by Kaia Bennett
"I was so jealous of you," Mere whispered, her voice muffled when she tucked her face into the crook of Nicole's neck.
Nicole couldn't help shaking her head. "You have nothing to be jealous of, Mere. You're gorgeous, and talented, and you're so cool." Nicole rubbed the smooth skin of Meredith's back soothingly. "You'll find someone that's right for you. I didn't think I would either, and then I found Gabe. There's someone out there for all of us..."
Nicole was completely caught off guard when Meredith's lips pressed against her ear and she said, "You're cool people, Nicole. I think if things had been a little different... maybe you and I could've been friends, ya know?"
She pulled away and looked up at Meredith in confusion, trying to make sense of those words and their forlorn tone. Ice blue eyes stared into hers for a second. Mere's blonde lashes lowered and her downcast eyes seemed focused on Nicole's mouth. She licked her cupid's bow lips and lifted her gaze again.
"What're you talking about? We can still be frien—"
Her words were cut off by Meredith's lips pressing against hers. Soft, yet forceful, seducing Nicole's into parting, while calloused, slender fingertips came up to stroke her face, pulling her closer.
This wasn't Nicole's first "I kissed a girl" moment. But this was the first time she'd been kissed by a girl who was doing more than playing around, hamming it up for onlookers. This was someone who wanted more. This kiss was the prelude to more explicit desires. The sensation was so new and surprisingly pleasant. Meredith knew what she was doing when it came to using her mouth but even through the haze of alcohol, it wasn't as good as Gabriel's kiss. This didn't hold a candle to the way Gabriel's lips felt on her skin, even when they just skimmed across it.
Then Mere's tongue licked at the entrance to her mouth, tickled her lips and skimmed between her teeth to find the plush flesh of her mouth. At first she was completely stunned. Was this really happening? Was Meredith Rowe, lead singer of The Spirits, really slipping her some tongue? Was she letting her?
Yeah. Yeah, she is and yeah, you are. What the fuck are you doing?
It was a mental slap to the face and snapped Nicole out of her startled trance. She pulled away.
Nicole felt lightheaded from the shock running through her system. Which was why she hadn't pushed Meredith away sooner. It couldn't have been because she actually liked the kiss.
The two stood stock still for a moment. Nicole felt embarrassed. Meredith looked intrigued by the reaction, and licked her lips. A long silence ensued; Nicole broke it by clearing her throat.
"So... um... what's up, Mere? You crossing over to the other side now?" she asked, trying to keep her voice light so she didn't make Meredith feel bad during such a vulnerable moment. Still, she backed away from her, putting distance between them and the awkward moment they'd shared. She decided then that alcohol was very bad, and she was going to drastically limit her intake from here on out.
Meredith seemed to be deliberating something, then she smiled. Her eyes became icy and focused again, rather than the soft blue they'd been just moments before. The vulnerable blonde girl of a moment ago had disappeared and the usual cool exterior had reasserted itself.
Meredith just gave her a shrug, and a little half smile while she ran her thumb over her own bottom lip. "I'm always crossing over to the other side. Usually with a member of the opposite team present."
Nicole frowned, a little slow on the uptake with all the alcohol flowing through her blood stream.
"I’m bi. Me. A guy. Another girl," Meredith explained slowly. Her smile broadened and she said, "I thought you'd be used to that kind of thing by now."
“Oh, okay, cool. Nothing wrong with that, I’m just not…” Nicole's brow furrowed. "W-wait... what? What made you think I was into girls? I'm with Gabriel."
Something in Meredith's eyes caught the light for a second and her lips turn up into a seductively sinister smile. "You're with Gabriel. And we both know how much he's into that sort of thing. He can't be tied down to just one woman, right?"
The words stabbed Nicole in the gut as they fully registered. But she still refused to believe them.
"N-no, Gabe and I are exclusive." Nicole took another step away from Meredith. "It's just him and me. He's not interested in another girl... or in me with another girl... like, at all."
