Merrick talks about girls, so I’ve never questioned his sexuality. I play along, but I’ve never been with a girl before. I don’t even want to try it, but I’d love a chance with Merrick. Not that that’ll happen, but I can continue to dream.
Hours later, after I accidentally nearly admitted to finding him attractive and had to backtrack, we’re on his steps drinking and smoking. Merrick begins looking at me in a way that sends heat traveling through my body and blood pouring into one particular part.
“Merrick.” I say his name like it’s a question.
It takes several seconds before he snaps out of his daze. “Yeah?”
“What’s goin’ on?”
“Nothing. What do you mean?”
“You’re looking at me like. . .”
Like I’ve always wanted you to. Like you want me.
“Like what?” he asks, arching his brow.
God he’s hot. My eyes travel to his lips, wondering how they’d feel against mine. My heart hammers in my chest as the air around us shifts.
“Like. . .” I leave the word hanging there, unsure of how to finish. Is he gay? Is he curious? Is he bi? Or is he just high and I’m overthinking his gaze?
“Like you’re looking at me?” he questions.
My heart does a flip. So, he knows. He can tell I’m looking at him differently, but didn’t he just admit to looking at me the same way? Does that mean. . .
I decide not to say anything, I only lean forward. Inch by tiny inch, we close the gap between us as slowly as possible. I’m waiting for him to ask what the fuck I’m doing. I wait for him to stand up and rush into the house, but he keeps coming closer.
His lips dance across mine softly and hesitantly, like he’s afraid too. After a couple pecks, he cradles my face in his hand and plunges his tongue into my mouth. I moan, loving the taste of him. I’ve wondered how this would feel, but nothing I ever dreamt up can compare to reality. His lips were meant to kiss mine. His tongue was meant to dance with mine.
Merrick kicks up the intensity a bit, and then we can’t keep our hands to ourselves.
It’s in this moment, as his large hands hold my face and our lips and tongues connect in a passionate first kiss that I think I might love my best friend.
A half minute goes by and he eases away just slightly, keeping his hands on my face while mine continue to touch his body.
“Ali.” My name falls from his lips in a soft, breathy tone.
Our eyes connect, and a realization passes between us.
Yep. I’m in love with my best friend.
46
Merrick
Present Day
I disconnect the call and slide the phone back into my pocket, raising my head to look at Sky.
“You’re sure?” he asks.
“Yep. Are you sure?” I question. “This affects you and the guys too.”
He twists his mouth up while rolling his eyes. “Don’t be stupid.”
I laugh and slap him on the shoulder. “I really appreciate you guys. I’ve loved being in this band with you.”
“Oh no, are we getting emotional over here?” Jay says as he and Carlos walk up.
“I’m just saying how much I’ve enjoyed all our years together.”
Jay rests his hand on my back. “We support you. Always.”
“Are you ready to make this announcement and break some hearts?” Carlos questions.
I take a deep breath and straighten my back. “I am.”
“Okay, let’s do it then,” Sky says.
We make our way into King’s Tavern through the back entrance, and when the guys veer off to go to the table Royce reserved for us, I go straight to the door that leads to the apartment Royce has upstairs.
He used to use this as his bachelor pad when he didn’t want to take girls to his house, or when Cill or Elijah needed it after drinking too much. Now that they’ve all settled down, it rarely gets used, but I need the space and quiet right now.
I plop onto the small loveseat in the living room area and rub my palms over my knees, trying to settle my nerves.
It’s been two weeks since Ali walked away from me, and though it hurts like a sonofabitch, I’m not even mad that he did it. I can’t blame him for making that decision, but I wish he would’ve given me time to explain what happened that day. I don’t want him thinking I just chickened out.
I’ve taken this time apart to really think about what I want to do and how I hope things play out, but it’s not all on me. Ali has to make a decision too, but I don’t know when or if he’ll give me the time of day.
