by Kat T. Masen
The wound which I thought healed, leaving a scar behind—begins to tear at the corners.
No matter how hard I try to deny it, seeing him with someone else has exposed the truth.
I’m falling for him again.
Or maybe, I never stopped falling at all.
13
WILL
Seeing Lex Edwards again is the last thing I wanted this weekend.
After his blatant warning to leave Amelia alone back when we were in London, I avoided him at all costs even though Lau had placed an enormous amount of pressure on my shoulders regarding the stipulations of the takeover.
We don’t need additional capital, and I firmly believe we can grow the platform beyond Lau’s expectations. The difficulty is trying to convince Lau. A man who owns a decent chunk of Hong Kong and Singapore will not give up easily, and to my knowledge, he is yet to be challenged or proven wrong.
Amelia left the pool area with Lex by her side. I watched as they walked out and toward the beach, disappearing for quite some time.
The weather is still warm with the sun persistent with its rays, so I choose to stay in the water for a while. That is until Ava finds me and starts babbling on about something of no interest. I kindly excuse myself, choosing to relax in the cabana, but I need to check my email truthfully.
There are emails from my lawyers, our finance team, and many from my executives. Some suggest we throw more money at Lau, but when the man is of such wealth, I don’t think money is his biggest concern. The man is all ego. He wants to be known as God. His reputation is everything, and just like he said, he only works with the best.
Our conversations become heated via email, and I put my phone down for just a moment to gain some patience only to find Gigi standing beside me.
“All work, no play?”
I half-smile at her comment. “Something like that.”
Gigi is gorgeous. I won’t deny that. And perhaps in a different lifetime, I would have had my way with her. But my head is less than interested, merely entertaining her flirtatious behavior because it seems to goad some sort of reaction from Amelia.
Perhaps it is petty of me to play such immature games, but clearly—it worked.
Gigi is anything but subtle with her intentions, inviting me back to her room. But I refuse, for now, letting her down gently. With Amelia nowhere to be seen, I laugh with Gigi as she mentions my father making some crude comment and then excuse myself when the curiosity begins to eat away at me.
It’s almost as if my mind won’t settle with unfinished business on the table or because I need to see Amelia to fuel my addiction. Either way, sitting here next to Gigi will accomplish absolutely nothing.
The property is large enough to be able to lose yourself in. I turn the corner of a large maple tree to see Amelia sitting at the wooden picnic table. Her head is bowed, buried between a book she appears to be engrossed in. My footsteps are soft against the freshly cut lawn as I walk toward her.
On closer inspection, her head is resting in her hand while she reads quietly, and unbeknown to her, there is a small pout of her lips, something I remember so fondly.
“Reading on vacation?” I question softly, not to startle her.
Amelia raises her eyes, yet her expression is unreadable. She has covered up with a cream knitted cardigan, but still wears her bikini beneath it. I beg my eyes to ignore her tits and just how sexy her body is. Yet, the fact it is exposed straight down the middle makes it hard to resist temptation.
Keep your dick in check, Romano.
“Studying, actually. I needed to clear my head.” The moment she says it, her brows draw together as if she regretted saying she needed to clear her head. It appears, just like me, we were both struggling with today no matter how we tried our best to be amicable.
I raise the book to view the title, then place it down again. Without even asking, I take a seat across from her.
“How is law school?”
“Challenging, but I love it. It’s been a real eye-opener working for Nikki. There’s still so much I need to learn. I mean, your mom is a shark. She never lets anything, or one, get to her.”
I nod with a knowing smile. “Mom is tough, so is Charlie.”
Amelia purses her lips, but I can see something else is bothering her as she is unusually quiet. I remember how hard college life was. Sure, there were parties, but the transitional aspect of those years leaves much doubt. You never really know if you’re following the right path.
“You’ll graduate with your law degree and feel like time has flown. College feels like a lifetime ago, yet I remember how much it dragged, and I just wanted to graduate already.”
“That’s how I feel now,” she admits, letting out a sigh. “I spend most of my time studying or working. Even this weekend is hard to adjust for me. I’m used to being alone most days, especially since I moved out and Liesel moved on with a boyfriend. For the first time in my life, it’s like I am forced to listen to myself because there is no one else’s noise around me to distract my own thoughts.”
“Solitude is a blessing and a curse. Honestly, you get used to it somewhat, but I will agree, it is hard to adjust to all the noise again when you’re amongst a group, especially a family as large as ours.”
Amelia raises her eyes to meet mine, the emerald-green stare stirring mixed emotions within me. “Sorry, I’m just rambling now.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I tell her, softening my expression. “I’d like to think we had more than just a sexual relationship all those years ago. I miss the conversations we used to have.”
“Yeah.” She grins, her entire face lightening up. “Me too.”
Amelia closes her book, resting her hands on top.
“So, you live on your own?”
She hesitates, then nods. “I have been, for a few months.”
