The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy)

by Kahlen Aymes

  “She didn’t come right out and say it, but we knew, Ryan. It was in everything she did. The way she talked about you and how you both gravitated toward each other, and how she’d blow off us off if you called. It was pretty obvious. And she always moped around whenever you were out with your latest bimbo. Every time.”

  Regret surged through me. I ran a hand through my hair, my face sobering.

  “Hey, all’s well that ends well.” Jenna smiled.

  “Yeah, but I hate that I hurt her like that. I didn’t realize.”

  “Really, Ryan? I mean, you loved her didn’t you? How could you think it was any different for her?”

  “I guess I never analyzed it. I didn’t think I was worthy, but yes, I’ve been in love with her for…ever.”

  “Right. We knew that, too.”

  Aaron sat a glass of white wine in front of her as my phone vibrated in my pocket. I sighed in relief as I opened Julia’s message.

  “Excuse me for a minute, Jen.”

  Finally finished and exhausted. Going home. Love you.

  I texted back immediately as Aaron tried to sweet talk his way back into Jenna’s good graces.

  Will you use the photo for the magazine then?

  Yes. It’s much better and easier than reworking the old one.

  Oh. How provocative is it?

  I waited for her response but the text didn’t come in. Instead my phone started to ring.

  “You guys, I need to take this outside. It’s too damn loud in here. Back in a bit,” I said as I grabbed my coat and answered the phone.

  “Hey baby,” I said as I headed to the door.

  “I love that you’re worried about the pictures and are protective of me, but you need to trust me. I won’t be naked in the magazine, I promise.”

  “Only almost naked?” I asked because I couldn’t help myself. I was sulking and she could hear it in my voice.

  She sighed. “Ryan.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry.” I shoved one arm in the jacket and then switched my phone to the opposite hand so that I could repeat the process on the other side without breaking the conversation. “I just…that shit is mine, Julia. I don’t want to share and I don’t give a damn if I’m selfish. I’m not going to apologize for it.”

  “You aren’t sharing anything. You can’t even see my face clearly in the shot we’re using. I’m blurred in the background. Relax.” I could hear her breathing softly over the phone and I remembered how her breath felt as it rushed over my skin as we made love. My body reacted involuntarily.

  “Okay.”

  “And, I love that you’re possessive. It makes me feel all warm and gushy inside,” she breathed softly.

  “I love you so much, Julia. I wish I could touch you. I can’t wait until you’re closer.”

  “Me, too.” I could actually hear the longing in her voice. “I’m working on it. I think Andrea will take my job and all I have to do is find someone to replace her. Well that, and wait for Meredith to find a position for me in New York.”

  “Thank you for moving, love. It means a lot.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. I’m dying, I miss you so much. You know that, right?”

  “Yes, but it’s nice to hear.”

  She yawned. She was dead tired. “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day and I didn’t sleep great last night. Aren’t you tired?” she asked. “It’s so late there.”

  “Not really. Jenna and Aaron just met me at Kelly’s, so I’ll be up for a while. Are you going to bed?”

  “Pretty soon. Tell them I said hello.”

  “I will. Julia?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Mike didn’t…” I began but she cut me off.

  “No! Not at all. He was totally professional. Stop worrying. Please?”

  I took a deep breath, expelling some anxiety with it. “How sexy are these photos?” I cringed at myself because I even asked the damn question, but I wanted to know. I hated the jealousy that surged inside of my chest at the thought of another man, seeing her like that, but there wasn’t anything I could do to push it away.

  She chuckled softly. “They’re sexy, Ryan. We did this to go with an article about sexual secrets. That’s the whole point.”

  “Yeah,” I said, knowing I couldn’t keep the apprehension out of my tone.

  “Do you keep secrets from me?” she said seductively and instantly my mood shifted from anxiousness to desire.

  “Well…I’m sure there are some things we don’t know about each other yet, honey, since that part is so new for us, but I don’t intend to keep anything from you. What about you?”

