All for Hope

by Olivia Hardin

  She waited for him to argue, but he said nothing. She ate the remainder of her meal in virtual silence. When Hope emerged after a hot shower a while later, she found Brennan asleep on top of the bed-covers with one hand resting on Michelle’s head.

  Bren awoke to a dark room and something wiggling beside him in the bed. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone, pushing a button to turn on the screen and provide some light. Michelle was kicking her legs and gnawing on her fingers.

  He reached out to touch her head, brushing his fingers across the downy soft hair. He mentally wondered how someone could tell by touch whether a child had fever. Recalling something he’d seen Jim’s girlfriend do with their son, he leaned down and placed his cheek to her forehead. She felt warm, but not hot.

  As he continued to ponder this, Michelle’s teeny fingers grasped a clump of his hair and tugged. He chuckled low and kissed her temple, then rolled out of the bed and shuffled off to the bathroom.

  It was only about three in the morning. He left the light on in the bathroom when he went back into the bedroom. In the pale light he could see Hope’s silhouette in the bed nearest the window. She was turned away from them and seemed to be sleeping soundly.

  As he changed her diaper, he made funny faces at Michelle, and she giggled and grinned, slobber running in a slippery trail down her cheek. She was still stuffy, and her nose needed cleaning, but he was afraid she’d start shrieking again and wake Hope, so he let her be for now. She didn’t show any sign of going back to sleep. She had gone down so early the previous evening, he figured she’d had enough rest.

  Hope stirred in the bed next to them, and he watched a moment to see if she would awaken. When she showed no signs of getting up, he focused his eyes back on Michelle and smiled. Hope’s constant worry was getting to him. He even thought sometimes that it was having an effect on Michelle. The baby seemed to be easily disturbed and fussy, but then he knew so little about babies, maybe it was just the way they were.

  Still, he knew he needed to get them settled into a more permanent arrangement. Some voice in his mind fussed at him, challenging him about what that “permanent arrangement” would mean for him. He’d never intended to stay with Hope. Their friendship ran deep; she had been there for him in his darkest times. He knew he would never meet anyone like her again in his life, but that didn’t mean he wanted to give up everything for her.

  His life was his, wasn’t it? Even Jenny, though he’d been considering marrying her, understood that. The only restraints she tried to place on him were about his diet and even that never took. Maybe he just wasn’t marriage material.

  The curved shape of Hope’s body in the bed drew his eyes again, and he imagined running his hands along her hip to her legs. Childhood sweethearts, casual dating during adolescence and constant friendship had never equated into complete physical intimacy. The timing for one or both of them never seemed right, though he could recall moments when she’d made his blood run hot with the desire to make love to her.

  Right now was one of those moments. They’d been together for weeks, and he knew she slept in just a t-shirt and shorts. Things were easy between them after their “talk,” but that didn’t mean he still didn’t catch himself eying her legs when she slinked out of bed. Maybe it was just the fact that he’d never had her, but he wanted her more now than he could ever remember wanting her or anyone else before.

  They stayed put for a few days to make sure Michelle was over her cold. She ran a fever another time, though not as high as the first. Before long she was back to normal, and Brennan insisted they should take her out for some fresh air to a park nearby.

  Hope didn’t think it was a good idea, but feeling cabin fever too, she decided not to argue.

  When she got out of the bathroom, she found Brennan on the floor in front of the television with Michelle propped up on his bent knee. The baby was looking at the screen and slapping her hands up and down against her legs.

  “So what you need to know is that good always wins against evil. I mean, that dude is a real son-of a—uhm, bleep! Sorry, kid.”

  Hope barely suppressed the giggle welling in her throat. It was difficult for Bren to reign in his penchant for strong language, so he’d taken to “bleeping” himself out when he started to say a word he shouldn’t.

  “So anyway, Liberty Valance is a real bad guy. And Ranse is just good as gold, ya’ know. He believes in law, in right and wrong. He’s noble.” Bren nodded as if to reinforce his opinion. “The problem is that he falls in love with Hallie, and he needs to stick around even though Liberty is all over him.”

