Something to Talk About

by Meryl Wilsner

  “Tell me about your day, will you?” Jo said. She was done thinking about her own life, thank you very much. “Distract me.”

  Evelyn was Jo’s best friend for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was that without so much as a pause, she launched directly into a story about one of her clients. She didn’t mention Emma again for the rest of the conversation.

  * * *

  —

  The next day, Emma continued her efforts to act like everything was normal, and Jo joined her. They were all forced smiles and Is there anything else, Ms. Jones? and No, Ms. Kaplan, that’s all. Jo took herself to lunch to escape the suffocating cloud between her and Emma’s desks.

  She returned from lunch to find Emma standing in her office door, blocking a woman from getting inside. The woman was Evelyn, because of course it was.

  “Terrorizing my employees, are you?” Jo said.

  The other two women stopped their stare down and noticed Jo.

  “No, darling.” Evelyn grinned. “You still have a monopoly on that.”

  Jo laughed and hugged her best friend. Jo’s eyes closed when Evelyn squeezed her tight. When she opened them, Emma, who was looking at her with some kind of frustration on her face, quickly looked away.

  “I can’t believe you’re actually here,” Jo said.

  “Of course you can,” Evelyn said.

  “Of course I can,” Jo laughed. She already felt lighter than she had since Emma told her that her father was coming to visit. “I see you’ve already met my assistant? Emma, this is Evelyn. Evelyn, Emma.”

  Jo could see Emma trying to figure out exactly who Evelyn was for a moment, before she put on a smile and offered her hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Evelyn.”

  Evelyn shook her hand, grinning. “Same to you. Sorry if I was too much trouble.”

  “She’s not sorry at all,” Jo laughed.

  Emma looked confused by the whole interaction, and Jo left her to it. She gestured Evelyn into her office.

  “Hold any calls that aren’t urgent,” Jo told Emma, and she closed the door behind her.

  A small part of Jo felt bad closing the door on an obviously perplexed Emma, but most of her didn’t care. She didn’t care, because her best friend had flown across the country for her with less than twenty-four hours’ notice. Jo hadn’t even asked her to, but she was here.

  Evelyn squished Jo into a tight hug, then tugged her over to her couch.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” Jo said again.

  “Start believing it,” Evelyn said. “Because you have to entertain me for six days.”

  “Evelyn!”

  Ev grinned at her. “I had some vacation to use.” She shrugged. “And your birthday’s coming up.”

  Jo hugged her again.

  It was Jo’s biggest problem with fame, the lack of sincerity in the way other people treated you. For almost all her life, she was never sure what people’s motives were in their interactions with her. Evelyn up and flying across the country to spend a week with her, though, had nothing behind it. Jo would say it meant more than Evelyn realized, but Ev knew her well enough that that was probably not true.

  “You really do basically have a guard dog out there,” Evelyn said. “She was bodily blocking me from entering your office. I thought she was going to tackle me.”

  “Be nice to her,” Jo said.

  “Yes, of course I’ll be nice to your girlfriend.”

  Jo’s face flushed immediately. She felt like she was a teenager. “If you’ll remember, according to the tabloids, we broke up months ago.”

  “If I remember, according to our conversation last night, you almost kissed three days ago,” Evelyn said.

  Jo gave her a pleading look, and Evelyn laughed but didn’t push.

  “So, you going to give me a tour of this place, or what?”

  “I can’t believe this is your first time visiting,” Jo said, making no move to get off the couch and start the tour.

  “I’m a terrible friend, I know,” Evelyn said. That was categorically not true. Before Jo could refute it, Evelyn continued, “But let’s focus on this tour thing. I have to meet Tate and decide if I want to beat him up for giving you so much trouble or if I want to help him.”

  “Oh God, if you’re going to team up with him, I’m not introducing the two of you.”

  She did, of course. She showed Evelyn to set, kept her quiet while they watched filming for a while, and then introduced her around on a break.

  As soon as Tate shook her hand, he turned to Jo.

