Still The One: A Small Town Friends to Lovers Romance (The Heartbreak Brothers Book 2)

by Carrie Elks

  “You gotta talk to her,” Gray said, lifting the lid. “Tell her how you feel. I know it’s scary as hell, but what other option is there? You two don’t talk for another ten years?”

  The thought of it was like a punch to Tanner’s gut. He couldn’t do that. Not again. “That’s not happening,” he said gruffly. “I won’t let it.” This time he was ready to fight.

  “Good.” Gray carried some bowls to the breakfast bar, followed by the garlic bread, chilli, and a salad, putting it all in the middle of the table. “Help yourself, guys.”

  Gray was right on all counts. So was Logan for that matter. He needed to talk, to be vulnerable, to actually fight for the girl who lit up his world. His sunshine girl with the golden hair. For too long he let the memory of pain guide him, but that had to stop.

  She was it for him. She always had been. He was so sick of fighting his feelings for the one perfect thing in his life.

  And if she rejected him? Then he’d keep trying until they were old and grey if he had to.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “I know you hate me.”

  Van looked at her mom from across the table. Kim seemed smaller than ever with her shoulders hunched up and her hands cupping the coffee Van had poured for her.

  “I don’t hate you.” Van sighed. “I just hate the way you behave when you drink. And the fact that you lied to me for years about who my father was.” She looked down at her hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I made a promise.” Her mom was still staring down at her cup. “It was the only way he wouldn’t press charges.”

  “What charges?” Van sighed. “You’re going to need to start from the beginning.”

  “Are you sure you want to know?”

  Van nodded. It wasn’t about wanting. She needed to know. This was her life. The truth was important.

  “I had an affair with Johnny while I was working for him.” Kim pressed her lips together. “I guess that bit’s obvious. Not that I thought it was an affair. He told me he was leaving Nora, it was just a matter of time. He promised me he’d tell her all about us. And I was twenty years old. Naïve, alone. I believed him. He was older, wiser, and richer.” She gave a little laugh. “He told me he loved me. If you’d ever been a foster kid, you’d know how much I needed to hear those words. To have somebody whisper them to me and hold me tight. For the first time in years I felt safe. Enough that when I realized I was pregnant, that I went right to him and told him.”

  Her mom never talked about her childhood. And the anguish on her face seemed raw. It hit Van right in the chest.

  Her mom had been desperate to hear those three little words. And Van feared them.

  Especially from the one man she felt everything for.

  “What did he say?” Van asked her.

  “Told me I needed to wait a bit more. Things kept cropping up. A big business deal Nora needed to approve, a party they were throwing for her parents… every time I thought we’d gotten over one hurdle, another one appeared. It took me months to realize there was never going to be a good time.”

  Van said nothing. Just stared at the woman who’d birthed her twenty-eight years ago.

  “Then one day at church, I heard Nora telling everybody she was pregnant. That they were pregnant. At that moment I knew he wasn’t ever going to leave her. That I’d always be the one waiting around for him. And I got angry, so angry…” She cleared her throat. “I told him we were over.”

  “But you kept working for him?”

  “Yeah. And he spread some story about a guy who kept coming in to see me in the office. Everybody assumed I’d gotten pregnant by an out-of-towner.” She pursed her lips together and shook her head. “But that wasn’t what got me. It was seeing all the beautiful things Nora was buying for her baby. She would ask me what kind of nursery I was planning, what stroller I was buying, who was organizing my baby shower. And I was so damn jealous. She had everything I’d always dreamed of. A home, a family, a father for her baby.”

  “So you stole from Johnny?”

  “I took what was ours.” Her mom looked up, her eyes flashing. “He hadn’t given me a dime toward the things I needed for you. So I started taking money out of the business account so I could buy things for your nursery.”

  “You stole thousands, Mom.” It was hard to keep the anger from her voice.

  “He owed me.” Kim sighed. “I knew I’d never get the chance again.”

