by Liz Schulte
He looked at me, his face impassive. “I told you not to come back.”
“I left him.” My skin hummed with energy, but I didn’t care. I was furious and glad to be home. Cheney wasn’t bad to me, but he did do an annoyingly good job thwarting my efforts to make him choose between me and his father. The only way to move us forward was to become a changeling, but Jaron had made it clear that if I went that route, he was done, so I left Cheney, deserted my plan. I needed Jaron.
He mirrored my stance, crossing his arms over his big chest peppered with dark hair, so unlike an elf. “Why?”
“I can live without a lot of things, Jaron. I don’t need my family, I don’t need love, I don’t need to be happy, but I need you. And I hate you for it.”
He tilted his head back. “Why?” he asked again, making me want to groan.
“Without you, I don’t know who I am.”
“You’re young, Selene. I wager you don’t know who you are, even with me.”
I shrugged. Like that mattered. I was giving him what he wanted. I was here, elves be damned. We would do this the old-fashioned way and defeat them in a battle rather than with a scheme. People would die, but I would have Jaron.
“You’ve spent your life defining yourself by others. By who did and did not love you. You’ve twisted yourself into so many knots, I’m not sure you can ever untie them all.”
“And you’re perfect, Jaron?” I raised an eyebrow. “You cannot allow yourself to live or even feel deeply. And why is that? Why do you have to be alone? Why did you make me love you if you insist on pushing me away? I may define myself by others, but at least I have other people I care about more than myself.”
He growled, but I wasn’t scared. Jaron wouldn’t hurt me. I knew that as well as I knew my own reflection. He had proven it so many times. “I feel plenty, but I have self-control. You are young and the prince loves you. Go back to him, have children, be happy, and leave me in peace. You will get the same ending you desire.”
“No.”
“I cannot give you what you want.”
“Who cares? You’re getting what you want—me.” I went to him, no longer caring if he came to me like I’d sworn to myself I would make him do.
He smiled. “I’ve never known anyone quite so full of herself.” He took a small step toward me. “It’s the confidence of someone used to getting what she wants, no matter what the cost. You say you can let this go, but can you? Can you move past your own desires?”
“Can you?” I asked, running a hand down his chest to the elastic waist of his pajama bottoms.
Jarons’s eyes darkened and he closed the rest of the distance.
I opened my eyes and Jaron was gone. I lay on the couch alone, clothes rumpled but still on. I pressed a hand to my lips and recalled the feeling of his mouth against mine. My chest ached for the millionth time for Cheney, and for the millionth time I cursed the stupid bond. Seriously, how did I get from point A to point B on this? I was back with Jaron. I had given up. I recalled Cheney telling me I’d left him for a year, but I returned . . . Why did I go back? What happened to change things? I sat up, groaning in frustration that Jaron, the one person who could tell me, had left.
Elf Selene may not have been the psycho I originally thought she was. I understood her motives regarding Cheney better now, and apparently she struggled to keep up appearances with him. But she was an idiot. Even remembering the vast majority of my elf life, I still couldn’t fathom how we ended up where we did. She loved Jaron, so why did she leave him? Better yet, why would she bond with Cheney and give her memories to Jaron? What was I missing?
“You okay?” Sy asked from the doorway.
“Yeah.” I stood up, straightening my short, cream-colored dress. “Where’s Jaron?” I smoothed my hair as I looked up at Sy.
“He took off.” Sy grinned. “What were you two doin’?”
I pressed my kiss-swollen lips together to keep from smiling. “Retrieving memories.”
“I bet.”
“He’s moved on—”
“Yeah,” Sy said with incredulity. “Right on out the door. That was not the scowl of someone who has let go of the past. What about you? Have you moved on?”
“I’m catching up with the past. It left me behind.”
“Hmph.” He shook his head and walked back out.
I followed closely behind. “What does that mean?”
Sy refilled a couple drinks before he answered. “You don’t want to choose between them, so you’re using not remembering as an excuse. You enjoy having them fight over you.”
“That isn’t true! I don’t know them. How could I choose?” I jammed my hands against my hips. “Jaron barely talks to me and anything I feel for Cheney is so muddled I can’t begin to make it out.”
“But you know what you feel for Jaron?” Sy smiled. “Is my baby cousin in looovvee?”
“Oh my God, shut up.” I turned away from him, laughing, and practically bumped into Holden. “Holy smokes, when did you get here?” I clamped my hand to my chest.
Holden actually smiled. Who knew he had teeth? “So you’re in love?” he said, his eyes softening ever so slightly along the edges.
“Hardly.” I stammered. I had no idea what I felt and I certainly wasn’t discussing it with him. “Do you have the finger?”
“Perhaps. Why do you need it?”
“Michael’s dead. We’re going to find out where the rest of his body is.”
Holden shrugged and pulled the bag from his inside pocket. Sy waved us toward the back room. “I’m running a business here.”
“Where’s Olivia?” I asked, scanning the small apartment for the right spot.
“Out,” Holden said, his voice laced with suspicion.
I glanced back at him. “Just making conversation.” Geez. “She doesn’t mind you being here with me?”
