by Layna Snow
For once, he understood what Sophia must have felt. Being torn between people she cared about and things that she wanted.
He had assumed that she had just wanted to leave them. She had said that there was nothing for her in Hell.
Had she spoken out of anger? Had she snapped at them, as Adrian was so apt to do?
Sophia had stayed with them, accepted them. Even after meeting the Devil.
But, he knew all along that she didn’t belong in Hell. She deserved a life and a family. They could give her none of those things.
Mind at odds with itself, Thane met the eyes of the Angels in front of him. “Why?” he asked, his throat raw and aching.
He wanted to know why he was asked now. Why did they not offer him this when he had first Fallen? They must have realized that he had not sinned on purpose.
“You acted correctly. You were placed in one of the most difficult situations. You had to choose between someone you loved, and morality. You chose correctly. Adrian didn’t. We have seen that you have learned your lesson and you are now able to return to Heaven. We will give you your wings back, and take away those disastrous emotions.” Gabriel explained.
Michael nodded. “I will take you back under my command. You may begin as soon as you accept.”
Once, his whole purpose was to fight Demons. He worked to rid the world of beings that escaped Hell to cause pain and damage. It had been his only goal for 2490 years. He saw the world change, and didn’t care about what happened to it. He didn’t even care about the people who he had saved. They could die an hour later from disease and it would not have affected him.
Because he had no emotions.
He had taken no joy in fighting, there had been no joy in his life at all when he was an Angel. And it had been acceptable.
Then he Fell, and the world around him changed.
He changed as well. He could no longer feel nothing. All the decisions in the past had overpowered him with emotions. He saw people he knew die all over again in his mind, and felt the overwhelming loss. At the same time he felt guilt for mistakes, anger at those that wronged Humanity, as well as every other emotion possible. That much sensation could not be housed in his body.
It had broken him. It had ripped him apart from the inside and left scars that he couldn’t see, that couldn’t be fixed.
Since then, he avoided emotion. He pushed it down until it was nothing but a insignificant tickle. He tried to make sure that he never felt that all-consuming pain again.
But it hadn’t worked. At least it had not worked completely. He still felt exasperation and annoyance at Adrian. He felt anger at the Demons, and regret when he didn’t act. He felt lust, satisfaction and happiness. No matter how hard he tried not to feel, some got through.
He’d thought that it was nothing, he’d grown used to it over the years. In the last week, however, realized the truth.
His connection to Adrian, the companionship had given him happiness and hope. It had given him something to hold onto and look forward to.
The time with Sophia had given him something as well. A lightness, a joy that he had never expected to find. Or expected to like. But he craved it like a drug.
Even now.
“No choice,” he responded, needing them to understand why he let Sophie go. He could not keep her there. He could not make her want to stay, so he had let her go. He had done what he thought was best for her.
He couldn’t take away her choices and allow her to resent them. It would kill him.
Of course, he hurt now anyways.
Because he loved her.
The emotion expanded, pressing in his head, too big to control.
“You must stop feeling.” Raphael warned, his voice filled with false concern. “We know that you do not enjoy emotion. You have tried not to feel it.”
He had tried, however, it didn’t matter, he still loved her and she still made him happy. Made him ache.
“Why did you help her leave?” Michael asked, his eyebrow rising as if he was curious.
He didn’t just act because he thought that it was moral. He didn’t want her to leave. He allowed her to escape because he knew that was what she wanted and he loved her.
Love meant, as far as he could tell, that you wanted others to be happy, no matter how it would affect you. He cared enough for her that he wanted her to choose.
“Love.” He responded simply. There was no point in explaining anymore.
“We do not understand.” Michael sighed.
They could never understand. It was something that had to be felt, to be experienced.
“You wanted her to leave?” Gabriel asked, as if to clarify. Thanatos shook his head in response. He wanted to spend all his time with Sophia.
“You allowed her to go, because she asked you to? That does not make sense. I feel your pain.” Raphael said hollowly, he seemed too distracted to notice Thanatos’ next nod.
Gabriel stepped forward, his head tilting to the side as he looked at Thane. “I have seen people do irrational things in the name of ‘love’. We have seen wars fought for that word. You, however, are the most rational of the Angels that have Fallen. I do not understand why you didn’t go with her, if she wanted to leave.”
That seemed like such an innocent question, however he had to say that the answer was a little difficult to find.
She didn’t ask them to go, and he did not want to put her in a bad situation.
They could be dangerous. They had enemies and responsibilities that might put her safety at risk.
And he would be broken if she died. If they caused her death.
He didn’t have to explain it to the Archangels. They could see into him in a way that made him feel weak and small.
“So, you chose to be moral because you didn’t know that there was another viable option? You did not let her leave because you were sinning with her there. You did so to keep her safe. So that you wouldn’t hurt when she died. We need to discuss this. This might change our offer.” Michael said, turning back to the others.
“No.” They didn’t need to get back to him. He already had an answer for them.
“No, what?” Gabriel asked.