  Van opened her mouth to argue, but it was pointless. Instead, she took a sip of coffee and looked at the woman in front of her. “What happened when he found out?”

  “He was so angry. Threatened to call the cops, told me I’d be thrown into jail and you’d be put in foster care. Unless I agreed to leave my job and to keep quiet about me and him.”

  “So you agreed?”

  Kim nodded. “I was never going to tell anyway. Wouldn’t give him or Nora the satisfaction.”

  “You should have told me this years ago,” Van told her, breathing down the anger rising up inside her. “I had a right to know.”

  “That your daddy didn’t want you? When was a good time to tell you, Van? When you were six and were going to blab it everywhere? Or when you were a teenager and so desperate for a family you practically adopted the Hartsons? When is a good time to tell a kid their father lives down the road but doesn’t want to know them? Believe it or not, I was trying to protect you.”

  “You were protecting yourself.”

  “It was the same thing.”

  “No,” Van said, frowning. “No, it isn’t.”

  “You think I don’t know how you feel about gossip? Honey, I know. I’ve always known. I’ve seen you wince when somebody looks your way and says something. You pretend you’re this strong person, and maybe sometimes you are, but when you get hurt, it kills you.”

  Van inhaled a ragged breath. Her mom’s words were too close for comfort. “I still deserved to know.”

  “Yes, you did.” Kim folded her arms across her chest. “And now you know.”

  “I would have preferred you’d told me privately,” Van said pointedly. “And what about Zoe? Is her father really someone who was passing through town like you always said?” Van had to be sure. There was no way she’d let Zoe go through this pain. Not if she could help it.

  Kim looked sheepish. “Yes, Zoe’s father isn’t anyone in town. And I am so sorry about last night. I should have told you in private. I’m going to stop drinking.”

  “Sure.” Van rolled her eyes.

  “I’ve got an appointment scheduled with my doc. He thinks he can get me referred to a rehab facility right away. He has contacts at a charity.”

  Van looked up, surprised. “What?”

  Kim nodded. “Only for a couple of weeks. But it’s a start, right?”

  “I guess.” Van sighed. “There’s something else you need to know.”

  “What?” Kim’s brows knit together as she looked at her.

  “When you were pregnant with Zoe, and I gave you that money instead of using it to go to college, it felt like I was dying. Giving everything up because of your bad decisions.”

  Kim blinked, surprised. “You told me you wanted me to have it. That’s what you said.”

  “I lied. I hated you for it,” Van whispered. “And I hated me for being so weak to give it to you. It ruined everything.”

  “No…” Kim shook her head, her brows dipping. “Don’t say that.”

  Van felt her eyes sting with tears. “I was supposed to go to Duke with Tanner, remember? We’d started dating. I was in love with him. We had it all planned out. Three years at college, then we’d head to New York and live there for a while.” She pressed her lips together, remembering the day her mom told her she was pregnant. And all those dreams Van had disappeared in smoke. She couldn’t leave. Not when her mom didn’t have a job or any way to take care of a baby. So Van gave Kim the money she’d saved for college.

  And for two years she’d stayed. Unt
il Craig had come on the scene, and calmed her mom down, taken care of her the way she’d always dreamed of. Only then had Van felt able to leave.

  “Is that why you broke up with him?” Kim asked.

  A stupid tear rolled down Van’s cheek. “The first time, yeah. I broke up with him because I knew he wouldn’t leave me behind if I told him you were pregnant. He’d have stayed too and I couldn’t do that to him. So I told him I didn’t want him anymore. That he should go to Duke without me.”

  “The first time?” Her mom frowned.

  Van nodded. “I changed my mind. A couple of weeks after he’d left for Duke. I was going crazy, missed him like I’d never missed anything before. And I realized what a stupid mistake I’d made. So I took your car and drove up to see him. To tell him the truth about why I didn’t go.”

  “So why didn’t you get back together?”

  “Because I found him with another girl.” She licked her dry lips. “Technically, he didn’t do anything wrong. We weren’t in a relationship. But it still hurt like hell.”