  “Is she single?” he said in a faux whisper.

  “She’s saving herself for Sam Allen,” Jo said without missing a beat.

  Tate looked confused, and Emma’s brows furrowed, but Evelyn cackled. Jo didn’t care that no one else got the joke.

  Having Evelyn there was probably not helping Jo’s relationship with Emma, who continued to keep her distance, but overall it was definitely helping Jo. It made her feel young, honestly, shut away in her office and giggling with her best friend. The fact that Evelyn loved her enough to board a plane just because Jo was upset over a girl helped, too.

  “Why is she still out there?” Evelyn whispered. “It’s past five; when does she go home?”

  “Oh,” Jo said. She hadn’t thought about it. “Emma!”

  Evelyn’s eyes went wide, but Jo ignored her. Emma came to stand in the doorway.

  “Yes, Ms. Jones?” she said.

  “I’m all set here,” Jo said. “You can go home for the night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Emma gave her a nod and offered a smile in Evelyn’s direction. “Have a good night.”

  Evelyn waited a reasonable amount of time for Emma to get out of earshot before saying, “Does she not have regular hours? She doesn’t leave until you dismiss her?”

  “Well, usually she checks in,” Jo said. “She probably didn’t want to interrupt us, or something.”

  “Do you think she’ll be that submissive in bed, too?”

  “Evelyn!” Jo snapped because, no, they were not going to talk about Emma like that. As though this whole thing weren’t inappropriate enough.

  “I’m teasing,” Evelyn said. “C’mon. Let’s talk about this.”

  “You don’t want to talk about it, you want to make fun of me.” Jo felt petulant.

  “Ā-Jo,” Evelyn said quietly. “I’m serious.”

  Jo sighed. “What is there to say?”

  “How are you feeling? How do you think she’s feeling? What do you want to do? What are the next steps for getting whatever it is that you want?”

  The questions all seemed too big to fathom. What were the next steps? There were no steps. She couldn’t have what she wanted. Even if she could, she didn’t deserve it. What did she bring to a relationship? Money, fame, scrutiny. Nothing substantial.

  “I’m feeling stupid,” Jo said. “I’m feeling like a cliché. Middle-aged boss and her assistant, how unique. It’s all made worse by the fact that the paparazzi seemed to figure it out before we did.”

  Jo opened her desk drawer, rooted around under some folders to find the magazine with that first picture, and tossed it across her desk toward Evelyn.

  “I used to look at this and wonder,” she admitted.

  Evelyn looked at the picture for a moment.

  “You’re allowed to want her,” she said.

  “I’m not,” Jo said. “I’m not, Ev. She’s more than a decade younger than me and she’s my assistant. Talk about a predatory lesbian.”

  “You’re not a predatory lesbian,” Evelyn insisted. “You’re not treating Emma like prey. You have feelings for her. You’re allowed to. You’re allowed to tell her that. Maybe not right now. But she’s going to stay on Innocents when you move on, right? Maybe tell her then. You�
��re allowed.”

  Jo was forty-one years old and there were tears in her eyes over a girl. It was embarrassing.

  She deflected.

  “In love was strong language,” Jo said, referencing her text from the previous day. “An overreaction.”

  Evelyn cocked an eyebrow at her.

  “I can’t love her,” Jo argued. “I don’t even know her outside of work.”

  “Oh right, I’m sure she’s a vastly different person than the one you’ve gotten to know over the past year,” Evelyn said. “The one who worked in your office all summer, who goes on business trips with you, who—what was it? Gets you through every day?”

  Is the only reason I survive most days was what Jo had actually said to her father, but she didn’t think Evelyn really needed correcting.

  Jo was fighting herself on this. Loving Emma seemed like too much, seemed too ridiculous. How could she love her and not realize it until they almost kissed?

  “Maybe the rumors have twisted my thoughts,” Jo suggested.

