by Abigail Agar
Still, a tension in the air lingered with all the questions unasked, but Reginald thought this was an easy way to begin the conversation. Miss Jamison had been hesitant, but this seemed to be something she was more comfortable with addressing.
“Miss Marian has been a wonderful student thus far. She has proven herself to be charming and extremely intelligent,” she told him, appearing quite excited about the matter.
Reginald was taken aback. There was no lie on Miss Jamison’s face. He knew that she was a child who frequently showed poor behaviour and for a moment he could not help but wonder if Miss Jamison had been duped by his daughter’s sarcasm.
But he knew that this woman was more intelligent than that. He knew that his daughter was open enough about her disdain for others that there would be no way Miss Jamison might have missed it when directed at her.
So when she spoke of Marian’s intelligence—her charm, even—he knew that she must truly believe it.
“I must express to you my surprise on this matter,” he confessed.
With a knowing smile, Miss Jamison nodded again in agreement.
“I understand that Miss Marian can come across as difficult at times. We discussed this previously when I first arrived, my lord. But truly, things are going wonderfully now and I am delighted to be tutoring her,” she told him.
Reginald was greatly relieved by all of this. He wondered all over again what sort of tactics Miss Jamison had employed to bring about such a change in Marian and he thought that it must be a great relief for her to see so many changes.
“There have been many governesses who tried to tame my daughter and all have failed. I am in wonder at how you have managed to bring her into submission like this,” he remarked.
“Well, my lord, perhaps the difference is that I’ve no intention of bringing her into submission of any kind. Miss Marian does not need to be brought to heel, she needs to be brought into security,” Miss Jamison replied.
Reginald had never heard an observation like this regarding his daughter and his curiosity was drawing him further in.
“In what way, might I ask?” he pursued.
“Well, if you don’t mind my saying, I do believe that when she acts out, it is in response to a desire to be scolded, a need to be heard by those around her. Miss Marian is not a bad child, but she is one who needs to know that others see and hear her. I believe that previously, she was not being seen and heard by her governesses,” Miss Jamison observed.
“I understand,” he nodded, thinking that it made sense. Once more, he was struck not just by the many aspects of Miss Jamison that he found fascinating, but her perceptiveness. She was wise regarding the people around her.
“So how have you managed to fill that need?” he asked.
“I think I am not capable of filling it, but I am able to acknowledge it. And through that, I have allowed Miss Marian to speak her mind in a productive way. Additionally, in terms of her newfound love for reading, I have turned books into rewards which I must tell you has been extremely effective,” she smiled, looking rather pleased with herself.
“I have noted how she is suddenly going through pages with hunger. My daughter was never one for reading and perhaps that is the aspect of your teaching which astounds me most,” he laughed.
“I think oftentimes children have a misguided notion regarding books, and I see it as much of the fault of the adults around them. We urge the importance of reading without stressing its enjoyment. Thus, children believe reading to be a chore and do not expect to enjoy it, and such an attitude prevents them from doing so,” she said with great conviction.
“You speak with passion,” he noted.
“I am always passionate when it comes to books, my lord,” she laughed.
“And what is your favourite book?” Reginald asked, curiously.
Miss Jamison was quiet, pondering for a moment.
“I find it difficult to choose, but I think that one there on your shelf is among them,” she replied.
He followed her eyes to one of his own favourite volumes and then turned back to face her.
“You have excellent taste then, I must say. And why is it your favourite?” he asked further.
“I find the heroine engaging. She is not the sort to sit and wait about as in so many other novels. She is strong,” Miss Jamison reasoned.
“Indeed, she is. And I am delighted to share the love of books with another, although I am beginning to suspect that you would put me to shame in terms of your knowledge of novels. I frequently have to read rather boring volumes for the sake of title and duty,” he sighed.
“Well, women are often scoffed at for enjoying novels so I am relieved that you deem it worthwhile for me to enjoy reading when we are afforded a very different sort of book,” she replied.
“What about novels do you most appreciate?” he wondered.
With the attitude of someone who had thought through this question before, Miss Jamison answered very decidedly, “I appreciate that I am able to escape into any world I wish. And that is what seems to have most interested Miss Marian as well.”