  Kim gasped. “Oh, Van. I’m so sorry.”

  “Yeah, well we all make mistakes.” Van wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. She could still remember the horror of seeing the petite brunette wearing Tanner’s t-shirt and nothing else. Of Tanner’s open mouth as he tried to talk and nothing came out.

  And the complete pain of knowing that she’d lost the one good thing in her life. And that it was her fault for not telling him the truth. She’d turned on her heel and run without looking back, pride stopping her from ever letting him back into her heart.

  Until this year.

  “But you and Tanner are friends now, right?” Kim asked, looking hopeful. “You made up? You’re working together.”

  Van had never talked about guys with her mom. Kim was the last person she’d ever ask for advice. Yet this need to get her words out came over her. “We were more than friends until last night.” She shook her head. “But I broke it off.”

  “Why?” Kim’s voice was sharp.

  Van thought of Tanner’s parting words as she left the drive-in office. Of Zoe’s as they talked this morning before she went out with Becca.

  “Because I’m scared,” Van whispered. “I’m so scared of losing the most important person in my life that I pushed him away before he could walk.” She let out a sob. “Twice.”

  It was like a dam had been lifted. Tears started pouring down her face. Her chest was so tight it was hard to breathe, as the memories of last night and from ten years ago came washing over her.

  “Oh sweetie.” Her mom’s chair scraped against the tiled floor. She walked over to where Van was sobbing at the table, wrapping her arms around her, pulling Van’s face against her stomach, stroking her hair. “Don’t cry.”

  That only made Van sob louder. How could she have done this again? Messed her own life up, and Tanner’s, too. Her whole body ached at the thought of it.

  “Look at us,” her mom whispered. “Me so desperate for love I’ll take whatever’s offered. And you so scared you’ll push it away at the first opportunity. What a damn mess.”

  It hurt because it was true. Every word. She was so scared of feeling pain she did it first. Then lied to herself saying she was okay because she’d chosen the pain rather than having it inflicted on her.

  But it didn’t matter. Either way it hurt like hell.

  And to make things even crazier, here she was letting her mom comfort her. The same mom who’d caused her so much pain to begin with. It made her head hurt.

  “I’ve lost him again,” Van whispered. “And it’s my fault.”

  “You don’t know that. Maybe you both need to cool off a bit.”

  “I told him we were over for good.”

  Her mom stroked the hair from Van’s face. “You said that last night?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And did you mean it?”

  “No,” Van said softly. “I didn’t mean it. I was just trying to protect him.”

  “He’s a grown man, Van. He can protect himself.” Her mom sighed. “Didn’t you just tell me I was wrong for lying to you about Johnny to protect you?”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  “And I was,” her mom said. “It was wrong to lie to you. I should have told you the truth.”

  She looked up at her mom through teary eyes. It felt uncomfortable being soothed by her. As though she was playing a role she was completely unprepared for. Savannah Butler didn’t let people take care of her. She was the protector. It was all that she knew.

  And it had messed up her life.

  That thought bounced around her mind like a pinball, making her shiver. For ten years she’d paid the price of telling Tanner a lie. One tiny lie.

  That had torn both of their worlds apart.

  How different would it have been if she’d been honest? If she’d allowed herself to be vulnerable. To tell him that her mom was pregnant, that she was scared, but she still wanted him to go to Duke.

  If she’d let herself tell the truth instead of believing she was protecting everyone around her.

  “You okay?”

  She’d almost forgotten her mom was still there. “Yeah, I’m good.”

  “Can I ask you a favor?” Kim asked.

  Van blinked. “What is it?”

  “Will you take care of Zoe for me when I’m in rehab?”

  “Of course I will.”

  “Thank you.” Kim’s lips curved into the faintest of smiles.

