Ruined by Shadows

by Lola StVil

  She wraps her legs around me and puts her arms around my shoulders. I lean down and kiss her. The kiss is sensual, loving—everything—her tongue locking itself with mine as we move gently together. She meets each of my slow thrusts with a thrust of her own, pulling me deeper and deeper until I’m all the way in and we move as one.

  My orgasm starts slowly. It begins as a tingling at the base of my shaft and spreads through my whole body until I feel the electricity all over. I begin to move faster, and Atlas matches my pace, tightening herself around me until neither of us can take it anymore. She lets go, and I do the same. I keep moving, even as our orgasms rage, wanting to make them last as long as possible.

  When it’s over, I pull out and roll onto my back. I lift my arm up, and Atlas rolls towards me. She lays her head on my chest, and I wrap my arm around her. I lie there, riding the waves of pleasure that still engulf me. Where I belong. Home with my girl.

  Atlas’s breathing becomes deeper, slower, and I realize she fell asleep. I pull the comforter over her, not wanting her to get cold. I lie cuddled up with her, staring at the ceiling, listening to the rhythm of her breaths. Even though I am exhausted, I think sleep will continue to elude me.

  I’m not ready to lose Atlas. Not even close. There has to be a way to save her. My mind wanders through a few possible scenarios. Some of them would save Atlas, but they would mean Arken would win the game, and that would mean the end of the world. Atlas wouldn’t actually be saved or able to live with herself after. It would just prolong her life for a time, a life she would live tortured, knowing she had failed to save humanity.

  Sleep begins to claim me quicker than I imagined it would, and as I fall toward oblivion, Lilliana’s face drifts into my mind.

  I snap my eyes open as a plan begins to form. Lilliana reminded me of exactly who I am, and maybe, just maybe, I can use that knowledge to save her.

  I am creeping towards the door when Atlas stirs behind me.

  “Where are you going?” she asks.

  I don’t want to lie to her, but I don’t want to get her hopes up either. I kick myself that I woke her just as I was in the clear. I managed to get up, shower, get dressed, and grab my cell phone from last night’s jeans which were still strewn on the floor where they fell when we stripped each other. That must have been the thing that disturbed her.

  “Kane?” she asks.

  I turn around to look at her. She pulls the comforter up and waits for my response. When she sits up, the comforter pools in her lap, exposing her chest and stomach. Her face is puffy with sleep, and she has a crease in one cheek from her pillow. Her hair is a tangled mess. She runs a hand through it, trying to tame it.

  “Please don’t go spend our last day together trying to save me, Kane. I don’t need that. I need you. Right here with me. Please,” she pleads, patting the bed with a sweet smile, still naked.

  It takes everything I have to deny her request. I want to strip and dive back into bed with her and spend the day there, laughing and being with each other, but I can’t. I can sacrifice this one day to get the answers I need so I can spend every moment planning days like this.

  I go back and lean down and kiss her.

  “I have to do this, Atlas. I’m sorry. Please try to understand. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I promise.”

  “You swore you wouldn’t leave me again, Kane. Please don’t leave me now. Not when I need you here with me more than ever.”

  It almost breaks me completely to walk away from her, but I have to.

  “I’m not leaving you. I swear I’ll be back before you know it.”

  I hurry out of the room. I have to before she can call me back again because if she does, I don’t think I am strong enough to say no to her again. I press my back against the door and close my eyes, hating myself. I shake my head. No, I might be hurting her now, but it’s for the right reasons. If it works, she’ll understand. And if it doesn’t—no, I won’t think about that. It has to work. It has to.

  I go to the lounge. It’s a hive of activity with the team and the others making calls, talking, and rushing from the room only to return seconds later with whatever they went for. I walk through, not stopping to talk.

  “Hey Kane, where are you going?” Saudia asks. “Where’s Atlas?”

  “I have a lead to follow up on. Atlas is just waking up,” I say.

  “Need any help, Son?” Sadie asks.

