A Girl by Any Other Name

by MK Schiller

  I used it, telling myself to calm down. If she was home, the front door chain would be attached and alarm set so I still would have to break down the door. To my dismay, neither safety device was activated. Only the main lock was connected. My eyes shifted wildly across the room, but it was somewhat ridiculous since you could see her whole space from the front door. That was except for the bathroom. The thin line of brilliant gold emanated from the bottom of the door. I made my way there with hasty, heavy footsteps, crashed into it as I turned the knob. “Sylvie?” I screamed as an object smacked me in the head.

  I rubbed my head and stared at the girl in front of me, mouth gaping open and eyes wide with shock. “Did you just attack me with a hairdryer?”

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was you. What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to see you.”

  “Let me look at it.” She stood on her tippy toes, gently feeling for what I assumed was a bump. I pushed her hands away.

  “I’m fine.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  I stared at her, unable to hide my incredulous expression at her lack of concern for her own safety. “Aren’t you going to ask me how I got in?”

  “How did you get in?”

  “With this,” I said, pulling out the key. “What the hell is wrong with you? You leave your front door key under the fucking doormat?”

  “I forgot it was there. I’ve been locked out before, and I put it there a long time ago.”

  A shrill, cynical laugh escaped my lips. “Your admission does nothing to make me feel better. You didn’t set the alarm, the chain or the deadbolt either.”

  “I just took the garbage down to the bin. I was planning on doing all that before I went to bed.”

  “Jesus, girl, are you really this stupid? You need to set them when you’re in the fucking house. That’s what they are there for. And do not take the garbage out at night.” I slammed my fist onto the bathroom vanity, unable to contain my temper. Didn’t she know what it would do to me if something happened to her? She winced in response, backing away from me.

  “Cal, if something’s going to get you, a locked door won’t keep it away.”

  I shook my head, unable to contain my sarcastic chuckle. “You said that when we were kids, and I thought it was dumb then, but now it’s completely idiotic.”

  She squared her shoulders, placing her hands on her hips. “I’ve taken care of myself for the past ten years just fine, you know!”

  “No, I wouldn’t know, would I?” I said quietly.

  Her lower lip began to quiver. My anger evaporated, replaced with self-loathing. “I think you should leave,” she said in a choked voice.

  I walked over to her, taking her in my arms. She fought against me, but I gripped her tightly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I was just so worried. Please don’t be mad at me. You know I hate it when you’re mad.”

  She pushed me away from her again. This time I let her. “Then stop being such an asshole. Do you think it wasn’t hard for me? That I didn’t think about you every single day? I wondered where you were, what you were doing, how your leg was feeling.” She was full-on crying now. She leaned against the wall, and slid down to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her knees, hiding her tears from me. I sat next to her, putting my arm around her shoulder, rubbing it gently. She buried her face in my chest. We sat in silence for a while, except for her muffled cries.

  “I know it was hard on you. Harder, in fact, because you had lost your father and I know how much you loved him. I just wish I could have helped you through that. I’m so sorry, baby.”

  She cried for what seemed like an eternity. I held her tightly, wishing to God I had held my anger in check. I just wanted to keep her safe, and all I had done was hurt her. When she was spent of tears, she whispered so softly I had to strain to hear her. “My father was killed that night, but I think his soul died with my mother. I mourned his loss a long time before he died.”

  “I’ve never approved of the way he treated you, but I was always amazed at your capacity to love him regardless of it.”

  She pulled her head up. I took her face in my hands, wiping her tears with my thumbs. “I never told you this, but your father knew who I was. He knew my family’s history and that we were in hiding.”

  I sucked in a deep breath, shaking my head. “He would have told me.”

  “He couldn’t. They always inform the local law, at least a high official. That’s the reason we moved next door to you. It was fate that we were neighbors.”

  “Why didn’t he do something about your dad?” I asked. For the first time in my life, I was disappointed in my own father.

  “He did, Cal. He knew my dad was an alcoholic who ignored me. He set up a meeting with him when I was twelve. He told my father he wanted to contact the US Marshal’s office about getting me moved to another home.”

  “Why would he ask your dad? Why didn’t he just do it?”

  “Our situation was unique and he couldn’t exactly call Child Protective Services. But that’s the funny thing, you’d think my dad would be outraged. Or at least feel ashamed that another man was asking him to give up his child.”

  “What was his response?” I had a feeling I already knew the answer.

  “He agreed. It was like he’d asked my dad to donate some of his old clothes to charity. No big deal. I would have ended up in a different city with some long-distance relative I didn’t know, or, worse, in foster care. He’d never see me again, and that was fine with him. I decided it was fine by me too. I even looked up places where I might live.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. You have such a good heart, despite what you’ve been through or maybe it’s because of it. I’m not sure, but being loved by you is not something I will ever take for granted.”

  “I feel the same way about you.” She twisted a strand of her hair around her fingers. “Tex, I loved my father, but I also started to resent him that day.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you didn’t leave Prairie Marsh, but why didn’t you?”

  “I begged your father not to go to our case worker. I told him my father ignored me, but I could take care of myself. I asked him not to take away the only family I had.”

