by Kelly Myers
David leans over me as he captures my mouth with his once again, and I grip his hips with my thighs.
He buries his face in my hair as his hand slides to my breast and fondles me over my shirt.
“Elena,” he says. “Elena, I need you.”
Just the sound of raw desire resonating in his face makes me wet with yearning for him. Instead of responding, I clutch his face in my hands and kiss him, plunging my tongue deep into his mouth.
This whole week, I was convinced I would never see him again. Just when I was ready to admit my feelings for him, he was yanked from my life. And now he’s here, and he’s holding me and touching me, and I’m not even close to being strong enough to say no.
Who cares if this is the last time? Who cares about propriety or consequences? The worst consequences have already landed on my head. I’ve lost him. I’m going to at least take this final scrap of happiness if I can.
David has my blouse unbuttoned, and he’s nuzzling at my breasts, and I reach down and yank my underwear down.
Then I fumble at David’s belt buckle until it comes undone. I slide my hand along his cock, and it’s as hard as it’s ever been. He presses his hips against mine and pulls his head up from where he’s been sucking on my nipple.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“Yes.” If we weren’t in my school office, I would scream the word. As it is, I just gasp it.
David doesn’t need to hear it twice. He slides his fingers between my legs and lets out a groan when he feels how wet I am. It’s the combination of doing it in my office and being so desperate for this man I can’t have that’s turned me on far more than I ever thought such an agonizing and scandalous position would.
I tip back on my lower back as David plunges into me in one hard thrust. He surges deep inside me, and my body clenches around him. David’s face is flushed and covered in a sheen of sweat as he presses his forehead against mine.
I use my abdominal muscles to keep myself sitting up so I can hold onto David’s broad shoulders. He places one hand on my lower back and pulls me right to the edge of the desk. I yelp as he begins to pound into me over and over, hitting the sensitive spot deep within me.
“Oh God,” I gasp. “Oh David.”
We’re not being loud at all, but dimly, somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m aware that we’re not exactly being quiet.
It’s not like the desk is thumping or creaking, but when a big guy like David is putting all his effort into lovemaking, noises happen.
I don’t care though. If anyone walks by, they can make whatever guess they want about what’s happening inside here. They can gossip, but they won’t have any proof. No one can see inside.
I pull myself tighter against him and look deep into his eyes. I want to remember the way he looks at me when he’s fucking me. It may haunt me until the day I die, but I want to remember that once, in this moment, a man looked at me like I commanded the sun and moon. I want to remember that someone looked at me like this.
David places his finger back on my clit and begins to press against it with rapid nudges that match the rhythm of his thrusts. The extra sensation pushes me towards my climax at a rapid pace I’ve never experienced before.
“Yes,” I murmur. “Yes, David, I’m about to come.”
“I’m gonna come,” he moans. “Oh God, Elena.”
We both open our mouths and gasp as we climax together. I bury my face against his neck to muffle my little cries of ecstasy, and his shoulders stiffen beneath my hands as he explodes within me. I hold him tight as the last waves of my orgasm pulse through my body. Then I feel him go slack and pull away.
It’s only then that I feel the wetness between my legs, and I realize he didn’t wear a condom. I frown and slide off the desk to my feet. I reach for a kleenex and turn as I quickly clean myself up.
“I’m so sorry,” David mutters. He pulls his pants and buckles his belt with a snap. “I should have put a condom on, Elena, I’m so sorry, I just wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s ok, I got carried away too.” I turn and place my palm against his cheek to calm his consternation. “I’m on the pill, it’s ok.”
David’s face only relaxes slightly. “I still should have put one on.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Do you have an STD?”
“Jesus, no, I’m a doctor, I get tested regularly.”
“Then it’s fine.” I drip my hand from his face and straighten my skirt. I know my hair is a hopeless mess, but I pat it anyway.
David steps forward and wraps his arms around me. I press my cheek against his chest and let him stroke my back. His hands are so warm and comforting, and I want him to rub my back like this every single day. A sick and twisted part of me wishes I wasn’t on the pill so I could have a chance of getting pregnant and attaching David to me forever.
But I don’t want him like that. And, if we ever did have a child, I wouldn’t want it to be a surprise. I would want both of us to want it.
I shake such silly thoughts out of my head and pull away.
Instead of letting me step out of his embrace, David sits down in the chair and pulls me with him so that I’m sitting in his lap.
“We still need to talk,” David says. “I didn’t mean for that to happen, I just couldn’t control myself.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, me too.”
“I don’t know where to begin.” David presses his lips against my temple. His mouth is warm and firm and so loving.
I look up at him. “Be direct and honest. I like when you do that.”
“Really? You don’t think I’m too frank?”
“No,” I say. “It’s one of my favorite things about you.”
David’s eyes turn soft and contemplative, and a soft smile hovers over his lips. “Chloe used to tease me about it, she said I was being too medical when I was too direct, but I think she liked it too.”
