by Beth Maria
“I heard him on the phone. I don’t know who to. All I know is that he’s going to end up destroying us and himself. His bright idea to make money is to fight at the same club as Phoenix.”
Fuck.
“What the hell is Dylan thinking?” I ask, my voice rising the angrier that I get.
“Exactly,” Maxine whispers, a sob threatening to tear from her throat. I hate seeing her like this. I want to give Dylan a good smack around the head for this. “He thinks if Phoenix can do it, that he can.”
“Phoenix is a trained fighter. I’m pretty sure my father had him trained.”
“That’s exactly what I told him. He won’t have it though. He thinks that he can make the big bucks.”
I growl. “Does Phoenix know about this?”
“Yes.” A sob rips from her throat.
“Did he not try to stop him?” My body is as tense as it can get, awaiting her reply.
“He tried. When he realized that Dylan wasn’t going to back down, he told him that he would help train him. They’re both fighting next Friday at that disgusting underground club again.” Her words are like acid, full of anger and hate toward the underground club. I don’t blame her. I’ve been there once, and I hate it with a passion.
Wait, did she just say what I think she said?
“Phoenix is fighting too?”
“Yup. They’re both fighting. Of course, Phoenix is fighting more skilled people in the game, but that’s not the point. They are both fighting, and there isn’t a damn thing that I can do about it. Dylan is going to get himself killed. I just know it.” She sniffles, putting her head into her hands, her body starting to rack with sobs. I start rubbing her back, comforting her. How can they do this to us? And second, why didn’t Phoenix tell me about it? I thought we weren’t going to keep secrets from each other.
My heart feels like it’s breaking, little by little. I can only imagine how Maxine must be feeling right now, scared out of her wits about what could happen to the love of her life. I’m worried about Phoenix, and he’s far more experienced than Dylan. Gah, I want to smash both of the guys’ heads together for putting us through this. They’re being so selfish, not taking our feelings into consideration. What are we supposed to do if something happens to them? Maxine won’t be able to get on with her life. It would destroy her.
The guys choose this moment to walk into the living room, coffee in hand. One look at Maxine, and they both stop in their tracks. Lasers shoot out of my eyes which are pricking with unshed tears. Angry tears.
“What’s wrong?” Phoenix asks, concerned.
Dylan doesn’t ask. He already knows exactly what the matter is.
“Why don’t you ask your best friend?” My tone is sarcastic.
Phoenix looks toward Dylan, who is staring straight at Maxine with her head in her hands, her body still racking with sobs. Dylan doesn’t say anything. Phoenix looks toward me for answers. I stand up. I don’t know why, but I feel more superior if I’m standing up rather than sitting down.
“I just found out that this idiot,” I start, pointing toward Dylan, who looks up at me with his mouth hanging open. “Is going to start fighting to make money. And guess who I found out is going to train him?” Understanding dawns in his eyes. I don’t even need to say his name. He knows.
“Em-”
I cut him off. “You should be telling your friend to stop being so stupid. Not offering to train him so that he doesn’t get his head kicked in.” I turn toward Dylan. “What are you thinking, Dylan? You may be able to fight, but these are people who fight in the underground club. They’re professionals. They’re like Phoenix. Granted, most probably not as good, but professionals nonetheless. You’re an amateur compared to them.” Dylan’s mouth closes, his teeth sort of bared at me, showing me his annoyance with what I have to say. “You’re going to get creamed, Dylan. We both know that, and you know that too, Phoenix.” I move my gaze from the two guys. “I’m sure you can sort something else out instead of having to sign your death wish.”
Maxine doesn’t say anything, choosing to keep her head hanging down. Dylan’s eyes are narrowed, and Phoenix, he has an emotion conveyed in his that I can’t decipher.
“You wouldn’t understand.” Dylan growls. I’m taken aback for a second before composing myself again. I’ve not seen this angry, retaliating side of him before. Neither has Phoenix, by the looks of it. His head swivels around, leveling him with a glare. Dylan backs down, shrinking under Phoenix’s gaze.