Fifteen minutes later, my phone buzzes with a text from Sky, letting me know we have five minutes.
Before we made it big, King’s Tavern on a Saturday night was our spot. We played through our songs and garnered local fans. Since we’ve been gone, Royce has tried karaoke nights, which he hated, but now he filters through other local talent. Tonight, we’re back, and Royce has promoted this special little concert to all of his customers, so we should be playing to a pretty packed house.
I take another deep breath before I push up from the couch and head to the stairs. When I open the door and enter the bar, the guys are waiting for me.
“You good?” Carlos asks.
“Yep.”
“Your brother is about to announce us now,” Jay says.
“All right, all right,” Royce says into the mic. “I know I’ve been talking about this non-stop for the last week, but it’s finally here. The Unwanted—Gaspar’s very own home grown rock stars and future musical legends are back! Please don’t act up. No rushing the stage, no harassing the guys, just enjoy the show. I have a couple security guys here ready to kick you out if you do anything crazy, but let’s not get to that point.” Royce smiles. “Okay, come on guys.”
The four of us head onto the small stage posed in front of a red brick wall and get into position.
Sky takes the mic and greets the room as I sling the guitar strap over my head and smile at a few familiar faces in the crowd.
Royce and London are standing behind the bar, and Cillian, Midge, Elijah, and Nova are sitting in the stools in front of them. My eyes scan the room as Sky continues to talk to the audience, recognizing a few people, but the person I’m looking for isn’t anywhere to be seen.
We start playing, beginning with our latest single, and go through two more popular songs before we pause and allow Sky to talk about the next song we’re about to perform.
Jay steals my attention by saying, “Hey.”
I spin to the side, gripping the neck of the guitar as I raise my brows at him. He juts his chin out to the crowd, so I turn and look. After several seconds, I spot him.
Ali leans against the wall to my left, standing next to a very excited Lexie and Leo. He doesn’t look nearly as thrilled as the other two, but he’s here. Lexie waves at me when I meet her gaze, and I lift my head in response and give her a smile. I texted her earlier and begged her to get Ali to come, and just like she did ten years ago, she was able to convince him to show up.
We start playing another song, but my eyes keep finding Ali, making sure he hasn’t left. After one more, I finally catch him looking at me. When our eyes meet, he doesn’t look away. His face lacks any emotion. He doesn’t look happy to see me, but he doesn’t look angry either. He’s unaffected, and that might hurt more.
When we’re done playing that song, Sky takes the mic off the stand and starts talking. “I don’t know if y’all know it or not, but I’m not the only one who writes our songs. It’s usually me and Merrick,” he says, jerking his head in my direction. “That’s right, we’re not just pretty faces.” The crowd laughs and I shake my head. “Merrick’s written a new song, and we haven’t even recorded it yet. You’re getting never before heard music, people, so I hope you’re fucking excited about that.”
The people cheer and clap, and Sky glances back at me and nods. I reciprocate the gesture, and step forward.
“Oh, did you n
ot know Merrick can sing, too? I think he’s gunning for my job,” he jokes.
More cheers erupt, and I spot the surprised faces of my brothers before I position myself in front of the microphone.
“Hey, guys. Don’t let Sky fool you, I’m not as good as him, but I’m trying. Don’t judge me too harshly.”
We start playing a slow melody, and I open my mouth to sing while looking directly at Ali.
My love for you is like nothing I’ve ever felt//
I’ve flown around the equator, traveled the earth’s belt//
But your soft lips call for me and I willingly reply//
Return to your whiskey-colored eyes, swimming blissfully in your paradise//
You think that I’m afraid, and maybe that’s true//
But my greatest fear is living my days without you//
Don’t you know you’re my everything? My happiness, my reason to live//
But I’m tortured and ruin everything, I need your willingness to forgive//
I’ve fucked up and I’ve hurt you. Oh where do I begin?//
When my wish is to make amends. In the end, you’re my closest friend//
So please give me one last chance, I can’t live without my heart//
You were destined to be my first and last, I can’t make it if we’re apart//
I’ve loved you since we were kids trying to figure things out//
And I’ll love you until the end of time, of this I have no doubt//
You’re my miracle personified, fate and destiny holding hands together//
We can weather any weather, We were meant for forever//
When the song comes to an end, my eyes stay locked on Ali’s. I barely register the cheers and applause. All I see is him.