  I consider it. Maybe she is exactly the person who could get me an audience with the person I need to see, but I shake my head.

  “No, but thanks for the offer. This is something I have to do alone.”

  She seems to understand.

  “Whatever it is, good luck.”

  “Thanks,” I say again.

  I’ll need it.

  I hurry outside before anyone else can keep me talking. I turn left, a random decision made at the moment, and begin to walk. It occurs to me that I have literally no idea where to start. I don’t know how to find the one person I need to see. Every time I’ve spoken to him before, which is a grand total of once, he has come to me.

  Think, Kane. You can’t let this be the reason Atlas dies.

  There’s something tugging at the back of my mind, but because of all the whirling thoughts, I struggle to grasp it. I force myself to take a deep breath, and I try to clear my mind. It’s not easy. Every time I think I have done it, I see Atlas begging me to stay with her and me turning my back on her. It doesn’t matter that I’m doing it to save her, it still hurts me to know I hurt her.

  Get a fucking grip. Atlas is not going to die because you were too busy hating yourself to do this for her.

  I try again, and this time, the idea comes closer, and I grasp it.

  Yes. A blood bond. That could work. I’m not sure exactly how blood bonds work, but I’ve heard people talking about them. If you share blood with another person, either genetically or as part of a linking spell, then you’re bound to them, and if your need for them is great enough, you can call to them, and they’ll hear you, even if they’re thousands of miles away.

  I should surely have a blood bond with the person I need to speak to, considering that person is Nyten, my father.

  I have no idea if this will work, but I have to try. I pull out a key and dig the end into the fleshy part of my palm beneath my thumb. I wait for blood to bubble up around the key, and then I pull it away. I wince a little at the sting.

  Okay, I’m bleeding. Now what? Do I shout for him?

  “Nyten,” I shout.

  I feel a bit awkward yelling his name in the street, but this is New York, and it’s far from the weirdest thing anyone will see today. No one does more than give me a quick glance.

  “Nyten,” I shout again.

  Nothing.

  “I… I need you,” I plead, kneeling to the ground. I wait a few seconds and compose myself. I start walking back to the loft. Disappointed. Maybe I will ask for Sadie’s help.

  Footsteps ring out behind me. I move aside to let whoever is behind me pass, but then they fall into pace with me. I glance up from my bloodied palm, ready to tell whoever it is to fuck off, but I find myself face-to-face with Nyten. He doesn’t speak, he just reaches out and rubs his fingers over my hand. The cut closes immediately.

  “There was no need for the theatrics, Liam. You just have to call my name, and I’ll be here,” he says, looking at my hand.

  I shrug.

  Whatever. He’s here now, and that’s all that matters.

  “What can I help you with?” Nyten asks. “I assume you need my help and that this isn’t just a social call.”

  I resist the urge to tell him he’s the last person I’d ever want to socialize with. Pissing him off isn’t the best way to get him to help me.

  “I need to know how Atlas can complete her mission and beat Arken, but still save her life,” I say.

  Nyten shakes his head.

  “It can’t be done, my son; you know that.”

  Normally, I
would bristle at him calling me son, but something else catches my attention here. The way he won’t look at me as he says it, and the way his voice quivers ever so slightly.

  “You’re lying,” I say. “You’re holding something back. What aren’t you telling me?”

  He doesn’t reply, and I want to shake it out of him, but I reel my temper in and try to see it from his point of view instead.

  Okay, I get it. I wouldn’t want to help someone who has been nothing but rude to me either.

  “Look, I get it. I’ve been nothing but a dick to you, so why would you help me? But Atlas? She always finds the best in everyone. She’s courageous, quick-tempered, and passionate. I love her, Dad, and she deserves a chance. She’s playing for your team, for fuck’s sake. Help her out... Please...” I almost beg

  “It’s not that I won’t help you, Li… Kane. I would help you anytime you need it. And I certainly agree that Atlas deserves a chance. There is one way you can save her. I didn’t lie to you because I don’t want to help. I lied to you because I’m not sure you can do this, and I didn’t want to place that burden on you.”

