Risking it All: An M/M, rockstar, second chance romance (Kingston Brothers Book 4)

by Isabel Lucero

  “About whether you come out or not. Has he said anything? If you’re going to be together, he’ll be thrust into the spotlight.”

  I chew on my bottom lip. “I didn’t think about that.” I sigh, letting my shoulders drop. “Me and Ali stopped talking because I wouldn’t come out. Well, that’s part of it. Like I said before, I really messed up. We had plans to come out when we were eighteen, but I chickened out. I kept convincing him to wait, then I’d leave him here alone while I was out with the band. I came home one time when we were twenty, and he had already come out and had a boyfriend.

  “He ends up breaking up with the guy to go back into a secret relationship with me, which was mainly us hooking up when I was around. I knew there was a possibility we were gonna get signed and I didn't tell him. I kept it from him until the day before we left for New York. You remember, right?”

  Elijah nods.

  “He was pissed. He felt like I was making decisions for both of us. I was stringing him along because I wanted to be with him, but I wasn’t ready to be with him publicly. I hurt him, I lied, and I turned my back on our plans.

  “He wants me to be out but he wants me to do it for myself, not for him. And I want that too. I want to be out because I’ve really struggled the past few years with hiding who I am by acting like someone else. I’ve taken the first step by telling you guys, and next is the band, then the label, and then the world.” I blow out a long breath. “It’s fuckin scary as shit, but I think I’ll feel a huge relief once it’s over, no matter what happens.”

  “And then what? You and Alejandro can be together and he travels with you?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t know, man. I’ve been doing what I can to prove to him that I’m serious about him. I don’t want to be the guy who says one thing and does another. We haven’t had a conversation about us yet. I won’t be on tour for a while, so I can be here with him. When we tour, I’ll just have to see what he wants to do. I mean, he has a job, and I wouldn’t expect him to leave it for me.”

  “Well, it sounds like you need to talk to him about all this.”

  “Yeah,” I say on a sigh.

  I pull my phone out to see if he’s responded yet.

  He hasn’t.

  34

  Alejandro

  Present Day

  When I wake up, I see Merrick’s message, but instead of replying right away, I go to my kitchen and down a bottle of water before I stand under a scalding hot shower for fifteen minutes. I do everything I can to wash away the feeling that alcohol is leaking through my pores.

  We got way too drunk last night and I’m definitely paying for it today. My head throbs viciously and it feels like my eyes might pop out of my face with each beat of my heart. My stomach rolls with queasiness, and I decide here and now that I don’t want any sort of alcohol for a long time.

  I force myself to eat toast just to have something in my stomach when I swallow down three Tylenol.

  It’s just past one o’clock when I pull my phone out to text Merrick back.

  Me: Okay, I’m hungover. We can talk later.

  Was I short? Yes, but honestly, regardless of his excuse, I’m still upset. Mainly at myself. I know what Merrick does to me, and I should’ve known better than to have things get physical. My heart is already making plans my brain knows won’t come to fruition, but my body still craves his.

  As soon as I put the phone down it starts to ring.

  “Hello?” I answer.

  “Are you mad at me?” Merrick asks.

  I release a heavy sigh as I lie across my couch. “What happened last night? I thought you were coming out with us.”

  “Yeah, I remember when Jordy asked me, but then we never discussed it again. I didn’t know what the plans were or when.”

  “You said you’d text me yesterday. I thought it was about our plans.”

  “No, I just meant I’d text you because I like to talk to you, I really forgot about the plans, and you never mentioned it. But I ended up getting so caught up with the guys in the studio yesterday, and Sky keeps our phones hidden away when we work. We all passed out in the studio after two in the morning. I’m sorry, Ali. I didn’t mean to ditch you.”

  I guess he’s right. I suppose I assumed he remembered the plans, but maybe I should’ve reminded him. He does have a lot of stuff going on right now.

  “It’s okay, you didn’t miss out on anything except a potential hangover.”

  He chuckles. “Poor baby.”

  “I was looking forward to seeing you, though.”

  “You like me or something?” he asks, and I can tell he’s smiling as he questions me.

  “Anyway,” I say, changing the subject. “So, you got some work in last night?”

  “Yeah, it was cool. I’m probably gonna hang out with them again tonight because Sky is already itching to leave town. We also have to be in New York late next week.”

  My heart sinks even though I knew it was inevitable. Of course he’s going to have to leave.

  “How long?”

  He sighs. “I’m not sure. I don’t even know what they want to talk to us about. Our next album isn’t due for a while, and we just got off a long ass tour. We should get some damn down time.”

  I stay silent for a while, debating on whether I want to say the words that are dancing on the tip of my tongue.

  “Do you know when or where you’ll buy a house? I know you’ve been traveling a lot lately, but eventually you should have more time at home, right? Wherever you choose for that to be. Have you thought about it? Do you want to live in New York?”

  “Would you live in New York?” he asks, surprising me.

  “Me? Why?”

  “Just curious,” he replies.

  “I know that was our plan when we were kids,” I say with a short laugh. “But I haven’t thought about that in a long time.”

  “Do you like living in Chaparral?”

