That thought frustrated me and my hands fisted and the corner of the envelope Heather had handed me yesterday dug into my palm. The sensation snapped me out of my indecision paralysis.
I’d made up my mind and I was going to see this through.
The next step I took, a twig crunched beneath my feet.
Colton spun around. “I didn’t hear a car.”
My heart was beating so loud I barely heard him. “I walked.”
“You walked?!” He rushed over to me, looking up and down like he was checking to see if I was okay. “That’s two miles. And it’s dark.”
“I’m fine. I wanted the fresh air.”
He pointed at the envelope in my hand. “I see you got my note.”
I looked down at my hand holding the envelope Heather had handed me the day before and noticed that it was trembling. The note inside asked me to meet him at our spot at sunrise. “Our spot” was small patch of land on the outskirts of Colton’s ranch. He’d always come here to think growing up and once we became a couple, he started bringing me here. For the first few years we were together, we mostly just talked out here. But the older we got it was less talking and more kissing.
“I put a blanket down.” He gestured behind him.
We went over and when we sat down I took a deep breath and started talking before I lost my nerve.
I blurted out. “Yes. I am divorced.”
His eyes widened slightly but I didn’t let his reaction slow me down.
“As of yesterday. I got the final papers yesterday.” They were the final push onto my current path. “But I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t want to talk about the past or the future. I want…” My mouth was growing dry and I had a hard time swallowing. This all sounded so good in my head, but now that I was here, actually saying it, I wasn’t so sure.
When I’d seen the final divorce papers something had clicked in my mind. I was free for the first time I could ever remember. I wasn’t attached. Sadie was healthy. She was in another state having fun with her grandparents.
Then I realized why I’d needed time before talking to Colton. Part of it was because I didn’t trust myself around him and I didn’t want something to happen that would hurt me, him, or most of all Sadie. I had this idea in my head that being with Colton would be betraying her. But she was fine. With all of the odds against me I’d managed to raise a well-adjusted, bright, and funny kid. She was happy. Really happy. And she never had to know that this had happened.
I needed closure. In one week I was going to be driving back to Oregon to pick up Sadie and start a new life and I needed to put this town, this man, this part of my life behind me and move on. And even though I knew this might not be the best way for me to do that, it was what I wanted. And for once, that was going to count for something.
I took a breath and pressed on. “For a long time, I’ve been doing what is good for other people and never thinking of myself. My life hasn’t been my own and that’s fine. I wouldn’t change a single thing. But I want this time, right now, to be about me. I want to be selfish. I’m not offering you a future and I don’t want to talk about the past, but I want to be with you. I’ve missed you so much. I never stopped missing you. Loving you. You were ripped out of my life and I never got a real chance to say goodbye to you. To have closure. I want that. I want to be with you one more time so I can…so I can…I just need…”
I felt tears pool in my eyes, either from nerves or finally saying what had been in my heart for so long. The truth. I’d held so much guilt for continuing to love Colton even after he’d wanted nothing to do with Sadie. But I was tired of carrying that around, I was tired of trying to pretend that I didn’t, I was tired of lying to even myself. I was tired.
I knew there was a chance that if this happened, I’d get even more hurt when I walked away. But I’d set boundaries for myself. Under no circumstances would I kiss, or snuggle into, or smell his neck. If I didn’t do that then I could use this as the catharsis that I needed it to be. And at least this time I would be the one walking away. I was in charge of my own destiny. I knew that we could never be together, but I wanted one more time with the love of my life.
Chapter 17
Colton
“When you win the lotto, don’t ask why, just cash the ticket.”
~ Papa Duke
This all felt like a dream. I couldn’t believe that I was actually here, sitting on a blanket at the river with Bella. My Bella. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. God, the way the sunrise sparkled in her eyes undid me. It was like something out of a country love song.
Memories that I’d pushed deep down out of sheer self-preservation were now forcing their way to the surface, filling me with a fierce, base urgency to hold her. All I wanted was to pull her tight to my chest and feel her heart beating, strong and fast, feel her breath on my neck. Hear her sweet voice in my ear.
It was almost unbearable, this crazy need and compulsion to touch her, to wrap her in my arms. I felt like if I didn’t, I’d explode.
She continued stumbling over her words, “Colton, I just need…I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to…I just feel like…”
“You can keep talking if you want, but I’m going to kiss you now,” I growled.
Bella’s face was flushed, exactly like the first time I’d used that line but this time I didn’t think it was from embarrassment or being shy. It was from need. And unlike the first time I’d said those words, she didn’t giggle and keep talking. This time she just closed her eyes and breathed.
I pulled her to me and crushed my lips to hers. The first touch of our mouths sent a shock wave of fiery possession through my body.
Bella was embedded deep in my soul, and I had never stopped thinking about her. Never stopped loving her. Not for one day. Not for one hour. Not for one minute. Not for one second.
I needed to show her that, with every kiss, every caress, every breath I took, and every beat of my heart. She didn’t want to talk to me, fine. Maybe this would get the point across. It wasn’t that I had nothing to say, it was just that words had been getting me nowhere. Now it was action’s turn to try to get the job done.