  “Mmmm, you know I can’t keep secrets from you,” she almost whispered. And I did know that, so it was completely ridiculous for me to worry or be jealous.

  “Hmmm, yes.” Warmth spread over me at her words, and my blood pressure increased, giving me an instant hard-on. I tried to adjust my pants as it became uncomfortable. “Just this little bit of sexy talk on the phone and I’ve got a raging erection. I don’t mean to be so caveman. I’m sorry if I got a little pissy over Mike seeing my girl half dressed, but I can’t help it, Julia.”

  “It’s okay. Do you think I’d be with anyone else now when I wasn’t capable of it when we were just friends? I was thinking about you the entire time, so when you see the photos, don’t forget that. I love you.”

  I smiled at her words, a swell of love and pride filling me up. I could hear how tired she was, so I needed to end the call. “I won’t. I’ll let you get to bed, my love. Call you tomorrow?”

  “Uh huh. Goodnight, Ryan.”

  “I love you, Julia. Sleep well.”

  I walked back into the bar and found Aaron still sitting there, but with Jen on his lap.

  “I guess ma thumb’s out of business tonight after all, eh?” I laughed and resumed my seat.

  Aaron joined the laughter. “Yeah. How’s Julia?”

  “She’s good, man. Tired. She just got off of work.” I picked up my previously abandoned beer and took a drink after I pulled off my jacket.

  “What the hell is she doing at the office at eight o’clock?” he grunted.

  “Yeah, I thought I was the only one lucky enough to work all damn night,” Jen interjected.

  “Apparently there was a problem with some photos and they had to reshoot them. The model wasn’t available so…Julia did it.” I smirked at Aaron’s stunned expression.

  “Wow. So she’s a model now? That’s totally hot,” he said, nodding his head with a smug look on his face.

  “Uh…well…” I began.

  “What type of photo was it, Ryan? Was it for an article or a feature?” Jenna was showing genuine interest and she pushed off of Aaron’s lap to sit next to me again.

  “Something about the secrets men keep from their women. I don’t know.” I shrugged and ran my hand through my hair.

  “So what? She’s doing a bedroom scene, bro’?” Aaron’s hormones were already raging; I could see that along with the unabashed amusement in his face.

  I shifted uncomfortably on my barstool and leaned my elbows on the bar. “Something like that,” I answered quietly.

  “Doesn’t that get your dick hard, Ryan? Your girlfriend’s an underwear model! Shit! It even get’s my dick hard!”

  Jenna shoved him in the shoulder. “Ugh! Aaron! You’re so insensitive.”

  She was watching me while he downed his beer and saw that I wasn’t exactly happy with the situation. She reached out and put her hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently as she spoke. “I’m sure it was completely tasteful, Ryan. Julia has too much class for anything less.”

  I nodded. “I know. That isn’t it. The photographer is after her and it seems like his photos are always the one’s that get fucked up. It’s just a little too convenient. She’s said he’s come on to her many times, so I just get a little uneasy having him take those types of photos of her. I’m sure it will be fine.” The corners of my mouth twitched.

  “It will. Julia
can handle herself. Now, my situation, on the other hand is terminal. I’m stuck with this big asshole.” She nodded toward Aaron. “What do you think about that?” She laughed.

  I raised my eyebrows as a grin split my face and I turned toward her. “Well, I think that you both are damn lucky that you’re in the same city. I’m so jealous; I can’t even put it into words. Enjoy each other as much as you can and be thankful. Even if he is a big asshole, his heart’s in the right place. He loves you a lot.”

  “You know what? You’re right.” She looked straight in to my face, her long blonde hair falling over her shoulder. “Julia will be in New York soon, won’t she? Aaron said she’s getting a transfer.”

  “Hopefully, before the start of the New Year, but we don’t know for sure. As Aaron always so succinctly points out, ‘it’s still a good distance away,’ so while the situation is better, it isn’t ideal.”

  “Well, leave it to Aaron to find the ray of sunshine in any situation!” she said.

  We both looked at him and laughed.