  “I do. It’s nice here, and it’s still close to home.”

  “Hmm.”

  We fall silent again, and when I open my mouth, I ask him the very thing I said I wouldn’t.

  “Have you told the guys yet?”

  Merrick clears his throat. “No, not yet.”

  I nod my head. “Yeah, I figured.”

  He releases a breath. “Well, I was gonna invite you to come to King’s Tavern tonight. Are you interested?”

  “Ugh, alcohol.”

  His deep laugh makes me smile. “Just drink water.”

  “Fine. When?”

  “Park at your mom’s and I’ll meet you at eight.”

  “Ugh, that smells awful,” I say, making a face at Merrick’s glass of whiskey.

  He licks his lips. “But it tastes good. Wanna suck the flavor from my tongue?”

  I shift in my seat as Merrick grins at me. “No, thanks.”

  “Liar.”

  Two women hesitantly approach the booth, walking up behind Merrick.

  “Looks like you got a couple fans,” I say with a nod.

  Merrick angles his head over his shoulder and gives them a grin that lets them know they can come up.

  “Hi,” a pretty brunette says with a nervous smile.

  “Sorry to bother you,” the redheaded one says. “But it’s kind of a once in a lifetime situation.”

  “It’s all right,” Merrick replies, still smiling.

  “Can we get a picture with you?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  The redhead looks at me briefly. “Want me to take it?” I ask.

  “Oh, yes. Thank you!”

  Merrick stands up and gets in between the women, draping an arm over each of their shoulders while I stand in front of them and take the picture.

  “Thank you,” the women say simultaneously.

  “No problem,” Merrick answers, sliding back into the booth as I hand them their phone back.

  I watch as the redhead elbows the brunette.

  “Um. Are you gonna be in town a while
? We were wondering if you might want to hang out with us.”

  I scratch my nose to hide my smile.

  Merrick keeps his smile in place. “Sorry ladies. I’m gonna be pretty busy, but it was nice meeting you.”

  After the women have gone back to their table, I grin at Merrick, but he just shakes his head. “Don’t say anything.”

  “What? I have nothing to say.” I mull over my thoughts for a few seconds. “Do you think guys will come up to you if you come out?”

  He fixes me with a look. “Would that make you jealous?”

  “If guys propositioned you?”

  He nods.

  “Would I be in a position to be jealous?”

  “Don’t answer questions with questions.”

  “I’d like to think you wouldn’t take up any offers if you were in a relationship with someone.”

  “Not someone, Ali. You.”

  He takes a sip of his drink as he watches me trying to fight off my smile.

  “Would you be jealous if guys came on to me?” I ask.

  His eyes narrow. “Did someone come on to you last night?”

  I shrug. “Maybe.”

  Merrick growls which makes me laugh. Guess that answers my question.

  “You didn’t take anyone up on any offers, did you?”

  I give him a look that says you should know better. “I’m still waiting on one particular offer.”

  His lips curl up on one side. “You want me?”

  “Don’t ask stupid questions,” I say after rolling my eyes.

  “I want to hear you say it,” he whispers huskily.

  “Why? You already know.”

  He glances around before leaning in. “You know it makes my cock hard to hear you beg.”

  His words set my body ablaze, and my dick jumps at the thought of Merrick getting hard.

  “You know I—”

  “Hey fuck face. I’ve been texting you,” Sky says, appearing out of nowhere.

  The two of us lean back in our seats as Merrick pulls his phone from his pocket and looks at the screen.

  “Sorry, I had it on silent.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” he says, sliding into the booth next to Merrick. “Jay said he’d be coming by. Carlos is with his girlfriend, I think. One last fuck before we head back to sex island.”

  Merrick snorts. “Sex island?”

  Sky shrugs and looks around the room. “Those two girls are eye fucking the shit out of me.”

  I glance over and laugh. “They were just over here asking Merrick if he wanted a threesome.”

  “What?” Sky asks, his eyes going wide. “Why aren’t you fucking them right now?”

  “In my brother’s bar?”

  “There’s a bathroom.”

  Merrick laughs. “The bathroom isn’t my favorite place for sex.”

  “Well, shit, if you aren’t gonna fuck them, I might.” He throws them a wink before looking at me. “Alejandro, what about you? You like bathroom sex?”

  “Dude,” Merrick says, smacking Sky’s arm.

  “What? I can’t ask that?”

  “It’s fine,” I reply. “Bathroom sex can be fun, but it limits what you can do.”

  Merrick gives me a look like he isn’t happy with my answer, but Sky just nods. “True. I’ll be back. I’m gonna get a drink.”

  “So, bathroom sex is fun, huh?” he questions.

  “What?”

  “How many times have you had sex in a bathroom?”

  I scoff. “We had sex in a bathroom.”

  “Besides us.”

  “Maybe twice.”

  “I don’t like thinking about you with other guys.”

  “I don’t like thinking about you with other guys either.”

  Merrick rubs his palm over the scruff on his face. “I haven’t been with other guys.”

  My jaw drops just as Sky comes back with his drink. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be fucking those chicks later.”