  Evelyn scoffed at her. “Jo, those rumors are long over—you’re the one who keeps this picture in your desk. This isn’t about how people think you feel about her. This is about how you do feel about her. I’m not saying you do or do not love her. But don’t talk yourself out of it if it’s how you feel.”

  Jo made a face but held back from grumbling under her breath like she wanted to.

  “I’m in the process of creating a safe space for women in this industry who are harassed, and I almost kissed my assistant,” she said. “What kind of hypocrite—”

  “Okay, but you didn’t kiss your assistant,” Evelyn cut in. “And you won’t, even if she obviously wants you to, because when you aren’t under the stress of your asshole father visiting, you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t kiss your assistant. You wouldn’t base any professional or employment decisions on whether or not she kissed you. You’re not harassing her. You’re not abusing her.”

  Jo knew that, rationally. Knew all of that. But her feelings for Emma felt wrong, and she didn’t know how to fix that.

  “C’mon, Jo,” Evelyn said. “Let’s go order takeout and maybe get you drunk.”

  “I don’t need to be drunk two nights this week, and I was already drunk Tuesday.”

  “Yes, I remember,” Evelyn said, and Jo rolled her eyes.

  They didn’t get drunk, in the end. They ordered takeout from the restaurant they’d gone to since they were children growing up together in Chinatown and ate it on the floor of Jo’s living room.

  Evelyn talked mostly. Told Jo about New York and her firm and how her parents were doing. Jo sat cross-legged and ate rice noodles and smiled a lot.

  They were on to the fortune cookies by the time Evelyn brought Emma back up.

  “You have to figure out what you’re doing about it,” Ev said. “Because I did not fly out here to spend six days with you moping about it. I am definitely teasing you about it, and that’s only fun if it annoys you, not if it depresses you.”

  “It doesn’t depress me,” Jo said. “But there’s nothing to figure out. I’m going to move to Agent Silver soon enough. Emma will be associate producer and I’ll be working elsewhere and I’ll move on. It won’t be an issue.”

  “Good idea,” Evelyn said. “Promote her and then work elsewhere and then ask her out, you idiot.”

  Jo rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to ask her out.”

  “Fine, whatever,” Evelyn said. “But you at least won’t be sad when I tease you about it?”

  Jo would’ve liked to promise that. She’d have loved to not feel bad about the way Emma made her heart race. She didn’t think she could guarantee it, though.

  “I’ll try,” she said.

  * * *

  —

  The next morning, Emma smiled when she offered Jo her coffee.

  “Is Evelyn not joining us today?”

  “She’ll be by sometime this afternoon,” Jo said. She told herself she imagined the way Emma’s smile wobbled.

  Evelyn may have flown across the country for Jo, but she had other people to visit while she was here. Not to mention that Jo had work to do; she didn’t need Evelyn in her office bothering her all day.

  Jo considered inviting Emma in, instead. Extending some kind of olive branch to make sure they were okay. But she didn’t want it to be misconstrued. She left her door open, though, just in case.

  * * *

  —

  “We’re going out tonight.” Evelyn breezed into Jo’s office that afternoon.

  Jo didn’t look up from her work. “Are we?”

  “Of course,” Evelyn said. “Early birthday celebration.”

  Jo finished the paragraph she was reading before turning to Evelyn.

  “I hate celebrating my birthday.”

  “You hate celebrating it with your family,” Evelyn corrected. “You hate celebrating it publicly, with people who only care it’s your birthday because you’re a celebrity. Good thing you’ve got your best friend here to celebrate with instead.”

  Evelyn wasn’t wrong, no matter how much Jo would like to say she was.

  “Come on.” Evelyn dragged the words out. “Let me take you out and get you drunk and make you forget about how you hate yourself for—”

  She cut herself off but glanced toward the open door, outside of which Emma worked at her desk. Jo glared at Evelyn, but there was no real heat behind it.

  “Plus,” Evelyn said, “I had a great idea. We’ll go out with Sammy.”

  Jo had to admit that was actually a good idea.