  I step in front of him and turn to face him, forcing him to stop walking and meet my eye. I hope he can see the truth in what I say.

  “I will do anything. I’ll move heaven and earth for her if I have to.”

  “You really mean that, don’t you?” Nyten asks.

  I nod. “Yes. Anything.”

  Nyten nods and sidesteps me. “Let’s go take a seat and I’ll explain,” he says.

  He leads me over the road and into a small, deserted park. I’ve never been here before, and I have never noticed it. I look around trying to spot something familiar, but there’s nothing I recognize. Nyten smiles at my confusion as he sits down on a bench and gestures for me to sit beside him.

  “It’s not a real park, Kane. It’s somewhere for us to talk privately without anyone seeing us, that’s all.”

  It makes sense, especially if he’s going to give me a potion or something and demonstrate how it works.

  “In theory, it’s impossible for someone to give their physical heart away and live. But there is a way. It’s risky, but I know it’s worked in the past and I see no reason it couldn’t work again. I’m going to ask you something, Kane, and I know your gut instinct will want to answer instantly, but if your answer is wrong, then Atlas will die. Incidentally, so will you, but I figure without her, you don’t care about that. Really think about your answer, okay?”

  I nod. I’ll tell him the truth even if it’s something I don’t want to admit to. I won’t risk her life to keep a secret.

  “Do you love Atlas?” he asks. “And I mean really love her. Not just fancy her, not just like her a lot. Not lust after her, but really, truly love her with everything you are.”

  “Yes,” I reply without hesitation.

  “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you just disregard everything I just said and let you think about it,” Nyten says.

  “No, you don’t understand. I’m not jumping to conclusions or making a quick assumption. I am going to explain this the best I can. I don’t need time to think about it because I know, and it’s been proven. On our last task, the Golden Apple of Discord confirmed it. We didn’t just find it and hand it over. We broke the curse. With true love’s kiss.”

  “Really?” Nyten nods thoughtfully.

  He smiles at me, and I shift uncomfortably. “I apologize for doubting you. This could actually work. But being in love is only the first step. It’s what comes next that will be the hard part.”

  “Seriously, just tell me. I don’t care what it is or how hard it is. I’ll do it.”

  “When two people are in real, true love, it’s said that their hearts merge and two hearts become one. Of course, that’s meant metaphorically, but in extreme circumstances, and let’s face it, this counts as extreme, two people in love can literally share one heart.”

  “I don’t understand,” I say.

  “I mean Atlas can share your heart, Kane.”

  I feel the hope die within me.

  “Yeah, there’s just one problem with that. I’m a demon. I don’t have a heart.”

  Nyten laughs, and I glare at him. He shakes his head and gets himself under control.

  “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t laugh, but it gets me every time that so many people still believe that. Kane, everyone has a heart, you included. Just the demon blood keeps it well hidden. If you can cleanse your blood and rid yourself of the demon blood, you’ll become human again. Well, as close to it as you can be, anyways, and your heart will be very much accessible.”

  This is all news to me, and it takes a moment to sink in. If anyone but Nyten had told me that, I’d have laughed in their faces, but he’s a god. Surely he knows about this shit.

  “And how do I cleanse my blood?” I ask.

  “That’s the hard part, Kane. You have to let go.”

  “What do you mean? Let go of what?” I ask.

  “You have to let go of the anger inside you. All of it,” Nyten says gravely.

  “You mean I shouldn’t be angry that all of this is on Atlas? I shouldn’t be angry that Arken has rigged the game so she can’t win and live?”