She melted in my arms, a little sigh escaping her lips. My heart stopped for a moment between beats. Oh, God. I’d fantasized about how good it would feel to hold her again. I just hadn’t thought about how familiar it would be. It hit me like a sledgehammer that this wasn’t second nature, this was instinctual.
Touching her felt like coming home. Lately, I’d felt so lost. So hollow. So uncertain. Bella was the missing piece of my puzzle and I just had to show her that I was her missing piece too.
I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, running my tongue along it in the way that had always caused her body to tremble with need. Like clockwork, I felt tremors run up and down her spine beneath my palm.
Her response sent me into overdrive. All these years I’d wanted to touch her again and I couldn’t. I couldn’t feel how her body melted into me whenever I wrapped my arms around her. Or the way a shiver ran through her when I put my hand on the base of her back and rubbed my thumb in circles. Or the way she sighed into me as she snuggled against my neck.
But now I could. I could strip her down and explore every inch of her body. I could rediscover every tiny nerve that sent her over the edge. I planned on playing her body like a fine-tuned instrument and mastering it, orchestrating her ultimate climax starting with this earth-shattering kiss.
I tangled my fingers in her silky hair, tugging her closer to me as I captured her lips with mine again. This time when she opened to me, I plunged my tongue into her mouth and explored the hot, wet depths, kissing her with savage intensity.
With each pass of my tongue I felt the vibrations of her moans that were barely audible over the blood pumping through my veins, which sounded like a rushing river in my ears. Like water tumbling over rocks to create rapids hurdling towards a waterfall, my heart was being pulled by the current towards a
precipice of falling into fate. It felt just as dangerous, and just as inevitable.
I pulled back a little, just enough to start kissing down her neck. Her pulse pounded there like a drum beating against my lips. Her fingers grasped my shoulders as she let out a soft whimper and dug her fingers into me. Arousal spiked through me at the realization that she was just as affected as I was.
That revelation sent me soaring into new heights of lust. If I could inspire her to feel even half of what I did, then there was no way she could go on denying that there was something between us. She would have to admit that this was real. She may have complicated emotions about the whole thing, but when it came to her body, to our bodies, the connection was undeniable.
I took my time, unbuttoning her shirt slowly, letting the back of my knuckles brush against her silky soft skin. My mouth followed the path of my fingers, tasting and caressing each new bit of uncovered skin with my hot tongue, worshipping each new inch that I uncovered.
Her moans had grown stronger with each lick, each kiss. I could hear them even over the hot rush of blood in my ears, and I could hear her mumbling encouragements as she lost herself in sensation.
“Yes, Colton. Oh, yes.”
“Don’t stop. Please, it feels so good.”
“Just like that. Please keep going.”
I grew harder and harder with each declaration and it was quickly unraveling my resolve. The only thing stopping me from burying myself in her was the barrier of cloth between us. I was still fully dressed, which acted as the buffer I needed, but that didn’t mean she needed to be.
When her shirt was completely undone, I pushed the fabric apart and then slid it off her shoulders. I leaned back to take in the sight of her chest rising and falling rapidly, her creamy skin flushed with arousal.
“God…you’re so beautiful.”
She started to cover herself, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. “You don’t have to say that. I know I’ve put on about fifteen pounds since the last time—”
“Don’t,” I commanded roughly, staring into her eyes, straight to her soul. “Don’t hide, not from me.”
She took in a shaky breath and her arms fell back to her sides.
I didn’t touch her right away; instead I took my time devouring her with my eyes. The lace bra cupping her full mounds, the scalloped edges digging into the flesh of her cleavage. Her nipples poking out through the lace, creating sexy little buttons beneath the revealing material covering them.
Without any warning, I leaned down and took one of those hard peaks into my mouth and was rewarded with a gasp. I pulled it between my lips and flicked it with the stiff tip of my tongue. Every muscle in her body shivered as she trailed her fingernails up and down my back as I sucked her roughly through her bra.
After I’d paid what felt like a reasonable amount of attention to her first breast, I moved to the other, giving it the same treatment. I lapped the sandpaper flat surface of my tongue across each sensitive beaded knot, and the friction created between the lace and the licking teased her hard buds to even greater stiffness.
Wanting to feel her without anything obstructing the connection, I unhooked her bra and tugged it down her arms. When it got caught on her wrists, pulling them behind her back, her breasts pushed even further up in the air. Instead of freeing her hands, I twisted the material in order to tighten the restraints. It forced her arms to remain behind her and then I dipped my head back down, covering her breast in an open-mouth kiss and sucking each one, coating them with velvety wetness. I continued my ravenous attention until she was writhing with barely restrained need.
Her back arched higher and higher and her whimpers grew louder and louder. Suddenly, just her breasts weren’t enough. I needed more.
Loosening the tangle of the bra straps I pulled it completely off as I used gentle persuasion to ease her back on the blanket, cupping the back of her head with my palm. Every move I made, every time I touched her, it was with gentle care. Like she would break or disappear.