  “What? What’d I do now?” He looked from Jenna then back to me.

  I held up my hand in front of me. “Hey, don’t look at me, dude! I’m innocent.”

  “Like hell you are. Fuck the both of you. Becky! Can we get another round please?”

  I was meeting Ryan at Denver International and we were renting a car to take up to Estes Park for Christmas. My stomach fluttered with butterflies as I walked off the plane. Ryan’s had arrived an hour earlier and he’d be waiting. It was a month since I’d seen him and I was anxious to have his arms around me.

  All of my things were packed and the movers were coming to pick up the stuff on the Monday after Christmas. Dad was driving my car to New York and would fly home after he’d helped me move in. Ryan would fly with me to New York after Christmas and stay for the last week of his break before his new semester started at Harvard. Aaron was taking the train down, and with my three strapping men to help me, it would be a breeze.

  Ryan, Aaron and Jenna had gone into the city a couple of weekends earlier and secured an apartment for me on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, not far from my new offices. Ryan sent digital pictures with all of the details for my approval. It was a blessing that there were so many people willing to take such good care of me.

  The apartment was more than I could afford, even though I was getting a cost of living increase, but Ryan told me that he’d take care of it. I was hesitant in taking money from him, but he insisted that I be in the safest part of the city. I couldn’t argue because it did make me feel better, and my dad, too. I was slightly apprehensive about being in such a huge city alone, but Dad and Ryan were in protective mode and would not allow anything less.

  Ellie cried her eyes out the last week that I was in L.A., but Harris was moving in, which helped. My heart hurt at leaving Ellie, my job and all of the new friends that I had made, but being closer to Ryan would be the right thing for both of us.

  My heart thudded wildly. I was still amazed at how much I loved him, and more so, that he returned it in the same measure. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

  It was all falling into place. Andrea was taking over my old job and Meredith secured a position for me as creative assistant at Vogue, with the condition that I keep in touch with her in case I ever wanted to go back to Los Angeles. She worked hard to keep me with Condé Nast and I was grateful for her ongoing confidence.

  The best part of all was nonchalantly leaning against a pillar in the waiting area at the gate as I came through the doors of the jetway. He was wearing the black leather jacket that I’d given him, a white t-shirt and blue jeans. Broad shoulders, slim hips, muscled thighs, and the signature sex hair. I was one lucky girl.

  God, he’s so gorgeous. He’d look good in a paper sack.

  A huge smile split my face as I hurried along, closing the distance between us. I was anxious to get my hands on him. When he saw me, Ryan pushed off the pillar with his shoulder and the crooked grin I adored spread across his face. Our parents weren’t happy that we were ditching them for Christmas, but we wanted and needed this time alone.

  His arms opened and gathered me tightly against his chest, as I turned my face into his neck and dropped my carry-on. He lifted me up so that our mouths were on the same level and I wound my arms tightly around his neck as his musky scent assaulted my nostrils. When his mouth descended upon mine, he kissed me long and hard, his tongue melding with mine over and over again. We were oblivious to the others milling past and around us, some of them undoubtedly staring at our blatant display, but I didn’t give a damn. He smelled and tasted so good and I never wanted to let him go. I tugged on his hair to pull his mouth tighter against mine and thrilled when he moaned into my mouth.

  I inhaled his breath as our kisses finally ended and he looked into my face, his blue eyes moving over my features as if he were memorizing each one separately and then together.

  “Julia,” he said softly and then bent to kiss me again gently. “You taste so damn good. Oh baby, it’s great to have you in my arms, finally.”

  “I missed you,” I whispered and reached for his mouth with mine once again. “Kiss me again.”

  He smirked and let out his breath in a huff. “Demanding little thing, aren’t you?” he asked, but didn’t let me down. My eyes challenged him and his mouth met mine again for another deeply passionate kiss before he set me back on my feet.

  “Come on, there’s a cabin and a snow bank with our names on it.” I giggled as he picked up our bags and flung them over his shoulder, lacing his fingers through mine and we walked off in the direction of the rental car counters and the baggage claims.

