Hard To Love

by Ross, Sabrina

  When I got to my car, the cook from the other night was sitting on the trunk of his car, smoking.

  “Hey, new girl.” He nodded.

  “Mike, right?” I said, slowing down. His head bobbed and he smiled.

  “A bunch of us are going to the bar after this, if you want to come,” he said. I eyed him a moment, then looked around.

  “Who’s the bunch?” I asked.

  “I’m waitin’ on a few that are closin’ up.” He smirked.

  I thought for a moment, and said, “Okay,” with a nod.

  Probably not a good idea considering what I went through the previous night.

  “Where is this bar?” I asked, putting my things in the back seat of the car.

  “It’s over on Sixth Avenue. It’s called Shattered. Ever heard of it?” he asked.

  “Yep,” I replied with a smile. Finally, a place I could go where I didn’t have to worry about fitting in, because the crew at work weren’t high class members of social clubs or country clubs. I wouldn’t be judged on my class or up-bringing. “I’ll meet you there,” I said and got in my car.

  “Sounds good.” He smiled and hopped off the trunk of his car, putting out the cigarette with his shoe.

  I had to stop at home and change my clothes before heading to the bar. By the time I got home, it was eleven, and all the lights were out. Quietly I made my way up to my room, grabbed my silver off-the-shoulder top, a pair of boot-cut black leather pants and my black ankle boots then left.

  When I got to the bar, I walked up to the bouncer, and he acknowledged me with a nod. I slipped past him through the door he held open for me. The place was dark, apart from the disco lights on the dance floor. The bartender looked me over, smiled, then took my drink order. I looked around for Mike and the others. Then I heard someone whistle, followed by an arm waving. Everyone was over by the pool tables.

  “Hey ,” I said, walking up.

  “New girl, this is Sam, Kelly and Jennifer,” Mike introduced. “Lauren.” I waved.

  “Hey.” Everyone smiled and waved back.

  “Are you any good?” Kelly asked.

  “I’m all right, I guess.” I shrugged.

  “You’ll play the winner of this round,” Jennifer said. I nodded and sat on the bar stool, watching. It felt good sitting

  here with a group of new friends at a new bar, playing pool, joking around. It reminded me of my college days, when things were easy and stress-free.

  Their game ended, and I had to play against Sam and Mike, with Jennifer as my partner.

  “New girl breaks,” Mike said, chalking his cue.

  I rolled my eyes and wondered if he was going to call me by my real name anytime soon. I lined up the cue to take my shot and bent over the table. I hit the balls on an angle, knocking two in and scattering the rest.

  “Nice.” Mike gave me a nod of approval. “You knocked in a solid and a stripe. What are you taking?” I walked around the table, looking for my next shot and chose the red-striped ball.

  “Side pocket,” I said and took the shot. It went in swiftly. I glanced up at Mike, who was smirking, lined up my next shot and called the corner pocket.

  “I like her.” Jennifer laughed. “I don’t even have to play.” I missed the next shot on purpose. I didn’t want to appear as a show- off on my first night out with them. Randomly, throughout the night, patrons from the bar would walk up to Mike, taking him aside. He then would excuse himself, returning fifteen to twenty minutes later. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but I figured it couldn’t be anything good.

  Then the DJ announced it was last call.

  “This round is on me, new girl. Want anything?” Sam asked, walking away.

  “No, I’m good. Thanks,” I replied.

  “You should come out with us again,” Jennifer said as she took a seat next to me.

  “Yeah, you are real good. Next time we are partners.” Kelly giggled.

  “Sure.” I smiled.

  I walked out with them after closing time. Mike waved a cab over, and then turned to face me.

  “You should come out with us tomorrow,” he said, taking Jennifer’s hand.

  “I—I have prior engagements,” I replied.

  “Bummer.” Sam faked a pout. “See you at work.”

  “Yeah, have a good night,” I said, waving them off, then walked down the plaza. When I got in the car, I pulled out my phone, noticing I had missed four calls, all from Cassie. I checked the text messages first.

