The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy)

by Kahlen Aymes

  “Pfft. Do you want wine?” He glanced over his shoulder and stopped dead when he saw me, then turned and stared. His gaze roamed up and down my body slowly and he fell back against the edge of the counter. “Holy shit, Julia…you look…amazing.” He licked his lips as the hand with the corkscrew in it moved up to rest on his chest.

  “Don’t hurt yourself with that thing,” I murmured softly as I moved toward him and took it from his hand and met his burning blue eyes. My free hand moved up to cup his chin. He was speechless and I loved it. “Cat got your tongue? It isn’t like you haven’t seen me undressed, Ryan,” I said as I walked around him to take the wine bottle and began to unwrap the covering on the cork. He watched in silence, not moving, except to turn in the direction I moved.

  “I know…but it always takes my breath away. You’re beautiful, but the emotion always stuns me…knowing that no one else has ever touched you…that you’ve only ever been mine. I’ll never get used to how that makes me feel.”

  My heart stopped. I set the wine down so that I could wind my arms around his waist and kiss the pulse point at the base of his neck. “I love you every bit as much as you think I do…probably more.”

  His hands ghosted down my back and up again, sending shivers up and down my spine and goose bumps broke out on my arms and legs. “Suddenly, I’m not all that hungry…” he whispered softly as his lips opened on the curve of my shoulder. His mouth was hot and he knew how to melt me, dragging along the line to my neck and placing little sucking kisses intermittently.

  “Uhhh…” I went limp in his arms, my hands unable to hold him like I wanted because of the corkscrew in my hand. “You need to eat. Baby, we’ve got all night and all day tomorrow…”

  “What about tomorrow night and Saturday?” he whispered against my skin.

  “Yeah, that too. But I have a surprise for you tomorrow night.”

  “Better than this? Not possible.” He placed a soft kiss on my mouth and then cupped the side of my face and kissed the opposite cheekbone. His lips were soft as velvet against my skin. I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing. After all these years, he still had the most unbelievable effect on me. Already the throbbing was starting under his expert touch.

  “Not better, just different.”

  “Mmmm…I’d be happy to stay here for the rest of the weekend, honey.” I reached up on my tiptoes and placed a firm kiss on his mouth, trying to get him to stop his covert seduction.

  I reluctantly moved out of his arms and uncorked the wine. He was watching me intently as he leaned on the counter. I poured the wine into the two glasses he’d set out, picked them up and nodded toward the living room. “Come on. I’ll feed you,” I said with a sly smile and his eyebrows rose in response. “Grab the food, sexy.”

  I preceded him into the living room as he picked up the two cartons of food and two forks. When he came toward me, I pointed toward the middle of the couch. He sat down and I bent to take one of the cartons and fork away from him. He opened one after grabbing the remote and turning on the television.

  The light over the stove and one lamp in the living room was the only light. I reached over and turned it off after I set down the food in my hand.

  “Julia, what are you doing? I thought you wanted to eat?” The question was clear in his tone.

  The television was on low, but it was inconsequential to me as I climbed on to Ryan’s lap and straddled his thighs. His eyes burning, Ryan froze with the food in one hand and his other moving high up my thigh underneath the thin silk.

  I took the carton from his hand and started to fork up the noodles inside. His eyes were burning into mine as he shifted uncomfortably beneath me. I was teasing him, but neither one of us were laughing. I offered him a bite and he took it, but his hand moved further up my body to cup a breast and glide his thumb over my nipple causing my breath to leave my lungs in a rush. I bent to kiss his mouth in a soft kiss and he instantly lifted toward me to deepen it. I resisted and nuzzled his nose.

  “Food,” I whispered against his mouth.

  His hand slid to the back of my neck and urged my mouth back toward his. “Fuck the food, Julia. I want you. You’re killing me with this.”

  “Oh, is it fucking that’s on your mind?” I teased as he removed the carton from my fingers and unceremoniously tossed it on the coffee table. The fork clattered off and fell to the floor. Undoubtedly, there would be a mess. “Hmmm…I guess so.” I slid my hands to the front of his white shirt and began to slowly release the buttons, letting my fingers play on the firm muscles underneath. I raked my hands down his abs toward the top of his jeans. I freed the button and slid the zipper down.