  Electricity vibrated between us and my entire body was alive with it. I stared into his face as we walked. He was smiling, white teeth flashing. I noticed how women who passed stared, but he seemed oblivious.

  “What?” Ryan finally asked as we made our way through the terminal.

  Embarrassed that he would catch me watching, a blush crept up beneath the skin on my neck and cheeks. His hand tightened around mine.

  “I’m just so happy to see you. To be able to look at you.” I shook my head and shrugged. “I took that for granted when we were together all of the time.”

  He nodded in understanding. “Me, too. You’re so beautiful, Julia. I’ll never get enough of looking at that face.” His eyes roamed over me and he smiled at me. “Or that body. God, I missed you, love.”

  I laughed out loud and we walked for a while without speaking, content to be in the same place, holding onto each other. We got our bags and I checked my messages while Ryan took care of getting the car.

  Dad called, asking that I call him when we arrived. I quickly dialed his number.

  “Hey, Dad, I’m in Denver.”

  “Is Ryan with you? I worry about you, honey,” he said gruffly.

  “Getting the car. He was waiting for me when my plane landed. Between the two of you, I’m all taken care of.”

  “I’m happy about you and Ryan, you know. He’s a good kid with a good head on his shoulders.” I dropped my head and ran a hand around the back of my neck, smiling softly to myself.

  “It means a lot to hear you say that, Dad. We…really love each other.”

  “Yes. I can tell that. He’ll take good care of you. I’m still not sure about you being in New York alone, though.”

  “Oh you know…it’s only a few years until Ryan gets finished with med school,” I teased.

  Ugh! Four years until he’d be with me full time. My heart sank. It wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about that before, but moving to New York would not guarantee that we’d see each other much more. We had good intentions, but life had a way of interfering.

  “Ok, I’m going to leave in three days and I’ll meet you guys in New York on Friday.”

  “Did you get the directions that Ryan emailed? I don’t want you getting lost.”

  “Of course I’m going to get lost!” Dad chuckled. “Tha
t goes without saying, but yes, I got the directions. Go have fun with Ryan, Julia. I’ll call you from the road.”

  “Take good care of my baby. I mean, don’t wreck it.” He grunted in exasperation and I laughed. “I’m only teasing. I love you.”

  Ryan finished at the car counter and came to where I waited with the bags, dangling the keys in front of me.

  “Love you, too. Bye, Jules.”

  “Bye, Dad.”

  Ryan loaded up the bags, leaving me to pull only the smallest one through the garage. We were soon speeding north on I-25 out of Denver the seventy or so miles to the quaint little town of Estes Park in the front range of the Rocky Mountains.

  We’d only been skiing once when Aaron, Ryan, Jenna and I had taken a trip to Lake Tahoe for Spring break our junior year in college. He was so graceful, I felt like a complete klutz in comparison. My knees ached so badly after wedging down the hills, but Ryan was very patient trying to teach me how to ski, even if he’d been laughing his ass off on the inside. He’d been very attentive, running a hot bath and massaging my legs as I sat with him on the couch in front of the fire, drinking the hot cocoa that I’d made.

  Ryan’s eyes were hidden by his sunglasses, but turned toward me. “What are you thinking about? You’ve been so quiet, babe.”

  “Just how horrible I was at skiing before and hoping I won’t be so bad this time,” I laughed softly.

  “Hmmm…you were adorable. I felt so bad watching you struggle, but you were such a good sport. I thought you were going to shove those skis up my ass, but you just kept on trying. You never gave up.” His hand enfolded mine and brought it to his lips.

  “I was horrible. I’m surprised you put up with me.” My lips lifted at the corners as I turned in my seat so that I could curl my legs up and look at him.

  “I’ll always put up with you, my love. Forever. You can’t get rid of me.”

  “You promise?” I said seriously and the smile left his face.

  “I promise, Julia. I love you more than anything in my life. That will never change.”

  I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder and wound my free hand around his bicep.