  11:45 p.m. Cassie: I am so excited for tomorrow!

  12:01 a.m. Cassie: What are you doing?

  12:10 a.m. Cassie: Hello? Lauren, why aren’t you answering me?

  They continued three more times. It wasn’t as if I had been avoiding Cassie. I just—needed a break. Well, that and the fact that the music was loud and I didn’t know she was going to be texting me all night. She was well aware that I wasn’t planning on going to the club anytime soon.

  When I got home and before getting into bed, I replied to the last text Cassie sent.

  3:00 a.m. Me: I was just out with some friends. Sorry music was loud.

  Just seconds later she responded. 3:01 a.m. Cassie: You scared me. I thought you were mad at me or worse—DEAD.

  3:05 a.m. Me: Sorry about that. See you tomorrow. I’m just in, so I’m heading to bed.

  3:10 a.m. Cassie: Okay. Night.

  I plugged my phone in, then rolled over and shut my eyes.

  ***** It was a relief knowing that I had the entire day to relax before the night came as I stressed about the masquerade. Either the night was going to be a lot of fun or it was going to be horrible. At least there would be Cristal to keep me numb to all the drama that was guaranteed to follow.

  “Lauren , are you coming down to eat anytime today?” my mother called. I grabbed my black kimono sweater and slippers, then trudged my way to the kitchen. My neck was a little stiff from the accident. Resting was what I should have been doing last night. “I see you were out late, again,” she said with a frown.

  “Yeah some of my co -workers invited me out.” I shrugged, taking a seat at the table.

  “Coffee?” she asked, holding a mug.

  “Please.” I crossed my legs on the seat of the chair. “I know you’re an adult, but I worry about you, Lauren,” she

  said, placing the mug in front of me.

  “I don’t mean to make you worry,” I replied.

  “With the accident the other day—”

  I interrupted, “I’m sorry. I know how that must have all

  looked.”

  “Do you have a problem with drugs?” she asked hesitantly. “What—no!” I gasped, and then laughed. “You never have to

  worry ab out that.”

  “Okay.” My mom chewed the inside of her lip.

  “How about those eggs?” I asked, touching her arm. My

  mother nodded, and then walked over to the stove.

  “I’m heading to the spa at eleven. Did you want to join me?

  Maybe they can work out that shoulder,” she said.

  “Actually, I think that would be a great idea,” I replied, smiling.

  “I could get my nails done too.” It pleased my mother to spend the

  day together. Before cooking my eggs she walked over to the dock

  where the phone was and called the spa to squeeze me in.

  When we got to the spa, I had my nails done first, and my mother went in for her massage. The same woman agreed to squeeze me in before her next client. As I waited, Mrs. Foster walked in. Instantly I tried to hide behind a magazine. That didn’t last long because my mother was finished with her massage, and she called out to me. Mrs. Foster’s head snapped up, and she searched the room for me.

  “Lauren ,” she said, walking over to where I stood.

  “Mrs. Foster.” I tried hard to smile genuinely.

  “Abigail.” My mother smiled and took over as she walked

  clos er. “So good to see you.”


  “Yes, it has been too long,” she replied with a hug.

  “You’re up, dear.” My mother urged me to slip away. As I she opened the door for me to enter my phone chimed. I

  winced at the masseuse. She smiled and nodded her head for me to go ahead and take the call as she shut the door.

  She said, “You need to undress, get on the table then ring the bell on the side when you’re lying down.”

  I nodded, put my things down on the chair as she exited the room. I quickly took a peek at my phone. It was Cassie.

  3:43 p.m. Cassie: Lauren, call me ASAP!! Two exclamation marks must be urgent. I pondered a moment about calling her right away or just waiting until I saw her later. She was probably upset about a wardrobe mishap or something. Ignoring her request, I undressed, leaving my clothes folded neatly on the chair behind the screen in the corner of the room, then climbed on the table, ringing the bell. As the woman walked in, my phone chimed again.

  3:51 p.m. Cassie: This is an emergency!!