  Michelle gurgled and tried to leap forward in his arms.

  He pulled her back close to his chest and grinned. “Yep, you said it. So Ranse can’t leave. So here we are, he’s stuck and Liberty is gunning for him. I mean, literally. Lucky for Ranse and Hallie, there’s someone else who loves her. Enter the Duke: John Wayne.”

  He turned the baby around in his arms so that he could nuzzle her chubby belly. “Now we’ve got a lot, I mean a lot, of catching up to do as far as the Duke goes. I mean, it will take at least the first few years of your life to get you caught up on John Wayne movies, but they are a necessary part of any American kid’s repertoire. Oh, look, here’s the most important part.”

  Hope leaned against the wall and tilted her head to the side to continue watching them. He rotated the baby around again so that she could see the television.

  “Did you see that?” He motioned his finger like a pistol at the screen. “It was Doniphan’s shot that took out Liberty, but he kept it a secret. The only two who knew the truth were Ranse and Doniphan. Ya’ see, Doniphan knew that Hallie loved Ranse so he sacrificed, he saved Ranse and let her have him. For the love of a woman—”

  He got a faraway look and Hope wondered what thoughts were spinning in his mind. She waited a minute, watching him and wishing she could curl up there beside him. The urge to lay her head against his shoulder, nuzzle his neck and place a kiss to his cheek nearly overwhelmed her.

  Damn, this isn’t getting any easier.

  “Ready?” he asked, looking up at her with a smile that made her insides tumble.

  “Yeah.” She nodded and reached out to take Michelle from him. “I’m ready.”

  It was a lovely day, completely clear with the sun pouring a sweet warmth to heat up the chilly morning air. They laid a blanket beneath a tree, and Brennan held the baby on wobbly feet while she took in everything going on around her. Michelle’s face was glowing, her eyes bright and alert as she watched a group of older kids play with a little pup. When the dog noticed them, she trotted happily in their direction.

  “She’s not aggressive. Worst she could do is lick someone to death.” The mom of the two kids spoke as she approached to retrieve their pet.

  “No problem.” Bren spoke up, coaxing the puppy to him so that Michelle could see her close up.

  Hope wasn’t nervous about the dog necessarily. She’d been around pets all her life, and it was obvious this one wasn’t a danger. But there were too many people around, too many eyes watching them, too much attention focused on her and the baby. Every nerve in her body screamed “run.” She stood and rubbed her sweaty palms against her thighs.

  Smiling, Bren looked up at her. His eyebrows raised, and his eyes widened when he saw the look on her face. He turned back to the mom and nodded to her as she took the pup into her arms.

  “Thanks for letting us see her up close. You guys have a good day.”

  When the woman, puppy and kids moved away from them, Brennan reached up to grab Hope’s hand and tugged her down to her knees on the blanket beside him.

  “Babe, you have got to relax.” He put his hands to hers so that Michelle’s tiny fingers could clasp her fingers. He rolled over onto his back, arms bent so that his hands could support his head.

  “Brennan, I just can’t. I see people watching me around every corner.”

  “Well, of course people ar
e watching you. People always watch you because you’re striking.”

  She slapped his thigh with the back of her hand. “Stop flirting. I’m being serious. How do I let go and try to be normal? I mean, when I decided to do this, I was sure I’d never make it out of the house with Michelle, but then I had her and I was on the run and I thought someone would recognize me any minute. Now you’re with me, and it isn’t any better. Everything in me says we’re just buying time.”

  He sat up and crawled up close to her, his face just inches from hers. “We’re all just buying time. That’s life. We can’t be stupid, but we’ve got to be alive. She needs a normal life.” He looked down at Michelle who was chewing on Hope’s finger.

  “I know—” she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.

  “Do you trust me?”