  It was past midnight according to the clock beside her bed. After Becca had brought Zoe home, giving Van a big hug before driving away, the three of them – Van, Zoe, and their mom – had spent the afternoon talking. Making plans for Kim’s rehab, for Zoe’s care, and for Van’s next steps. It had been uncomfortable, being honest with them, showing her vulnerability, yet it had felt cathartic, too.

  For the first time in her life she was letting the emotion flow out of her. She wasn’t sure that she would ever get used to it.

  Zoe had asked her what she was going to do about Tanner.

  “Talk to him.” Van had said, even though the thought of it made her stomach twist. Because he had every right to tell her he didn’t want to listen. That he wasn’t going to put himself out there for her again.

  He could reject her, and she knew it would hurt like hell. But it couldn’t be any worse than the pain she was feeling right now. And if that happened, then she would deal with it. Because she’d know that she’d done all she could.

  It wasn’t the kind of conversation you had on the phone, though. Tomorrow she’d go to his house, knock on the door, and hope like hell he’d open up. And tonight? Well, she’d probably toss and turn in her bed the same way she had last night. She should be getting used to that by now.

  She didn’t register the slam of a car door at first. Not until she heard shuffling on what sounded like the sidewalk outside of the bungalow. It was probably their neighbor coming home from a late shift.

  Van turned on her side, curling her legs up to her chest, and tried not to think about how empty her bed was without him.

  And then she heard five familiar notes cutting through the night time silence. A drum beat cut in, sultry and low. Had their neighbor left his stereo going in his car?

  She knew the song by heart. Take My Breath Away by Berlin. The first song she and Tanner had made love to, during that long, hot summer of the Tom Cruise retrospective at the drive-in.

  She’d loved that movie, as schmaltzy as it was. Loved the way Tom looked in his flight jacket, the way he stared at Kelly McGillis like she was his world.

  And that sex scene. It had done things to her teenaged body that she didn’t know how to deal with. All she knew was that she’d played that song daily over that summer. Tanner had complained about it incessantly.

  Yet he’d stored it on his iPod touch, and played it the night they’d let things go too far. Although it had been uncomfortable and awkward and the ground had turned her pretty p
ink dress black, that night was still the most precious memory she had.

  Tanner’s kisses, his touch, the sound of Berlin echoing from his phone. The way her body undulated beneath his, as he asked her again and again if she was okay.

  And she had been okay. More than okay. Until she discovered her mom’s pregnancy and everything she’d planned for was torn apart.

  The music was getting louder. Berlin was getting to the chorus. She turned onto her other side, waiting for the car door to shut.

  But it didn’t. Frowning, she climbed out of her bed, padding in bare feet to the window and pulling the curtain aside.

  Instead of a car with it’s door open, she saw a man standing in the front yard, a large portable speaker held over his head, as he stared at the window where she was standing.

  Tanner Hartson.

  Her eyes caught his, and she felt it right in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t look away if she tried. He was completely still, his biceps tight with his arms raised up, the song they first made love to echoing out of the speaker.

  She went to open the window, but he shook his head. So she pulled her hand back and watched, listening to the song, her gaze caught in his as the memories of that night assailed her.

  She knew exactly what he was doing. Channelling his inner Lloyd Dobler. She could remember watching Say Anything with him and them both laughing at how awkward the Boombox Scene was.

  Tanner looked almost as awkward, though he was doing a good job of hiding it. But how could you feel anything else when you were in somebody’s front yard in the middle of the night playing eighties music?

  A light came on in the house across the road. She could see curtains being pulled, windows being opened, heads staring out. The neighborhood would be talking about this for a week.

  The amazing thing was she didn’t care. He was here and he was playing their song and nothing else mattered. For four long minutes, she stood at the window, her body aching for him, her heart so full she couldn’t speak even if he could hear her.

  And then the music ended. He lowered his arms and turned on his heel, walking away from the bungalow and Van. The next moment, she heard a car door slam and the engine start up. It was only when she saw the Camaro pull away that she let the curtain fall back over the window and walked back to her bed, sitting down and pulling her knees against her chest.