Our Dirty Little Secrets

by Zane Michaelson

  "I already know my husband is having an affair," she said, candidly. “So if you’re here thinking your revelation will shock me into some kind of action, you’re wrong.”

  “If you know, why are you still married to him?” I knew I had no right to ask that question, but what did I have to lose?”

  "I've seen the signs before, many times over the years, but I had no idea he was sleeping with a..." She paused, taking a deep breath.

  Shit. She knew, yet she didn’t know.

  "A man." I finished her sentence, not sure she’d be able to.

  "Yes. A man." Her green eyes were shining brightly.

  She coughed and closed her eyes. I knew she was trying to hold back her tears.

  Opening her eyes, she spoke, wearily. "How long’s it been going on for?"

  "A few months," I replied, wishing I’d never driven here or put either of us in this situation.

  "How did you find out?" Melissa asked. "And when?"

  "I found out right at the start, and maybe if I'd done something then, I wouldn't be sitting here now."

  "Why now?" she asked.

  "Because I think they're in love with one another, and stupidly, I allowed it to go on thinking it would fizzle out."

  "You allowed your husband to carry on fucking with another guy?” she said in an accusatory tone. "Why would you?"

  "Because our marriage was better for it, but now, I think my marriage is over." I was seething with her judgement and hit out. “What was your excuse to turning a blind eye to Chad’s infidelities?”

  “I don’t do excuses. I’ve only got myself to blame, and so have you.” She pointed a manicured nail at me. "I don't know what's worse -- the fact you allowed it to go on, or your pathetic reasons for allowing it."

  "It’s not as simple as that," I said, trying to gain the upper hand.

  "Then tell me," she answered, bluntly. “Why didn’t you cut his dick off when you found out?”

  “Why didn’t you – if you knew Chad had been unfaithful before?”

  She looked around the spacious front room. “Why do you think?”

  I was supposed to get the impression she stayed for the money, but I didn’t believe it – I could see how hurt she was – her eyes told me the truth. My revelation had shattered her.

  “Well?” she asked. “Why did you let him get away with it?”

  I couldn't tell Melissa the whole truth because I felt ashamed I'd watched and enjoyed what I was seeing.

  There’s always a price to pay, and lying to my husband, and in turn, allowing him to lie to me, it would be the end for us.

  "He was depressed," I said. “Wasn’t himself.”

  "And that makes it alright, does it?" she snapped. "My husband's feeling a little fed up so I'll let him bend over for somebody else's husband."

  Her words cut me to the quick, but she was right. In my own selfishness, I'd allowed Zane to have everything he wanted. I played along, complicit, and deeply regretted it,

  "I'm so sorry." I couldn't think of anything more to say.

  "And so am I, but if you'll excuse me, I have work to be getting on with."

  I stood up and turned to face her, but the tears threatening at the corner of her eyes told me I'd caused enough damage. “I’m so sorry,” I said, touching her gently on the arm. I left without saying another word.

  Chapter Eight

  I sat in my car and screamed, banging the steering wheel with my hands.

  I needed to get out of there.

  I drove the long way home, cranking the stereo up, using the loud music to try and clear my thoughts, but still, I cried all the way home, not knowing what I was going to do.

  Once home, I figured I couldn’t let the kids see me in this state. I’d call my mum and ask if she would mind having the girls overnight.

  "Hi, Mamma," I said, trying to hold myself together.

  "Hello, my darling," she answered in her familiar, comforting, Scandinavian tone. "Are you well?"

  "Fine." I lied. "I wondered if you and Daddy would mind having the girls tonight? I wanted to cook Zane a meal and spend some alone time with him – he’s been working so hard lately."

  "Of course not," she answered. “I’ll watch my babies any time, you know that.”

  I could tell she was thrilled. Any excuse to spend time with her precious grandchildren. "I'll collect them from daycare if you'd like? I have plenty of clothes and pyjamas here."

  "Yes, that would be good, but call me at bedtime so I can say goodnight to them.”

  “I will,” she replied.

  I couldn’t speak any longer. She knew me too well, so I wanted to end the call before I lost it. “Listen, I’ve got to go cos I'm driving,” I lied.

  “Okay, darling.”

  “I need to call into the supermarket and pick up a few things."

  "We'll call you later -- love you."

  "Love you too," I replied, cutting the call before I bawled down the phone.

  It wasn’t an option for my parents to find out anything. My Dad was known for his fiery, yet overprotective temper, especially where I was concerned. Hs reaction didn’t bear thinking about – Zane wouldn’t know what had hit him.

  Despite my own heartbreak, the guilt I felt crushing my conscience. I’d ruined Melissa’s marriage – out of a moment of spite.

  And because of that, my daughters would grow up in a single parent household.

  Chapter Nine

  I was happy knowing Jenna was home. I wanted to see if I could catch her by surprise so snuck around the side of the house.

  I'd missed Jenna and couldn’t wait to wrap my arms around her.

  I'd spent the night being fucked relentlessly by Chad. An audience of unknowns watched, getting off on the show.

