Beloved Pilgrim

by Nan Hawthorne

  Hans stood up straight and inclined his head. "I am to keep an eye on the feisty little bitch. Do not blame me!" he snapped as she lifted a palm to slap him. "I am just answering your question with the very words your husband used."

  She scowled and passed him, not seeing the amused look he cast after her, a look that slid down her back to her rump, appraising.

  "Oh good, you are here," Elisabeth whispered as she stepped through the stable door and saw Albrecht with Carlchen, his horse, currying his coat in a patch of sunlight. Carlchen was smaller than a destrier, but still big and chestnut in color.

  The squire did not smile as he looked up, though he did make a short bow. "My lady, how come you here?"

  She went to the gate of the stall, pulled it open and slipped in and alongside the horse. In the stall next to them, Elias's horse Gauner, a huge gray, nickered and put his nose over to be stroked. She went to him and put her hand on his forehead. "Oh Gauner, you miss him as much as we do, don't you?"

  Albrecht continued to move along Carlchen's side with the currycomb. He waited for Elisabeth to turn back to him.

  When she did at last, she seemed to be thinking how to say something. Slowly she began, "Albrecht, do you still mean to leave here?" Her eyes pleaded with him.

  He sighed. Continuing his task he replied, "Yes, I must, with your leave of course. I know the Baron's type, same as most such. If he has any idea about Elias and me, I will be dead in no time."

  Elisabeth stared uncomprehending. "You really think he would kill you?"

  "It happens all the time."

  "But you are from a noble family! They would never permit it!" she protested, recalling Sister Magdalena's words.

  Albrecht's look was sardonic. "Perhaps, but at the stake or on a gallows is not the only way to be killed. A word in his guards' ears and I would be as good as dead. The best I can hope for is that he says nothing of his suspicions to any other knights."

  Frowning, Elisabeth walked to the other side of the horse, letting her hand trail along its flank soothingly. "Could you go to the new crusade?"

  He stopped brushing the chestnut coat of his horse and leaned back against the stall. "I may have to, my lady. Knights don't usually take on other knights' squires. You usually spend a long time with a family. Just as I did . . . here." His voice broke and he looked away.

  She could not see him over the large horse's back, but she heard the emotion in his voice. She too leaned back against the stall, Gauner putting his head over to nuzzle her hair. "Do you think you could find a knight on the crusade?" Her own lips were turned down at their edges with sadness.

  He paused, and then said desultorily, "I will have to."

  "I wish I could go with you," she began, but a sound at the stable door made both young people look in that direction.

  A fair crop of uncombed hair appeared over the top of the stall gate and then a supercilious face. "I wondered if I'd find the two of you together somewhere. Just in time, from the look of it." It was Hans.

  Albrecht rankled. "You are speaking of a lady, churl. Show some respect."

  Hans pulled the stall gate ajar just enough that he could stand in the gap. "It matters not to me, friend, if you are fucking the wench. I am just doing my job."

  "Albrecht is a good and chaste fellow," Elisabeth snapped back, earning nothing more than a derisive snort from the squire.

  "I am sure of it, my lady, as sure as the sun will rise in the west."

  "You have a filthy mind," Albrecht said, advancing on Hans. His movements worried Carlchen who became jittery. Albrecht stopped his progress and turned his attention to calming the animal.

  Hans's hands were up to ward off any assault, but now he dropped them to his side. He glanced at Elisabeth. With a small bow, he said, "As I said, I don't care if you spread your legs for all the farmers in the valley, save that it would mean hurt to me if his nibs heard of it. Frankly, I don't see what the squire sees in you. You are not exactly what they call a toothsome wench. The Baron wants the estates and a brat. Once he has those, I think you can be sure he will leave you alone."

  "Get out of my sight!" Elisabeth shot at him.

  He shrugged, turned at the door, not bothering to close the gate. "Just remember, I will know if you two are alone too long in a private place." He looked up and around inside the stable. "This is too open a place. I think you will be more circumspect than to rut on the floor in here." He ducked the flying currycomb and went out.