“Chloe was your wife?” It’s the first time David has mentioned her name. I never felt right asking for it. I don’t mind him bringing her up. It’s clear that he truly loved her, but it’s also clear that he’s come to terms with her death.
“Yes,” David says. “And, I didn’t mean to bring her up.”
“It’s ok,” I say. “She’s a part of you.”
“You’re right.” David nods his head and squeezes me tighter against him. “And, she’s the reason I know what it is to love someone. She’s the reason I know I should just let you get away from me.”
I can’t form words. I’m too overwhelmed. He just said he loves me. Or that he could love me.
“Elena, my daughters will always be my first priority, which I think you understand,” David says. “But I want to be happy too. All week I’ve been thinking, and I’m sure my happiness is good for them. You could be good for them.”
“David, I saw Amy’s face.” I wince as I recall the image from that fateful night. “She was wrecked.”
“She was, I won’t lie to you.” David sighs as if he too is remembering how awful it was when Amy saw me. “But I’ve been having conversations with Amy and Kate. About me dating and having a new relationship. And about you.”
I wonder what Amy said. She probably called me a few nasty names. Maybe she accused her dad of stealing her favorite teacher. I decide I don’t really want to pry into the specifics.
“But Elena, I think they could get used to the idea.” David is talking fast now, his excitement and hope making my heart swell. “Kate is all for it. She’s upset that Amy was upset, but she has no objections. Amy needs time, but she’s not as upset as I initially thought.”
“Getting used to the idea is not the same as embracing it,” I say. I try to speak as gently as I can. “And I could never do anything that hurt your daughters.”
“I know.” David leans his forehead against the side of my head, and I savor the feel of his skin on mine. “But I don’t want to give up on you, not yet.”
I chew on my lower lip as I think. He’s putting himsel
f out on a limb, coming to me and telling me that I’m that important to him. It’s flattering and it feels good, but I’m not sure it’s the right choice. Maybe he feels like I’m worth tension between him and his daughter now, but down the road, will he always feel that way? Or, will he start to resent me for causing a rift between him and Amy?
I don’t bother asking him this. He doesn’t know the answer. No one does.
Instead, I stand up. It’s hard to extricate myself from his arms, but I know we can’t hole up in my office forever. We both have to be more responsible than that.
David stands up, and I take a deep breath.
“I need to think about it,” I say. “I need time.”
“I understand.” He doesn’t hesitate to agree. “Take as much time as you need. I just want you to know that I’m going to wait for you.”
I meet his gaze and blurt out the question. “Why?”
“There’s no one like you.” David smiles down at me. “You’re the one for me.”
I sway at the certainty in his voice. How does he know? Do all people get this sure of their feelings in their late 30’s? If so, I’m looking forward to it. I could use some clarity.
“I know I’m a lot to take on,” David says. “So take the time, think it over, ok?”
I nod. David leans down and places a kiss on my forehead. Then, as if he can’t resist, he plants a final kiss on my lips, brief and fleeting, before he pulls away.
“Take care, Elena.” In one long stride he reaches the door.
Then he is gone.
And, I’m left standing among my scattered papers wondering what the heck just happened.
Chapter Twenty-Three
As I walk home, my head is in the clouds. I’m lucky the drivers in Lake View are so tame or else I would be in danger of getting hit by a car.
David is complicated. No matter how much wild sex we have on my desk, no matter what heartmelting things he says to me, he’s still complicated. He would be the first to admit that.
I keep thinking about what Bea said to me earlier this week. About how maybe complicated can be good. It’s how you know someone is worth it, if you’re willing to overcome the obstacles.
Besides, Logan was simple, and that didn’t work out. Maybe I need someone complicated.
What I really could use is a crystal ball. I want to peer into the future and see what will happen. I’m desperate to know if Amy really can move past her anger and actually be ok with me dating her dad. In fact, I want her to be better than ok. I want reassurance that I will be a positive influence on her dad.
If I dated David just to make myself happy, I could never forgive myself if such a selfish action resulted in Amy or Kate being hurt.
It’s not as simple as David is making it seem. Yes, a father’s happiness should be good for his kids, but single parenthood is a tricky thing. Kids can be very close to a single parent. They can even develop codependent relationships. So that when a child has to share a single parent, who has been the most important figure in that child’s life, things can get messy. Even with the best intentions, disaster could strike.
That’s why I need a glimpse into the future. If I can just know for certain that I won’t be detrimental to those girls and that David won’t end up resenting me or his children, I would choose him in a heartbeat. I would.
Only I don’t have a crystal ball. And, if I knew anything about statistics, I could probably work out the chances that David and I are going to get to skip off into the sunset with his daughters and zero repercussions are pretty low. Not good betting odds, to say the least.
I’m not a betting woman. Nor am I a prophet or a statistician. All I know is that I care about David, but I also care about Amy. And I don’t really know Kate that well, but I’m sure I would start to care about her after approximately five minutes in her company.