  She closed her eyes and swallowed. Trust was tricky with Brennan. She trusted him to care about her. She trusted him to be her friend. She trusted him to show her a good time when she needed one. She didn’t trust him to be responsible. Responsibility just wasn’t his thing.

  “Hope, I’m here. I didn’t have to come but I did, because no matter what else we were always friends. I won’t promise you more than I can give you. I’m not that same kid who broke your heart.”

  “Okay.” She took a shaky breath. “Okay, I’ll trust you. Or I’ll try.”

  He leaned back and grinned. “Good.”

  She watched as he turned and grabbed Michelle’s diaper bag. He pulled out a wooden cigar box and placed it before her. Her blood turned cold as she looked at the box.

  “I thought you burned it.”

  Brennan shrugged. “I couldn’t. Mom’s gone. This is the only thing I have left.”

  His mother left him the box before she died. Inside was a photograph of her as a young woman, happy, smiling and with another man who looked to be a brother. Her note to Brennan was confusing and rambling, asking him to forgive her for not taking care of him. She apologized for not giving him the father he deserved and the life he should have had. She mentioned his birthright, but gave no signal what that meant.

  “Don’t tell me you want to go there. We’re in a mess of trouble and you want to go borrow more?”

  Brennan sighed and shook his head. “This isn’t borrowing trouble. She left it to me. It’s mine, and I should go see it.”

  It was trouble all right. Agnes Rawley’s words in her note bordered on insanity and except that she apparently left him a piece of “family” real estate, she didn’t manage to clear up any of the questions Hope always had about Bren’s family—or lack thereof.

  “No, Bren. I’m not going there.”

  She took Michelle up into her arms, slung the diaper bag into her shoulder and started for the car before he could argue.

  “I told you before, she pretty much kept to herself. I don’t know what else to tell you. She just didn’t go out and hang with us, ya’ know?”

  Officer Guillory nodded, and he allowed his eyes to scan the little office that had been Hope Sheffield’s place of business. Her belongings were gone now, and the blonde gal in front of him had obviously taken over the position as senior technical writer since the last time he’d been here.

  “Didn’t she have anyone she spent time with?” he asked

  The woman was annoyed. He figured she hadn’t been all that disappointed when Hope disappeared. Who knew writing manuals could be such a competitive industry?

  “No one here. She’s friends with a guy downstairs. He’s some corporate guy with Flannery and Trump.”

  “His name?” The aggravation in his tone was evident. He gave her the cold, dead look and waited. She cringed.

  “Terrance, I think.”

  He wondered whether the twit ever watched the news. Of course Guillory had already talked to Terrance since Sheffield had left the note explaining her crime at his home. He suspected Terrance knew something more than he’d revealed, but he couldn’t tell how much.

  The investigation was officially over, and so Guillory couldn’t exert as much pressure on the man as he’d like. He didn’t know why he was still looking into this one, anyway. He had plenty of other cases littering his desk. Something about the Sheffield/Taggert case was under his skin, and he couldn’t seem to excavate the thorn.

  “Sir?” A short pudgy clerk called out to him as he vacated the blonde’s office. “Sir, I was wondering, did you talk to Jim Latting?”

  Guillory stopped and eyed her with a raised eyebrow.

  “You’re that policeman, right? Asking about Hope?” She spoke low, glancing left and then right before making eye contact with him.

  “Yep, that’s me. What about Jim Latting?”

  The rotund adolescent shrugged even as she grinned, revealing deep dimples in both cheeks and her chin. “He was a school friend of hers. She kept in touch with him. I’m just a clerk so nobody pays me any mind. I hear things.”

  “I’m listening.”

  She shifted a stack of files from one arm to the other and leaned against the wall. “I don’t know much, but they had some other friend. I thought it might be a sweetheart of hers or something, but she wasn’t on speaking terms with him. She used this guy Jim to keep tabs on him. Hope was sort of mother hen-ish.”