Of course his daughter wished to escape into the words of another place, another person. It made sense with all that she had gone through.
“I understand that. And do you deem it good for a child to use their imagination thusly? I have heard it debated, with many claiming that children who have too wild an imagination are unable to succeed in London,” he remarked with concern.
“Quite the contrary; I believe it is vital for a child to be successful that they use their imagination,” she replied. “If we trap them in this world, they are limited in their ideas to what they see in this world.”
Reginald wondered if she understood how her ideas sounded to a man in his position. While he could deem this to have some importance, he knew that there were many in society who did not believe a female child ought to have the creativity that came from those ideas.
But it seemed unimportant to mention this now as he wished for Marian to grow as intelligent and creative as Miss Jamison had been raised to be. For a brief moment, despite all her father’s mistakes, Reginald found himself admiring Mr. Jamison for the sort of father he must have been to raise her this way.
“Well, with all the changes I have seen in my daughter in a short time, I am relieved to know that you have made such an impact upon her,” he said, thinking he might conclude the conversation.
“It is my pleasure,” she replied.
But Reginald found that he was still unsatisfied. He wanted to know more about Miss Jamison. Not only that, but he didn’t want her to leave. He was enjoying the conversation far too much to simply do away with it.
“Are you able to tell me anything further that you believe I ought to be doing for my daughter? How I might act on her behalf to develop this improvement?” he asked.
She thought for a moment, looking conflicted.
“I do believe…” Miss Jamison trailed off and took a breath before continuing. “I do believe that she is in need of a mother. And that is something I understand you have taken action to correct.
“Having said that, you must forgive me, my lord, for not having congratulated you on your engagement,” she said. Miss Jamison’s eyes came up to meet his and he saw the remnants of hesitancy in them. She was trying to breathe through her words as if she found them difficult.
Reginald wished he had her skills for observing the reasons behind behaviour, but he did not. He would have to guess what was behind the hesitant looks. Whatever it was, he would have to accept not knowing it.
“Thank you for your congratulations,” he said, acknowledging her words.
Despite it, he felt no warmth at all at the idea of his impending marriage. And that was something he very much did not wish for Miss Jamison to observe.
Chapter 15
In the conversation that had occurred, Victoria had grown significantly more curious about the Earl’s feelings regarding his fiancée. Was it a
ppropriate to ask? She knew that it was not.
Although it was evident that she was not in a position to question these things, Victoria thought about how she might get answers about them. Was there an easy way to question the matter?
Despite the congratulations, she was still able to continue the conversation. She had to know whether or not the Earl was in love with his betrothed. If he did love her, it would certainly complicate matters. Since Victoria knew about the significant betrayal, it was vital to understand how he felt.
“My lord, you must be looking forward to your marriage,” she commented.
He nodded and smiled, but remained silent. It was not the response that she could read anything from and thought to push the matter, except that it was entirely pointless, she saw. The Earl was an honourable man and would not speak details about his betrothed.
If he was so unwilling to share his thoughts, she only wondered more about their relationship.
But just as she thought to give up on her questions the Earl’s face took on a change, as if there was something he did not wish to say but might not be able to hide from her.
“Forgive me, but is something of concern to you?” Victoria asked.
Immediately, the mask was back up. But in the moment that he had allowed it to slip, she saw her chance. She would be able to learn the truth after all, and if he did not love his betrothed, perhaps her agreement to hiding the truth would be justified.
A sound from the Earl’s throat sighed of resignation. He looked at her with an appearance of vulnerability.
“Do you believe that the reason for my daughter’s insecurity in her standing is the lack of a mother?” he asked, beginning what Victoria knew would be a very important conversation.
“Most certainly,” she nodded. “I did not wish to blame it on the matter, my lord. But yes, a child needs her mother and life without one can be very difficult.”
“Yes, that is what I thought. And I wish for Marian to have a good mother. Lady Ingles shall make a fine mother,” he said, as if the words were practiced and rehearsed in his own mind.
Victoria wondered if that was truly the only reason for the union, for Lady Ingles had said much the same in order to persuade her into silence. But even if it was, she could not ignore it. It was a good reason, after all.
Marian clearly needed a mother and Victoria thought she ought to simply be relieved that the Earl of Hanover could recognise that. He was not marrying for his own desires but for the sake of his daughter, and that was noble and good of him.
