The Boys Who Danced With the Moon

by Mark Paul Oleksiw

  “Moony is gone. Snap out of it. It’s me, Rachel. You passed out in the tub.”

  Through a fog of steam and the crystal lens of the water in my eyes, I could see her leaning over me as she held my head upright. I must have fallen asleep in the water.

  “I heard a splash. You almost drowned. Thank heavens I heard it.”

  I realized I was in the bath completely nude and exposed before her. It seemed unimportant. The pieces of the jigsaw puzzle had been put together. She looked into my eyes as if seeing the pieces of the puzzle assemble before her as well.

  “Your memory came back. Tell me what happened. I beg you.”

  “Promise you won’t judge me! I never meant him harm. It was supposed to be a special night for me.”

  “There is no judgment to fear. I have to promise you.”

  “You have to?”

  Her eyes danced with mine. “You would not be here today if someone didn’t save you then. It happened for a reason. There was a reason for you to live. It’s time to stop dying.”

  “There was nothing left after. Nothing.”

  “That is not true. Take a leap of faith.” She started to get up and gave me a gentle pat on the head and ruffled my wet hair. She reached over to the rack and handed me a towel as she got up, never losing sight of me. “Tell me everything about how he died.”

  “It will never be the same again. Now that you will know.”

  She looked at me. “Maybe that’s a good thing.” She slowly backed out of the bathroom.

  I toweled off, put on my clothes, and joined her on the couch. I passed a mirror in the hallway. I looked surprisingly different. My eyes were almost a black color now with the white around them devoured.

  As I sat down, she looked at me, elbows resting on her knees and head leaning toward me. “What exactly happened that night?”

  I closed my eyes and went back in time.

  CHAPTER 28

  The Final Days of My Youth

  It was a beautiful Wednesday morning in June. Our graduation was a day away. The sun announced itself through my blinds and cast shadows across my room. I hadn’t planned to sleep in originally, yet succumbed after a restless night. We had our last exam the previous day. Today we had to ourselves. A final day to enjoy the culmination of our high school years. Tomorrow morning, we would all meet in the school auditorium for our grad rehearsal with the formal grad ceremony after lunch. The graduation dance was scheduled for Friday in the school gym.

  I had spent the preceding night staring at the moon. My eyes locked in unison with it. I may have said a million prayers that night. Marius had wanted to go to the park and meet on the hill for a celebratory drink. I told him that could wait until today. It would make it more special.

  The day had gone by quickly and before long it was supper time. I ate a hearty meal. My parents told me how much I was going to enjoy attending Young College and not to worry about being on my own. They would visit me often. They went on and on about how the girls at Young were from wonderful families and maybe I would be meet my future wife there. I listened and listened, hearing nothing.

  My father nudged me. “Daydreamer, please pass the bread.”

  I reached across the table, picked up the bread, and leaned over to hand it to my mom. I would be the Judas soon enough and betray all their dreams. I tried hard to stifle the feelings as I looked at their smiling faces and thought of all they had done for me. I spoke to them quite solemnly. “Um. I’m a bit tired and need to prep something for the grad ceremony tomorrow.”

  “Prepare something?” my mom asked suspiciously.

  “I meant my clothes for the grad dance. I want to pick out what I want to wear.”

  “So you are going?”

  “Yes.”

  “Without a date, right? I mean just with your friends.”

  I avoided the answer and nodded both horizontally and vertically to utterly confound her. She wiped her hands on her napkin and semi-smirked as she peeked over at my dad.

  “That boy. He seems so out of it sometimes,” my mom murmured to my father. I could still hear her.

  “It’s a big time for him.”

  I made my way up to my room and opened up my notebook. Instead of writing mere words, I started sketching a picture of Laura. I desperately needed to see her face in front of me. While my drawing skills were awful, I could see her face smiling. My heart raced while my breathing heaved like a boat riding the waves. I felt so alive. If this were all there was to this existence, I would consider my life complete.

  Perched on my desk was the letter with the Young logo on it. In some ways, I was grateful—if the acceptance letter had not arrived, who knows when I would be spurred into action. I knew I had to tell Laura how I felt.

  I would talk to her at the grad rehearsal. She would be in line next to me, Wells followed by Winters. I would hand her a poem and ask her to the dance. Her answer would decide my future. I sat at my desk and wrote all my thoughts down. Then I took a piece of loose leaf and began writing. I thought it would take hours to write. I was wrong—the words poured easily from my heart through my veins and into my fingers.

  I shall remember this day,

  when a soft, shy light shone.

  Searching deep within me

  for my darkened, frosted soul;

  It nestled against it.

  Illuminated with its soft glow,

  my awakening heart,

  into this new world, born.

  Breathe, its first breath.

  Nourished by these rays,

  I followed the path,

  through the lonely tunnels,

  to find the source.

  Across the once cold, empty walls,

  I followed the path

  that brought me light.

  And into your eyes,

  I found a furnace.

  In your presence,

  this love was born.

  And, in your gaze,

  my soul forever warm.