She wondered if she was being coherent, because Meredith had moved to lean her hip against the table now, looking incredibly amused. "Wow... that is a shock," Mere said, tilting her head. "The Gabe I remember always got off better when there was another girl in the mix."
"Well, he's not the Gabe you knew anymore. That's why he's with me and not with you."
Mere's eyes flashed cold. It was soon replaced by a blink and a shrug of concession. Nicole wondered if she'd been wrong about the reasons for Meredith being upset and admitting she didn't like her in the beginning. In fact, she was growing increasingly suspicious about whether Jonny had anything to do with the sadness she'd seen in Meredith, or with her confession.
"Yeah, you're right about that last bit. But as far as him being with me; we were never really together. Gabe was always too restless to settle down. Just ask Marta."
Nicole swallowed, remembering just how much Marta had wanted to settle down, how well that had turned out. Marta was beautiful, successful, smart, well-liked and probably great in bed. And she was a ghost now. All because she wanted to spend her life with Gabriel and have him choose a career that kept him close to her.
She shook her head trying to clear out the thoughts springing up because of insecurity. The truth was Marta wanted to change who Gabriel was. He didn't want to work a nine to five or get caught up in domestication instead of doing what he loved. But Meredith was right about one thing. There was a restlessness in his nature, something Nicole shared with him, something that scared her when she thought about the future.
"Look, I didn't mean to scare you or step on your toes," Meredith said with an exasperated sigh. "I figured you knew. Gabriel's never been subtle about the way he likes to fuck. It was one of the things I liked about him."
"Seems to me like it's one of the things you still like about him," Nicole said coldly. "Which is why I'm standing hear listening to you spit a bunch of bullshit about my boyfriend."
Meredith took a step closer, shaking her head. "I meant what I said, Nic. I'm not saying this to hurt you, because I really do like you. Gabriel is great... but you," she whispered, stroking the backs of her fingers down Nicole's cheek, down the slope of her neck. "You're fucking gorgeous. I'm not sure who I'm more jealous of... or who I want more."
"I'm not gay, or bisexual... and I'm not nearly drunk enough to go there with you," she said firmly and pushed Mere's hand away. "So, keep your hands to yourself."
She was in such a shock at the look in Meredith's eyes. She'd barely had a man look at her with such intensity, let alone another woman. Gabriel was the only one who looked at her like this. He'd shown her what it felt like to desired and hungered after. And now she was seeing the same look in Meredith's eyes, but with a sinister edge. Now she had to wonder about all the times she'd seen Gabriel share looks with Meredith, all the times she'd seen Meredith watching her. All of that had meant far more than she could have imagined.
"It's not me you should be worried about 'going there' with." Mere’s face was all sincerity. "Haven't you ever wondered why Gabriel acts so tense around me when you're around? Did it ever cross your mind it could be more than just the fact we used to fuck? Maybe it's that he knows what he wants, he knows I'm into it... and he knows you're not. It would be hard for any guy to have to push that down and hide it from his girlfriend, right?"
Nicole's jaw clenched. She didn't like the idea of Gabriel fucking anyone but her, and now she learned that he'd had more than his fair share of fun while she was pining away for him. All the things she wanted, all the things she thought she could give him in exchange for his freedom were being contradicted by what she'd learned about his past. Could M
eredith be right? Could it have been that he was nervous about approaching her with this side of himself the entire time? Was this what he wanted from her and is that why he hadn't wanted to tell her the truth about Mere?
Those thoughts may have been turning in her brain, but she wasn't about to let Meredith see her struggle with doubt. Not when Nicole knew that's exactly what Meredith wanted.
"You're un-fucking believable, you know that? Was this your plan all along, to scare me into letting you fuck my boyfriend again?" Nicole laughed, turning her back to leave. She wished she felt as confident and smug as she sounded, but Meredith had stirred up a hornet’s nest of fear about her future with Gabriel and she needed to get away as quickly as possible.