  Merrick and I are locked in on each other before he snaps out of it and responds to Sky. We spend the next hour talking and drinking, but I only consume Ginger Ale.

  Sky invites two different girls over to the table after he spotted them staring from a couple tables over. One of them slid in next to me because it was the only open seat, and the other one is currently sitting on Sky’s lap.

  “So, what are you two up to later?” Sky asks them.

  “Nothing,” the one on his lap says with a giggle.

  “Is that right? We should fix that, shouldn’t we?”

  The one sitting next to me keeps eyeing Merrick, obviously interested in spending time with him.

  “Are either of you dating anyone?” she asks, directing her question to Sky and Merrick.

  “No, baby, I’m as single as they get,” Sky replies quickly.

  Her eyes move to Merrick, waiting for him to answer. When Sky peeks over his shoulder to see why he hasn’t said anything, Merrick sits forward and smiles at the blonde at my side. “No, I’m not with anybody.”

  A smile stretches across her face, and my lips turn down at the corners. It kind of hurts to hear him say he isn’t with anyone, but I understand.

  She grabs a pen out of her purse and reaches for a napkin on the table. “Let me give you my number. Call me and let’s see if we can change that.”

  Merrick continues to smile at her as he grabs the napkin from her hand and stuffs it in his pocket.

  “Excuse me,” I announce, wanting to get out of the booth. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

  The blonde slides out, and as I’m walking away, I hear her say, “Wanna sit over here next to me?”

  I have no doubt she’s talking to Merrick, and even though I know he’s not interested in girls, it still sucks to see this play out in front of me.

  35

  Merrick

  Present Day

  When I get to the bathroom, I see Ali at the sink, washing his hands.

  “Is anyone else in here?”

  He shakes his head. “No.”

  I lock the door behind me before I stalk toward him.

  “What are you doing?” he questions, shutting off the water.

  I press my chest to his back and trap him between my arms as I place my hands on the sink. I lock eyes with him in the mirror. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “You know what. I’m so used to playing along. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

  “It’s fine,” he replies standing straight, his ass pushing against my crotch.

  I pull the napkin from my pocket and toss it in the sink. “She’s not the one I’m interested in.”

  He lays the back of his head against my chest, still staring at me through the reflection. “You want me?” he asks, throwing my question back at me.

  I smirk and bring my hands to his hips, tugging him into me. “I do.”

  “It’s too bad you hate bathroom sex,” he says with hooded eyes as he arches his back.

  “I’d bend you over this sink and fuck you right now.”

  “Do it,” he taunts.

  I angle my head and nip at his neck. “Don’t tease me, Ali.”

  “I’m not.”

  Outside, someone tries to open the door, killing the moment.

  We pull apart, and Ali heads to the door and unlocks it. When the guy walks in, he does a double-take when he sees me.

  “Sorry about that, man. Just making sure Mr. Kingston has some privacy,” Ali says smoothly.

  We slip by him as he nods in understanding.

  Before we exit the hallway, we run into Sky.

  “Oh hey, I was just coming to tell you I’m heading out.” His eyes move between me and Ali. “You gonna go with that girl or am I taking them both?” he asks with a grin, hoping I’m not interested.

  “I’ll let you have her,” I tell him, smacking the side of his shoulder. “Have fun.”

  Sky chuckles. “Oh, I will. I’m gonna use the bathroom first. You still wanna talk, r
ight? I’m probably leaving the day after tomorrow.”

  “Okay, yeah. I’ll meet up with you guys tomorrow.”

  “Cool. Night, guys,” he says, heading toward the bathroom.

  “What do you wanna do now?” I ask Ali.

  He looks me up and down, and though his desire is obvious, I can tell he’s warring with himself. He wants me, but he’s still afraid. Afraid I’ll disappoint him. Lie to him. Leave him.

  I can’t be mad about that. It’s my own fault, but it makes me want to prove him wrong.

  “You said you haven’t been with any other guys.”

  I nod. “It’s true.”

  “Ever?”

  I let loose a sigh as I scratch at my growing beard and shake my head. “You’re the only one.”

  “You’re killing me,” he breathes. “Let’s go to your hotel. We need to get away from people.”

  “Okay.”

  In my hotel room, I kick off my shoes and empty my pockets, placing my wallet, phone, and keys on the table.

  Ali stays near the door like he’s ready to flee at any second.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know what’s going on between us. I feel like I never really have. I’ve just gone with the flow. Whatever you wanted, I was okay with, but there was never really clarity.” He toes off his shoes and slowly walks toward me. “I told myself not to get close to you again. You broke my heart before, and I swore I’d never try to be with a closeted person again. It’s too hard.” My eyes track his steps as he gets closer. “I don’t know what your plans are. I don’t know when you’re going to leave, or for how long it’s going to be. I don’t know if you’ll come out to the world or what it’ll even mean for us if you do. I don’t know almost anything except that I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anybody, and that I love you so much it hurts. So, I’m going to stop thinking about the future. I’m not going to worry about the what ifs. I’m going to enjoy this moment, because I can’t stand another second of not touching you.”

  He’s stunned me silent, and though I have answers to some of the things he’s wondering about, now’s not the time to talk.