  “So he just agreed?”

  “It took some convincing, but he did eventually. He checked up on me a lot. You didn’t know that, did you?”

  I shook my head. The idea that my father knew all of Sylvie’s secrets brought me some comfort. “So you stayed because you wanted to be with your father?”

  She shifted, sitting on my lap, burying her face against my neck. “When I asked your dad not to take away the only family I had, like you, he thought I was talking about my father, but I wasn’t. I was referring to you and Mandy and your mother. I was thinking of the boy who told me I was pretty. The one who taught me to fish, and sat with me outside of church. The boy who prayed for me and held me at night. The one who slept on my floor when I was twelve and asked me not to move.”

  “God, I didn’t think I could love you anymore. You stayed for me?”

  “I stayed for me, because I knew without your friendship I could never be strong.”

  I kissed her head.

  “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

  “I know. I’ll be more careful. I promise.”

  I tilted her face so I could look into it. I wiped all the tears away. “Thank you, Sophie.”

  She arched her eyebrow. “You’re calling me Sophie now?”

  I nodded, deciding in that moment that I was making too many mistakes, as she’d implied I would. “I decided it doesn’t matter. A girl by any other name still smells as sweet, and, baby, you sure do smell good.” I kissed her temple, inhaling her vanilla scent.

  Her smile instantly relieved the tension in my body. “Paraphrasing Shakespeare, huh?”

  “Yeah, a really smart girl quoted Shakespeare to me when I was ten, and I’ve never forgotten.” I went to kiss her, bu
t she backed away.

  “Speaking of smells, do you want to tell me why you have another woman’s scent on you?”

  Fuck.

  “I can explain that. Hell, that makes me sound guilty as sin. I don’t want you to get any angrier at me, but I’m not sure how to tell you this.”

  “Just tell me. I ain’t got all day.”

  I laughed, because although she wanted an explanation, I knew from her expression she was amused. “I used to date this girl, Molly. She’s a very nice girl, and we stayed friends afterwards. It was probably a mistake to do that, but we both needed a friend. I met her and another friend, Tony, at the bar tonight. We meet for drinks every weekend, although I’ve been skipping out since I met you. When you said you needed to work, I figured I’d just go meet them not thinking about it. As soon as I got there, though, I knew it was a pretty dickhead move to meet up with my ex. I’m sorry.”

  “Why do you smell like her?”

  “She got pretty wasted fast and there was a guy there who I didn’t trust. I wanted to make sure she made it home so I drove her. I swear to you on my life that nothing happened. I have no problems telling her we can’t be friends anymore. I know it was very disrespectful to you. I never want to jeopardize what we have.”

  She was contemplative for a moment, biting her lower lip. She surprised me with a kiss on my cheek. She was wearing sleeping shorts and one of my T-shirts. I caressed her bare legs as she got comfortable against my chest. “Don’t do that, Cal. You’re a very good friend and I wouldn’t take that away from anybody.”

  “Really? You’re not mad?”

  “I trust you. Besides, I’d be a hypocrite if I told you not to see her again.”

  “How so?” I asked, feeling all the relaxed muscles tense again.

  “My number one, as you like to call him, is still in my life. He lives in another state, but I talk to him on the phone, and we see each other once in a while.”

  “I see,” I replied as evenly as I could, gnashing my teeth together.

  She put a hand on each side of my face, looking up at me. “I love you. Any intimacy between him and I was over a long a time ago. I just wanted you to know.”

  “Well, you’ve put me in a position where arguing would only make me look like a damn fool.”

  “So let’s not argue about it.”

  “You’re right. I don’t want to talk about other people anymore. Just let me love you tonight.” I trailed kisses down her jaw line, but she backed away before I could descend any further.

  “We can’t. I got my period.”

  I bent down so I could whisper in her ear. “I don’t mind.”

  She laughed, pushing herself off me. “Ewweee, I do.”

  I sighed in exasperation. I wasn’t getting makeup sex.

  “Fine,” I grumbled.

  “Don’t be that way. It’s good news.”

  “How in the hell is it good news?”

  “Because I’m not pregnant, silly.”

  “Oh, yeah, I suppose it is. Let’s go to bed, Sophie. At least I can hold you tonight.”

  She shook her head and I opened my mouth to protest. I was tired as hell and I just wanted to fall asleep with her in my arms. “Cal, I can accept that you’re friends with her, but I will never be all right with you coming to my bed with another woman’s scent. Take a shower, buster.” She pointed to the tiny shower in her apartment. I hated that shower. I swear it was built for midgets.

  She stood up, “Hurry up, cowboy.”

  “Why?” I grumbled.

  She gave me a sexy smile, licking her lips. Her words were whispered promises, jerking my dick to full awareness. “My body may be off limits, but yours isn’t. I’ll be waiting.”

  I think that was the fastest shower I ever took.

  Chapter Nineteen

  My unease was at an all-time high. It was five minutes past when class had started and Sylvie wasn’t here yet. She still sat in the back, but we always smiled at each other when she walked in. It wasn’t like her not to show up. She knew how much I worried. I texted her before starting the lecture.