  Elisabeth came around Carlchen's head and found Albrecht trembling with fury. She went to him and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. "What a fool," she said angrily. "If he only knew."

  Albrecht looked hard at her. "If he only knew I would be dead for sure. That's why I have to get out of here."

  Elisabeth had gone pale. "When will you leave?"

  He went out of the stall to retrieve the currycomb, brought it back, pulling the gate shut behind him, and responded, "In a few days. Just long enough to make sure the baron is well on his way."

  "Where will you go? To join the crusaders I mean?"

  He shrugged. "I suppose south to Italy. Milan? Venice?" He averted his eyes and in a hesitating voice went on, "My lady, I am loath to ask this, but I shall need some help. . . . "

  She looked up, eager. "Anything! What do you want me to do?"

  He turned his back to her. She had to strain to understand his mumbled reply. "I need money, my lady. I have nothing to live on."

  "Oh, of course." Elisabeth shook her head. "I can get some, though it will certainly be missed." She squared her shoulders and said in a rebellious tone, "What do I care if it's missed? It's yours, all you need." She put a finger to her chin. "Or . . . ," she began. "What about Elias's armor? And the horse? You could take them, use them, and sell them. Other than the horse, they would not be missed. . . . " Her voice trailed off as she went to where Gauner's muzzle overtopped the stall. She put a hand on his nose and stroked. "You would be terribly missed, my darling," she said to him.

  "Let me think about it, my lady. I thank you for your generosity, whatever happens. I hate to leave you behind, but what else can we do?"

  Elisabeth turned her face back to him. Her gaze was unfocused, far away. "I don't know." She paused. "Can you meet me in Elias's chamber after all are abed tonight?"

  Albrecht eyed her warily. "What about Hans?"

  "No, we don't want him there. Just the two of us," she said absently, too absent to have taken his meaning. She was deep in thought.

  Hans had a guard on Elisabeth's chamber door that night. The man sat in the window embrasure across the corridor, but when her chamber door opened he leaped to his feet, at attention.

  Elisabeth in her night robe looked out at him. "Here, man, come here!" she demanded imperiously. "The lazy maid forgot to fill this with water. How am I supposed to wash? Get me some water!"

  "But my lady, I am not to leave my post," the man protested.

  "Nonsense," she said, dismissively. "I am not going anywhere. I am half asleep already. Just go and get it. Or I will make your life hell."

  He looked about but no help was at hand, so he stepped forward to take the pitcher she held out. He scowled but bowed to her and rushed down the corridor.

  She was still standing at the door when he returned. She yawned deeply and took the pitcher. She looked into it and made a disgusted noise. "Where did you get this? The horse trough?" She thrust it back into his arms. "Go to the well by the kitchens. I am not going to wash in filthy water."

  "B-but, my lady, it does come from the ki-"

  She gave the man a furious glance and turned to go into her chamber. "A liar as well as incompetent. Just do it. Knock on my door when you get clean water."

  He heard the bolt fall into place as the door thumped shut. Sighing he went back down the corridor.

  When he returned he knocked on her chamber door. He got no answer. He reached to the latch and thought better of simply walking into his lady's chamber. He fumed, and the
n put the pitcher on the floor. He knocked again, and getting no answer went back to trying to stay awake in the embrasure. After a short while he dozed.

  Albrecht was already in Elias's chamber when Elisabeth slipped in as quietly as she could. She put a finger to her lips to advise silence and leaned her ear to the thick wooden door. After a moment, she stood and went over to where he stood. She gestured to the settle, and they sat down together.

  "I have an idea," she began without any preamble. "Why can't I go with you when you leave for the crusade?"

  Albrecht stared at her, speechless. He finally managed, "How can you? You would be missed."

  She smiled smugly. "Yes, but if I am not caught, what matters if I am missed?"

  The squire stood and started to pace. "But Hans . . . "

  "I have a feeling he can be dealt with," she said with conviction.

  After a few turns around the chamber, Albrecht stopped his pacing. "You are probably right. He is as venal as I have seen a man." He started walking again, then stopped. "You aren't planning actually to go on crusade . . . ?"

