Silenced 2: The Overtaking (Silenced Series)

by RaeBeth McGee-Buda

  I open my eyes slowly and as I do, a tear runs down my cheek. It doesn’t take long for Landon to notice.

  “Are you all right?” He asks me.

  His tone grabs Casey and Patrick’s attention.

  “Landon, is something wrong?” Casey asks, worried.

  “No, just checking on her.” He says.

  “I’m all right. Man, you guys worry too much. Nothing’s wrong, actually. Everything is all right.” I tell them.

  I feel like a ton of bricks were lifted off my chest after that dream. I remember every piece of it. That’s surprising, because I never remember my dreams.

  “Why does it look like you were crying in your sleep?” Landon asks his face filled with worry.

  “I had a good dream but in a way it’s bad. It’s really nothing to worry about. Honest!” I tell them, trying not to make much of a scene this early in the morning. Trying to change the subject, I ask, “By the way, what time is it?”

  “It’s nine. We have two hours until the first viewing. I think you girls need to get cracking on getting ready.” Landon says, as he looks at me and Casey.

  Everyone knows we take forever to get ready. Each of us needs an hour for the bathroom.

  “It’s not going to take me that long because I took my shower before I went to bed. By the way Pat, you snore really, really loud.” I tease while trying to make them laugh.

  “Actually, I was thinking I’d go sightseeing. I don’t think it’s the place for me. I really didn’t know Sarah.” Casey announces.

  I don’t mind that Casey decided not to go. I don’t think she should’ve gone. I totally agree with her. After, we’re done discussing the plans for the day, I get ready. A hot shower might help the ache in my neck, which is stiff from the bed.

  As I step into the shower, the hot water forces me to start dreaming. I hate when this happens but the water feels so good. I start thinking about cutting. Why did it start in the first place? I really don’t remember. Honestly, to say why this all started would be a revelation to me. When I started cutting, I didn’t even know I was doing it.

  I begin to think about it and after a few moments, it comes to me. I was feeling lonely in school. This was right before Sarah became part of cutting. She’s the one that initiated it. Sarah and I were eating lunch one day and the preps were making fun of us. I sat with my tray in front of me. The only thing I could do to make sure I didn’t beat the crap out of one of them was to clench my fists.

  All of a sudden, I notice blood dripping from my palms. This really isn’t the description of cutting but it was the beginning of the darkness. I didn’t even feel the pain of my nails entering my skin. This has to be the way the darkness seeped in.

  Later that day, Sarah asked me if I was okay. I explained to her that I didn’t notice until I saw the blood. She knew the anger just as much as I did.

  “Can I tell you something and trust you won’t freak out?” She asked me.

  “Of course you can. That’s what I’m here for.” I replied to her.

  “These are because of those sluts.” Sarah said as she pulled up her sleeve.

  As soon as I saw what she was showing me, I gasped.

  “Sarah, why in the hell would you do that?” I yelled at her.

  That’s when she explained, it’s the only way for her to deal with life. If she didn’t do this, then life wouldn’t be. I was completely unsure what she meant at that time. Now, I totally understand.

  ****

  “Does it hurt?” I asked her with concern in my voice.

  I felt a lump forming in my throat as she began saying she didn’t even feel it. The pain felt good. It wasn’t bad and she said maybe I’d enjoy doing it.

  “I remember the first time I used an actual knife.” Sarah said as she remembered and looked like she was watching the scene all over again.

  “With a knife? I had the impression that’s what you used.” I told her.

  “Oh no, at first I used a pen cap. I chewed on it for the first part of the school day. In seventh period, I asked to go to the bathroom. While I was in there, I took the pen cap and dug it across my skin. I didn’t stop until I was completely happy with the blood running down my arm and dripping onto the floor.” Sarah told me.

  I didn’t know how to react. I stood there with a blank expression on my face.

  ****

  “Amber, you need to hurry up and get out of the shower. You have twenty minutes to get ready.” Landon yells through the door pulling me out of my dream.