“Try me. I’ve recently moved away, starting over all by myself.” He opens his mouth, but I know what he’s going to say, so I cut him off before he can utter a single word. “Yes, I have my father’s money. It’s blood money that I didn’t want to touch. I didn’t want any trace of him when I moved away. I moved away with the smallest amount of savings that I had saved over the years. I know what it’s like, Dylan, not being able to afford much. I was going to have to sell my car at one point just to make ends meet. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t resolve to selling my body to make money to live on, though, and I’m by myself. You have this wonderful woman here, who is suffering as much as you, who just wants to help as much as she can. She’s trying to think of other ways for you both to make money. You won’t let her though. You’re hell bent on fighting.”
“It’s the only way, Emilia. Trust me, I’ve thought of other ways.” His voice is timid like a little mouse.
“Bullshit. You haven’t tried hard enough. I’m sure Phoenix would have offered to help you until you sorted your money problems out. You could have gotten a part time job, and then Maxine would have only had to do a few more hours.” My patience is wearing thin.
“I don’t want to have to rely on anybody else’s help. I’m the man of this house, and it’s my job to look after Maxine. MINE!” His voice is no longer timid like a mouse. A beast is coming out in him. Good, he needs to get a back bone. “How can I do that when I’m relying on somebody else to help us? If I have to fight to earn my own money, then that’s what I will do. Not you or Maxine will stop me from being a man. This is what I have to do.” Dylan thumps his chest. Maxine looks up for the first time, confusion and hurt crossing her features, and Phoenix, well, he’s still unreadable.
“And how are you going to feel when you get beat on your first fight? How are you going to feel when the fight is over in the first few minutes because you aren’t trained enough? How are you going to feel when people are laughing at you for losing? How are you-”
I’m cut off with a wave of Dylan’s frantic hands. “ENOUGH!” he shouts. I think I might have hit a nerve. “You don’t think that I don’t know this? Fucking hell, it’s all I’ve been able to think about. I know that I’m probably not good enough, but I have to at least try. That’s why Phoenix offered to train me. He’s going to give me more of a chance than I would have originally had if I hadn’t told him.” I nod my head. Maxine’s right. I don’t think he is going to understand her turmoil.
“I have one more thing to say to you, then I’m off. I can’t stay here because I might just blow a gasket with you, Dylan, and I don’t want that to happen. Listen to me, and listen good. We all know that you’re going to do whatever you want, and that is up to you. However, you haven’t just got yourself to think about. You have Maxine. What would happen to her if something went wrong with the fight? Just think about that, and think, is it worth it?” I turn toward Maxine, crouching down to her level. I place my hands on her knees. “You know how to reach me if you need to talk. I’ll be wherever you need me right away. Text me later, okay?” She nods her head. I pull her in for a hug, being careful not to fall over backwards with being on the balls of my feet. “Everything will be okay, alright?” She nods her reply in the crook of my neck, grabbing onto me for dear life, her body still shaking slightly.
I let go and stand up straight. My gaze falls on Phoenix. Dylan is nowhere in sight. I really hope that he comes to his senses and that they can sort this out; othe
rwise, it will be me and Phoenix who plan separate occasions. I’ll sort Phoenix out later when there is nobody else around.
I don’t wait to see if he follows. I just turn around and leave, shutting the front door behind me. Then I release a loud sigh, feeling my body sag against the door.
What a mess.
The door opens a few seconds later. With me leaning against the door, I end up staggering backwards, straight into a pair of rock hard arms, which encase around me, stopping me from smashing my head on the floor. That could have been dangerous.
“Are you okay?” Phoenix asks, his head leaning over mine, worry etched on his face.
“I’m fine.” He helps me stand up straight. Without another word, I take off walking toward my car. “Em, stop. Please.” I stop in my tracks, but I don’t turn around. “Are you mad at me?”
Did he seriously just ask me that?
I don’t turn around when I reply, “No, I’m just disappointed in you.” And it’s the truth. I am disappointed in him. I’m disappointed because he didn’t stop his best friend from making the worst mistake of his life, and more importantly, I’m disappointed that he’s still fighting.