  Thankfully, nobody overstepped their boundaries and tried to join in, but I have to admit, if they had, I was too lost in the moment and could have happily been used and gangbanged all night. It was one of the most thrilling experiences of my life, and I wanted to do it again. But I had to devote some overdue time to my wife and children.

  These trips with Chad should have been few and far between, but they were increasing in frequency, not to mention their intensity.

  After our meetings, I always felt I was giving too much of my time to Chad. I did try to curb the amount of time we spent together, but I only had to hear his voice, and I was his. I craved what I shouldn't have.

  Our friendship, relationship, or whatever you wanted to call it, was beginning to feel awkward and strained, for me at least.

  Last night, Chad told me he loved me. I didn’t respond. If he was waiting for me to say it back, he would wait forever.

  He certainly picked his moment -- right as he was shooting his load inside me, he blurted it out, but I pretended I hadn't heard him. I felt awful not being able to tell him what he so obviously wanted to hear, but the time I was in love with him was long gone.

  For me, this was just a bit of fun and if I ignored Chad’s feelings, they might go away.

  Walking to the back of the house, I expected to see Jenna, but she was nowhere to be seen. I tried the back door, but it was unlocked. I walked into a cold and uninviting house.

  "Jenna," I shouted, but there was no answer.

  Strange. Her car was in the drive.

  I climbed the stairs two at a time and walked into the dark bedroom. The curtains were drawn and Jenna was lying in bed.

  “Are you okay?" I asked, rushing over.

  “Migraine," she replied. “I'll be fine after a few hours’ sleep.”

  I knew when she was feeling this rough, sleep was the only thing that would work, so I bent down and kissed her cheek. I swore I felt her tense up, but dismissed it. “I'll bring you some fresh juice.”

  “The kids are staying at Mamma's tonight,” she said quietly. "Give them a call and say hello to them -- you know they miss you when you're away."

  I walked out of the room, my stomach churning. I didn't know it then, but so
on my world, and everything I valued would be turned on its head.

  *

  I prepared dinner whilst Jenna slept.

  Standing at the foot of the stairs, I called up.

  “Jen, are you coming down for dinner.”

  No answer, so I waited for a few seconds.

  I could hear her pottering about upstairs then the bedroom door opened and she walked along the landing.

  “Coming,” she said, sounding better than she had earlier.

  I watched as she appeared at the top of the stairs and smiled.

  She was the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

  “Come on, sleepy head. Dinner is served. I made your favourite – Broccoli and Stilton soup with homemade bread for starters. Alaskan Salmon with summer vegetables for your main course, followed by strawberry pavlova.”

  “Nice,” she said, smiling.

  “But, if you’re too stuffed after the first two courses, you can have me for dessert.”

  “On second thoughts,” she said, the colour draining from her face. “I need to go and lie down – my head’s starting to throb again.”

  She turned and waked back up the stairs.

  I was disappointed. “If you’re sure – I’ll bring you a cold drink up in a few minutes, then hopefully a night in bed will see you right.”

  “Thanks,” she replied, climbing the stairs slowly. “Make sure you call the girls and say goodnight.”

  “Okay – you get back into bed and I’ll sleep in the spare room so I don’t disturb you.”

  Chapter Ten

  Chad had urgent work to catch up with, so rather than spend time with Melissa, he drove straight to the office.

  Dragging the work out as long as he could, he checked his mobile, pleased there were no missed calls from his wife. He hated it when she got clingy and possessive.

  It was pitch black when he eventually left the office and arrived home. The house was in total darkness – maybe Melissa was tired of waiting for him and had decided to go to the club.

  Whatever the reason, he was thankful.

  Maybe she’s gone to the spa?

  The house had a calmer atmosphere when she was away, and in an ideal world, he’d throw her out and live happily ever after with Zane.

  I wish, he thought.

  He stepped into the hallway. “Mel,” he shouted, making sure. “Are you home?”

  Silence.

  The alarm beeped.

  He rushed to the control panel under the stairs and popped the four digit code in.

  The alarm continued to beep so he punched the number in again, just that bit harder.

  The beeping continued and intensified then the alarm roared to life.

  “Shit,” he shouted, grabbing his phone from his trouser pocket.

  He called Melissa and waited for the call to connect, but her voicemail was on. Furious she hadn’t answered, he ended the call and pressed the redial button.

  Voicemail again.

  Over the screams of the alarm, he shouted into the phone.

  “Mel, call me – the house alarm has gone fucking crazy.”

  The one time he wanted her home and she wasn’t there.

  Chad pressed the code into the alarm again, but the code wasn’t accepted.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he shouted, banging his hand against the alarm panel.

  He heard a voice shouting from outside the property.

  *

  “Hello,” the voice shouted. “Is anybody in there?”

  Storming down the hallway, he was greeted by two policemen standing by their car, lights flashing.

  “Of course I’m here – I live here.”

  “Would you mind stepping away from the front door, Sir?” one of the officers requested.

  “I’m trying to get this damn alarm to turn off.”

  “Sir, just over here if you wouldn’t mind?” the other officer said, this time in a firmer tone.

  Chad stomped toward the officer. “This is my house.”

  “That may be so, but the property’s alarm system has police response, and if it’s your house, like you say, it’s unusual you don’t know the code.”