  As I came back to reality, I realize Landon’s right. I turn off the water, grab my towel, wrap it around me, and step out of the shower. As I’m dressing, I notice several scars that are visible. I hadn’t noticed them before. Weird!

  Once I’m dressed, Landon comes to talk with me.

  “Hey sweetheart, you okay?” He observes.

  “Yeah.” I reply confused.

  “I’m making sure, because you spent the better part of your time in the shower. You never take that long when you know you have some place to be.”

  “I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances, Landon.” I tell him, getting really sick of the same question everyone keeps asking.

  It’s obvious that I have a bit of sadness and tension in my voice, because Landon steps closer. Once he’s settled behind me, he takes my hand, and gently guides it to release my brush on the sink.

  I think the feelings that are going through me at the moment are completely unacceptable. I shouldn’t be standing here in the bathroom with Landon having these feelings. I’m about to go and give a forever farewell to my best friend. Who knows if I’m going to be able to deal with that like a sane person? But the moment is too strong and so are my feelings.

  I stare in Landon’s eyes through the mirror. His eyes seem to capture my soul, and my heart starts beating faster. There’s only one thing I want in this exact moment.

  I turn to face him. His strong arms fit perfectly around my waist and he slowly comes face to face with me. I continue to stare at him while he leans in for a kiss. We each know what the other one wants.

  The kiss makes me forget everything. It always does. I don’t know why, but when he kisses me with such intensity, my knees start to wobble. He realizes I’m not going to object and he kisses me deeper, with more passion.

  A minute or two into the kiss and the alarm goes off in the other room.

  “What’s that for?” I ask.

  “I set the alarm. It’s time to leave. I guess we should let you finish getting ready, real quick.”

  “Yeah, save it for a later day?”

  I can’t believe I just said that. How can I be making these plans knowing what I’m about to face?

  “Maybe...” Landon replies gently and walks out of the room.

  ****

  The drive to the funeral home isn’t as far as we thought. We pull in and Donna meets us at the door. As I see her red eyes, a knot forms in the middle of my throat.

  “Hi there sweetheart.” Donna says, her voice quivering.

  I try to return the greeting but I can’t get my voice to carry past the knot. My heart’s racing. I mentally tried to prepare myself on the way over here for what I’m about to see, but I don’t think it did anything. I can tell that no matter how much I try to prepare myself, it’s never going to happen.

  “Come in and take a seat.” The funeral director says softly.

  That’s definitely easier said than done, because I can’t force myself to move. I’m afraid of what I’m going to see, and how I’m going to react.

  “Amber honey, are you okay?” Landon asks me.

  “I….I...” I’m unable to finish. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest and I notice I’m crying.

  “Come on, we’ll do this little by little.” Landon says, taking my arm.

  This is the only way I can move. It’s like I’m frozen in place.

  The sitting room seems welcoming. But as we all know, there’s nothing welcomin
g about a funeral home. It’s nothing other than a death house. Most would rather not even be here, but as respect for their loved one, we all go in anyway. The room’s small. It has flowered wall paper with light colored couches and chairs.

  There are flowers nicely placed on each side stand. As I look around the room, I catch sight of a board which holds Sarah’s senior picture. She emailed it to me not too long ago. The picture’s surrounded by the time and date of the viewings, and the time of the burial. My tears burst from me. I start hiccupping because I’m crying so hard.

  Looking through my tears, Landon pulls me into the next room which has rows of chairs. As I follow him down the aisle, I see her. My eyes instantaneously look away. I can’t face this! What am I going to do without her? She and I have been through everything. Here I am at her funeral falling apart.

  Landon directs me to the front rows of chairs and my knees can’t hold me anymore. I collapse into a chair, bend over, put my face into my hands, and cry harder.

  Donna and Allen sit in the same row with me. Landon sits right beside me, rubbing my back and telling me that I will be all right. How in the hell does he know if I’m going to be okay? He’s not sitting at his best friend’s funeral about to say good bye, and never see her again. I understand he’s only trying to help.

