The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy)

by Kahlen Aymes

  “As far as I know. We didn’t really get to that. So, uh…”

  I sat down and turned my chair toward the window. “Yes?” I knew what he was going to ask.

  “Um, what’s the verdict?” Ryan asked softly.

  “I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet. I’ve had issues with some photos that need to be redone. I’m meeting with Meredith at eleven.” I hoped the nervousness I felt wasn’t coming through on the phone.

  “Are you nervous?”

  Shit! So much for that.

  “I’m about to go ask my boss of a few months to transfer me to another magazine and out of state. I’m…freaking out!” I ran a hand through my hair and then picked at some lint on my skirt.

  “Baby, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

  “Oh, well…okay, then,” I said, trying to keep my voice even and heard his sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. I smiled and tried to keep from laughing out loud.

  “Really?” he asked hesitantly.

  “Um, yeah.” I was feeling mischievous and it was fun to play with him. I realized that Ryan didn’t think it was funny when he didn’t respond.

  “Babe, I’m kidding!” I added quickly. “Of course I have to do this, okay? I want to.”

  Still he was silent. “Are you sure? You sound like you might be reconsidering.”

  “Matthews, I was kidding.” I waited. “Ryan?”

  “I just…I’m feeling guilty about asking you to move out here. It isn’t fair, Julia,” he said and I could hear his reluctance as the words dropped from his mouth.

  “Hey. I love you, so it’s done. I’m doing this for me, too. I can’t be this far away from you. It was hard enough before, but now…forget it.”

  “Yes, I’m struggling more now, too, and it’s only been twenty-four hours.” He chuckled softly.

  “We’re pathetic, but I like it.”

  “Oh, babe…I keep thinking about last weekend. I’ll never forget it.”

  “Mmmm. Me, too. Ryan, I’m…” I began softly as memories from the lovemaking started to stir my body to life. Here in my office, three thousand miles from him, he could make me tremble and quake.

  “You’re…?” he prodded softly, his velvet voice rolling through me like an electric current.

  I’d always been honest with him but this was so revealing. “I’m…aching.”

  He sucked in his breath. “I am too. It was beyond anything I expected. Just remembering how you felt and your voice, makes me rock hard. I want you so bad.”

  I felt the throbbing warmth and wetness in my core increase but couldn’t let this continue if I was going to function properly at work. “Ugh, Ryan. You have to stop,” I whispered. “It’s torture.”

  “If this is torture, you can kill me right now, Julia. I love you so much. Remember that when you’re talking to Meredith.”

  “I love you too. I’m coming out there, one way or another, so just know that.”

  “You make me very happy. I don’t deserve you.”

  “We’ve had this conversation before. You deserve whatever I want to give you, remember?” I laughed softly.

  “I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I won’t argue with you.” Ryan’s low laugh was smooth as silk.

  “You’re so damn sexy, Matthews. Quit it,” I smiled into the phone.

  “As long as you think so, that’s all that matters. I hate to go, but I have class baby. I have to run.”

  “Okay. I’ll call you tonight.”

  “You better. Good luck with Meredith.”

  “Who needs luck? I have you. Bye, sweetie.”

  “Bye, honey.”

  I continued to work through the morning, slightly stressed when Andrea had trouble lining up another model on short notice. The agencies we normally worked with were scrambling, but I had a budget and a time constraint that we were finding it difficult to work around. I called the head of the art department and gave instructions on how the photo may need to be altered. Just in case.

  Finally, it was time for my meeting with Meredith. I took a deep breath as I rode up the seven floors to her office. I was fidgeting and willed myself to stop.

  Get a grip.

  The executive offices were posh with hardwood cherry floors and large glass doors that separated the offices from the elevator foyer. The receptionist looked up from the paperwork she was working on.

  “Just go on in.” She smiled warmly and indicated with her hand in the direction of Meredith’s office.

  I clasped my hands in front of me and walked toward Meredith’s open door. She was on the phone, but looked up when she saw me hovering and motioned me in.

