chapter 14
Six months passed. Sadi could feel Connor growing more and more frustrated with her. He had taken care of everything, as he said he would. They had purchased a new house together. He had cleared everything up. The family had been the object of extreme scrutiny, even though they had tried to keep what happened private. Somehow the story got out and what a story it was.
Thankfully things died down after a couple weeks and the media frenzy moved on to someone else. Connor had received heavy criticism from some people, and no one fully understood what he had done. Not even Sadi. Connor had tried to protect Sadi from the backlash as much as possible. He had shouldered the brunt of the awful comments and rude remarks that came their way. He had made it his responsibility to make things right with Luke and the company. As much as Connor possibly could.
Sadi came home with the kids one evening after being out at a mother and children swimming class. She gave the kids a snack and put them to bed. Entering her own bedroom, she was shocked to see Connor packing a suitcase. He was pulling things out of his closet like they were going to evaporate if they didn’t somehow land in his suitcase.
“What are you doing?” Sadi asked, confusion and dread coiling in the pit of her stomach.
Connor turned and stared at her. He obviously hadn’t heard her come in, he had been so absorbed in whatever he was doing. He looked guilty and angry.
Sadi watched as he slowly crossed his arms over his chest. “Sadi…. I just can’t take this anymore. I can’t live my life like I’m under an investigation. I know what I did was wrong but our marriage… us… it’s different now than what it was before. I feel like you don’t trust me.”
Sadi didn’t have the heart to tell Connor she didn’t trust him. It hurt her to finally hear him say it. It hurt a hell of a lot more to realize he was leaving. For how long? Did he just need some space or was this finally it? She had known that their lives were leading up to this, careening to a final breaking point but she felt powerless to stop it. Sadi felt a jolt of pain ram through her chest. She didn’t want Connor to leave. She just wasn’t sure that she could ever return to the life they once had.
“Connor…”
Connor held up his hand. “Sadi, I’m not leaving for good, unless you can’t figure things out. I’ve apologized over and over again for what I did. I’ve tried to fix things as much as I possibly could. To make things right with you and with Luke and even with Christine. I’ve taken all the fault and all the blame for this, as obviously I should. My point is that I’ve tried my damn hardest and you haven’t tried at all.”
“That’s not fair,” Sadi protested angrily. She didn’t want her pain to come out as anger but it seemed that it was going to happen that way. “Connor, it’s not my fault that I’ve been walking on eggshells. My whole world came crashing down. God, how do I know that you and Luke aren’t going to try and trick me again? It’s impossible to tell you apart.”
Connor sighed in frustration. He grabbed another shirt out of the closet and rammed it into the suitcase. Sadi resisted the urge to unpack everything and fold it properly. She realized what a stupid thought that was.
“Sadi! I can’t believe you would even think that. What would be the point now? After everything I’ve done to try and make this right. Why would Luke or I want to trick you again? To hurt you, or to hurt Christine? God, Sadi, Luke is engaged to her now. Whatever feelings he had for you are long gone so he has no motivation to try and switch places with me. What do I have to do? Brand myself?”
Sadi watched Connor’s face turn from a normal shade to a red hue. She could tell that he was really angry but trying to restrain it.
“I feel as though I’m the one walking on eggshells. I keep waiting for you to realize that it’s not me you wanted all along but Luke.” Connor studied Sadi. “Do you still have feelings for him Sadi? Is that why you keep walking around thinking we are going to trick you? Because you still want a life with Luke? Is there something going on that I don’t know about? We’re not making love anymore Sadi…. At least you aren’t with me.”
“What are you talking about?” Sadi jumped off the bed angrily. “God, Connor, listen to yourself! Are you asking me if I’m cheating on you?”
“Are you?” Connor shouted. “Are you fucking Luke?”
Sadi didn’t mean for it to happen. She watched in shock as her hand snaked out and struck Connor hard on the left cheek. She stood there, shock and anger and indignation washing over her.