Holden gave me the most perplexed look I had ever seen. “Why would she mind? She’s the one who wanted me to help you.”
My cheeks warmed with my own ego staring me in the face. I wasn’t used to being dismissed quite so easily. I made myself busy and moved the coffee table out of the way. Then I dug a piece of chalk out of my purse and drew a circle on the stone floor. Holden stood back watching me. “Would you ask Sy if he has a candle and salt?”
When I was satisfied with the circle, I retrieved a crystal I kept on my keychain and got a bowl of water. Holden came back with both items in hand. “I’m not going to chant.”
I laughed. “You don’t have to. Just be quiet.”
“That I can do.” He leaned against the wall as I placed the finger in the center and created my circle of protection, calling on the elements. When I was finished, I stood, letting the energy wash over me.
“Earth bone, dying flesh, show me where this spirit rests. Let the blood be my guide to where this body resides.” I placed the finger in a bowl and repeated the spell three more times before dipping the crystal in the water and willing all of my energy into it. The crystal turned red and hummed. Pressure built in the air until my ears popped. I grounded the rest of my energy and exited the circle.
Holden stood up straight. “So, where are we going?”
“I don’t know. We have to follow the crystal.”
Holden’s laugh was derisive. “What do you think that will do? He could be anywhere. What are the odds that body is in Chicago?”
I twirled my hair, thinking my way around this. “Perhaps I can transport there. I’m connected to the crystal. I can feel it, so maybe it will take me to him.”
Holden stood motionless, staring “I can’t let you do that. Liv wouldn’t be happy.”
I held out my hand. “Then come with me.”
His lip rose in something resembling disgust and his hand hesitated over the top of mine. All expression drained from his face as he lowered his hand the rest of the way. I squeezed my eyes shut and clutched the crystal in my other hand, willing with all of my heart and soul to go where the crysta
l led.
“This is where he is?” Holden asked and I opened my eyes. We stood outside of the ruins of the church Cheney took me to when he told me about his sister.
“I hope not,” I whispered. I couldn’t believe Cheney would tell me a story like that then kill Michael here.
“Only one way to find out.” Holden pulled a gun from the back of his pants and walked inside. I followed him, wringing my hands. My eyes adjusted quickly to the dark. “I can’t see a damn thing,” Holden said.
I scanned the room. “No one’s here.” I walked slowly toward the front until his fingers curled around my arm.
“We’re leaving.”
“What? No. What if his body is here now? That doesn’t mean it will be in the morning.”
Holden let out a huffy breath. “I don’t care. I can’t see. We’re leaving.”
“Just a quick look around.” I walked forward. He trailed behind me but managed to always keep me within reach. The front of the ruin held a crumbling stone altar oozing some sort of dark substance from over its top. I had my suspicion about what it was but couldn’t see well enough to determine a color. “Looks like blood,” I whispered.
We walked around the stone mound and found Michael. His face was slack and waxy, eyes open, staring lifelessly at the sky. There was a gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to be. I choked back a sob and a stronger, colder part of me refused to turn away. Instead I squatted down in front of the body and looked it over the best I could, describing what I found to Holden. He had me scan the room one more time to make sure we were alone. When I gave him the all clear, he pulled out his cell phone and used the light to illuminate the body.
After a moment he nodded. “Okay, we found him, let’s go.”
I crossed my arms. “We aren’t leaving him here.”
“That’s exactly what we’re doing.”
“Why?”
“First, we need to come back in the daylight. Second, as far as we know, whoever took him doesn’t know we’ve found the body yet. That gives us the opportunity to watch the church and see who else comes here.”
Despite not wanting to admit it, his logic made sense. “Do you think it’s Cheney?”
Holden shrugged. “I don’t have an opinion.” He took my arm and pulled me away from the body.
“Everyone has an opinion.”
“Not me.” He stopped in the center of the aisle. “Go back to the Office.” He waited for me to leave with a stony expression.
“Geez, you’re bossy,” I grumbled as I went back to Sy’s. I expected Holden to transport with me, but he let go of my arm just before I left. I stood in Sy’s living room, frowning. Where the hell was he? A moment later a thick black smoke filled the room, but before I could panic it formed into Holden. “I didn’t know jinn could transport.”
“They can’t,” he said flatly. “Does it actually matter who did this?”
My eyebrows pulled together. “Of course.”
He nodded. “You strung along two men who are used to getting their way before you became a changeling. Now the human you were engaged to is dead. They’re the two most likely suspects. Unless there were others…”
“Not that I know of.” I frowned. “But Michael and I were over. How could he matter?”
Holden gave me a look that said it definitely mattered.
“Well, if this is all about jealousy, why aren’t they trying to kill each other?”
“They are. Cheney wants to kill the rebel leader, but when you said that was you, he didn’t lock you away and he didn’t drop the idea of killing your partner. He still intends to kill Jaron as soon as he finds out who he is. And Jaron wanted you to kill Cheney and take control. Neither of them is willing to turn the other cheek.”
“So I can’t trust either of them?”
He shrugged. “Do what you want.”