Meredith followed her, turned her around. Nicole's eyes shot down to the arm held in her grasp, and then up to Meredith. The unspoken implication that she was going break Meredith's fingers if she didn't let her go was clearly understood, which is why Meredith let go, and held her hands up in mock surrender. The smug smile on her face did nothing to quell Nicole's anger.
"I thought you understood how Gabriel really is, what he wants," Meredith said. "I guess I was wrong about you. He seemed so happy, I just kind of assumed you knew how to take care of him. Maybe he's just gotten really good at pretending he's satisfied." Meredith leaned closer, her eyes hardening. "If you don't want his eye to wander, I suggest you think about it before you just dismiss the idea. You wouldn't want to end up like Marta, getting cheated on and left because she wanted to change him. And you should give me a chance. I really am that good..."
Nicole wondered how she could have missed all the venom in the other girl’s voice, all the sneakiness and manipulation hidden under the surface.
"I'll take your word for it, Mere. But my guess is, if you'd been just a little bit better, you'd be the one he's in love with, not me." Nicole smiled and pulled the door open. "You'll have to find some other couple to play third wheel with." She left without looking back.
But she still heard Mere laugh and call out, "You really are too sweet. Really naïve. But you'll learn. Nothing you do is ever enough for them in the end."
Chapter 21
This wasn't how it was supposed to go. It was supposed to be a weekend of fun, music and lovemaking. It was supposed to be such a relief to be together that they couldn't get enough of each other. Instead, Gabriel was holding Nicole's hair back while she dry-heaved into the toilet in his hotel room. Too many shots, which he'd warned her against, had finally caught up with her, but not before her words and her anger had caught up with him.
She'd been acting strange from the moment she reappeared on the balcony. He'd searched for her when he realized she'd disappeared, and then when he heard about Meredith throwing her top over the balcony, he'd really lost it. Then she stepped out of the elevator with a shirt on, a curious expression on her face when she saw him. He'd asked her if she was okay. She'd said yes. But he knew better. He knew in his gut something was very, very wrong.
It had been all downhill from there. He'd watched her go straight to the nearest bottle of tequila. He'd watched her down shots. He'd tried to slow her down and get her to stay by his side. And then she blew up at him. Slurring her words. Screaming something about how he didn't have the right to tell her what to do. Screaming about lies and Meredith and how he should go find a girl who could give him what he needed.
His heart was still doing loops around his stomach. She was drunk, angry, but there was no getting around it.
She knew.
Just when he wasn't looking, the truth had snuck up on them both.
"Leave me alone. I'm fine. I'm... I'm okay." She tried to shoo him away. He held fast, sweeping her hair back from her face, taking in her slowly blinking eyes, and the way she weakly clutched at his wrist.
Gabriel didn't heed her request. He grabbed a wet towel from the sink and wiped at her mouth.
"You alright, sweetheart? Feel anymore coming up?" He flushed the toilet before his own gag reflex kicked in and sat her upright.
Her head rolled forward into his chest, and she shook her head. She'd done more dry-heaving this time around, and now she was tired. He figured she was done for the night.
"C'mon," he said quietly, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Let's get you to bed."
He stood, lifting her easily in his arms. Her muttered protests that she didn't need him, that she could do everything by herself, all alone, made his heart ache. She was his girl. She was warm and soft against him. Even like this, she was his. But he knew, even though he wasn't completely sober, this wasn't the end. This was just the beginning of the crack in their already fragile love.
You should have told her, his mind whispered to him as he laid her down on his bed, tucked her in, and watched her sink fast into a deep sleep. You should have fucking told her when you had the chance.
Now Meredith was out there somewhere smiling. She'd planted the seeds of doubt. And those seeds had broken ground and were catching the light of day.