“Get out of here Connor,” Sadi whispered, her breath ragged. “Before something terrible happens that neither of us can take back.”
“With pleasure.” Connor zipped his suitcase shut. “Get your head out of your ass Sadi, before all of this is gone for good.”
Sadi sat down on the edge of the bed. She heard the front door slam, felt hot tears well in her eyes and spill down her cheeks. She wanted to hate Connor at the moment. She wanted to blame him for everything but the hard truth was that she couldn’t. Much of what he had said, at least at the start of the conversation, had been the truth.
Sadi had been hard on him. She hadn’t trusted Connor since that night Luke had regained his memory and she had found out what truly happened. Sadi had made Connor’s life unimaginably difficult. She hadn’t stood by him or supported him or help make things right. She had acted like the injured party. She hadn’t made an attempt to get her life back together. She had pushed Connor away. She was guilty of everything he had accused her of.
Sadi wished that Connor had just left it at that. When he started throwing in the things about her and Luke…. that just made Sadi furious and when she was angry she couldn’t think straight. Her head still buzzed with his unpleasant accusations.
As if Sadi would ever do anything to hurt either Luke or Christine. They were engaged now. Sadi owed Christine a huge debt, or at least she felt like she did, for what Christine had done for her when she needed a friend. Sadi would never in a million years dream of cheating on Connor anyway, let alone with his brother who was now happily engaged to a woman Sadi was honored to call a friend.
Sadi wanted to call Connor’s cell. She wanted to send him a text and apologize. To tell him to come home when he was ready and talk. She felt the snaking tendrils of regret reach out from the bottom of her stomach all the way to her throat. She felt she was going to choke on the mixture of sorrow and regret and pain that were rooted deep within her.
Sadi got her phone but stopped. She stared blankly at the screen. She should let Connor calm down. She could only apologize so far. Best to wait until he was in a rational mood, which he obviously hadn’t been when he was hurling accusations of infidelity around.
Sadi checked to see if the children were still sleeping and somehow, magically they were. She knew she had to make things right if she could. It wasn’t just her anymore. Her children needed their father. She needed Connor.
Sadi crawled into bed alone, feeling miserable. She wanted to tell Connor to come home. To tell him that things would be different. Sadi just couldn’t find the words. She needed it to be the truth when she told Connor. She needed to know that she could trust him beyond the shadow of a doubt. That she could love him for who he truly was. She needed time. More importantly, she needed Connor to agree to give her the time she needed.
chapter 15
Connor wouldn’t agree to come home. He was staying at some hotel and Sadi was so hurt that she didn’t even ask where it was. He had agreed to come visit the children a couple nights a week. Sadi had tried to apologize. She had tried to speak with Connor, but it had gone nowhere.
Sadi was busy getting the children ready for bed when the doorbell rang. She ran to answer it, puzzled as to who it would be. It wasn’t Connor’s night to come over.
She was surprised to see him standing on the doorstep, a bottle of wine in hand. What the hell? The last thing she had on her mind was date night. Connor hadn’t even been able to speak civilly to her in over a month.
�
�Yes?” She asked icily, opening the door a crack. She hated that her hurt and lingering anger made her impatient and cold towards Connor, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Connor had rejected any attempt Sadi had made to fix things. She had tried to speak with him, had written him a long email trying to explain her feelings… all of them… but he hadn’t even responded. She had tried to get him to come back home but he had refused.
“Sadi… I thought… maybe I could come in and we could talk for a bit?”
“Oh. You just thought that. What makes you think you can just show up here unannounced and have a conversation that I’ve been trying to have with you for over a month?”
Connor sighed and turned to leave. Sadi watched his retreating form. She felt a mixture of panic and regret, especially when she thought about Connor Jr.. and Katelyn, who were inside, playing on the nursery floor, half dressed in their pajamas for the night.
“Connor wait,” Sadi called.