“And your…” I clear my throat, debating whether to mention it but why the fuck not? I need to know just how intense this so-called engagement is. Considering Amelia is here alone, I know for a fact that if she were mine, I would never leave her side. “Fiancé?”
“Austin lives in Manhattan,” she informs me though she keeps her tone firm. “He’s studying medicine, so it’s best for him to be next to the campus.”
“And does he know I am here?”
“Will, what does it matter?” she resigns, shoulders slumping. “If I tell him, he’ll get annoyed and think I lied. So, either way, I can’t win.”
I should feel sorry for her. I’ve put her in a difficult position. But selfish me comes roaring back, and why should I even care about him? The man has taken what should have been mine all along.
This feeling of jealousy is a seed of poison, and right now, I’ve swallowed my fucking pride again and I’m reminded of Lex allowing this man to wed his daughter. Yet I am supposed to back the fuck off. The question is, who is pulling all the strings here?
“Feel like going for a walk along the beach?”
“Sure,” she agrees, grabbing her book.
We walk along the garden and through the gate toward the sand. Beneath our feet, the sand is warm and soft between our toes. The sea breeze is slightly cooler as the sun begins to set on the horizon.
As we walk along, we speak more about studying law. I’d learned a fair bit from my mother over the years, so I understand a lot of the jargon. It is nice to be able to listen to Amelia, just the sound of her voice. I never realized how much I missed something so simple.
The sky becomes a shade of pink, prompting us to turn around and back toward the house. There are still a few people on the beach, mainly families with children. As we begin our walk back, a little boy runs toward me, abandoning his sandcastle.
“Look at my sandcastle!” he says with a proud smile on his face. “It’s where the evil king lives.”
I lean down to the boy’s level. “That’s some castle, buddy. You did that all yourself?”
The boy’s mother comes running over with a smile.
“William, I thought I told you not to talk to strangers?”
I press my lips together into a stiff smile. Unsure what to say since the mother just threw the whole ‘stranger danger’ convo into play.
“Sorry, Mommy.” The little boy lowers his head.
“You know, my name is William too. But everyone calls me Will.”
Little William's face brightens up. “My friends call me Will too!”
“It’s a pretty cool name, right?”
He nods, and his mother returns a warm smile.
“What is your name?” the boy asks Amelia.
“Amelia,” she answers, but her smile is forced.
The little boy continues to ramble on until we say our goodbyes but not before praising him on his fantastic sandcastle efforts again.
On our walk back, Amelia has fallen dead quiet. Not a single word, nor a smile. She can’t even seem to look my way. I don’t understand what suddenly changed, all since we ran into this little boy.
When we’re back on the property, I ask the burning question.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she answers quickly.
“Well, it’s not nothing since you’ve been quiet since we spoke to the little kid.”
Amelia stops walking, still with her head bowed. Slowly, she raises her gaze to meet mine, but her eyes have glassed over. There is definitely something bothering her, a sadness in her expression as her chin begins to tremble. She pulls the sleeves of her cardigan over her hands and raises it to cover her mouth.
“I can’t do this,” her voice trembles.
“Do what?”
She points to me then to her. “This, us. I’m sorry, Will.”
Without another word, she turns back around and begins to quicken her steps to escape me. I don’t understand her sudden change in mood and run toward her to catch up, grabbing her arm to make her stop. I turn her around to see tears have fallen down her face.
“Hey,” I say softly, wiping the tear from her cheek. “What is it?”
She shakes her head, unable to speak. “I thought I was okay, but….”
I pull her into me, placing her head against my chest while I wrap my arms around her body to comfort her. “It’s going to be okay, whatever is bothering you.”
“You don’t understand, Will.”
She pulls back slightly, but her eyes continue to haunt me. The color has drained from her face, and the dull stare is portraying her sadness. I feel utterly helpless, unsure how to act or what to say, consumed by the need to protect her at all costs. Whenever Amelia was sad or upset, it was almost instinct to make her better again. I knew no different, still remembering the moment she was placed in my arms many moons ago and how Charlie told me just how precious she was. I was a kid, but I was old enough to understand that I never wanted her to feel hurt or pain. There was an urge to protect her no matter what.
And it still stands to this very moment.
But I’m terrified of the truth unraveling, of being the cause of her pain.
“Help me understand,” I beg of her.
Amelia takes a deep breath, closing her eyes momentarily. She falls silent, but I don’t push her and wait for her words to come at her own pace. Then, she finds the courage to finally open up to me as if there are no walls between us.
“It happened four years ago…” she begins with, unable to look me in the eye as she speaks. “Just before you left for London…”
14
AMELIA
It was never supposed to come out this way.
From the moment I miscarried all those years ago, I’d buried my grief and emotions, reminding myself it was something I had no control over. The doctor gave me statistics. Mom even reassured me it was normal, and many women experienced pregnancy loss.
I was young, unable to comprehend the magnitude of the situation, but it didn’t matter anyway, it was never meant to be, and that was that. No point dwelling on something you cannot change.