  “Fine,” Jo said. “But you’re not telling anyone at the restaurant it’s my birthday.”

  Evelyn rolled her eyes. “That’s a terrible condition, but I accept.”

  Sam was thrilled to go to dinner with them. It was more fun than Jo had had in weeks. Evelyn flirted her heart out the whole time, and still all the tabloids talked about the next day was how Jo and Sam were dating.

  * * *

  —

  Jo and Evelyn spent the weekend kicking around their old haunts, realizing they were both probably too old for most of them. It was a great time anyway.

  Evelyn came back to work with Jo Monday morning. Emma smiled sweetly at her.

  “I would’ve gotten you a latte if I’d known you’d be here,” she said.

  Evelyn chuckled.

  “She’ll live,” Jo said before Evelyn could say anything rude.

  She closed the door behind them. She wondered what Emma thought of Evelyn visiting. Was Jo being obvious—needing her best friend after she and Emma had almost kissed? Maybe it was tipping her hand, but it was keeping her sane.

  “You picked a good one, you know?” Evelyn said, lounging across what Jo had come to think of as Emma’s couch. “Loyal, obviously. And certainly not bad looking.”

  “Shut up.”

  It wasn’t like Jo didn’t know Emma was attractive. She’d always known, really. Since back when Emma was hired on props. She was a beautiful woman, objectively. Jo knew that, and it never used to matter.

  She hated that it mattered now. Hated that she noticed it, at random times, even before her father’s visit. Emma would be telling her about a meeting later, and Jo would get distracted by the way her hair fell in front of her face. It made Jo feel dumb, and inappropriate. Emma was still her employee. Emma was her employee who had already been sexually harassed. She didn’t need her boss creeping on her.

  Evelyn spent the whole last day of her visit teasing Jo about how great Emma was. Jo couldn’t exactly disagree.

  * * *

  —

  “You’re not going to take me to the airport?” Evelyn acted outraged.

  “My car service will,” Jo said, sorting papers on her desk. “I, however, have a job I’ve been slacking on
during your entire visit.”

  “As though you’ve ever slacked in anything in your entire life,” Evelyn muttered.

  Jo came around her desk to stand in front of her best friend.

  “Thank you for coming,” she said.

  Evelyn grinned. “I’m really glad I did.”

  “I’m really glad you did, too.”

  Evelyn hugged her, tight. “There’s nothing wrong with your feelings,” she said right into Jo’s ear. “You’re great, and she’s great, and if things work out, that will be great.”

  Jo tried not to roll her eyes, because nothing was going to work out, but she appreciated the sentiment.

  “Get out of here, okay?” Jo said. “Don’t miss your flight.”

  “I’ll be back if you need me, you know?”

  Jo’s heart felt full. “I know.”

  * * *

  —

  With Evelyn gone, Jo had nothing to distract her from Emma, whose smiles still never reached her eyes. Jo wanted to give Emma a way out, if she was uncomfortable. She called to her from behind her desk.

  “What’s up?” Emma asked. She hovered at the door to Jo’s office.

  “Come in.”

  Emma did, her eyes shifting around the room, nervous. Jo hated that she made her feel that way.

  “How is the search for my next assistant coming?” Jo asked.

  Emma scratched the back of her neck. “Fine. Good. I’m still narrowing down résumés.”

  “I was thinking, if you wanted to, you can move to associate producer earlier than midseason. As soon as you hire your replacement, we can make your promotion official.”

  “I know,” Emma said slowly, like she didn’t understand. “And it’s on track for that to happen at midseason.”

  “Right,” Jo said. “If you wanted to move on sooner, I meant. You’re welcome to speed up the process.”

  Emma stared at her. Jo adjusted some papers on her desk. She sighed, didn’t say what she really meant. I’d understand if you’re desperate to get away from me.

  “I’ll move on at midseason,” Emma said. “As I said, I’m still going through résumés. I want to take my time and make sure I hire the right person. There’s no need to rush, is there?”