He turned and looked at her. His grey blue eyes were storm tossed with emotion. Sadi opened the door a crack wider. She turned around and went inside but didn’t shut it.
She could hear Connor enter when she went down the hall to the nursery. She knew that he wouldn’t follow her in. He didn’t want to upset the children right before bed.
Finally Sadi had both kids laid down and asleep. It wasn’t a small feat and she was exhausted by the time she returned to the living room to face Connor.
He had poured two glasses of wine and set them on the coffee table. She wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean. Sadi wouldn’t have ranked wine as a high priority in the conversation they needed to have. Whisky seemed more appropriate.
“Do you want me to come back home?” Connor asked as Sadi sat down.
Sadi started. She reached for a glass of wine and downed it an alarming rate. She set her glass aside and nodded slowly. “Yes, but I think we need to talk first.”
Connor nodded as well. “I know.”
Sadi didn’t know where to start. What was she supposed to say that was going to make anything better? She needed Connor to come back home so they could try again. Just simply stating that she wanted to trust him wasn’t going to mean anything if she couldn’t back up her words.
Connor waited. So did Sadi. They both finished another glass of wine, then another. Sadi watched the clock’s hands circle around then around again and still they hadn’t said anything.
Finally Connor shifted. He set his glass down, stood up, and came to sit beside Sadi. To her surprise, he opened his arms to her. She fell into them. She realized that she was more than a little drunk. And so was Connor.
They made quick work of each other’s clothes. Sadi found that she was almost frantic to be naked. To feel Connor’s skin against her own. She wanted him with a desperation that she had never experienced before. It had been months and months and months since they had made love. They had lived like strangers for a long time before Connor finally packed his bag and left.
Sadi touched Connor hungrily, her fingers memorizing every angle, every line, every muscle. She breathed in the familiar scent of him. Her hands knew all the right places to touch. They still fit together perfectly. That was when she realized she still loved Connor. That she would love him no matter what. She shouldn’t have allowed things to get this far. She should have bridged that gap that was widening between them, not blown up the remaining supports that were still there.
Sadi poured all her sadness, regret, frustration, anger, and even joy into their joining. She gripped Connor, clung to him like she was drowning and his touch would save her. She came again and again, crying out Connor’s name, scoring her nails into his back. She felt like they were united, one in a way they hadn’t been since that horrible night Luke had barged into their bedroom and shattered her world.
Connor lay back on the couch, panting. Sadi lay pressed against his chest, totally spent.
“Stay, Connor,” Sadi whispered.
“I can’t,” he said, already getting up and gathering his clothes.
Sadi stayed where she was, watching in sorrow as he got dressed and grabbed his wallet and phone.
“I’ll call a cab,” he promised, then he was gone.
Cold and self-conscious, Sadi grabbed a throw blanket and tucked it around herself. Her head was pounding. What had just happened? Connor had come over, hardly spoken a word, got drunk, and proceeded to make love to her. Why? Why would he do any of it when he was just going to leave?
Sadi didn’t know anything anymore. She didn’t understand this thing that her life had become, shapeless and faceless. She knew she wanted Connor to come home. She knew that she still loved him. Had probably always known. With all her heart she wanted another chance. Sadi wanted to make a life with Connor, to trust him and love him and cherish him. All those things she promised when she married him. She just didn’t know how to get from where they were now to where she wanted to be: happy and in love again.
***
Connor refused to speak with Sadi. He wouldn’t talk about what happened. He wouldn’t talk about anything. He remained grim. The only time Sadi saw him smile was when he was with the children.
“Connor, we need to talk,” Sadi said urgently. It was a Wednesday night. Connor had been gone from the house for a little over two months. She was becoming desperate to salvage their relationship, especially with the new knowledge she had.
Connor looked up from his spot on the nursery floor where he was building block towers almost as quickly as the two children could destroy them. He seemed to sense the urgency in Sadi’s voice so he nodded.