  He sat up and slid his arms around me as his mouth reached up for mine, but I resisted, only licking his top lip lightly. He groaned and buried his face into my neck, sucking on it with such force I thought he’d leave a mark. “Why are you playing with me? I’ll make love to you all night. Don’t torture me.”

  I turned to kiss his temple as my hands fisted in his hair and his hips moved underneath mine. “Do you want to play truth or dare?” I murmured against his skin. I sucked in his scent, so familiar and unforgettable.

  He sat back, his blue eyes luminous as he licked his lips before they lifted slightly at the corners. This was our love game. We played it a lot of times when we hadn’t seen each other for a while and one we came up with while I still lived in Los Angeles.

  “Oh, yeah.”

  Pleased with his answer and the expectant look on his face, I bent to kiss him hard, finally opening my mouth over his and thrusting my tongue between his willing lips. He kissed me back with so much passion that it consumed me, until finally I dragged my mouth away for much needed air.

  “Ok…you go first,” I gasped as my forehead fell on his shoulder as my hips ground into his.

  He moaned. “Ugh…Truth,” he whispered against my mouth.

  “What are you feeling right now?”

  “So much love, I can’t breathe. My body is aching. I’m so lucky…you’re a miracle.” His velvet voice was soft as he brushed a tendril of my hair back and pushed it behind my ear. “Your turn.”

  Oh God. How can I go to France? My heart hurt with the force of the love I felt for him. I was so full of pain, wanting and sadness all at once; I thought I’d burst into tears.

  “Mmmm…dare,” I tried to smile seductively. His features flooded with some emotion that I couldn’t place, his eyes narrowed and he swallowed hard. “You love it when I take the dare.” I ran my thumb across his lower lip, still wet from our kisses.

  This was a game, but we were both serious; our emotions anything but playful.

  He pulled on the neckline of the beautiful silk until my right breast was free. “I dare you not to make a sound for the next five minutes,” he said as his mouth closed around the nipple and he started to suckle it. My head fell back and I bit my lip while his fingers found their way into the moist heat between my legs over the wisp of silk he found there. “Julia,” he gasped as he released my nipple and continued to kiss my chest and along my clavicle. “You’re always so ready for me; knowing you want me, too…Uhh…”

  I pulled on his hair and he groaned. It was all I could do not to scream, as I fought the urge to breathe his name. I bit into his shoulder as his fingers continued to pleasure me until I wasn’t sure that I could stop myself. My hand reached down to still his fingers.

  “I hope it’s been five minutes. I can’t take anymore.”

  “Let yourself go, Julia.” He tried to push my hand aside, but my fingers closed around his. “I want it,” he protested.

  “Not yet, babe. Ugh, not yet,” I begged. “It’s your turn.”

  “Okay…dare.”

  “I dare you not to touch me now. Not until you almost come.”

  “I can’t do it, Julia,” he said as his hands slid up my back to my shoulders and he used them to pull me down harder onto his groin as our hips moved together. “Before this weekend I haven�
�t been able to touch you for something like seven weeks and three days.”

  My heart dropped in my chest and I felt the sting of tears start. My fingers brushed his jaw as I bent to place a whisper kiss on his open mouth. “Please, Ryan. I want to give you this.” I got up off his lap and knelt in front of him and reached for the top of his jeans to open them. His hands reluctantly slid off me as I moved away. “No touching,” I said again. I reached behind me and grabbed the remote off of the table, switching the TV off. “I want to hear every breath you take,” I whispered and bent to kiss his stomach just above the open waistband of his jeans. The light trail of hair leading from his lower abs down was so sexy, like it was leading to the promised land where I would find salvation.

  “Julia.” The sound of my name ripping from deep within his chest was guttural, feral and causing my heart to beat faster and my body to bloom with a new wave of heat. It basically gutted me, how much I wanted him. He caused feelings within me that I never knew were possible. I never imagined a love like this could exist. Now, almost eight years later, he was more to me than I ever could have dreamed.

