“But Luke is supposed to love you Christine. They’ve wronged both of us.”
Christine nodded. “I’m not worried about myself, Sadi. If Luke loves me, then we’ll work things out.”
Sadi had burst into tears. Christine was also wronged by Luke. The Luke who was supposed to love her, yet Christine was perfectly composed. She didn’t seem angry or hurt at all. Sadi wished she could react that way. She wished the anger that was buried deep with her would just let go of its tenacious hold, that the tears constantly spilling forth would dry up. She wished she could be rational and calm and act like it didn’t matter to her that her life was in shambles, but she couldn’t.
Sadi had put on a brave face for the children, who had huge smiles when they saw her. She tried to pretend she wasn’t upset after Luke’s visit, but it was a long day.
Sadi was relieved when she put the children to bed and she could finally have time alone to sort out her thoughts.
She joined Christine for tea again.
“I’m sorry you had to take days off work for this,” Sadi said. “I’ll pay you back, I promise.”
Christine waved a hand like it was nothing. Like she would do it all over again, even though she had all but just met Sadi.
“I’m going to have to contact Connor. Although hopefully Luke’s given him his phone back since he texted me and called me from it earlier. I just want to talk to him, and to sort this all out. I’m so angry and I’m so hurt, and I have no idea how to move forward…”
Christine nodded with compassion. “I know, Sadi. I think that you’re right though. You do need to talk to Connor and hear what he has to say. I’m sure that he’s beyond sorry. He loves you and he loves his children. For their sakes, I think you at least need to go and hear him out. Soon.”
Sadi excused herself after a cup of tea. She went into the living room and turned her phone on. There were no missed calls and no new texts. She took a deep breath and dialled Connor’s number.
***
Connor looked contrite in a way Sadi had never seen before. When she arrived at his hotel room she was wasn’t sure how she felt about seeing the black circles under his eyes, the sorrow that seemed to line his face and make him look older than he had only a couple days ago.
“How do I know it’s really you this time?” Sadi asked.
“Because I know my son was born at 4:42am. He weighed eight pounds exactly and came out screaming, letting all the world know he was there. I remember the way you looked, the shock of seeing your son for the first time, that bloom on your cheeks and you said, “Luke, I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”
Sadi looked at the ground. “Okay…. I guess I believe you.” She stepped into Connor’s hotel room. She wasn’t sure why he was in the one in the hotel, but then she remembered that they were both imposters in the real Luke’s house. They were the ones without a home now.
Sadi felt groundless and adrift as she took a seat on the edge of the large king size hotel bed. The quilt was white and downy. She placed her hand on it and couldn’t believe she realized how soft it was.
Connor looked up at her. He was still standing in the same spot by the door.
“Why did you do it, Connor? I still can’t believe that all of this is a lie.”
Connor quickly closed the distance between them. “No, Sadi. It’s not a lie. Not our love, not our children, not our life.”
“Connor, I thought you were Luke this entire time! You pretended to be your brother! How can you not say that our life isn’t a lie?”
“Because Sadi, I know what I feel for you. And I know that you feel the same way, no matter who I am. I know that you’re angry but we can get through this.”
Sadi just sat and stared at the floor. She refused to meet Connor’s eyes even though she wanted to.
“I explained to Luke why I did what I did. I’m sure he told you Sadi that he was cheating on you. I knew that he wasn’t the right person for you. It was true that I did see you first, at Pearson and Pearson. I even spoke with you first. I told Luke about you. This beautiful new girl who was so excited for the boring job. I never thought he would take an interest. You weren’t his type. But then you changed and all of a sudden you were his type, and that was it for me I guess. It was all Luke after that. I tried not to be jealous Sadi. I really tried to be happy for you. For years I told myself that if you loved Luke and he loved you, then you deserved to be happy.