He grabs my arm, turning me around to face him. His face is worried, lines on his forehead creased. I never noticed that before. Phoenix isn’t usually worried, so I wouldn’t have.
“I know that I shouldn’t have said that I’d train Dylan, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I couldn’t let him go in there blind, Emilia. He would have gotten killed.” His eyes are begging me to understand.
“I’m not upset about that.”
“Well, what are you upset about?”
Just the fact that he doesn’t understand angers me. My arms go up in the air, gesturing for emphasis as I speak. “I’m disappointed and angry that you’re still fighting. After last time when I came to speak to you before your match, you knew how I felt, but you still went ahead with the fight. I had no say back then. You were nothing to me. Now? You’re everything to me, Phoenix. I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you.” My voice breaks, hitching on a sob. Oh God, I wouldn’t be able to cope if anything bad happened to him.
“Come here.” He pulls me into his embrace, his arms coming over my shoulders, holding me flush against his body, while my arms go around his torso. We’re squeezing each other, not leaving the smallest gap between us. We need this closeness right now. We need to feel each others’ raw emotion instead of bottling it up. “Nothing bad is going to happen to me, babe.”
“You don’t know that,” I pipe up, my voice high pitched.
“No, you’re right. I don’t, but I’m fucking good at it, Emilia. Nobody has ever been able to beat me, and they never will.” He’s confident. Somebody out there may be better than him, though he’s just not met him yet.
“Phoenix, I can’t stand by and watch you do this to yourself – to us. Somebody is bound to come along, somebody who is better than you and give you a shock – give me a shock. Please don’t do this anymore. Please give it up, if not for your safety, then for me,” I beg.
His body stiffens. That’s when I know that I’m not going to like his answer.
“I can’t.” I pull back, but his grip tightens on me, holding me against him. “It’s not because I don’t want to. I do. I’ve been trying to get out of this business since you came back into my life. It’s not that easy though. I have to wait for the right time, and right now isn’t it.”
My body stiffens now.
“My father?” I ask carefully.
“Yes,” he says on a sigh. We’re both quiet after that. There is nothing else to say. Nico still has a hold over us whether he knows it or not. My guess is that he does; it’s why he did it in the first place all those years ago.
“You know he’s not going to give you up easily. You’re a trophy to him, Phoenix. He’ll try to ruin you if you defy him.” My voice is shaky, and even though my body is stiff, it’s still finding a way to shake too, and not from the cold. No, this is from fear.
“It won’t be forever. I promise. I just need a little longer, then it will all be over.” His voice is soft, soothing.
“Okay.” I sigh in resignation. We both know exactly what Nico is capable of. There isn’t any point arguing about it. I just have to hope that Phoenix can get out unscathed – from both the fighting and being my father’s right hand man.
“I think I’m going to head home. I have a few things to do. Talk later?” I ask, breaking our connection.
“Do you have to? Can’t you come over to my place for a bit?”
I shake my head. “No, I need some alone time after what’s just happened.”
“You’re running away.” It’s not a question.
“No, I just need time to calm down,” I deny.
“No, You’re running away. It’s what you do when things get too tough for you. You go to be alone and beat yourself up about it. In your case, you run. I fight. We both do it, Emilia. I just hoped that we could stop doing that now that we have each other. Can’t we be each others’ rocks, each others’ shoulder to lean against?”
I open my mouth to argue. Nothing comes out. It’s true. I do run away from my problems. I do punish myself by running until my body can’t take it. It’s not healthy, but back then, I had nobody but myself. Now we have each other. I’m going to have to learn how to let him in – confide in him.
My mouth closes.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just-”
“You’ve always only had yourself to turn to. I know.” My eyes widen. I’m shocked. “Don’t be shocked. I’ve always felt exactly the same. It’s one of the reasons why I fight, remember. It allows me to release my pent up anger and hurt. It’s not healthy.”
I hate that he gets what I’m like, and I also love it. He’s able to relate to me. We’re similar in this aspect.