  I pulled his jeans down and he lifted his hips to help me. His erection sprung free and I pressed my forehead into his abs above it while my hands continued to push the material down his legs. He kicked them free for me and groaned as my breath washed over him. I worked on him with my hands and my mouth, taking pleasure in the way his breathing increased and his hands fisted in the sofa cushions beside him. He moaned softly and started to pant and I knew he was close. I slowed my pace.

  “Mmmmm, baby, you taste so good,” I said in a moan.

  He suddenly sat up and reached for me, lifting me back up to straddle his naked lap. His eyes were glazed and sparkling as he looked up at me, one hand holding my hip and the other coming up to hold the side of my neck, his thumb brushing back and forth on my jaw. He reached up to kiss me, but our mouths hovered over each other’s. I wanted to taste his lips, but he hesitated.

  “Truth or dare?”

  I whimpered, not sure if I wanted to keep playing and longing for him to take me to the bedroom. “Uhhhh, Ryan,” I whispered urgently against his lips. “Please…”

  “Is this truth then?” I closed my eyes and nodded. “Okay. What do you want me to do to you right now? Anything you want, I’ll give it to you.” The want was dripping off his voice, leaving both of us aching.

  “I want to feel you inside me forever. I want you to touch me while we make love and never stop.”

  “As if I could. Where?” he asked as his arms tightened around me. “The bedroom?”

  I wound my arms and legs around him, pressing my heat against his hardness. The silk of my panties did little to disguise my excitement. He surged against me, one hand moving between our bodies to push the material aside and the other pulling my hip forward as he slid inside.

  I pushed his shirt away frantically, my fingers hungry for the hard muscles I’d find under his smooth skin.

  “Baby,” he groaned as he stood up and carried me to the bedroom, our bodies still fused together. I couldn’t help flexing against him in pure instinct.

  I gasped and moved my hips against his, taking him in as deeply as I could. He kicked the door shut and lowered me to the bed, his elbows coming up to rest beside my head and his eyes burning into mine as he settled above me. I closed my eyes at the exquisite feeling of his body intimately entwined with mine and pulled my knees up to bring him even closer.

  “Julia, look at me,” he moaned softly as he nuzzled the side of my face with his nose and began the long, deep thrusts that drove me to distraction. My hips surged up to meet the familiar rhythm. I opened my eyes and took in his expression. It was pleasure and pain and pure love. I reached up to place a hand on his face. “I love you, do you hear me? I can’t breathe without you.”

  His mouth swooped down and we kissed hungrily, our mouths locked together the entire time we made love. I couldn’t get enough of my beautiful man as he brought my body to shuddering climax over and over again. By the time we lay in each other’s arms exhausted, the sun was coming up and casting long shadows across the floor.

  Julia had been quiet all day which left me wondering if she still wasn’t feeling well. I was left trying to figure out what was wrong.

  The time with her had been amazing; we had two more evenings together before I had to go back to Boston. We’d spent the night making love and so slept away most of the day.

  I woke up starving. Julia threw out the Pad Thai we’d left untouched and made us a simple meal of grilled cheese and tomato soup. Now we were on our way downtown. My thumb rubbed over the hand I held in mine.

  “Where are we going again?” I asked anxiously.

  “Uh uh. Not telling, babe. You’ll see soon enough.” Her eyes had a level of excitement that was lighter than I was used to seeing in her eyes. “You’ll have a good time, I promise”

  “Here we are, Madison Square Garden,” the cab driver turned toward us. “That will be $32.50.”

  I handed him two twenties and followed Julia out of the car. The crowds pouring into the entrances seemed endless and I finally realized what the surprise was. “Julia, this is perfect! Thank you!” I picked her up and swung her around. I’d been working so hard that I hadn’t had any time to do anything fun.

  “Julia, this is how it’s gonna be for us. Finally. We’ll be together like this every day,” I said into the hair by her ear. She smelled so sweet. “I love you.”