  "Of course not. I'm a woman, and a noble woman at that. I can hardly be a camp follower, but there's got to be some way to get out of Reinhardt's clutches. I will enter a convent before I let him touch me again."

  "You would make one hell of an abbess," Albrecht said, "begging your pardon."

  "Hmm, well, yes, but that's only as a last resort. Frankly, I don't know what I will do. I just want to get as far from here as possible."

  Starting to pace again, the man considered. "How will you get away? You can hardly saddle up and ride off."

  "Well, you need Elias's armor, right? You would have to carry it away, and that might be rather difficult to conceal. But what if someone wore it out of the manor?" She waited his understanding eagerly.

  His pacing stopped abruptly. "You mean?"

  She nodded. "I will wear it out. Then you can take it after we get wherever we go."

  Albrecht sat down hard on the edge of the bed, so rapt with her idea he did not realize where he was sitting. "You would have to be disguised anyway to travel without being known. I don't know if any of the guards Reinhardt left behind would recognize Elias's armor, if we take the insignia off. Or you could wear a cloak over it."

  Elisabeth forgot her fear and grief in the excitement. "I have an even better idea." She waited for him to look back up at her. "I will go to stay at Sister Magdalena's for a few days. You will leave before me. Then once I am there, you will come. You will transport the armor before that. Once you come I will put on the armor and leave. No one will see us leave together."

  Albrecht put his palms down on either side of his hips. The touch made him realize where he was. He leaped up as if scalded. He stood a moment and gazed at the bed. He said something under his breath, sighed and turned back to her. "It could work. But what about Hans?" he asked again.

  "Leave Hans to me."

  She stood and went to the massive armoire that stood against one wall. She pulled the two doors toward her to reveal her brother's armor. "Do you think it will fit me?"

  Albrecht came to her side. He reached to stroke the front of the breastplate. "You are of a height with him. The sleeves may be too long. The mail leggings too, and the boots too big, but we can manage. You won't actually have to fight in it, after all."

  Albrecht joined her by a large chest and opened the heavy lid. He reached for a tunic that lay carefully folded on the top of the rest of Elias's clothes. He held it to his chest for a moment; his eyes closed, and then he held it out to her. "I can see already this will fit loosely."

  As Elisabeth took the tunic as well as a few other items of clothing and held them up against her, Albrecht continued to search through the chest. She heard his sharp intake of breath. "What is it?"

  He stood with something tiny in his fingers. It was a loop of braided dried grass. "I made it for him, years ago. I thought he must have thrown it away. But here it is." His eyes swam. He started to put the grass ring on his finger, but the dry grass tore. A sob erupted from his chest.

  She put her hands on his shoulders and drew him to her. "Shhh, shhh," she comforted. "He is in your heart, where he will never change, never break, never leave you."

  Hans approached her the next morning. "My man said you sent him for water last night. I will thank you, my lady, not to compromise my guards in the future."

  She leveled a considering look on him. "Nothing untoward happened, did it?"

  He smirked. "It did to him. He's spending the day locked up for punishment."

  "He told you the truth voluntarily, but you punish him?" she asked incredulously. "You are just teaching your men to keep their mouths shut."

  Hans scowled, but then cast her a speculative look. He stepped forward, first glancing about for witnesses. "I can be taught to keep my mouth shut . . . ," he led.

  She returned his frank look. "You can, can you? And how do I know that?"

  He sighed and stepped back. "Is my word not enough for you?" He could not help smiling as she laughed aloud. "Well, I can't blame you for your skepticism. What you don't know is that I detest the bastard, my master Reinhardt. He is a nasty son of a bitch and passes me over time and again for reward, praise or elevation. What's more . . . " He hesitated. "No, that I won't tell you."

  She looked at him appraising. "You are sincere, aren't you? Aren't you afraid I will tell him?"

  The man shrugged. "I hope you won't. It would get you nothing but scorn from the bastard. And . . . " He went near her again. "And I could be a good ally in your household." He reached to take a lacing at her neckline and twist it around a finger. "No reason the baron gets to be the only one to have some pleasure on the side. Once you are with child, what difference will it make?"