“Won’t join.” He would not leave Adrian alone.
He also realized that they had been right. He had let her go for selfish reasons. So that he wouldn’t be hurt later.
She hadn’t asked them to go with her, but he hadn’t offered. Adrian was cruel and that might have pushed her away.
He would do anything to make her happy. He would change himself, and change Adrian if only to please the woman who had taken up residence in his heart.
He would prove to her that they were not nothing. That they could be enough for her.
They would also keep her safe. At all costs.
“I do not understand. What is more important than serving God?” Raphael, the last to turn, asked.
Thanatos was not surprised that they didn’t comprehend his motivation. They spent their whole lives striving for the greater good. They would not question the being that made them. They could not possibly go against an order.
He had once been like that, but now he knew what was more important to him. He now understood that there some something out there that could make or ruin your life in an instant. There was a force more motivating than Him, and it was just as mysterious.
“Love.”
27
He was going to kill someone! Sin just had to figure out who that someone was going to be.
He couldn’t kill Phie, he wanted to screw her, although he could certainly spank her lovely juicy behind! Besides, he cared for her too much to actually hurt her.
But he could still spank her. Sexy pain is okay.
And he would as soon as he figured out where she was. He was going to make her ass a lovely shade of red!
She could not continue to believe that she could just leave whenever she wanted to! She could have safe-worded, or clicked, out but she didn’t!
She
could have talked it over with them, but she didn’t really try.
She just thought that her actions had no consequences! He would show her how wrong she was!
No, he couldn’t kill Phie, but he could kill Thane!
That spatula-cock bastard thought that he knew best! He actually believed that letting Phie go was a good idea? How stupid! He let their girl get away without even talking about it first, as if his decision was the only one that really mattered!
And after everything that Adrian had done for him! It was rash, ridiculous and Thane was going to pay for it!
Sin looked around the room, trying to figure out what to do. Thane had been gone for hours now. It should have only taken him an hour to lead her out and come back! If Death thought that he could cut him out of the relationship and make off with her on his own, he’d have another thing coming to him!
Like Sin’s blade!
It had been hours and Sin had already gathered some things to take with him. Because he wasn’t going to sit on his ass while the girl he wanted was gone! He wasn’t going to get cock-blocked by a dying sister! He’d show Sophie that she needed him!
Now, if only he could make himself move. What he really wanted was for Thane and Sophie to come back in and apologize for being so dumb. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen. She’d be long gone by now. It had been weeks up on Earth. He just hoped that there was another reason for Mr. Moral to be gone.
You want to believe in him. That little voice called Adrian said.
And fuck if he wasn’t right! He did want to believe in Thanatos. He wanted the man to have his back, to be there for him like a brother would. They’d been together so long now and if he would throw it all away, he was an ass. And after everything they’d been through!
Just like you had wanted to believe in God and the Archangels. It wasn’t the same thing at all! Adrian turned around and punched the bathroom door, needing something to hit. He felt the anger, annoyance and loss too deeply. It was a fucking hollow feeling that wasn’t real!
It was something he had felt even when Falling. A sense of betrayal.
God made him as he was. He shaped him into the man and fighter that he was supposed to be! And then he just tossed him out when he did something wrong? Wouldn’t God be able to tell these things? Wouldn’t he have made it impossible for one to want to get into mischief? But, he formed them into beings with flaws and allowed those flaws to get them into situations that he forbade them to do.
And so what if he sinned? So what if he liked the pleasure he got from a woman, he shouldn’t have been able to feel it if it was wrong! And how could something so wrong feel so right? It just wasn’t fair!
So he had explored it. He might as well feel everything that he hadn’t felt before! He might as well sin more, since he was already damned.
And that had been an eye opening amazing experience.
He realized that if earthly pleasures were wrong, then he didn’t want to be right. Swearing, fucking, fighting, eating and sleeping all made him feel, and the sensations they brought were exponentially better than anything he could have felt when he was an Angel.
They were obviously the ones missing out!
And screwing Sophia was the best. But now she was fucking gone!
And it was the worst feeling he had ever experienced!
He should be happy about it!
It should have satisfied him to hurt this badly, to feel as if his chest were being ripped out.
But this wasn’t good at all! It was nothing compared with the warmth he felt when Sophie was here! It didn’t even begin to compare to how he felt when he held her, fed her, washed her or shagged her.
This was cold, unsubstantial but hurt like Hell! It was like sub-zero air on naked flesh, eating at your skin! Your muscles didn’t want to work and even your insides were on fire! It wasn’t sharp, but a galling fucking mess of shit!
And the reason he was feeling it was because the dick-toaster of a Greek fighter had to take the best person he had ever met away from him!
With rage seething through his body, warming his insides and taking away a small portion of pain, Sin grabbed the knife that was strapped to his thigh and turned with a roar.
He lunged at Thanatos’ bed, slicing through the blankets and sheets. He used his anger to cut into the mattress before pulling out some of the insides. He didn’t even look, simply destroyed the place where his friend used to sleep, where they had cuddled up to Sophie, the one girl who could complete them.