  Twenty minutes later, I checked my cell—something I told my students never to do—but there was no response. I texted again.

  Where the hell are you?

  I checked ten minutes later and still no response. “Jessica, please take over,” I said quietly in the middle of Melanie Adams reciting her paper on The Iliad.

  I stepped out into the hallway, hitting the button for Sylvie’s phone, trying to control the rampant thoughts in my head. The phone rang so I prepared for the heated voicemail I’d leave her, but she finally answered.

  “Cal,” she said in a raspy voice as if she’d been crying. All my anger instantly dissipated.

  “Where are you?”

  “At home,” she choked.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “He found me.”

  “Are you hurt?” My fingers tightened around the phone so hard I was afraid it would pop right out of my hand.

  “No, I’m okay.”

  I exhaled a long breath I hadn’t realized I was holding in. “Are you safe right now?” I asked, heading back to the classroom to retrieve my jacket and keys.

  “Yes, he’s gone. The police are here. It was the alarm. The sound made him run off.”

  “I’ll be there as fast as I can.” I propped open the door. “Jessica, I need you to take over.”

  “Everything okay?” she asked.

  “It’s a family emergency.”

  Jessica looked at me, perplexed, but nodded. As far as I was concerned, that was the most truthful response I could give. Sylvie was my family and always had been.

  * * * *

  I reached her place in record time, breaking all speed limits and running every yellow light in my path. I charged up the stairs, but halted in my tracks when I saw the door, busted off the jamb with the broken chain swinging in mock victory. I pushed it open and walked in. There were several police officers and men in suits, but I ignored them all looking for her.

  She sat on her bed folding clothes into a suitcase. I walked up to her and took her in my arms. She melted into them.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay, I’m fine. He busted through the door, but as soon as the alarm went off, he ran away. I was in the bathroom getting ready to head out. You were right about the alarm.”

  I held her face in my hand, kissing it all over, not caring how many other people were in the room. “Sophie, we need to get moving,” a gruff voice said from behind me.

  I turned and looked at him, trying not to give him the benefit of my shock. “Well, well, hello, Uncle Joe.”

  “Hello, Caleb. As I said the last time we met, do not call me that.”

  “He’s not my uncle. Joe is the US Marshal assigned to me,” she explained.

  “Yeah, I figured that one out on my own. What’s going on? Are you leaving?”

  She nodded. “I’m getting another identity.”

  “Were you just going to leave me…again?”

  She widened her eyes, backing away from me. “I was going to tell you.”

  “When? When it was too late for me to do anything about it? Were you going to send me an anonymous postcard?”

  “I think we have other things to worry about right now, Caleb. You need to leave.”

  “Shut up, Joe. Get out. I need to talk to Sophie.”

  “Excuse me?” Joe grabbed my shoulder, but I moved out of his reach. I didn’t want to take my eyes off her.

  “Joe, can you please have everyone wait outside? I need to talk to Cal privately.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Soph.” Soph? He had a nickname for her?

  “She didn’t ask your permission, Uncle Joe.”

  “I just need a few minutes…please,” she pleaded with him.

  I was looking at her, looking at him over my shoulder. The expression she offered him was one of familiarity…possibly intimacy, as if I was t
he interloper in this situation. “Are you done with forensics?” Joe asked someone.

  “Yes, all set,” said the one woman in the room who had been dusting for fingerprints and gathering items. “Everyone, let’s go outside and figure out the game plan. Haynes, you’re with me.” They all shuffled out in an orderly fashion.

  “I can only give you ten minutes, Soph. Then we need to leave.”

  “Thanks, Joe.”

  When we were alone, she sat down on the bed, wringing her hands against her lap. I sat next to her, moving her suitcase. “Looks like I met number one, huh?”

  Her eyes widened, providing all the confirmation I needed. She was never good at hiding her feelings…at least not from me. “Cal, you don’t understand. Nothing happened between us until I was twenty. We were just there for each other when we both needed someone.”

  “He’s known you since you were ten years old.”

  “Actually not until I was fifteen. That’s when he was assigned to our case.”

  “That doesn’t make it any better, but it’s not important right now.” I tilted her chin so she was looking at me and could hear the conviction in my words. “I don’t want to talk about him. I want to talk about us. I’m going with you.”

  She looked up at me, shaking her head vigorously. “No, you can’t.”

  “You promised you wouldn’t take my choices away again.”

  “I know, but that was before.”

  “Before what?” I spat.

  “Before Eddie found me. It’s different now.”

  “What kind of bullshit is this? Do you not understand my heart beats for you?”

  Her lower lip quivered, her beautiful face constricted with pain. “It’s because I love you that I don’t want you to choose. You don’t understand what this kind of life is like. How would you feel knowing you could never see your mother or Mandy again? That you wouldn’t be there to walk your sister down the aisle when she got married? What if your mother got sick? You’d grow to resent me for this decision.”

  I took her shoulders and pulled her against my chest. “I will never resent you. I’ve lost you once and I won’t do it again.”