  “No, Kane. You have to let go of your anger at your mom and me. I know you think you’ve forgiven your mom, and to an extent, I think you have. But you haven’t forgiven her for her part in deciding to send you away. Instead, you’ve transferred your anger, focusing it all on me. You’ve told yourself I’m the god, and Sadie had to go along with my wishes. And that’s okay. I can live with you hating me if it means she gets to have a relationship with you, so please don’t think this is about me. The anger you feel at us giving you away as a baby was what made it possible for you to become a demon in the first place. And it’s holding on to that anger that keeps you a demon. Let it go, Kane. Free yourself. Accept what we’ve been telling you—that we gave you away out of love for you.”

  He’s asked me for the one thing I can’t give him. He’s right about my thought process. I’ve never particularly wanted to forgive him for what he did, but Sadie was already in my life when I found out the truth, and I wanted to forgive her, so I pushed everything onto him.

  Now I want to forgive him, need to forgive him to save Atlas. I don’t know if I can truly mean it when I say I forgive him, but even though each one will be like a barb in my throat, I can say the words.

  “Okay, I forgive you,” I say.

  Nyten shakes his head sadly. “It’s not as simple as saying it, Kane. You have to mean it.”

  “But that’s the thing. I don’t mean it. I don’t know how to let go of the anger I feel every time I think about what you did.”

  “Would it help if you understood the decision we made?” Nyten asks.

  “I don’t know. Maybe,” I say.

  Nyten thinks for a minute.

  “Okay. Close your eyes,” he says.

  I close them.

  “Now imagine yourself in a room with Atlas five years from now.”

  I open my eyes.

  “This isn’t going to work,” I say.

  He sighs.

  “Just give it a chance. If it doesn’t work, what have you lost?”

  I close my eyes again.

  “Fine,” I say.

  I am skeptical, but I did say I would do anything to save Atlas, and if playing along with this helps her, then I’ll do it.

  “Imagine yourself in a room with Atlas five years from now,” he says again.

  I picture Atlas, slightly older but still just as gorgeous. We sit on a small couch, cuddled up together in a cabin in the woods in front of a burning log fire. Outside the window, snow falls in lazy flurries.

  “Now, imagine a toddler there with you. A boy, your son. You love him more than anything, and you would do anything for him, give him everything.”

  Instantly I see him. He’s sitting on the fluffy white rug. Not too close to the fire; we’ve made sure of that. He is p
laying with a set of blocks, building them up and then pushing them down and laughing with delight as they tumble to the floor around his feet. He has Atlas’ eyes, and as he looks at me, I know I would die for him if it came to it.

  “Now imagine that your son is in danger,” Nyten says.

  I frown as a dark cloud settles over our perfect family scene. The baby looks up at me, but now he’s not laughing, he’s crying. His eyes are full of fear as he looks up at me, and I jump to my feet, ready to fight whatever is making my boy feel that way.

  Long, shadowy fingers grope out towards him, threatening to take him away from me. I swing at them, but my fists go straight through them. They touch my son, and he shrinks back. He is screaming now, terrified, and I can’t help him. I can’t save him.

  “The shadow is going to get him, Kane. It’s going to hurt him, kill him. And it will be your fault because you couldn’t stop it. But you can stop it. The boy is only recognizable to the shadow while he’s with you and Atlas. You can send him away. Save his life.”

  My eyes fly open, and I turn angrily to Nyten.

  “I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t send him away. I’d find another way to save him.”

  Nyten smiles sadly at me. “Then I’m sorry, Kane, but you won’t be able to help Atlas.”

  I open my mouth to reply, but he’s not done. He gives a casual shrug.

  “If it’s any consolation, you’ll get over it quickly enough, because you clearly don’t love her enough anyway,” he says. “I mean, look at what you’ve done today. It could well be her last day alive, and she begged you to stay with her. And what did you do? You walked away from her, right when she needed you. That’s not love, Kane.”

  I jump to my feet and whirl on him.

  “I left her because I love her, not because I don’t,” I shout. “I have to find a way to save her, and leaving her was the only way, dammit.”

  Nyten jumps to his feet too, and I tense, waiting for him to attack.

  “Exactly,” he says.