  “Yeah, you could be right. She’s here now, in fact. Um…I’ll get back to you. It’s a great idea. Thanks.”

  Meredith raised her eyebrows, pointing to one of the blue leather chairs in front of her large desk. There were pictures from all over the world adorning the walls of the office. Meredith and her husband had no children, choosing instead to be well-traveled and carefree. She was a strong woman who knew what she wanted out of life and how to go after it. Hopefully, that characteristic would help her understand my predicament.

  “Okay, okay. Later.” She hung up the phone and leaned back in her chair smiling widely.

  “Julia, you look gorgeous. I love that color on you,” she said, admiring the chartreuse silk of my blouse under the black suit jacket. I sat back and crossed my legs, my foot bobbing nervously.

  “That Mike Turner! He’s a trip, isn’t he?”

  I wondered if the conversation that they’d just finished had anything to do with the botched photo shoot.

  “Um, yes, you could say that. Did he tell you about the pictures? I just didn’t think the look was right. He should have called when the model didn’t match the story boards.”

  “Yes, he told me, Julia. He, um…well, he had an idea that we should use you as the model since we can’t seem to line anyone else up.”

  My mouth fell open and I started in the chair. “Uh, I don’t think so,” I said quickly.

  “Why not? You’re a beautiful girl. It would save us $10,000 and solve the time problem too. Andrea can clear your schedule this afternoon and we’ll get the whole thing done right away. She’s already got the male scheduled.”

  Heat rushed up my neck and over my cheeks. It was intense and my face had to be bright red. “Meredith, come on. This…isn’t part of my job description, and I have no experience,” I tried to protest.

  “Julia. Let’s just try it, shall we?” She looked at me pointedly and I shut my mouth. I recognized that tone. Her mind was made up.

  Damn Mike, anyway.

  She glanced at her watch and then back at me. “Was the botch-up what you wanted to talk to me about? If so, problem solved! Voilà!”

  Meredith patted her elegant chignon and then leaned forward, looking at me expectantly. She had olive skin, dark hair and striking features. The epitome of what a creative director in fashion should look like, her make-up and clothing were always impeccable and of excellent taste.

  “No. I thought I’d handle that without bothering you. Too bad Mike didn’t think along those same lines.”

  She smiled. I wasn’t getting out of the photo shoot. “Okay, then…what?”

  “Meredith, do you think I do a good job?”

  “Oh for God’s sake! Of course, Julia. Don’t be absurd! You’re one of the best creative assistants I’ve ever had. I see a huge future for you with this company.”

  I took a calming breath. The fact that she valued me would prove invaluable in the next few minutes.

  “Thank you. That means a lot. I really do try to do my very best for you.”

  She looked at me quizzically. “Julia, what’s this about? Are you asking for a raise?” She smiled and raised her eyebrows.

  “No. It’s kind of personal and if it’s alright, I’m just going to say it.” I took a deep breath and plunged in. “I need to move to the East C
oast and I’m hoping I can get a transfer to one of our magazines in New York.” I let my breath out in a whoosh and waited for her to respond.

  “What? This is very sudden, isn’t it? Is there some emergency?” she asked, the concern evident in her features.

  “No, it’s nothing like that. Remember my portfolio…” I began but she cut me off, her eyes widening at the same time.

  “Oh, yes. Mr. Gorgeous Harvard Best Friend, hmmm?”

  I blushed at her quickness. She was a brilliant woman who could read people easily.

  I nodded. “Yes. Ryan. He’s been my best friend, but honestly Meredith, I’ve loved him for years. This past weekend we admitted that we’re in love with each other. I just…I need to be closer to him while he’s in medical school.” I glanced up from my hands and into her face and she was smiling softly. “I know it’s asking a lot, considering that I haven’t been with the company all that long, and it might take a while to make it happen, but I wanted to see what the possibilities are.”

  Meredith considered it for a moment. “I’ll hate to lose you, Julia, but I do understand. I’ll have to make some calls to see what’s available out there. Are you willing to stay here until I can find a suitable fit and to help find your replacement?”

