and before I met Atlas and the team, Pest was my only real friend. And that’s not something I can just forget. I have to warn him even though he might not like it.

  “Yes, it’s the future that matters. But there’s something off about her, Pest. Something… I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it. But I don’t want to see you get hurt, so just promise me you’ll be careful and not rush into anything, okay?”

  “I knew it,” Pest says quietly.

  “What, you felt something was off too?” I ask.

  “No, you idiot. I mean I knew you’d try to put a downer on this. I knew you wouldn’t be able to stand to see me happy, so you’d try to ruin this,” he shouts.

  “Keep your voice down,” I say.

  “Don’t tell me what to fucking do,” he says, but his tone is lower. “Why don’t you want me to be happy, Kane?”

  “I do want you to be happy,” I say.

  “Bullshit. I liked Sadie, and you weren’t happy about that.”

  “Okay, come on. She’s my mom, for fuck’s sake. Who would be happy about their best friend hooking up with their mom? And it was totally one-sided, and you know it. So yeah, I chased you off. Sue me.”

  “You know I could believe that if you weren’t pulling the same shit again with Rachel,” he replies.

  “I’m not pulling anything. I’m just trying to look out for you.”

  “Look out for yourself is more like it,” Pest sneers.

  I am starting to get angry now.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I demand.

  “You can’t bear the thought of me being happy with someone, because then you won’t have a safety net, will you?”

  “Okay, you lost me,” I say. “But you better lose the tone, Pest. I’m not in the mood for it.”

  “Yeah? Well, I wasn’t in the mood for this either. I was pleased to have you back, and then you start with the jealousy.”

  “Jealousy? Are you fucking kidding me? You think I’m not happy with Atlas?”

  “That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” he snaps.

  “No. I don’t know it. I have no idea what you’re talking about. I came here to tell you to watch your back, and you turn on me this way.”

  “You came in here to make me doubt my relationship with Rachel.”

  I can’t help snorting out a laugh.

  “Relationship my ass. You’ve known her for five minutes.”

  “And they were the best five minutes of my life. So don’t think you can waltz in here and ruin it so you have me as your fallback plan when it all falls apart with Atlas.”

  “And what makes you think that will happen?”

  “Because one day she’ll wake up and see you for who you really are. And when that happens, she’ll walk away from you.”

  I feel anger encompass me, squeezing me, forcing me to act. How could he say that? After everything we’ve been through together, knowing that Atlas seeing me for who I really am and leaving me is my biggest fear, how could he use those words like a weapon?

  I take a step towards him, my hands clenched into fists by my sides.

  “What the fuck did you just say to me?” I demand.

  He looks a little flustered, but not like he regrets his words.

  “Kane, I…” Pest starts.

  That’s as far as he gets before the door bursts open and Langston sticks her head in.

  “Can you give us a minute please, Langston?” I say through gritted teeth.

  She shakes her head.

  “I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but I’m sorry, I can’t. The Golden Cube has just appeared.”

  In an intense rush, all the anger drains out of my body, replaced with a knot of dread so tight I think it might literally tear me apart. I already know what the object is, of course, but I figured we’d have more time to come up with a solution to help Atlas.

  I slam my fist into the kitchen wall, and Langston flinches. Pest has already taken his chance and left us.

  “Fuuuuuck,” I shout. “I should have been here, helping her, finding a way out of this for her, and instead I was off having a fucking pity party for myself.”

  “Just stop with the melodrama, okay?” Langston says.

  I don’t know what I was expecting her to say, but it certainly wasn’t that.

  “What?” I say.

  “You heard me. I get why you’re upset you weren’t here, but you’re here now. So instead of standing in here punching things and blaming yourself, why don’t you get in there and support Atlas now when she needs you the most?”

  I nod, not meeting Langston’s eye.

  “Yeah. You’re right,” I say gruffly. I look up. “Thanks. I think I needed to hear that.”

  She grins. “You so did.”

  I follow her back to the lounge, where everyone is waiting. I glance at Pest, who sits glowering at me. I accidentally catch Rachel’s eye, and she gives me a shy smile which I don’t return. She looks away quickly.