I flopped down on the couch and crossed my legs. “You aren’t very good at giving advice.”
“I don’t care how you live your life so long as you don’t involve Liv in whatever you have going on. If you want to kill Cheney and take the crown, fine. If you want to publicly execute Jaron and take the crown, more power to you. If you want to leave them both and get the fuck out of here, I’ll make Baker help you. Just make up your damn mind.”
I stared at him for a long moment. I couldn’t decide if he was an awesome friend to have or just mean. “I don’t think it’s either of them.”
“Because you have reason or because you don’t want it to be?” He lifted an eyebrow. “Look, I never wanted to get involved in any of this. I don’t care about what’s happening to you.” He gave me a pointed look. “However, I’m here and I’m going to help you because Olivia cares. Loving someone else changes you. You do things and want things you never thought you would.”
“What’s your point?”
He glowered. “My point is, love makes you do stupid things that are against all sense, reason, and character. No matter what you think you know, you can never really anticipate what someone you love is capable of.”
“So who can I trust?”
Holden rolled his eyes. “The less people you trust the better.”
“Well, you’re just a ray of sunshine.”
Holden smirked. “Maybe, but I’m still alive.”
“And if Olivia were here, what advice would she give me?”
He shook his head. “To follow your heart, but trust me, that only leads to trouble. Olivia is the last person you should take advice from. She only sees the good in people.”
Holden started for the door before turning around. “Do you still want to break the bond?”
I nodded.
“Baker knows someone he thinks can do it. I’ll send him here tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”
Holden walked out and nervous excitement nearly made me forget the dull ache. One day from now and I would be free.
“Where’s your focus?” Sebastian asked as he reached down to help me off the ground.
I ignored his hand and his comment as I pushed myself up, despite my protesting muscles. “Again.”
Sebastian stepped back. “No. Enough for today.”
Despite Sy’s objections, I’d returned to the castle like everything was normal. Cheney and I were pole fighting on a balance beam, but I couldn’t hold my attention long enough to compete. My mind kept drifting back to Michael’s lifeless form and wondering if Holden would find anything this morning. Breaking the bond tonight was never far from my mind either. And before I knew it I’d be on the floor with both men staring down at me. “Again.”
Cheney frowned and jumped down from the beam. “Sebastian’s right. You’re half dead.” He put his arm over my shoulder and I felt a moment of peace. I hated that he had that effect on me, but it wouldn’t be for much longer.
“Fine. If you guys are quitting, I’m going to hang out with the girls.” I charged toward the door. I needed to be away from him and the temptation of relief before I started second guessing my decision. Cheney fell into step with me.
“Come with me for a moment.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes. I hesitated. I didn’t want him to give me things. “Trust me.”
That was the kicker, wasn’t it? I didn’t trust him. I couldn’t. I wanted to believe in Cheney, but my memories struggled with what the bond made me feel, leaving me in a great ball of confusion. I followed him toward his office, my throat dry. When we walked through the door I immediately recognized the elf inside.
I stopped and stared.
“Selene,” said the musical voice that should have been familiar, but it wasn’t.
“Tahlik,” I said coldly and he flinched.
“So you do remember him,” Cheney said.
I glanced over. “I told you I didn’t want to see him.”
“The last time we met, Selene, things were different—”
I held up a h
and to stop him. “You made your position clear.” I turned and walked away from them both. How could Cheney blindside me like that? This time he didn’t come after me. I stormed down the hallways until I got to the girls’ quarters. I brushed past the guard standing outside of their room and flopped down on the couch next to Devin, who looked as exhausted as I felt. “Have you heard anything about Michael?” Leslie asked.
I looked up into four sets of concerned eyes. “He’s dead.” I chewed on my thumbnail and stared toward the door. How could Cheney bring my father here on top of everything? I’d wanted a relationship with him since I was a child, but when he brushed me away as if I were nothing my idealized vision of him was stripped from me. Who could I trust? Cheney said the elves had forgotten about that church and that he was the only one who went there. Would he have left a body there for me to find? It seemed so obvious.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Selene?”
Startled, I whipped around to Jessica. “Nothing. Why?”
“Exactly.” She threw up her hands. “You’ve always been reserved, but this is ridiculous. You were with Michael for months and now you have no feelings about him being dead? Why are we staying here, but you’re not?”
I looked around the rest of the group, completely flabbergasted.
“I think what Jessica means is that you aren’t talking to us. You used to let us in. You would have told us about Michael. Now even when you sit near us, you’re off in your own world,” Devin explained, patting my leg. “I am still having dreams. I don’t understand them, but whoever did this isn’t done yet.”
Katrina didn’t say anything but gave me a look saying I needed to fill them in.
“You’ve changed,” Leslie said.
“And not for the better,” Jessica grumbled.
“Enough, Jess.” Leslie threw a pillow at her. “We love you, Selene. We just want you to trust us like you used to.”
I sighed. They were right. I had been a bad friend. “I’m sorry. I do trust all of you. There’s just so much going on right now, and I’m not sure we can talk here.” I widened my eyes for emphasis.