Then Luke confessed everything to me. He had been at my house late and we had a couple beers, and maybe a couple glasses of Scotch as well. He told me that he wasn’t happy and that he was cheating on you. He hated himself for it but the thought of getting married- to anyone- filled him with fear. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t just turn you out of his house with nowhere to go, and he hated himself for being a coward and for being unfaithful to you.
I hated that he took someone I loved and hurt them without them even knowing it. I knew that he was going to break up with you Sadi. I told him he better bloody well find you a nice home and make sure you had a good reference for a new job. Just because he acted like a scumbag didn’t mean you had to suffer for it.
I knew Luke was working on it… doing what I asked. Then the bombing happened. I remembered stumbling my way out of the building, then nothing. When I woke up, I wasn’t sure who I was for a moment. I had a nurse asking me if I was Connor or Luke Pearson, as someone had recognized me when I was brought into the hospital. I knew within a couple moments that I was Connor and I kept asking after Luke.
I knew he hadn’t been brought in yet. I had hit my head pretty hard, the nurse told me. Maybe it made me think crazy thoughts. Or maybe, just maybe, I saw that there was a chance that I could spare you a lot of heartbreak. If I pretended to be my brother, just maybe I could give you the chance at happiness that you deserved.
I know I was selfish, Sadi. I know what I did was wrong and pretty crazy when you really think about it. I know that what I did, I did because I loved you and I had loved you for years. It was wrong and I can’t imagine the pain you are going through right now.
After the bombing though, Sadi, I saw you change as well. I realized maybe you hadn’t been happy with Luke either. I saw you start to fall in love with me, even though you thought I was Luke. I felt it when we finally made love. When we got married, I couldn’t have been happier. I knew beyond a doubt that your love was real. When we had Connor, Sadi, you can’t imagine how happy you made me. And then Katelyn: our whole lives have been a dream.”
“That’s just it Connor,” Sadi said sadly. “It was a dream. A very nice dream. And now I feel like we’ve woken up and this is the reality.”
Connor grabbed Sadi’s hand and she surprised herself by not pulling away. “It’s always been real Sadi. What you felt. Does it matter that my name isn’t Luke? You said after the bombing it was like I was a new man. A new man, Sadi. Someone completely different. And you loved me anyway. I’m sorry that I did what I did, but I can’t change it. I wouldn’t want to change it. I couldn’t live without your love, without our children. You are everything to me.”
Sadi looked into Connor’s face. She could see the sincere regret shining in his eyes, but she also saw the love he had for her written all over his face. In all the years she and Luke had been together, he had never looked at her like that once before. It hurt her deeply to know that Luke had been cheating on her, that he didn’t love her at the end either. Somehow, despite everything, Sadi was touched that Connor had wanted to protect her, no matter how wrong it may have been.
Could she just walk away from Connor? He had lied to her but she knew, deep down, that he was right. That she had fallen in love with him all over again after the bombing and that she still loved him now. Could she punish him by denying him their life together because of what he had done?
Years had passed since the bombing. Sadi had been happy in a way she had never been before. She felt loved and treasured in whole new way. Loving Connor had given her
purpose. He had given her two beautiful children. He had always stood by her and been faithful to her, even if it had been in his brother’s name.
Connor had asked Sadi if it mattered what his name was. Did it matter that she thought his name was Luke? She knew that she loved the man before her, no matter what his name was.
Sadi hung her head. “You’re right Connor. I did fall in love with you. Things were so off after the bombing and it all makes sense now. I knew something wasn’t right and yet I loved you all the same. I love our life together. I love our children.”
Connor gathered Sadi into his arms. She went reluctantly but once she was there, held in the safe, warm embrace that she knew all too well, she relaxed and melted against him. She was still angry. She didn’t know how long it would take her to fully forgive Connor for what he had done, but Sadi did know that her love for him was still there.
“Sadi, please try and forgive me.”