  Relief washed over me. I nodded quickly and ran my hand through my hair. “Of course. Anything. I want to make it as easy on you as possible, Mere.” I felt like laughing out loud. “I can’t thank you enough for even considering this!”

  “You don’t have to, Julia. That man is mouthwatering. I can see why you want to be near him,” she said and smirked. “But right now, get your ass down to wardrobe and make-up. Mike is waiting for you in studio four.”

  Ugh! She was serious.

  “That’s blackmail and you know it,” I said rising from the chair and walking toward the door to her office.

  “Well, learn from the master, honey. You do what you have to do to get it done,” she said as she picked up the phone and started to dial out.

  I smiled on my way to the elevator. Lunch with Andrea would have to wait. I pulled out my phone and dialed Ryan’s number since he’d be out of his last class and was probably chomping at the bit for my call.

  He answered on the first ring. “Hey, babe. How’d it go?”

  “Oh, just great!” I mocked. “No problem.”

  Ryan laughed and amusement laced his voice, “Really? Don’t play with me or I’ll have to spank you.”

  A throaty laugh escaped my chest. “Oh sure, get in line, babe. Meredith will help me get a job out there but isn’t sure how long it will take. I also have to help hire my replacement, and as you know, I’m irreplaceable,” I laughed.

  “That’s it? It was that easy, sweetheart?” I could hear the elation in his voice.

  “Well, that and I have to pose in my underwear for next month’s issue.” I was nervous as hell but it was funny and I giggled softly. Ryan sucked in his breath, apparently not as amused.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Well, you want me out there don’t you?” I teased.

  “What are you talking about, Julia?” The happiness turned to trepidation, his voice getting more strained with each word.

  “Relax. We had some photos tank and now there isn’t time to get a new model. We’re doing a reshoot and I was elected to stand in,” I said as I walked into my office past a giggling Andrea, who had obviously already heard.

  Good news travels fast.

  “No! I don’t want you doing that Julia,” he said adamantly.

  “Why? You like me in my underwear, and out of them, right?”

  “Julia, this isn’t funny. Are you really doing this?”

  I laughed softly. “I’m sure the pics will be horrible and then we’ll go to plan B, which is to Photoshop the originals. Don’t worry, Ryan. I’m in charge of all of the creative so I won’t let it be too revealing. You know…you might even like it,” I added suggestively, making my voice as seductive as I could.

  There was silence on the other end for a moment until he finally answered. “I would if it were for my eyes only, then yeah, but not the whole damn world. Who’s taking the pictures? Turner?” There was a hard edge to his voice.

  Ryan hadn’t met Mike yet, but I’d told him generalities and how he’d asked me out on numerous occasions.

  “Isn’t it always Mike’s jobs when something gets so fucked up?”

  He sighed loudly on the other end, clearly very upset. Teasing hadn’t helped so I softened my voice and got serious.

  “Ryan, this is no big deal, okay? I’m on a deadline and my options are limited. Besides, I’m no model. They probably won’t even turn out.”

  “Julia, you don’t see yourself clearly. You’re stunning; of course the pictures will be amazing. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  I smiled and my heart couldn’t help expanding. He was jealous. “Have you forgotten I’m moving to New York? It’s a go, so don’t let this shit overshadow that. Be happy! I am, okay?”

  I sank down in my chair trying to soften my voice another level. My heart raced at the thought of Ryan seeing the photos and my motivation changed. Suddenly, I wanted them to turn out. Maybe I’d ask Mike to take a few shots of me alone so I could give them to Ryan for Christmas. When he remained silent, I tried again.

  “Hey. Are you still there?”

  “Yeah. Just don’t let him touch you and make sure you’re covered up.”

  I wanted to laugh but it would just piss him off. It was a bedroom scene so there would be some skin, but I’d deal with that later. I was more nervous for Ryan’s reaction than anything else.