  “Love you, too,” she kissed the side of my face and then my mouth. “Let’s go! I’ve got really great seats.”

  After I set her down, I wrapped an arm around her as we pushed in with the rest of the crowd. She dug the tickets out of her pocket and handed them to the attendant. “Main box seats are to the left and up one level,” he instructed and pointed toward the escalator.

  We bought some beer and found our seats. The entire time, I never let go of her.

  The crowd was wild, the music was loud and we sang and danced along. I loved watching Julia. The warm flush to her skin was gorgeous and her hair fell in soft waves around her face. I found myself drawing her closer and kissing her often.

  The band started to play a song that had come to mean a lot to us when we were apart. Julia wrapped her arm around mine and leaned her head on my shoulder as the lyrics flooded the arena. The booms of the bass emphasized the words that held so much meaning for us. We’d made love to this song and ended up in tears in each other’s arms on several occasions. It spoke of separation and wasted time and, as always, my heart tightened. She turned her face into my neck. She was getting emotional so I put my arm across her legs and kissed her forehead. Words were unnecessary. We knew each other so well.

  “Hey, you…that shit is almost behind us.”

  She clutched at me harder and I felt her tears dripping on my skin as she nodded. I pushed her hair back but she kept her face hidden. I worried that there was something wrong, but the noise and the crowd kept me from asking.

  “Julia, are you okay?”

  I frowned. Why is she so upset? I tried to reassure her, “It’s okay, sweets. Soon, forever starts for us.”

  She scrambled onto my lap, oblivious to the people around us, kissing me softly as the song continued. I couldn’t help myself, my mouth devoured hers, deepening the kisses. We kissed again and again with a desperation that confused me. My hand slid underneath the curtain of her hair as I tilted her head so my mouth could slant across hers, kissing her deeper and sliding my tongue in to dance with hers.

  I pulled my mouth from hers as the song faded out. “In just a few months, baby. I can’t wait. I love you so damn much.”

  “Take me home, Ryan. I’m sorry, I know the concert isn’t over, but I need you.”

  She didn’t have to ask me twice.

  *****

  This was my last night with Julia. I was planning to ask her to marry me over dinner. The ring was in my pocket and, even though I knew that she’d
accept, I was nervous. We’d talked about marriage many times and it was a given. I smiled to myself in anticipation.

  She looked beautiful in a little black dress, dark hose and black heels. So elegant. Her hair was pulled up on the sides, but fell in long waves down her back and my bracelet sparkled on her wrist. She wore the diamond solitaire necklace I’d given her last Christmas and some long diamond drop earrings. Breathtaking.

  Her features were calm but there was something going on behind her beautiful green eyes. She’d been so quiet today. Last night was a miracle, another amazing all night sex-a-thon that had started the minute we’d entered her apartment. We couldn’t get enough of each other. No surprise, but, there was something unspoken that made her more needy and wanting than usual.

  I’d pushed her up against the wall in the hall and removed her clothes slowly. From the moment our mouths touched, she was clutching at my shoulders, frantic in her efforts to get closer. The lovemaking was intense, full of emotions that swelled up inside us both. The tears on her cheeks confused me and caused me pause, but when I’d asked about it she’d shushed me, begging me not to talk and just feel. She made love to me as if she’d never see me again. Goodbye was always hard, but this time would be the last time, so I didn’t really understand her desperation or her tears.

  I closed my eyes as a lump rose in my throat. The way she affected me, how much I loved her…It was like my life-force. Consuming and endless.

  I watched her pick at her food for twenty minutes. This was her favorite restaurant in New York and she loved coming here, but tonight she was listless, pensive…a little preoccupied.

  “Julia.” I reached across the table for her hand.

  She looked up from her plate and set her fork aside. “Hmmmm?”

  “Are you feeling alright?”

  She smiled slightly. “Yes, Doctor. My antibiotic course only has two days left. I feel one hundred percent better.”

  I sighed and cocked my head to one side. “Then, when are you going to tell me?” I asked as I softly caressed her hand by rubbing my thumb in circles over the top of it.