  Elisabeth slapped his hand away. "I thought you did not find me appealing?"

  Hans, who was looking at her flat chest, smiled ruefully. "Tit for tat," he murmured, chuckling over his own jest. "Let's just say I want to do to him what he did to me."

  "A woman?" she asked, suddenly realizing what he implied.

  He stared hard and angry into her face. "Never you mind."

  Elisabeth stood still for a moment, and then reached to put her hand on his chest. He smiled and put his own hand over hers, rubbing his thumb along its side caressingly. He watched her thin lips as they moved. "What if you could get even and get gold at the same time?" she asked.

  Hans lifted an eyebrow, thrusting up his lower lip as if thinking about her suggestion. "I could have you and gold?" he said skeptically. "If I had enough gold, I would be happy to forego you, my lady." He looked into her eyes. "How much gold?"

  She knew she had named a good sum when his eyes widened and the pupils dilated. "And what am I to do for this gold? And how do I know it even exists?"

  She stepped back away from him. "Let me just say that if I cannot produce it for you, you need not do anything."

  He smiled, "That sounds fair. So what next?" He reached for her.

  She skittered back out of reach. "Just do nothing. I will let you know what I need. It won't be long."

  Hans stared at her, his eyes hard. "This better not be a trick. I could do you and that little lover of yours a great deal of harm."

  She returned his hard gaze. "It is not a trick. You will see."

  Hans extended a hand as if he was about to touch her face, but the hand detoured to a thin gold chain around her neck. He cupped the opal that hung from it. "Care to offer some surety?"

  Her breath stopped. The pendant was a gift from her father and very precious to her. But it might be the thing that assured her escape. "Y-yes, take it."

  She put up her hands to undo the clasp behind her neck, but the squire had his hands there first. He let them linger, close as he was now close enough to her face that he could see the flutter over the pulse in her throat. He stroked her neck with his thumbs, and then reached farther to release the necklace. He held it in the palm of one hand and examine
d it carefully.

  "Nice. Very nice. And there is more, I take it?" His eager eyes lifted to her face.

  "Yes. Even nicer than that bauble."

  He settled back with his weight on one foot, considering her. "And you are willing to give it all up for that squire?"

  Her lack of response satisfied his curiosity, even if wrongly. "I suppose the Baron must not be right about him. I am sorry, my lady, but you do look more like a boy than a girl."

  "What do you mean, the Baron is right?" she demanded.

  "That your leman is a sodomite. My master does not like sodomites. He decided to let the man leave on his own, but if he finds him here when he returns he plans to throw him to whichever guards most want to tear him to pieces." Hans's lips narrowed in a sneer.

  "Why would he do that?" Elisabeth realized at once she should have played stupid, but it was too late now.

  "I told you. He doesn't like them. I personally do not mind. Whatever pleasure a man wants. And a woman too. Let them. But maybe they get the Baron randy and that upsets him." Hans shrugged. "How long must I wait for these secretive plans of yours to come to fruition? Reinhardt won't stay away forever, you know."

  She tried not to let him see her anxiety. "Soon. A few days. No more."

  He grinned. "Good." He clamped his fingers shut on the treasure in his palm, made a mocking bow and spun on his heels. She watched him go, praying she had not made a fatal mistake.

  "The Baron plans to kill you if you are still here when he returns!"

  Albrecht's face grew deathly pale. "Did Hans tell you that?"

  She nodded. "We need to get our plans into action. When is the soonest you can leave?"

  "Tonight! I would leave right this minute but you still want me to get your brother's armor out of the manor, right? I mean, is that not your desire, my lady?"

  Elisabeth looked into his eyes. "Can you do that tonight? Take it to Magdalena's and let her know what we plan."

  "I will. Do you have something I can bribe the lookout with? I think I can get past the rest."

  "I can give you something," she said. "But what if you pretend you are loading out your own belongings? If you did that you could leave in daylight. That would make it look less suspicious."