I take the mic in my hand and walk to the edge of the stage and say, “I love you, Ali. I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about that. I love this band and I’ve always thought music was my life, but I’ve been wrong. You are my life. One day I’ll be old and I won’t care about making music, but I’ll always care about you.
“Fuck everything else. Nothing is worth being unhappy, and you’re my happiness, Ali. I want a life with you. You’re my heart, and I can’t live without you.”
I turn toward the crowd who is now shocked silent as they watch with rapt attention. “I’m gay, and I’m in love with my best friend.”
Gasps and a few awws reach my ears, but I spin back and face Ali, because his reaction is the only one that matters to me. His eyes shine with tears as his bottom lip drops in surprise, and I wait for his response.
47
Alejandro
Present Day
Never in a million years did I expect this to happen.
Lexie coaxed me out, using the fact that she’s been one of my closest friends for ten years, and the fact that I’m in their wedding. She gave me puppy dog eyes and pouty lips, and Leo joined in, making me feel bad for not going out with them to a pre-bachelor/bachelorette party.
I knew it was weird. This plan was ridiculous and made no sense, but they said more of the wedding party would be meeting us here.
I expected to have a decent time, but when we walked in the door, Merrick and his band were already on stage. Lexie ignored my glares and then danced around my questions about who else was supposed to be here. Clearly, she’s loyal to Merrick as well, because I was pretty sure it was him who got her to bring me, and now it’s obvious he did and why.
A public declaration and outing was the last thing I thought he was going to do, and now I need to find my words to respond. Merrick just came out to everyone in this bar. He declared his love for me in the beautiful lyrics of his song and then his speech.
Lexie pushes me forward, tears glistening in her eyes. She doesn’t look surprised, so maybe Merrick told her.
I slowly make my way to the stage, vaguely aware of all the eyes on me. Merrick hops down and stands in front of me.
“Ali, I’m sorry for all the bullshit. I’ll never be able to take that back, but please—”
I cut him off by grabbing his wrist and saying, “I love you.”
His lips pull up into that cocky smirk, but relief swims in his eyes. “I love you, too.”
With a slight tug, I bring him closer, our chests nearly touching. I want to kiss him, but I’m still aware of the audience, and I don’t know if he wants pictures of us together to come out, so I hesitate.
Merrick doesn’t. His left foot steps between my feet, and he presses his entire body against mine as his hand wraps around the back of my head and pulls me in for a kiss.
I nearly melt into his arms as I rest my hands on his hips and let his tongue slide across mine. This kiss isn’t gratuitous and doesn’t last long, but it’s perfect. I barely notice the few hoots and hollers, because I’m completely lost in his touch.
When we ease away from each other, he gives me a lopsided smile. “I have to finish this set. Wait for me? We can talk more later.”
I nod, a smile painted on my face. “Okay. I can’t believe you did that,” I whisper.
He plants a chaste kiss on my lips. “Believe it and get used to it.”
As I stumble backwards, he climbs back on stage and faces the crowd. “So, that’s that,” he says with a boyish smile and shrug. “Want us to continue?”
Sky comes up and pats him on the back with a wide grin on his face, taking the microphone. The crowd cheers for more, so they don’t seem too bothered by this revelation.
The band plays a few more songs, and Lexie and Leo pull me toward the bathrooms where it’s only slightly quieter.
“Oh my God!” Lexie yells, slapping me in my arm. “All these years! I can’t believe it.”