Unless there was something she had not seen between himself and Lady Ingles, Victoria wondered if she could be content with so few reasons for the union. It was none of her business, but she couldn’t help feeling as though she were losing out on something important.
“Your daughter certainly does deserve to have a good mother, my lord. And if you believe Lady Ingles to be that then I am very happy for the both of you,” she said, keeping quiet about her own opinion of the woman.
“My top priority must always be my daughter. She is a good child, as you have noted. But I do worry for her a great deal. She needs the love of a mother and I worry that her behaviour might drive a wedge between her and Lady Ingles. That is partly why I have been so relieved by your tutelage of my daughter. This unexpected change has come at the best of times,” he noted.
“I am relieved to hear that, my lord. And I do indeed hope that all shall go well between the two of them,” she replied.
Victoria was trying to keep herself quiet about her own feelings, but found herself wishing that she could scream at him for allowing that woman to take such advantage. She wondered if there was something else that had caused the Earl to marry Lady Ingles.
Was there any love between them? That had been her question all along and it was yet to be answered. She simply wanted to know if there was something that she could learn that might give her clarity about the secret she was keeping.
“Is it only Marian’s happiness you care for, or also your own?” she asked, understanding that it was a rather forward question for a governess to ask her employer.
But the Earl did not look at her with disdain for the question; rather he seemed at peace with his answer.
“My daughter must always come first. Her happiness is my own. I cannot be satisfied with anything unless I see that she is and I confess that I am willing to make any good match which is suitable if it means that she will be taken care of,” he finally said.
And with that, Victoria saw the truth. The Earl did not love his betrothed and he expected no love from her in return. This was a union based entirely on his need for his daughter to have a mother and it was noble.
Victoria watched how he seemed to struggle with confessing that, perhaps guilty that he could not say that it was a union of love. But she was relieved to know that he was not in love with the woman, as it meant that she was not so guilty for keeping from him the fact of Lady Ingles not loving him in return.
A sense of vulnerability was written upon his face and Victoria was coming to recognise that he was not as shy as many men in revealing this level of honesty. No, he seemed rather comfortable with her seeing the truth in his heart and that impressed her.
The Earl was quite unique in this, different from most men to be sure. And she couldn’t help but appreciate it.
“Lady Ingles is an excellent woman,” he remarked then. “We have known each other for a while and she is a good match. I believe she shall make my daughter and I both very happy.”
It had seemed he said this an attempt to convince himself more than it was for Victoria’s sake and she wondered if he would come to regret the union in time. Certainly, if he learned the truth of what had occurred the evening of the dinner, he would not deem the match so ideal.
But how could she tell him of it?
It was true that Marian needed a mother and if the Earl saw that Lady Ingles would make a good mother—and if that was his greatest priority—then what did it matter if she had engaged in one small dalliance with an old love?
Even as she asked the question in her mind, Victoria’s gut twisted. She knew that the Earl ought to be made aware of the truth, but she convinced herself that now was not a good moment to tell him.
As a mere governess, there would never be a right time for Victoria to tell him the truth. And she had to accept that because no matter what he deserved to know, she had made a commitment to silence and was unwilling to break that for the sake of this conversation.
The conflict she felt was uncomfortable and disheartening, but she would not give in to it.
“Miss Jamison,” he started again, not looking at her directly.
“Yes, my lord?” she responded.
“I have spoken freely with you. Perhaps that was not wise, but it is something I am comfortable with. I ask, of course, that you understand my situation but also that you know I should not speak this way with those under my employ,” he acknowledged.
“Yes, my lord, I do understand. And I wish for you to be confident that I shall not share a word you have said to me with any other. Not only that, but I should like for you to know that I would never show any sort of disapproval. You are doing something very good for your daughter,” she told him, knowing it was the expected thing.
He finally met her eyes and she was struck by the grey sea within them. Victoria wished that she could tell him the truth then more than ever, that she could make him see what was truly happening with Lady Ingles and that the engagement would be broken off.
But once more, she felt guilty. That desire did not come from her wish to see him separated from an unfaithful woman. No, that desire had come from her own wishes regarding the Earl and that was a thought she could not allow herself to enter into.