  “May I have everyone’s attention?” The director announces into a microphone that’s at the front of the room.

  “I have been asked as a special request from Sarah’s mother, to play this CD that Sarah most enjoyed. This music will be in memory of a great daughter and friend.” He concludes, as he nods to a man in the other room.

  The room fills with hip hop music. At once I know what CD he’s playing, because Sarah and I have copies of it. We sat at her computer before I left, putting together a bunch of our favorite songs onto one disc. This way if we start to miss each other, we can play the disc, and remember our good times. This makes me cry more.

  The first song that plays is, “Meet Me Halfway”. What’s really messed up is I can’t remember who sings this song, but this is far less of a concern as I lift my head to look at Sarah.

  As I raise my eyes, I notice her casket is lined in a baby pink fabric. There are flowers everywhere. She hated flowers, especially bright ones, yet these are what surrounds her. I look directly at her. She has on a nice dress shirt. Oh my Gosh!! This is not how she dressed and her makeup is all wrong.

  “What is wrong with you people? This isn’t Sarah. She didn’t dress like that. She hated that style of make up.” I yell before I realize it. But, Sarah would have done the same for me.

  “Calm down, Amber. Everything is fine. This is the way we felt she should be remembered.” Donna says.

  “NO! She shouldn’t be remembered as a fake Barbie doll with pretty pink everywhere! She hated pink! She loved black eye liner and shades of tan eye shadow! She never wore lipstick!” I shriek, as I walk over to Sarah.

  Without thinking, I take a clean tissue and gently wipe off the pink rose shade lip gloss. It comes off easily. I take another tissue and try to wipe away the eye shadow until Landon pulls me away. He guides me into the sitting room.

  “You need to get a hold of yourself.” He says gently.

  “What! No, Landon, I’m not going to let my best friend be put off as if she is a damn Barbie doll! She’s probably sitting in their yelling about the way her body looks. This isn’t what Sarah wanted. Yes, the music is, but her looks are all wrong.” I snap.

  Donna comes up and looks at me with red puffy eyes. “Amber, I understand your anger, but this is the way Allen and I wanted her to be. We want to remember her as our beautiful daughter.”

  “Even if she had her makeup done the way she wanted it, she’s still beautiful. Am I the only one who wants things the way Sarah wanted them?” I ask through clenched teeth.

  I really felt bad because I really didn’t have the place to say anything about it. I should have let it go but I know Sarah wouldn’t have wanted to look like that. Ever!

  The funeral’s tough. Landon and Donna calm me down enough to go sit back in our seats. The director says a few things about Sarah, which I disagree with because he doesn’t know her.

  After he’s done talking, Donna and Allen get up to speak in front of everyone. They’re the only ones who seem like they truly believed that Sarah was mistake-free and never did anything wrong. After they’re done, Donna calls me up to give my peace and outlook of Sarah’s life. I stand up and walk to the front of the room.

  “Sarah and I were together since the day we were born. We never had a fight though some would say that’s impossible. But it’s true. She’s my best friend. We did everything together. All of our firsts. She was my sister. She’s my best friend, even though I mentioned that already. I will greatly miss her.” I struggle to say.

  I keep thinking back to the dream I had, where we talked.

  “I believe Sarah wasn’t fighting with a pill addiction. I believe she was in pain and was only trying to free herself of that pain. The medication she took didn’t seem to work quickly enough, and she didn’t realize she took too many. I know Sarah. We both have…or had the same fear when it came to drugs. We were scared.” I say as I direct my gaze to Donna.

  I truly feel Sarah was in my dreams for a reason. She wants everyone to know the truth. Even if they didn’t believe me or even believe the way I found out.

  “It’s going to sound crazy, but Sarah visited me last night in my dream. She told me this. She told me to let her mom and dad know that she loves them. She’s happy, and finally pain free.”

  Then, I turn to Sarah’s body and begin talking to her as if she’s actually there.