  “This is not a big deal, I promise. I like that you’re jealous, though. It means you really do love me,” I whispered into the phone.

  “You know I do and I fucking hate being jealous! I don’t like how it feels.”

  “I have to go get ready. I love you, Ryan.”

  “I know. I’m sorry I’m being a baby,” he sighed. My mind’s eye could see his face and that little smirk trying to play on his full lips. I wanted to kiss those lips.

  “It’s okay.” I changed the subject to take the focus off of the shoot, all the while admonishing myself for even telling him. I should have guessed what his reaction would be. “Will you be able to help me move?”

  “Julia, I’ll try. It depends on when and what’s going on with classes. I want to.”

  “We’ll figure it out. Love you.”

  “Love you more. Tell Turner I’ll rip his head off if he even thinks about you in the wrong way,” Ryan teased and I could tell he was more relaxed.

  I laughed. “He thinks about everyone in the wrong way. He’s twisted like that. I’ll call you tonight.”

  “Don’t forget about me when you’re half naked.”

  “It’s impossible, no matter what state of dress or undress I happen to be in. You know that.”

  He laughed. “Leave it to you to soothe the savage beast. Okay, honey.”

  “I love you, baby. Bye.”

  “Goodbye, my love.”

  Happiness flooded through me. I put away my phone and motioned to Andrea to join me as I rushed down to the studio floor. I glanced at her and then it hit me. I knew how to make my move happen even faster and the transition for the company even easier.

  “Andrea, I’m going to New York to be near Ryan. How would you like to have my job?” I asked as her mouth dropped.

  ~8~

  Is that me? Holy shit!

  I leaned forward and tried to find myself in the mirror. The make-up was more pronounced, the lips brighter, the eyeliner thicker and the skin bronzed and glowing. They’d covered my body with a layer of airbrushed tan, my usually pale skin now golden brown. The green shadow on my eyes made my eyes seem larger in combination with the heavy layer of mascara.

  My hair was wild and big. Teased to look like I’d just been made mad love to and someone had run their hands through it over and over again. I puckered
my lips and raised my eyebrows at my reflection. My lips weren’t overly bright, they were darker, and not the blood red of the last model.

  I’d discussed the layout with Mike and Andrea earlier and we’d agreed that the male model would be the focus and I’d be in the background, preferably in profile or a back shot. I didn’t want my face plastered all over the magazine. Not that anyone would recognize me anyway, but Ryan would be less agitated if it wasn’t obviously me.

  The most effective shot would be to have Nick in his boxer briefs, all muscled abs and arms, standing in front of the bed with a smoldering stare into the camera, while I would be on the bed in the background, wrapped in a sheet. I was nervous about the sheet because even though wardrobe had put me in nude boy shorts, I couldn’t wear anything on top so the sheet could drop low on my back. At least I’d be a blur in the photo, but the illusion had to be there.

  Andrea patted me on the shoulder.

  “Is it so obvious?” I cringed.

  “Of course, Julia,” she soothed. “You look amazing though!” She smiled at my reflection in the mirror and I pulled the white robe closer around me.

  The make-up artist that had slaved over me for the past two hours groaned. “Julia, don’t. You shouldn’t even be wearing that damn thing. You’ll rub off the tan!”

  “Oh, crap. Sorry, I’m just…I’m not used to this.”

  “Just be more careful.” She was clearly not sympathetic to my plight. She had a sort of punk rock style going on, with jet black hair, and numerous piercings in her ruddy face. I grimaced as I noticed the tongue ring and the one through her left eyebrow. That shit had to hurt.

  She had a dark demeanor and she didn’t talk at all during the entire time she worked on me. I’d tried to start up a conversation several times, but finally gave it up as a lost cause. I was damn glad to be getting out of her chair.

  Andrea hustled me down the hall and into the studio. I wobbled slightly on the platform shoes. They were black suede Louboutin pumps and the heels were at least 5 inches high. I loved them and wondered why I needed shoes considering my feet wouldn’t show in the shot if it turned out like I wanted.