  “Hang on a minute. What are you trying to say?”

  “Do you mind if I ask your name?” The officer looked at a sheet of paper.

  “Chad Mitchell,” he answered, impatiently.

  “Thank you -- now do you have any identification?”

  “I have a driver’s license in my car.” He pointed to the black Audi. “Do you mind if I get it?”

  “Of course not, but let me accompany you.”

  Chad was livid – he knew they were worried he would jump into the car and speed off.

  He walked to the car and grabbed the wallet from the glove box, retrieved his identification, handing it to the officer.

  The officer glanced at it, handing it back.

  “Very good, Mr. Mitchell. Now what seems to be the problem?”

  “Can you hear that racket?” he asked. “The damn thing is faulty and won’t switch off.”

  “Okay, do you have the number for your alarm installers?”

  “Somewhere,” he responded.

  “If you’d like to re-enter the property and find the number, we’ll be glad to wait.”

  “I’ll call them and ask if they can turn it off remotely.”

  “It will probably switch itself off after twenty minutes or so, then I’d suggest staying in a hotel if you can’t get it fixed tonight.”

  “Thank you. I’ll do…”

  His mobile phone started to ring.

  “Mel, where the hell are you?” he barked, upon answering.

  “In Champneys,” she replied.

  “Well can’t you come home – the alarm code isn’t working.”

  “No, it’s too late to come back now, and besides, I’ve had a few glasses of champagne.”

  “What’s the point of going to a Spa if all you’re going to do is guzzle champagne – it’d be cheaper to do that at home you kn…” He stopped mid flow. “Mel, are you there?” She’d obviously cut him off.

  He hit the redial button, his blood boiling, but the call wouldn’t connect.

  “Stupid fucking bitch,” he shouted as the officers raised their eyebrows.

  “Anything we can help with?”

  “No, let me go in and get what I need, then I’m checking into a hotel.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I stepped hesitantly into the kitchen, hoping Zane wouldn’t be there.

  He wasn’t and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  As luck would have it, he’d left for the office already.

  I needed a cold drink, walked to the fridge and noticed the fluorescent pink post-it note stuck to the door.

  I Love You x

  Feeling sick, I ripped it off the door and tore it into tiny pieces, dropping them on the tiled floor.

  I didn’t want to cry anymore and squeezed my eyes shut, taking deep gulps of air.

  Sitting at the breakfast bar, I looked out of the window at my beautiful garden.

  I decided I was going to tell Zane what I knew, but didn’t know how to go about it.

  My mobile was ringing, but I’d left it in my handbag in the front room. Rushing to grab it, the call ended before I had chance to answer the call.

  It’s only Mamma.

  I took a deep breath and hit the redial button.

  Mamma answered straight away. “Sorry I missed your call – I was just getting out of the shower.”

  “How’re you feeling, darling?”

  “Pardon?” I replied.

  “Zane said you were poorly all night with migraine – how are you feeling? Do you need me to come round?”

  “No, Mamma,” I said, hastily. “I’m still feeling a little fragile, but I’ll be okay after a little more rest.”

  “Do you want me to keep the girls for a few days, until you’re feeling better? Daddy and I aren’t trying to take over, but we know Zane is busy.�
��

  It was the response I was hoping for, but it was always better to let my parents think it was their idea.

  “I can’t do that to you – you’ve probably got plans.”

  “Nonsense,” she replied. “It’s settled. We’ll keep the girls here until you’re feeling better. Of course, both of you are more than welcome anytime, but get some rest first.”

  “Thank you, Mamma. I’m going back to bed for a while, but I’ll call the girls tonight.”

  “Okay darling. Call me if you need anything. I’ll pop into town and get the girls their favourite for dinner tonight.”

  “Mamma, you don’t need to spoil them because they’re there. You know they love you both anyway.”

  “Oh, hush. Nana’s privilege – they brighten up my day. Now, less fussing and go back to bed.”

  “Bye, Mamma.”

  I disconnected the call. There really was no point arguing with my parents. They’d spoil the girls no matter what, and really, it didn’t bother me at all – my parents were a godsend.

  Now, I’ve sorted the girls, Zane’s next.

  Trundling into the front room, I flopped onto the sofa and scrolled through the gallery on my phone. I needed to find the video recording from two nights ago.

  Bile caught in my throat and burned as I hit the play icon.

  I felt sick again.

  And there it was – the evidence Zane was having an affair.

  But how was I going to present it to him without putting myself in the firing line?

  Deciding it didn’t matter what he thought, I lay back on the sofa as my head started to pound.

  Then the idea came to me and I knew what I had to do.

  Forgetting the splitting headache, I jumped up and went back into the kitchen to look for the USB lead that would connect my phone to my laptop.

  Chapter Twelve

  I answered the phone and smiled -- the sexy voice sent tingles down my body.

  “Morning, stud,” Chad said.

  “Hey – how are you?”

  “Horny,” he replied. “Fancy a fuck?”

  “Where are you?”

  “The Hilton in town.”

  “What’re you doing there?” I asked, confused as to why he was staying in a hotel.