  He’d talked to Jim, too, but the man hadn’t mentioned some long lost love interest for Hope Sheffield. A tingly ball of energy surfaced in his chest, and he knew this was important information. He spoke to the clerk a few more minutes, and then made his exit.

  On the way down in the elevator, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the same number he’d been trying for the last week.

  Finally, someone picked up. “Johnny Pollard.”

  “Well, if it isn’t Johnny Dollar.” Guillory smirked, intentionally misnaming his friend for the classic radio investigator. “Where the hell have you been?”

  “Screw you, Sergeant Friday.” Pollard tossed back his own moniker based on the police drama Dragnet. “What the hell do you want, anyway? You know I’m on vacation, right?”

  “You don’t take vacations. You take brief breaks between adventures.”

  Pollard laughed aloud. “Well, this break was blonde, all legs and would give Angelina Jolie a run for her money, so this better be good.”

  “I don’t know how good it is, but I need you to find someone for me.”

  “Why do you need me to find someone? You’re a detective, too, you know?”

  Waiting while the elevator made its way to the bottom floor, Guillory switched his phone to the other ear and hustled out of the building. “I can’t. My case is officially closed. The powers that be and all. But I’ve got that hunch I get sometimes, and I can’t let it rest.”

  “Ah, I get ya.”

  “So you game?”

  He could tell by the chuckle on the other end that Pollard was definitely game. His old friend couldn’t resist the chance to chase after Guillory’s hunches.

  “Hope.” Bren dropped into the passenger side of the car. “I thought you’d jump all over this. Back when I got the box, you were intent on us going there.”

  She started the engine, staring straight ahead. Her chest rose and fell in quick time. He thought he could almost see the movement of her heart palpitating in her chest. He waited, wanting to reach out to her, but he knew whatever was going on in her head, she wouldn’t accept his touch.

  “Brennan, I don’t know how to explain this. You’ve—you’ve come here when I needed you most and I appreciate that.”

  “Aw, Hope, I’m not asking for your appreciation. This isn’t about quid pro quo.”

  “Stop.” She raised her hand, holding her palm in front of his face, but not looking at him. “I need you to listen.”

  He swallowed, then gritted his teeth. Glancing out the window at the park, he nodded to her to continue.

  “We’ve been playing this game now for weeks, Bren. Our little ‘ready-made’ family isn’t real. Going with you on this trip to gather up your inheritance is som
ething I can’t afford to do. You’re going to leave, Brennan. You’re going to go back to your life without me.” She turned to him, her eyes glistening then motioned to the baby in the car seat behind them. “Without us.”

  “You know what, Hope? You don’t always know what you’re talking about. I might leave tomorrow, I might stick with you for the next ten years. That’s true with any friendship. What the hell does it matter? Right now I’m here, I’m willing to take care of you and her. You could just stop being the holier than thou Hope for just a damn minute and see what’s in front of your eyes.”

  “Holier than thou?” Her mouth dropped open and she shook her head a few times before punching his shoulder with the heel of her hand. “What the hell, Bren? When’s the last time you stuck around for anything? You’ve bailed on me any number of times, you bailed on your mother, you’ve never finished a damn thing in your life. I think I see very well what’s in front of my eyes.”

  His jaw worked back and forth a few moments before he spoke. “Drive.”

  She opened her mouth to say something but stopped when he reached down to shift the car into gear.

  “I mean it, Hope. Just drive.”

  She sucked in a shaky breath, but he wouldn’t be moved by the tears he knew were welling up within her. Anger burned hot in his chest, and it was all he could do not to rage at her. Five years ago—even two years ago, he would have done that very thing. But Hope was wrong about him. He’d grown up. He wasn’t that guy anymore who would scream at a friend until she cried. He reigned in his emotions and saw that she was sucking in hers as well. She took her foot off the brake and moved them out onto the highway.

  They stopped at a motel later that evening, and Hope waited in the car for Bren while he reserved the room. They hadn’t spoken more than a few words most of the day. When he got back he handed her a key-card and drove them around to the back side of the motel.