  The night seemed eternal. I fought to stay awake to enjoy it before it succumbed to the bright orange sun rising in the east. My last memory was the moon disappearing on the horizon, swallowed by a stronger light.

  My parents had already left for work. Alone at home, I wandered from room to room. My parents had provided all this for me, and had scrimped and saved so that I could lead what they thought was a better life.

  Meandering into their bedroom, the pictures of me as a child filled most frames. There were also pictures of them when they were younger. Their eyes radiated the heat and energy of a youth filled with promise and potential. In their wedding photo, they stood with arms entwined smiling nervously at the camera. They truly looked happy, like nothing else mattered that day.

  My heart slowly cried as I thought about what I was going to tell them. How was I going to betray their hopes and dreams for me? I closed my eyes for a brief instant to fast forward the projector and search my soul for my movie that it was playing. It was an image of Laura and me holding hands on the hill. A still frame in the never-ending movie. My heart grinned, content. I gently closed the door of my parent’s room. My destiny seemed clear.

  The afternoon crept by slowly. Most of my time was spent lying on my back, listening to my music collection and daydreaming. I spent every moment corralling the untamed courage I would need to tell her. The fear of failure—of rejection—was overwhelming. As my music got louder with every drum or guitar solo, so did that sense of dread. What if this seed that was planted in me months earlier was left to burn and wilt under a hot sun? What if it died from lack of water? What if…?

  I finally got up from my bed and put my notebook into the small brown satchel I carried it in. It was almost supper time. I would be meeting Marius and Moony at the park around 9 p.m. I needed to get out of the house, and nothi
ng would be better than the park on a summer’s night.

  My parents could sense my anxiety at the supper table. The small talk they attempted was aborted. My dad finally leaned over to me. “Relax. The hard part is done. Our son is graduating.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I knew I had to set the stage and tone for our future discussion. “I was thinking about Young and me . . .”

  My mother put down the plate she was carrying and quickly came over before I could finish my thought. “Don’t worry about Young. We’ll help you set up when you get there. They said you could go down in early July and settle in well before school starts.”

  I avoided her eyes and put my head down. Now was certainly not the time. “Thanks. That makes me feel better.” My mom and dad exchanged glances before making small talk about inconsequential local news and gossip. Finally, I pointed to the clock and got up. “I’m heading up to the park with Moony and Marius. I’ll be home late. Don’t worry. It’ll be a tame night.”

  My dad spoke up. “You may want to take your jacket; it still gets chilly at night, especially with the river.”

  “I’m fine.”

  My mom walked over and kissed me on the cheek. “And please be back by midnight and remember the rule: NO DRINKING! You are way too young. Besides, you know how I feel about that Marius fellow.”

  “Yes, Mom!” I said sheepishly. I calmly grabbed my satchel and slid on my white sneakers and scurried out the door.

  ***

  I arrived at the park as the sun began its descent in the western hemisphere. Time was needed to think and write. I made my way up the hill and into the woods behind to the old cabin. It had graduated in my mind from shack to cabin as I spent more time within it writing. It was my quiet retreat. I sat silently and wrote about what had transpired. I also imagined handing Laura the poem. It was only then that I realized I would have to talk to her.

  I leaned back against the wall. I couldn’t wait to give her what I wrote the night before. I took out my poem and recited it quietly. Every word captured how I felt. This was the best I could offer. From the one window, I could see the sun retreating across the river, almost appearing to drown in it as it sank on the horizon.

  The night would come soon, and so would Marius and Moony. I debated sharing my action plan with them but decided that Laura needed to be the first to hear my words. Marius and Moony would find out soon enough.

  I then realized I had promised them I would bring food and beverages to celebrate this grand occasion. I put my satchel down and stored it in the steel locker in the corner of the room. I would hurry to the local store to get some pop and chips and return before they arrived. No alcohol tonight. I knew Marius would be annoyed, but I absolutely needed to be clear-headed that evening.

  I quickly ran down the hill and filled a bag with junk food at the local store. I made my way back through the park as the skies darkened. I searched for the moon, yet couldn’t find it. When I made my way up the incline of the hill toward the cabin, I noticed colors glowing bright red about a few yards from the cabin. I walked over and discovered a rose bush growing wildly next to a towering maple tree. My mind raced ahead of my heart. Roses would be wonderful to give to Laura tomorrow. Perfect. I would stop by tomorrow and pick one.

  I walked to the cabin and could see movement through the cabin window. There was someone inside. I hadn’t seen anyone else venture this far into the woods, since our encounter with the skinheads, besides maybe Marius. The figure I saw in the window seemed small, and I couldn’t quite make it out from afar. I suddenly realized it could only be Moony. What was he doing there so early? I went from slow to a quick walk to a full gallop. Upon opening the door, fear leaped into my heart. Moony was sitting on the bench in the corner. There was no doubt what he had in his hands. My notebook and the musings of my wandering heart.

  CHAPTER 29

  I swung the door open, and all air was vacuumed from my lungs in one breath.