They put the children to bed together, which was unusual. Often Connor ended up wishing them a goodnight and leaving, back to wherever it was he stayed.
Sadi followed him down the hall and into the kitchen. Connor turned, arms crossed.
“What is it?”
Sadi hated that there was a bitterness to his voice that hadn’t been there before. Why wouldn’t he just speak with her? God, she wanted so badly to apologize and make things right. But he denied her at every turn. It was as if wanted to punish her like she had seemingly punished him.
“I’m pregnant,” Sadi whispered. She felt hot tears choke her throat. She couldn’t believe it was possible. It had been one time. She had Connor hadn’t had sex in months so she had gone off her pills. She wasn’t a fan and didn’t see the point in taking them if there was no risk. She had been so drunk the night Connor had come over that she had forgotten all about them.
“Damn it, Sadi,” Connor hissed. He uncrossed his arms and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “How could you let this happen? This is all I need…. Are you sure it’s mine?”
Sadi stared at Connor in shock. Who was this man? Certainly not the kind, loving husband who had rejoiced over the creation of life and their children. Certainly not the man who loved her.
“Connor… I… of course it’s yours!”
Sadi was too shocked to be angry. What kind of question was that? Connor didn’t wait around for her to say anything else. Instead he grabbed his jacket off the kitchen chair and stormed out of the house, letting the door bang shut behind him.
Sadi felt betrayed in the worst way. She had no idea what was going to happen to her and the children, especially now that they were to have another one. She felt lost and alone, confused and frightened. Her heart ached. She wanted Connor, needed him. She felt as though had walked out of her life for the last time and it broke her heart completely.
Sadi was devastated. She had no one to turn to. No close friends, no parent, no sibling. She was alone most of the time, looking after two small children, all the while, a third life growing within her. Her life was completely shattered. She hadn’t heard from Connor in days.
Finally Sadi called the only person she knew she could turn to. She called Christine.
Christine came over without hesitation. Sadi thought it would be awkward, being as Christine was now Luke’s fiancé, but it wasn’t at
all. Christine opened her arms to Sadi and Sadi told her everything. It was good to have a friend there to comfort her, to tell her that everything was going to be alright. It was so nice to have an extra set of hands with the children. Sadi was exhausted.
“Let’s turn on the TV,” Christine suggested. “Maybe we can find a show they can watch to give us a half hour break.”
Sadi smiled. Even though Christine was a teacher, it seemed that Connor and Katelyn could tire out even the most experienced.
Sadi switched on the big screen TV. She thought it was way too huge but Connor had insisted on buying it. Sadi was shocked to see the images on the screen. Why had she left the news channel on? She hated watching it. She saw the images of Pearson and Pearson flash across. There had been a fire. Unknown damages.
The day of the bombing came back to Sadi in a rush. Her terrible fear that her finance was dead. The sickening worry that knifed through her as she drove to the hospital. The terrible loss and regret and helplessness that she felt.
It all came rushing back now. Sadi saw Christine freeze.
“We have to get there,” Christine said.
“Go, Christine. I’ll stay with the kids,” Sadi said quickly. “I’ll try and call someone to come watch them so I can go to the hospital if I need to.”
To Sadi’s surprise, Christine shook her head. “You go. I’ll watch the kids. I’ll call the hospital to see if they know anything. Phone and let me know that everything’s all right. I’ll see if I can find a sitter. I know a couple people.”
Sadi’s mouth fell open. She knew what a sacrifice Christine was making for her. She somehow sensed that if something had happened to Connor, if Sadi didn’t get there in time and tell him she loved him, she was going to live her entire life in regret.
“Thank you,” Sadi said. She quickly hugged Christine then grabbed her car keys and ran. She sprinted to the car, and peeled out of the driveway, tires squealing. She thought she would get pulled over for driving like a madwoman all the way to Pearson and Pearson, but she didn’t.
The Billionaire's Mistaken Match ( A BWWM Romance) Page 18