I can’t wipe the grin off my face if I tried. “It wasn’t my story to tell.”
“Well he just told a hell of one,” Leo says, jerking his thumb to the stage. “Babe, I hope you don’t expect me to write you a song now.”
Lexie rolls her eyes. “Dude! This is amazing! I couldn’t believe it when Merrick told me. I was curious about what the hell was going on with you two since he’s been needing me to get you places, but when he told me, so many things fell into place. And you’re all in love and shit.” She puts her hand on her heart as she tilts her head. “I’m so happy for you. We’re all gonna have to get together for dinner or lunch or something. I want more details.”
“Babe,” Leo chides.
“Not like that, weirdo.”
“We’ll definitely plan something. Me and him still have a lot of talking to do to figure out what happens now.”
She nods. “Like, are you moving away?”
I shake my head. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I need to talk to Merrick.”
We make our way back to the crowd and as soon as Merrick spots me, he gives me a wink and my stomach does a flip.
“Holy shit, dude!” Royce says to Merrick once the bar’s cleared out.
By the time they were done performing, it was time to close, but all of Merrick’s brothers and their girls stayed behind.
“I wasn’t expecting that,” Royce continues, standing behind the bar with London at his side.
“Go big or go home, right?” Merrick says with a wide grin.
“Alejandro.” Cill rests his hand on my left shoulder. “I guess we’ll expect to see you tomorrow for Sunday dinner.”
“He’ll be there,” Merrick says, reaching for my hand.
“Aww,” Cillian’s girlfriend, Midge, says from her barstool. “Merrick I’m so happy.”
“Me too,” Merrick replies, squeezing my hand.
“Does your label know?” Elijah asks as he rests his hands on Nova’s shoulders as she sits in a stool in front of him.
“They will soon.”
“You didn’t tell them?” I ask.
“I tried. I told our manager, but he told me to keep it to myself. Me and the guys already talked. We owe them one more album, and once that’s done we can look for another label.”
/> “Wow,” I breathe.
“It’ll be fine,” Merrick assures everyone. “I can’t take it back now, and I wouldn’t if I could. What’re they gonna do? They need me to make music so they can make money, but if the CEO has a problem with it, then we’ll leave.”
“I’m proud of you,” Elijah says.
“And we can’t wait to get to know you more, Alejandro,” Nova says. “I know the guys know you, but us girls will be armed with questions tomorrow.”
“I’ll be ready for them,” I reply with a grin.
“We’re gonna head out,” Merrick says, standing up from his seat. “See you guys tomorrow.”
And for the very first time, we walk outside, holding hands, without a care in the world.
48
Merrick
Present Day
It’s three in the morning by the time we get to my hotel, but I’m not even close to tired. I’m too excited to be sleepy. I’ve been dying to have this conversation with Ali.
I drop onto the couch and make sure Ali sits next to me, tucked into my side as I drape my arm over his shoulder.
“I think you said something about making plans for our future,” I say.
He chuckles. “Did I?”
“I think we should, but I want to start off by explaining what happened before. I really went to New York with the intention of telling them. Kit, who is the head of the label, was another level pissed. But at the end of the meeting, I stood up and said I wanted to tell them something. Our manager looked like he wanted to strangle me, and Kit was already annoyed that I had something to say that Evan didn’t know about. Evan basically pushed me out of the office while threatening to ruin me, whatever that means. Sky shook his head, telling me to let it go for now. I was pissed. I tried calling Evan over and over, but he was mad at me and didn’t pick up my calls. When I finally got in touch with him and told him, he was shocked silent, then he told me it wasn’t the right time to tell Kit, let alone the world. But I had already made the decision. You’re everything to me, Ali,” I say, gripping his shoulder and reaching down with my other hand to entwine our fingers. “I can’t be without you.”
Risking it All: An M/M, rockstar, second chance romance (Kingston Brothers Book 4) Page 19