He sat down gently next to her, over the covers he'd lightly tucked around her. He stretched his body out, laying against her, stroking his fingers on her soft cheek. He stilled when her breath caught in her sleep and she turned her face away. He could only hope as he fell asleep beside her, that when morning came, she would love him enough not to turn away for real.
***
Bits and pieces of the last night came back to her slowly and none of them were good. She knew beyond the curtains the sun had to be shining. Surprisingly her head wasn't hurting. A blurry memory of Advil, water, and Gabriel's steady hand sometime in the middle of the night took care of that. She knew he'd been beside her. She felt the damp space on the pillow from where his wet hair had touched it. More quick flashes of memory: her smiling, watching him fall into the pool, Meredith, and her ice blue eyes...
The kiss.
Meredith's words.
And just like that her eyes watered. Gabriel wasn't beside her, and she remembered with startling clarity every bitter word she'd said the night before, that she didn't trust him anymore. She felt guilty about that. Maybe she shouldn't have had those drinks. Maybe she should have talked to him first. But he'd been lying to her about Meredith, about what she'd meant to him. Even if it was all in the past, the fact he couldn't be completely honest with her about what that past meant, hurt more than Meredith's words ever could.
Nicole sat up and finally opened her eyes. She felt like shit warmed over, her stomach churning, and still threatening to turn over its contents if she moved too quickly. Gabriel was nowhere in sight. She winced, both from the stiffness in her limbs and the recollection of the hateful things she'd said to him. Had she really meant it? Had she really meant to call him a liar, to say she couldn't even look at him?
She touched the side of her face where his fingers had so gently swept away her hair so it didn't get in the way when all the night’s drinks came back up. He was a good man, always good to her. And she felt guilty that even in her drunken state, she'd taken the word of a relative stranger over the person she loved. She needed to find him and talk to him. Tell him she was sorry.
Nicole rubbed a hand over her weary eyes. He had to come back eventually, right? She could at least freshen herself up as much as possible while she waited. She pulled the covers away, looking down in groggy amusement at her body clothed in one of his t-shirts. She could only pray she hadn't ruined Meredith's shirt.
Meredith Rowe.
Nicole stilled, as if cold water were slowly being poured down her spine, seeping into the very marrow of the bones there. Part of her wondered if she was being ridiculous. Was it really such a big deal? Would she have wanted to know what Gabriel had been up to back when she was just a distraction between gigs, instead of the girl he loved?
He did love her. That was what really mattered. All the other girls, all the time apart, it meant nothing if at the end of it all he still chose her. Right?
He really did love her.
&nb
sp; But what about trust? He's supposed to trust you, too.
She slowly swung her legs over the edge of the bed and set her feet on the carpeted floor, wiggling her toes in the stiff fibers. She was thinking too much. What she needed was a shower, her toothbrush, maybe a little something to eat if she was brave enough to try and sober enough to hold it down. She really shouldn't have mixed clear and colored liquor. It was a rookie mistake Gabriel had tried to correct, if only she would have let him.
She stumbled towards the bathroom on shaky legs, running her fingers over an unfamiliar table for balance. She felt a little lost in that moment and the strangeness of it all struck her as her feet left the carpet and stepped onto the cool tile of the bathroom floor. Everything was strange. Unfamiliar room, unfamiliar city. And now her boyfriend, her friend, was different too. Things about him she never would have guessed had come to the surface, all of it utterly unfamiliar. It had only taken one blurry night for everything to turn on its ear and show her the hidden angles of things.
She stripped gingerly, turned on the water, stepped inside. It was cold at first and she winced at the water battering her skin. When the temperature turned warm, she sighed and dipped her head under the spray, washing away the bleariness from her eyes.
She didn't know how long she'd been in when she heard the bathroom door open. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard Gabriel's soft knock on the glass of the shower door. His silhouette of dark hair and tan skin, his shoulder leaning against the thin barrier between them... it all made her a little sad. He cleared his throat over the sound of the shower, tilted his head a little, a gesture that made him seem like a large child on the other side of the door.