It was my greatest fear. Losing her again. But that was how I truly felt. Like she might disappear at any moment.
I slowly began planting kisses down her flat belly, leaving a trail of trembling skin in my wake. I looked up to catch her eyes. God, she had such beautiful eyes. I’d always been able to sense what she was feeling, what she wanted, what she tried to hide from other people when I looked into them, and thankfully, I still could.
There was naked vulnerability behind the fire of lust that burned there. It made me want to take care of her. I was desperate to protect her. To make up for all the hurt I had caused when I’d stupidly let her go before.
Fuck. I was never going to be that stupid again.
When my kisses reached the waistband of her jeans, she lifted her hips as I undid the button and zipper and pulled them down with ease. I only paused to tug off her sneakers and socks.
My eyes traveled up and down her body at an unapologetically slow pace. The sunrise broke through the dusk and gave her an ethereal glow. She was so beautiful lying there in the early morning light, her skin glowing like a goddess, in nothing but her pretty little lace panties.
Emphasis on the little.
Thinking that I’d done pretty well by focusing my tongue’s attentions on the lace of her bra, I figured that I might as well repeat a winning strategy. I pushed her knees apart and dove between her legs, covering her mound through the lacey fabric.
She was so wet that I could taste every bit of her juices through the wisp of her panties. She was sweet like honey, but just a little salty, a little tangy.
She was just like I remembered her. Delicious.
I moved my tongue up and down her seam, pressing the fabric into her sensitive flesh. She tasted so good that I never wanted to stop licking her, even when her hips bucked against my mouth so violently that I had a hard time staying in place.
After only a dozen or so strokes of my tongue, I knew that tasting her through the lace was never going to be enough. I could never be satisfied with that. I had to taste her flesh, with no barriers.
I had to have her naked.
I reared up, her eyes widening at the suddenness, and jerked the panties down over her legs. They quickly joined the pile of clothing at the edge of the blanket.
Rather than diving right back in with the urgency I felt, I took my time, working my tongue in small circles over her skin, first up one inner thigh and then the other. I loved the way that her skin trembled under my lips, like the fast-fluttering wings of a hummingbird.
I could feel the heat radiating from her core when I was still inches away, and it wore at my resolve to take things slow. But I was determined. I knew that she would enjoy it even more by building up to the grand finale and it would hopefully lead to an encore. She said this was a one-time thing, but I had to believe that I could persuade her otherwise.
Finally, I reached my destination and ran the tip of my tongue up and down her outer lips slowly. Her folds throbbed beneath my mouth with need and I filled it, pushing two fingers into her as I licked and tasted her juices.
Her inner walls clamped down on my fingers, holding me like they never wanted to let them go. My dick swelled even more than it already was at the thought of how amazing it was going to feel when I was inside her. That wouldn’t be very long from now. It was a mind-blowing thought—after all these years of waiting and dreaming about being inside her again, it was finally going to come true.
“Oh, it feels so good,” she breathed.
I looked up into her face. Her head was flat on the blanket and her eyes were wide, staring straight up into the sky. Her cheeks were flushed. She looked just like the wide-eyed girl I’d fallen for so many years ago.
My eyes didn’t leave her face as I fastened my mouth over the hard pleasure button at the top of her folds and swirled my tongue around and around it as I pumped my fingers in and out of her.
It was suddenly vitally important that I give her the ultimate pleasure
that one person could give another, and that I do it now, while my mouth was pressed over her. I wanted to feel her come apart against my mouth. I wanted to taste her as she came unglued.
Her tremors started coming faster and faster until her whole body was shaking. I knew she must be close.
I licked her in between the words I spoke and my lips brushed against her folds. “That’s right, baby. Come for me. Let it go. Let everything go.”
My words caused a nuclear reaction in her. Everything exploded at once—her belly tightened, her inner walls clamped down hard, her fingers fisted in my hair, and a hoarse scream tore from her throat.
I stayed with her as she rode out her powerful orgasm. My fingers pushed in and pulled out of her and my tongue circled around her most sensitive nub. I wanted to give her as much pleasure as I possibly could. It would still only be a fraction of what she deserved.
Chapter 18
Bella
“Knowin’ the right thing to do and doin’ it are two entirely different propositions.”
~ Papa Duke
Wave after crushing wave of pleasure, of body-wracking intensity crashed over me. It was more than I could take. More than I could process.
Until I had the sudden, bursting flash of realization that the problem was I was trying to process it. It was beyond processing. Beyond understanding. Beyond breaking down. There was nothing to do with the sensations buffeting every cell in my body except simply let them be.
And so that’s what I did. I closed my eyes, blocked out conscious thought, and lost myself.
It was magical. I finally understood the significance of the phrase “sweet oblivion.” It really was sweet, to lose all conscious thought. To forget who I was, where I was, and all the complications of my life. To lose myself completely in the physical and block out the mental and emotional entirely. This was a place that I could see myself staying, a temptation I could envision giving into again and again if I wasn’t careful.
Claiming Colton (Wishing Well, Texas Book 5) Page 12