“I’ll try, Connor.” Sadi sighed against her husband’s shoulder. “It’s going to take a long time though, for me to get over this. I don’t even fully know how I feel right now, but I know our children need a father and a mother who love each other. I know that I’m willing to stay and try. But you have to figure out the rest.” Sadi pulled away and stared into Connor’s face. “You realize that we have no home Connor. You have to undo this mess that you created.”
He nodded, the full weight of his actions settling over his face. “I will Sadi. I’ll fix everything that I can. I promise.” Connor leaned down and kissed Sadi. His mouth was warm, inviting, and insistent. His tongue swept in, stroking Sadi’s, sending hot waves of desire rushing through her.
Sadi didn’t want to, but she found herself wrapping her arms around Connor’s neck. She deepened the kiss. Her hands found Connor’s chest, tugged the hem of his shirt up and over until he was forced to break away to pull it the rest of the way off. Her fingers fumbled with the button on his jeans, in a hurry to get them off.
Sadi half hated herself for not being able to resist Connor but she had a need, deep down, to somehow become one with him again. To try and repair the damage that had been done to her trust, to their relationship. Making love to Connor, seemed in that moment, a very good way to find her way back to him again.
Connor groaned as Sadi slid his jeans down. She cupped him in her hand, feeling how hard and ready he was for her.
“God, Sadi,” Connor whispered. He stroked her cheek gently. “You are so beautiful.”
Sadi didn’t say anything. She doubted she could speak past the sudden lump that had formed in her throat. She stood and stripped off her own clothing. She was conscious of Connor’s eyes on her the entire time. Now that she was naked, she felt funny somehow. She knew this man was her husband but now he had a different name. It wasn’t as if he was a different person than Sadi had spent the last two years with, but all of a sudden she felt shy and self-conscious. She had hoped that this would heal the rift between herself and Connor but now she felt further away than ever.
Connor took Sadi’s hand and pulled him gently towards him, as if he sensed her hesitation. “It’s me, Sadi. I’m still me even if my name is different.”
“I know…” Sadi said. Any further protests were drowned out when Connor placed his mouth on hers once again.
Sadi felt her whole body relax into Connor. He was warm and familiar. His was the body Sadi had known for the past two years. Known and come to love.
Sadi allowed herself to be lowered to the bed. Connor surprised her by standing. He bent her legs, opening her up to him. He leaned over the edge of the bed and buried himself inside Sadi. She loved the thickness of him, the way he filled her. The way he knew what angles she liked best, what rhythm.
Connor’s strokes were slow and long, then faster and deeper. Sadi could feel the fire building inside. She shattered, calling out Connor’s name. As soon as the words left her lips they felt strange. Connor. Not Luke.
Connor didn’t seem to notice Sadi’s hesitation. He sunk his fingers into Sadi’s thighs, pulling her tightly against him as he found his release.
Afterwards Sadi lay on top the covers, listening to the hum of the hotel’s air conditioning. Connor. This was her husband. His name was Connor. Sadi ran the word over and over in her head. She still couldn’t quite believe that this was real. She hadn’t fully forgiven Connor for his deception. She didn’t know if she ever would.
chapter 13
Sadi brought the kids back home to the house that night. She couldn’t thank Christine enough. Sadi wished the other woman all the love and kindness in the world.
Christine had told Sadi that Luke would be coming over in a couple days to try and work things out between them. Sadi could see the longing in Christine’s eyes. Luke better not screw it up. Sadi wanted Christine to be happy. She wanted Luke to apologize and beg this beautiful woman’s forgiveness. Knowing Christine had changed Sadi’s life. She could only imagine what it could do for Luke.
When Sadi arrived home, Connor was already waiting for her. At least she hoped it was Connor. He had hugged her and she had known immediately it was him. But she hated that she had to doubt in the first place.
It felt weird being in a house Sadi now knew wasn’t hers or Connor’s. He said Luke had agreed to let them stay for as long as it took to find a new home. Sadi would have never wanted to move before. She had a ton of memories built into this house. Unfortunately now she couldn’t imagine staying. She felt like an imposter now. Now that she knew she actually hadn’t married Luke. God, was she going to have to get a divorce and remarry Connor now?