“I’m not asking you to tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. I’m not asking you to tell me everything, Em. All I ask is that you try to confide in me. Let me be your light by helping you shed some of that darkness that follows you around. Talk to me.” He stresses the last part.
Can I? Do I trust him enough to allow him to be my light? To confide in him? You must if you were willing to give him another chance, knowing that he could break it with a click of his fingers.
“Can you do that? Because if not, then we should just end this relationship right now.” His voice is distant. He’s closing himself off from me emotionally in case I can’t.
My mouth hangs open. I can’t allow him to be finished with me. I’ve just got him back.
“I know I kept having this fight from you, but that’s all though. However, you’re keeping more from me. You’re keeping your feelings and thoughts hidden, locked up inside of you. It’s eating away at you, and the only way you know how to release that is to run. I don’t want you to run as hard as you do. I want you to come to me when you need to release it. I want you to talk to me when you feel like everything is becoming too much. Can you do that, Emilia?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
Phoenix closes his eyes and pulls me back into his arms, my body flush against his again. This time he squeezes me, sucking the air straight out of my lungs. He’s relieved, that much I can tell.
“Come back to my place for a while, please?” he pleads quietly in my ear, his deep voice tickling my eardrum. I shiver in his arms.
“Okay.” The words are out of my mouth before I can fully process them.
“Let’s take my car. I’ll bring you back later to get yours.” It’s too late to take the words back now that I’ve agreed. My heart spoke before my brain had a chance to evaluate the situation. Because you want to go to his place. That’s why. My subconscience mocks me. I can’t even fight with myself. It’s true.
Leaving the safety of his arms, I lean back and nod. I follow Phoenix to his huge Escalade, not that I could miss it, and practically jump into the passenger seat when he opens the door for me. Phoenix climbs
into the vehicle with a practiced grace that I’ve yet to acquire.
The journey to his apartment is quiet. I stare out of the window, contemplating telling him to turn around so that I can get into my car and head home. I don’t.
****
It’s not long before we’re parked outside Phoenix’s apartment. I jump out before he has a chance to walk around my side and let me out. I need to feel in control of something after the past few weeks, even if it’s something as little as opening my own goddamn door.
Phoenix doesn’t question me. He just raises his eyebrows, which I choose to ignore. I’m not being rude on purpose; I’m just so nervous, and I don’t even know why. It’s not like I’ve never been alone with him, except the last time that we were alone, behind closed doors, we ended up having hot sex. Sex where he worshipped me and I left with the promise of more sex. We haven’t been intimate since that night a couple of weeks ago, and more importantly, I’m not drunk. If we end up having sex, it’s going to be while I’m sober, and that scares me. I’m scared of the feelings that I know I will feel for him. I’m scared of everything when it comes to Phoenix James.
“You alright?” Phoenix asks. It’s only then that I realize that I’ve been standing still on the sidewalk, staring up at the apartment complex.
“Errr, yeah. I was just looking at your place. It looks nice.” It’s the first thing that pops into my head, and it is a nice apartment complex. I’m sure it’s not cheap either.
We start walking toward the entrance. “It’s alright. It’s good enough for me and has plenty of space.” I nod.
I follow Phoenix past a reception desk, where the young lady sitting behind the desk coos hello, a flush covering her already pink cheeks. Well, somebody isn’t hiding the fact that they are affected by Phoenix’s presence. Phoenix, on the other hand, is oblivious. He doesn’t even reply to the poor girl, just ignores her and heads for the elevator at the back of the foyer. I speed up my steps to catch up to him.
We don’t say anything as the doors on the elevator close and we ride up onto the third floor. The doors open up onto an elegant looking floor. The carpet is cream, the walls a deep red with gold lamps scattered throughout the hallway. It screams elegance! Not what I would have ever pictured Phoenix living in. I guess looks can be deceiving. I always pictured him in, I wouldn’t say a messier place, but somewhere that doesn’t look like you need a lot of money to live in. He’s never usually been about money, so this comes as a big shock to me.