  “Sarah, I relayed the message. I do hope this helps you rest in peace. I miss you. You’ll never be forgotten. I love you, sister. May you find happiness, and a world that’s pain free where you are.” I finish as I bend down and kiss her forehead. Then, I walk back to my seat.

  Chapter Thirteen

  After the viewing, we go back to the hotel. I can’t be around all of Sarah’s family. I can’t face them, and don’t really want to. The ride back to the hotel is very quiet. No one says anything while listening to me cry.

  We pull into the parking lot, Patrick looks at Casey and motions to our room, and then they get out and shut the door.

  “Amber, I’m sorry you lost your best friend.” Landon begins. “I’m proud you stood up and spoke for Sarah. But, do you really think what you said was accurate?”

  I look at him. “Yes, I do. Landon, she really did come to me in my dream.” I say in a stern voice.

  “I don’t doubt you dreamed about her, but what you said made you look…well…like you lost it. I’m not saying this to upset you. I’m afraid you’re mixing up what’s real, with what’s a fabrication of the imagination.”

  I don’t say anything. This really makes me mad. He’s accusing me of being foolish, because I told my dream to everyone. What an asshole! I get out of the car and go into our room.

  As I’m lying on my bed, my mind goes back to the viewing and everything I said. Thinking back to Sarah lying in that box, pale and looking like Barbie…I begin to cry. This is when it hits me.

  The darkness starts taking a hold of me. The tears fall, and my heart’s racing. My palms sweat as my hands began shaking. The thoughts hit me that I’d never talk to or see Sarah again. I feel dizzy and nauseated.

  I have to do something. The day of pain I just felt and endured. Landon’s being an asshole. I have to let go. I know I promised Landon I wouldn’t do it anymore. But I can’t do this, I need to release everything.

  I stand up, grab my bag, and go into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I don’t care that Patrick and Casey are curious and worried about me. I don’t care that Landon’s on his way into the room. I don’t care about anything. I feel like a zombie that the darkness finally grabbed and begins to control.

  I dig through my bag and find my razor. Yeah, the one Landon thinks he hid fro
m me. I pull up my sleeve, look at my wrist, and take the razor across it. The velvet red blood starts flooding out. It feels so good. I sit down on the floor enjoying the feeling. It feels like the best drug, a cold ice cream on a hot day. To simply put it, it’s wonderful.

  Small clips of Sarah flash in front of my eyes, like I’m watching her again. Weird! The knocking on the door pulls me back to the present. That’s when I see it. Blood everywhere. Too much blood. I look down at my wrist. It’s covered, and the blood’s still flowing. It follows down part of my arm, slides down the side of my hand, and is pooling on the floor.

  I don’t care. It feels to damn good to stop. It’s an amazing high. I feel relaxed, and I love it. While enjoying the sensations, I don’t notice my face beginning to pale up. I don’t hear the knocks and voices on the other side of the door. I don’t hear my friends and their worried questions. Instead, it’s all ecstasy. That’s when I pass out.

  ****

  Oh, this is nice. What the hell am I doing? Where am I? I feel weightless, as if I’m floating. My eyes open. As I look up, I can tell I’m lying down. When my vision finally clears, I see a light and a very clean ceiling.

  “Amber?” I hear Casey’s voice.

  I turn my head toward her. That’s when I realize I'm not at home, at Donna’s, or in the hotel. I’m in the hospital. I look around the room. I hear beeping which is really annoying.

  “Amber... hey... it’s Casey. How are you feeling?” She questions.

  I notice her eyes are red and puffy. She’s crying. I look around and notice everyone is crying. Landon and Patrick sit on a chair not too far from the doorway.

  “What…where…ugh” I can’t seem to talk.

  I try to think about the last thing I remember, but my mind is blank. What had happened to me?

  “Mr. Summers?” A strange voice says coming from the door.

  I see Landon stand up and walk out into the hallway with what looks to be a doctor or nurse.

  I rub my eyes, and that’s when I become aware of the stinging and aching. Pain radiates at my wrist and goes up my arm.