He didn’t want the memory! He didn’t want the thought of that huge man pretending to care for either one of them!
And when stone door opened, Sin rushed from the room to throw himself at Thane. He cut the man’s arm as they fell to the ground.
Then the large Fallen rolled to the side, taking them both farther into the room, where they could fight.
Sin didn’t stop to think, just punched the man in the stomach, while elbowing him in the nose.
He didn’t notice the stiffness in his fingers from holding the knife too tightly, or the ache in his knees from hitting the stone floor. He took no joy from this fight, his anger simply clouded over everything.
“Adrian.” The man rumbled, but he wasn’t going to listen. There was nothing the man could say that would make up for this agony. Nothing could make it right.
“You shitfuck! You took her away! You let her go! She was ours! And you just ripped her from me! How the fuck dare you! You are garbage! I wouldn’t even let Shit-Demons near you for fear that you’d contaminate them!” He growled, throwing his fist at the other man’s face again.
Thane pushed himself away from Sin, coming to stand a few meters away. “Do not.” He warned, as if anything he said would stop Adrian.
“Take out your sword! This ends now!”
What ended didn’t matter! Their friendship, one of their lives? It was nothing compared to this. What did either matter if they couldn’t trust each other again?
For a moment, Sin thought that Thanatos wouldn’t do anything, but like the moral motherfucker he was, Thane reached behind him to pull out the long blade.
Sin would have fought him even without a sword. He didn’t care about a fair fight.
And really, could fighting against a man Thane’s size and experience ever be fair? But, he needed the clang of blades, of the potential for death.
For either of them.
Sin crouched, eyeing his opponent in a different way than he would have before. This was no longer a training exercise. This was real fighting where life and death hung in the balance. He knew Thane’s strengths and weaknesses, and he planned to extort them.
Knowing Thanatos’ patience, Sin didn’t bother to wait him out, or make him feel nervous. The man didn’t feel either. So he just attacked, going in low to try and get to his vulnerable underbelly.
Thane blocked the attack with so much strength that Sin had to take a few steps back, his wrist hurting. Thanatos then turned to his side, using his bulk to check Sin into the wall closest to him.
While Sin was fast, he couldn’t move in time, and he knew that if he didn’t do something now, it would be over.
Sin pulled another knife from his body, as Thane’s shoulder pressed against his chest.
Thane lifted his sword, but before he could do anymore damage, Sin stuck.
He cut into his friend’s wrist, severing tendons needed to hold the heavy sword.
The clang of metal dropping to the ground was the only warning he had before the other hand came around to his throat.
It should have been an epic battle, but it was sadly very short.
He needed the battle to get his rage out, to take his anger out on something besides a useless bed!
Sin knew that the fight wasn’t lost yet, he could stab the kidneys, or the liver. He could get the man in the intestines.
But, something in him rebelled. Maybe he was getting soft! He hadn’t minded killing before! Now he cared about a woman and poof, c
an’t kill his best friend.
Just give up and talk to-
Sin dropped his knives and drove his fist into Thane’s solar plexus. The giant man bent over, clutching his stomach, which proved that he hadn’t prepared for it. Fucker thought that Sin was done. He’d never underestimate Sin again!
While Thanatos was down, Sin felt no qualms about kicking him. Specifically, in the face.
“You took her away! You stupid selfless fucker! You cared more about her than me! And after I protected you while you were down! Never again!” He called, pulling back his foot to kick again.
But before Sin could strike, Thane reached out and swiped at Sin’s knees, taking him down to the hard floor with him.
“Listen,” Thane growled, but Sin wasn’t going to follow the dude’s orders!
“No! You listen!” he yelled, kicking out again. “You aren’t supposed to make decisions on your own!” He planted another boot in Thane’s face. “We are supposed to be partners!” This time Thane caught his foot and flipped Sin over.
His chest hit the smooth stone, the pressure driving all the air from his lungs. Even his ribs felt bruised, and he might have broken one or two. For sure he hit his head, but even the sharp lightheaded feeling wouldn’t stop the rage from churning.
“Stop!” Thane tried again, as if Sin cared! He would fight this out, and if he lost, so what? It wasn’t like it would be the worst loss today!
“No! She was ours! I fucking cared about her! I wanted to keep her!” He would have kept her as long as he liked, and she would have been happy! He just had to make her see that!
“Sister needs her.” Thanatos said as Sin felt a knee borrow into his back. The weight that was behind that limb was immense, and he knew that he’d never get out of it.
“We need her!” It was true! Just seeing a smile on her face made him happy. Knowing that they were giving her something that she hadn’t had before, that she liked, was awesome! It made him feel like a good person for once in his life!
“She needs us?” Thane asked.
And that was the problem.
She didn’t need them. Sure, he knew they gave her things that she couldn’t get back in her little hick town, but that didn’t mean that she needed it. Actually, she had said that there was nothing down here. She said they were nothing.