  Moony sprang up, startled. The notebook and loose pages he held fell perilously to the ground. He instinctively began scooping them up. I ran over, angry. As I picked up the papers, strewn like shards of my soul, I witnessed his small trembling fingers reaching out to pick up every page, and my mood changed.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what it was. I got here early and was bored and started looking around. I thought it looked familiar.” He smiled weakly at me, pointing at his old satchel. “These writings are yours?”

  “Yes. They’re mine, and you’re the only one who’s ever seen them. How much did you read?”

  “Quite a bit. I’m a fast reader.” He lowered his head, looking ashamed.

  “It’s okay, Moony. Better you than Marius.”

  “So, you’re in love?” He looked up at me with wide eyes.

  “What do you think?” I laughed, pointing to the notebook he held.

  “That look and smile you’ve had for so long. Now it makes sense.”

  “No one can know about this, Moony. At least not yet.”

  He shuffled his feet gently. “I won’t say anything, but you shouldn’t keep it a secret. These words are all so beautiful and sweet. Let the smoke out or else.”

  “Or else what, Moony, and how do you know about the smoke?”

  “I don’t want you to burn up inside.”

  I took a step back and saw him in a different light. He suddenly seemed ageless and timeless. No longer a young child. He smiled back at me. “You have to tell Laura. I can help.” His eyes lit up as he spoke.

  “I plan to tell her. Tomorrow. I appreciate the gesture, but I need to do this on my own.”

  “At least tell me how it goes. I need to know.”

  “For sure, don’t worry. If it goes well, I think you’ll know pretty fast,” I said, laughing.

  “Wow. I wonder what she’ll say. I wonder how it’ll work out. I mean, what do you want in your soul?”

  “I never really thought of it. Funny, I fretted over just telling her; I never thought about it in those terms.” I paused, and my mind shifted all the emotions and feelings dancing inside to settle on the most appealing one. I grinned.

  “What’s important for me is you finding your bliss, your happiness, my friend.”

  My left foot slowly inched forward sliding across the dirt on the old wood panels, making a clean spot in the middle. “I think if she would smile at me, it would probably be enough. It would be worth it, I think, just for a smile back. Not really any smile. A special one, just for me. My heart would wrap around it and keep my soul warm enough like a good coat.” I grinned childishly at such an idealistic thought. “Moony, am I crazy?”

  “Why, no one ever asks me, of all people, if they’re crazy. It might be a first.” Moony then let out a maniacal laugh.

  “Am I wrong in thinking this might be all it takes to be happy?”

  “Are you asking me? The answer is so clear,” he said, shaking the notebook in his hand. “Have you ever read this?”

  “I wrote it all, or have you forgotten?”

  “You never read what you wrote?”

  “No. I just wrote and wrote and wrote. Truth is, I’m not convinced I want to read it. I think it might be a little immature.” My voice trailed off as I reached for the book, but his hands drew it away from my grasp.

  “Don’t be scared. Your secret is safe with me, for now.”

  “What do you mean for now?”

  “I won’t tell; I promise, only you have to let her know. I mean you cannot just let it end. There has to be more; you have to write more. There is more to this story.”

  My hand trembled as I reached into my pocket. I could see his eyes glistening intently as I slowly unfolded the paper. He studied every fold unraveling as if reading words randomly and trying to piece them all together.

  “This is for her. If my tongue betrays me and I take the coward’s way,
I’ll give her this . . . tomorrow. Do you want to read it?” I fumbled the paper in my hands. “Tell me if it sounds right.”

  “No. Laura should be the one who sees this first.” Moony suddenly got up and walked to the one window and looked out as if to answer the call of a nearby bird. I could see his hands open up his cloak slightly as if he were going to preach to the night. All at once, he turned back to me with a wide grin.

  “Everything okay, Moony? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or smoked a bad mushroom as they say in the movies.”

  His smile got wider and wider. “I don’t pray usually. Somehow, something told me it was the right moment to pray, so I walked over to the window and prayed.”

  “Sorry, if I spooked you with all this, but you’re worrying me, you know. Telling her how I feel is not some religious thing. I don’t know what’ll happen. I guess I’m scared right now. I don’t know what will happen. What if it ends right then and there?”

  “This is why I said a little prayer. I believe it will work out the way it is supposed to. I have no doubt.”

  “So, why did you say a prayer if you have no doubt?”

  “I can tell you have doubt, so some higher power couldn’t hurt.”

  I looked down at the ground, engulfed in a feeling of dread and gloom slowly rising within me. “Please don’t tell anyone if it doesn’t work out.” I reached out and grabbed his arm. “Seriously, I don’t need any sympathy.”

  “Will you go away if this doesn’t work out?”

  I stretched back and shivered slightly. “I would miss you guys too much; you know that.”

  “Marius will never forgive you if you leave.”

  “Moony, he can never find out about this. That I’ve known for so long about maybe leaving here.”

  Moony looked at me with a quieting grin. He stretched out and reached to put one hand on my shoulder. “I hope you stay with us. No matter what happens, we need you here and you need us. We’re friends.”

  “Always.” Moony looked at me sympathetically, his eyes narrowing. I had memorized what I would tell Laura. I practiced it over and over in my mind. It was the easy part. A smile back in exchange for my love.