  Pest is completely wrong about why I’m wary of Rachel, but I do wonder if I’m judging her too harshly. I make up my mind to keep an eye on her, but give her the benefit of the doubt until she gives me a better reason than asking a few questions to doubt her. Maybe she was just drunk and overly chatty.

  I sit down beside Atlas. She is strangely calm. I expected her to be on edge, tense, but she’s not. She smiles at me, and the smile is real, not strained, and I can’t see anything in her eyes other than calm. This worries me more than if she were a jittery mess. It’s like she’s given up.

  We all watch the golden cube as it sits on the table in front of us. We all know what the last object is, but until the cube officially reveals it, we don’t know the details or what’s expected of us. We should just throw the damn thing away.

  Too late. The cube starts to float up into the air and take on the strangely beautiful yet eerie glow all the cubes have had as the magic within them comes to life. I reach for Atlas’s hand, although at this point I think it’s more to comfort me than her.

  The cube floats at eye level and then it explodes in an array of golden sparks. I hear Sadie pull in a startled breath. The sparks float around in the air and then arrange themselves into a single sentence.

  The final object is the heart of a true warrior. The Last Seeker. Deliver it to me at midnight tomorrow in the center point of the Arizona desert.

  My eyes are glued to the letters. I reread the sentence over and over again, torturing myself with its message. As I watch, the golden colors turn into flames. The letters burn brightly for a moment, and then they curl up and become ashes. The ashes float lazily in the air, and then they disappear altogether.

  The room is in total silence. It seems no one wants to be the one to break it. Carla rolls her eyes and stands up.

  “Right. We’re obviously not going to hand over Atlas’s heart. Anyone got any ideas on where to start to make that not have to happen?”

  I love Carla’s outspoken nature at that moment. The group bursts into chatter, everyone trying to put forth a theory that might help to save Atlas. I turn to her.

  “Are you alright?” I ask her.

  She nods and smiles. Again, she seems calm, and I wonder if she’s in shock. I’ll have to ask my mom to give her something for it so she can get her head out of her ass and start trying to save herself.

  She gets to her feet and walks to the edge of the room where she can see eve
ryone.

  “Stop,” she shouts.

  Everyone stops talking and looks at her.

  Regal smiles. “You had a plan all along, didn’t you?” he says.

  “Obviously she did, dummy. That’s why she’s the Last Seeker. Because she’s smart,” Rachel says.

  “No,” Atlas says. “I’m the Last Seeker because I was chosen. Because I’m willing to sacrifice myself for the good of everyone else. I’ve been back and forth over this so many times in my own mind. I never really thought we’d get this far if I’m totally honest with myself, and when we did, I was so scared, but I’m not afraid anymore. You can all stop trying to save me. We all know there’s no way around this, and I’ve made my peace with that. So instead of us all running off trying to find a solution we know doesn’t exist, I’d like to go to bed and get up tomorrow and spend my last day with you. All of you. My family. Just having fun and being together.”

  “Fuck me; she flipped out,” Carla mutters.

  Atlas actually laughs.

  “I can see why you think that, but I haven’t. Nothing can change this. So I have two choices. I can spend my last day stressed out and on a mission doomed to fail, or I can spend it enjoying it with you guys, having a normal day for once.”

  “Atlas, we’re not just going to give up on you like this. You have to fight,” Saudia says.

  I want to agree with Saudia. I want to get up and shake some sense into Atlas, but I can’t quite bring myself to do or say anything. I can’t believe she’s given up. And I can’t believe that this time tomorrow, she’ll be gone.

  “Sadie, I need to ask a favor of you. It’s a big ask,” Atlas says. “Especially after you’ve already done so much for us.”

  “Name it,” Sadie says.

  Okay, here it is. She has got an idea after all. She just doesn’t know if Sadie will go along with it. She will. I know she will. She’ll do anything for Atlas.

  “When I’m gone, there’s nothing to stop Arken from trying to change the rules and say he won when he didn’t. I need you to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

  “Atlas, it’s not going to come to that,” Sadie says.

  “Yes. It is. And you know it. Please, Sadie, promise me.”