  I rolled my eyes and dialed her number. “Sorry.” I winced at the masseuse as I wrapped the towel around me and sat up.

  “It’s fine,” she said, smiling, and waiting.

  “Cassie, I am indisposed at the moment.” I said, annoyed. “What’s up?” Apparently Charlie and Cassie had had a fight that morning and he backed out of going to the party. I didn’t know what to say to her to comfort her.

  “I’m sorry, Cass,” I replied. “When I am done here with my mom, I’ll come over.” It sucked to bail on my mother, considering how excited she was to spend the day together. With a heavy sigh I laid down again.

  When I walked out to the lobby, my mother was still talking to Abagail Foster. She spun around with a look of relief on her face. I smiled as I stood next to her.

  “You look refreshed,” Mrs. Foster said with a smile. “I feel refreshed.” I smiled , and then linked my arm around hers. “Ready?” I asked, and she nodded.

  “It was great seeing you again,” my mother said.

  “Yes, you must come by the house soon,” Abigail said, hugging my mother.

  “Sounds good.” My mother forced a smile. “I’ll call you,” she added as she walked away.

  When we got outside I broke the news to my mother about going to Cassie’s.

  “That’s fine, dear.” She patted my hand. “Did Mrs. Foster seem weird to you?”

  “Define weird,” I replied.

  “She doesn’t seem herself,” she said.

  “I don’t know how she should be, so I can’t help you there.” I shrugged. “Maybe you should take her up on her offer for the visit.”

  “Perhaps.” She shrugged. I dropped my mother off at home and drove to Cassie’s.

  When I arrived at Cassie’s, her mother answered the door, letting me in. “Hi Mrs. Harper is Cassie home?” I asked.

  “She is in her room,” she replied with a smile.

  “Cassie?” I said, poking my head in the door of her bedroom.

  “Get in here.” She was sobbing on her bed.

  “What happened?” I asked, laying my dress down on the chaise lounge.

  “He said I was too clingy.” She let out a wet sigh.

  “What?”

  “That’s what I said.” She shook her head and fell back on her pillows. “It’s so ridiculous, the whole thing.”

  “Men. They seriously need to come with a manual,” I said, making her laugh before lying down next to her. “You know, your eyes are going to look puffy from all this crying.”

  “I know,” she grumbled. “I can’t believe he did this today of all days. Why not wait until tomorrow?”

  “There is no schedule when it comes to being a douchebag,” I replied.

  “Lauren,” she moaned.

  “What? Sorry, I have no high opinion of any man right now,” I stated then rolled onto my back.

  “Well, with the way Mason treated you, I can understand why.” She rolled on her side.

  “We need some cucumber so we can get rid of those puffy eyes,” I suggested.

  “I’ll go cut some up.” She said, cheerfully.

  “Shoot!” I gasped, realizing that I had forgotten to bring my make-up bag.

  Cassie gasped dramatically. “What?”

  “I was in such a hurry I forgot all my make-up.” I sighed.

  “That’s okay. I have a make-up artist coming here at seven,” she said shrugging.

  “I can’t—”

  “Oh, shut up,” she said with a roll of her eyes, sauntering out of the room. I got up from the bed and walked around her room looking at the stuff she had collected over the past few years while traveling.

  When she returned, she placed the freshly cut cucumber on the vanity table, then turned to face me. “Mom said dinner will be ready in half an hour and you are welcome to join us.”

  “Thanks,” I replied. It was still too early to get dressed, giving Cassie and me time to catch up. I figured what better time to ask about all her little trinkets and everywhere she has traveled.

  After dinner the doorbell rang, and the butler announced that the stylist had arrived. Mrs. Harper nodded, telling him where we would be getting ready.

  “Girls , you go ahead first,” Mrs. Harper said, standing in the doorway of the parlour.

  “Good. We need more time to get ready anyway,” Cassie snickered, walking in. “Devon, hi.” She smiled, walking over and hugging him.

  “Cassie darling, you are always a treat to dress up.” He smiled and then gasped looking over at me. “Who is this beauty?”