But then I saw Will with the little boy on the beach. I wasn’t sure at the beginning exactly why my legs became weak or why I was unable to breathe at a steady pace. My eyes grew hot, and then a pain rippled through my chest when I imagined what our future could have looked like.
Us, here, and our child who would have been about this age.
The grief I had suppressed all those years ago came crashing down like a vicious storm. The what if’s, the reel of future scenarios playing inside my head. Would we have been one happy family? If my father was forced to welcome a grandchild, would he have finally accepted our relationship and the burning question which tore me inside—would we have had our happily ever after?
All these questions began to onset a panic attack, and hiding my feelings became too hard when Will stood beside me without knowing the whole truth.
And then he held me, the warmest of embrace, and inside his arms, I felt stronger. I had to grant him this, release the burden, and admit what I should have all those years ago.
“It happened four years ago…” I begin with, unable to look him in the eye. “Just before you left for London….”
He motions for us to take a seat on the small bench, which is nestled amongst a bed of flowers. It’s quiet, giving us the privacy to have this conversation.
“Do you remember when we were together how I got really sick with the flu?
“Yeah.” He nods with a fixed look of concentration. “I was traveling, and you even went to the ER from memory.”
I place my hands in my pockets, unsure how to say this. How do I tell him? I’m suddenly torn once again, fighting with my morals and my ability to shut him out unfairly.
“I was pregnant.”
Will’s mouth falls open, but no words come out. With a pained expression, he finally repeats, “Pregnant?”
“Yes.”
He shakes his head, eyebrows pinching together. “But I don’t understand?”
I take a deep breath, not realizing how much I would struggle to drag up the past again.
“I miscarried the day we had that big fight in your office,” I tell him, twisting the bottom of my cardigan in my hands. “The doctor reassured me it’s quite normal early on and that I did nothing wrong. Sometimes these things can’t be helped.”
Will runs his fingers through his hair, then buries his face in his hands. I give him a moment to process this, not wanting to continue for fear of overwhelming him. When he lifts his face away from his hands, the skin bunches around his eyes with a look of anguish.
“After you left, I got into a car accident,” I continue, desperate to get this off my chest. “I wasn’t thinking and nearly killed myself.”
“Amelia,” he breathes.
“I know you think I just moved on, but I didn’t, Will. I didn’t expect the grief to hit me as it did. I never imagined leaving you to be so heartbreaking.” My hands clench into fists as I relieve the injuries which permanently scarred me. “The accident caused more problems. I broke my arm, suffered from insomnia because the trauma wouldn’t leave me. I was drowning with no way out. I thought I was broken goods, but slowly, I began to piece my life back together.”
And then, I admit the truth, which could change everything or possibly nothing at all.
“Seeing you with that kid, I kept thinking. It could have been us.”
Will continues to stare into the garden. “You should have told me to stay.”
“So you could resent me later in life?” I counter with a heavy sigh. “Your life was planned out well before I stepped back into it.”
“My business was planned out, not my life,” he reminds me, his tone shifting, and if I know him as well as I claim to, the resentment is evident in his voice. “But now you’re telling me this? I destroyed you when I thought leaving was the best decision for you. It was so you could live your life and do what you needed to do. What I knew I did
when I was your age.”
It all becomes more apparent. We were never on the same page. We were in love, a love which took us by surprise. But here we are, years later, trying to understand what happened in the past, how we went wrong. The thing is, we can sit here and analyze this until the sun comes up in the morning, but nothing will change the fact that we ultimately fell apart.
“We were too much too soon,” I murmur.
“That we were.”
We both sit in silence with the pale moonlight to keep us company. For tonight, we’d said the words we needed to say, and maybe we both need some space to think about this.
“Look, I’m really tired.” Will stands up, still keeping his distance. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe for breakfast or something?”
I’m slightly hurt by his willingness to leave but try my best not to take it personally. He learned a lot tonight, and that couldn’t have been easy to hear.
“I’m tired too,” I tell him. “See you tomorrow, Will.”
He doesn’t say another word, walking back toward the main house and leaving me alone in the shadows. I don’t cry, nor shed another tear. The damage is done. How we move on from here, I am not entirely sure just yet.
I joined everyone for an informal dinner by the pool. Notably absent is Will. A few people asked where he was with Nikki answering he had some urgent work to attend to. I try my best to act normal, unaffected by his absence.
Inside is a whole other story. I begin to worry, wondering if I should text him to make sure he is okay. But the more I mull it over, I come to the realization he needs space right now.
The dinner is loud, with more cocktails served. Eric loves being the center of attention, so of course, he tells stories which make everyone laugh. As the night wears on, the parents say goodbye reasonably early. There are plans to take a yacht out tomorrow for lunch, so everyone needs to be at the marina around ten.
My body is urging me to go to bed, despite Ava begging me to stay. Today has been too much, so I apologize but welcome the quiet time inside my bedroom.