Sadi’s head hurt just thinking about everything so she tried not to. Connor had said he was going to take care of everything. She would just have to trust that he would.
After putting the kids to bed, Sadi came into the bedroom. Connor was settled under the sheets. She could see the burning look in his eyes as she entered the room. She knew that look. It was a look of desire, of a longing to share in her body and spirit and soul. It was a longing to be reunited with her again.
Connor took Sadi in his arms the minute she crawled into bed. She had worn only a short nightgown and it was immediately pulled over her head. Connor’s hands were everywhere, exploring her body, making her come alive in ways only he knew how.
Connor tasted Sadi. He suckled her breasts until she cried out, her nipples hard aching points. He trailed kisses over her stomach, stopped at the juncture of her thighs where he made her beg him for the release he gave her. Sadi came so hard she thought she could see stars when she closed her eyes again.
She wanted to do something for Connor but he wouldn’t let her. He wanted to worship Sadi. He tasted her, teased her, made her scream out his name before he finally gave her what she wanted. He entered her, just the feel of him inside made Sadi come again. She clung to Connor until he finally found his release.
Sadi lay curled against Connor. Ironically she was awake long after he had fallen asleep. The sex was great but something was still wrong in a way Sadi found hard to define. All she knew was that she had never felt so connected physically and so at odds mentally in her life. Connor was home, Sadi was home. In a home that wasn’t truly theirs. They were sleeping in a bed that didn’t belong to them. They were married to each other, although the name on the wedding certificate said Luke Pearson. Sadi felt as if they were still living a life that wasn’t truly theirs.
***
Sadi was sore in the morning. She was tired when Katelyn’s crying woke her. She had barely slept at all. Sadi should have been glad that she had been able to make love with Connor, but some part of her, some part she hated to admit was still there, didn’t trust him. It was different now. She didn’t wake up in a haze of love, feeling as though everything were right with the world. When Sadi glanced over at Connor, she still wasn’t sure who he even was.
Though she tried, Sadi found it almost impossible to trust Connor. Weeks passed and she found that instead of growing closer together, they
grew further apart. Things were complicated, especially when the brothers were together. Sadi was constantly on edge and remained that way long after Luke went home after his visits. Sadi didn’t like that Luke resumed his position with Pearson and Pearson. She didn’t like that he and Connor spent so much time together. What if they were plotting something? Trying to switch places with each other? Trying to trick her again?
Sadi was always watching Connor for some signal that he really wasn’t Connor after all. She didn’t want to believe that he would trick her again. She wanted to believe that he was sorry and that she could trust him, but she just couldn’t.
It hurt Sadi and she could tell that Connor knew that she distrusted him and was hurt as well. They stopped making love. They stopped touching each other. Connor started working more and coming home later and later. Sadi wanted their lives to go back to the way they were, but she was beginning to doubt that would ever happen.
As Sadi and Connor seemed to be floundering, Christine and Luke only seemed to fall deeper in love. Sadi was happy for them. After Luke had resumed his position at the company, Christine had called Sadi in tears. They had met for lunch and Christine had poured out all her fears. She was afraid Luke was going to change and that he was going to leave her. She was afraid she didn’t know what their relationship, their lives, their love meant anymore now that Luke had millions of dollars and was an important head of a booming company.
Sadi had felt much the same way. She and Christine were both in the same position, though their lives were very different. They had both been lied to- though Sadi supposed Luke hadn’t meant to lie to Christine at the time seeing as he couldn’t remember anything.
Sadi had taken to asking Connor to wear a hat when he was around Luke. Even when Luke and Christine came over together, Sadi enforced the rules. She didn’t want to be constantly suspicious but she found that she just couldn’t relax.
The Billionaire's Mistaken Match ( A BWWM Romance) Page 17