  “This is my girlfriend, Lauren,” Cassie answered.

  “Wow, those eyes of yours are incredible.” He leaned in closer.

  “Really, I’ve always found them to be so . . . boring.”

  “Grey tends to do that, but with my magic your eyes will sparkle, putting any lucky man in a trance.” He smirked and I blushed.

  “Where is the dress?” he asked, glancing at Cassie.

  “Oh, it’s—”

  “I’ll grab them,” I said, running out of the room. I had always been uncomfortable with a lot of attention focused on me. I don’t know why but once the attention was on me for any reason I panic. When I returned, I hung both dresses over the arm of the sofa.

  “Yours is the blue, I presume.” He smiled, looking directly at Cassie.

  “You presume right.” She smiled.

  I watched as Devon put Cassie’s hair up in an elegant, loose chignon bun, twisting in a few diamond clips. Then he added a smoky look to her eyes in a deep blue to match her dress and a vibrant red lipstick. When she was done, she grabbed her dress, telling me that she would see me up in her room. I sat down and Devon worked his magic. He added a smoky look to my eyes also, in a silver shimmer that sparkled. Devon really was a master with hair and makeup. He added tight curls to my long dark hair, twisting a few strands up in the back with clear wire threading in, some crystals to my hair. I thanked him profusely as I grabbed my dress and left the room. Once I was with Cassie again, I looked in the mirror and almost cried.

  I looked—beautiful.

  Cassie and I then helped each other get in our dress. There was no way I was messing up my amazing hair style. I never let my hair curl naturally because it always looked so messy. However, what Devon managed to do tonight had me made me rethinking that decision.

  “Limo arrives in twenty minutes,” Cassie said, stuffing a few things in her clutch purse.

  “I’m so nervous,” I said, shaking out my hands.

  “Why?” Cassie asked, turning to face me. “It’s not as if you haven’t been to a masquerade before. You know what goes on.”

  “I know, but it’s different this time,” I replied.

  “How?”

  “Well, half the town saw me fight with Mason at the club, and the other half saw me making out with his brother, Nick.” I groaned, thinking back.

  Cassie rolled her eyes, and then took my hand in hers. “So what? I have seen worse, a
nd besides, you’re wearing a mask, so unless you showed the town your dress, you’re incognito.” Then we heard Cassie’s mother call up to us, letting us know that the limo was here. My heart began to race.

  “I’ll meet you there,” Mrs. Harper said, giving each of us a hug as we left.

  The driver opened the door for us as we walked up.

  “Miss Harper,” he said with a nod. Cassie smiled, and then climbed in first. “Thirsty?” she asked, grabbing a flute as I sat next to her.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The limo pulled up to the hall where the masquerade was being held. The driver opened the door, offering his hand as I got out. I stood on the red carpet leading to the front door, waiting for Cassie to get out. As we walked up to the entrance, a woman in a deepplum and black gown spotted us and walked over.

  “Cassie darling , you look ravishing.” Both leaned in to air-kiss and Cassie reciprocated the compliment to Mrs. Foster. “Lauren?” She glanced over at me. “My goodness, you look exquisite.” She air-kissed me as well.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Foster. As do you.” I smiled. She walked in with us then went her separate way. I fidgeted with my purse as we made our way in through the open front doors. A man dressed in a black suit with a silver bow tie and white gloves nodded as we walked past him.

  “Relax ,” Cassie said, taking my hand and pulling me close. “I’m trying,” I said and forced a smiled. We slowly walked around the massive hall. The orchestra was playing a slow tempo

  as the guests began to arrive. I caught myself stopping and listening with my head tilted, taking in the gentle sound. Then Cassie hissed at me, and I quickly caught up to her. I stuck by her side for the first hour after we had arrived, listening to Cassie as she gossiped about the couples she recognized, even in their masks. Mainly it was gossip about the scandals going on among the high-profile families in Portland. A real bore, if you asked me. Now I understood why my mother avoided these events. Most of them spent their days drinking tea at the country club gossiping about one another. This even was no different. It was just a different place and different event.