As I stride down the street towards my apartment building, I know I look a mess. It’s a hot and humid day, and my hair was already tousled when I left my office, but now it’s poofed up even more thanks to the moisture in the air. My blouse is wrinkled and the buttons aren’t aligned. My skirt is straight and thankfully made from a wrinkle-free fabric.
My face however has not lost the heat from David’s kisses and caresses. I’m flushed, and I’m pretty sure “sex” is written all over me in big capital letters.
I don’t care. I need to work out the pros and cons. It’s the least romantic thing to do, but I can’t just blindly trust my gut on this one.
The pros are too many to list. David is amazing and smart and kind. He’s a good father, and he would be a good and honest boyfriend. He would support me in my career, and he’s definitely the best sex partner of my life. There’s no question.
Sex isn’t everything though. We have a connection outside the bedroom as well, and if it weren’t for the kids, that would be enough for me to throw myself into his arms and let him carry me off to a happy ending.
It’s not the kids themselves that are a problem. At first, his age and his children gave me pause, but the more time I’ve spent with him, the more I’ve realized that I wouldn’t mind joining his family. I don’t view Amy and Kate as cons. In fact, I adore that David is a good father, and I like his children.
The con is what I could do to them. The drawback is how I could hurt Amy and Kate. I’m not so worried about Kate, to be honest. David said she was all for her father dating me, and it’s not surprising. She’s young, and she’s never known a mother, the poor girl is starved for older female company.
Amy is the one I’m worried about. I know she would be conflicted between a living girlfriend of her father’s and her deceased mother. I know she would feel guilt and indecision. I know she would also be sensitive about having to share her father. And to cap it all off, I was also supposed to be her teacher. I was supposed to be a part of her world, not her dad’s.
I already know I’m not going to be able to make this decision this afternoon or even this weekend. That’s ok. I’m going to take the time I need.
I smile to myself as I remember how kind David was. He wanted me to take the time. He stated his piece, but he didn’t pressure me.
That’s another point in his favor. He doesn’t need me to answer right away. He understands the gravity of what he’s asking. And while I ponder, I know he won’t change his mind. He’s not like the guys my own age, who are restless and fickle. David is settled and loyal. He knows who he is and what he wants.
I shake my head as I turn onto my block. I could list all of David’s attributes until the cows come home. It’s going to take more than that for me to choose him. I might even need to talk to him again and ask more questions about his daughters. I might even want to talk to them. If David is ok with that. I would understand if he wanted to keep me separate from his children while I figure out if I’m ready to be with him.
I adjust my purse on my shoulder and dig around for my keys. My head is down as I approach my building, and I only look up when my fingers find my keys at the very bottom of my bag.
When I do look up, I jump in surprise. For the second time that day, I think I might be hallucinating.
Because Logan is standing outside the door to my apartment building.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Logan. He’s loomed so large in my mind over the last few months, I almost don’t recognize the flesh and blood version of him.
He seems smaller somehow. And when I see his grave face, I don’t feel the same intensity I might have. Instead I wonder why Logan is playacting at being a serious grown-up. What does he have to be so somber about?
“Elena.” Logan steps forward and lifts one hand. The sun glints off his pale hair. “You look –”
He pauses as he takes me in, and I wonder what he’s about to say.
I look...a mess. I look like I’m seeing a ghost. I look as if a man just made love to me over my office desk.
That last thought makes a bright red blush spread across my cheeks.
“You look good,” Logan says.
“What do you want?” It’s blunt, but I don’t have time for the niceties, not with Logan.
What is he thinking by just showing up? Does he not realize I have a life? It’s Friday evening, I could be out on a date. I’m not, but I could be.
Or, what if I had turned up with David, and Logan was here, lurking in the shadows. That would have been awkward and put me in such a weird position.
Of course, Logan probably thinks I don’t have a life. He thinks I’ve been sitting here pining for him for months and months. I was such a mess when we broke up, and I begged him to reconsider so many times that he probably assumes I spend every Friday evening doing voodoo spells to try and get him back.
“I need to talk to you,” Logan says. “It’s important.”
He gives me wide puppy-dog eyes, and my resolve softens. If he needs to talk this badly, we might as well get it out of the way.
“Ok,” I sigh. “Come on up.”
I unlock the door and lead the way up to my apartment.
It feels strange having Logan follow me up the stairs to my studio. It’s an action we’ve taken hundreds of times over the years. It should feel familiar, yet it doesn’t. It feels wrong. As if this particular action no longer fits.
Once we’re both inside my studio, I toss my bag on my bed and turn to face Logan. He’s wearing a pair of faded jeans and a worn T-shirt with one of his favorite bands. After spending so much time with David, Logan looks so young. Almost baby-faced. I used to be into that. I used to feel good about how Logan and I were growing together.
He gives me a bashful smile and puts his hands in his pockets. “It’s weird to be back here, huh?”
“Yeah, it is.” I return his smile. There’s a reason we were together so long. Something about Logan’s gentle ways pull at my heartstrings. He gets me. And he used to be so sweet sometimes that I loved just taking care of him.
