by Abigail Agar
For the moment, she had to be content with having been his confidante. After all that had changed for her, Victoria had never imagined that an Earl would be willing to speak so openly with her about his own personal matters. It meant a great deal to her that he had.
A connection seemed to have formed between them. It was not the sort that Victoria found herself wishing for, but it was something and that was enough for her. The Earl was a kind man, something she had noted many times about him.
She wished only that he could see others for their true selves as she did. She wished that he could figure out on his own that Lady Ingles was not the woman she appeared to be.
Or perhaps she was, Victoria reminded herself. She had caught the woman in a compromising position, but maybe it really was a one-time mistake. She had to consider that, even if she suspected that there was something more with Mr. Smith than a slip up of old passions.
Whatever it was, she knew that it was not her duty to tell the Earl. She had made certain of that. For now, she would allow him to confide in her and she would share about his daughter, but her position was clear.
She could not betray the commitment she had made to keeping the secret, no matter how conflicted she felt about it. Even if that conflicted feeling was growing stronger than before.
“I thank you for having listened to me,” the Earl said, looking relieved to have got a few things off his chest.
It was a good moment to distract Victoria and bring her back to the conversation at hand as opposed to continuing her self-justification.
“And I am glad to have been trustworthy for your thoughts,” Victoria replied.
“Indeed, you have. I am pleased that my daughter has a governess who is so wise and able to understand the world around her,” he noted.
Victoria was humbled by that compliment and blushed a little bit. She wished she could tell him what his words meant to her but she found herself confounded and unable to respond.
The Earl leaned back in his chair and sighed before taking a sip of brandy. Her own throat caught and Victoria knew she ought to get some water.
“Is there anything else you wish to discuss, my lord?” she asked.
“That will be all,” he replied.
“Then I wish you well and bid you adieu for the evening,” she said with a smile.
“Oh dear, are you going to be teaching my daughter French when her English must be improved upon?” the Earl chuckled.
“I assure you that her English shall be impeccable before I press her further with the other European languages,” she promised with a grin.
Departing from the room, Victoria fought off the weight that had resettled upon her shoulders. She was not comfortable at all with the secret she was keeping and now, more than ever, she wished to be rid of it.
But now, more than ever, she understood the importance of Lady Ingles in the life of Marian and the lengths to which the Earl was willing to settle to ensure that his daughter had a mother.
And with that knowledge, Victoria contented herself to the reality of the situation. No matter how much she knew, she too, had to put Marian first.
Chapter 16
Another day had arrived and Victoria sat Marian down for her next lesson. The two had been getting on swimmingly, certainly far better than in their initial interactions.
Time seemed to be going by rather quickly. Victoria could scarcely believe that she had been at the estate for such a short period. Relieved to be settling in despite the dramas that had occurred, she was delighted that Marian had been listening far better that morning.
From those in the house who had seen Marian’s behaviour previously, Victoria continually heard how astounded they were. She would nod and agree that the child had improved and that she had not been a great student just over a week prior.
But then whichever maid or footman had made the comment would stress to her that she had seen nothing. Apparently Marian had been significantly worse than Victoria had even known.
Much was being credited to Victoria for how she had chosen to engage with Marian and bring her to obedience through respect and kindness. It had been her manner of strength with dignity that seemed to lead the child to such a change and it was not idly done.
In addition to these things, Victoria had listened to Marian regarding her studies. From her hatred of all lessons, they had deciphered methods within them to keep Marian interested, as well as adding in studies or minimising those that she had no interest in where possible.
The curriculum was finally in a place where Marian’s attention would hold long enough that they could push through for at least two hours before a complaint would be made. And after the complaint would come compliance. It had been a great relief for Victoria, but an even greater relief to those within the house who had longed to see better behaviour from the Earl’s daughter.
“You have finished another book? My, how quickly you read!” Victoria exclaimed, encouraging Marian one morning. She was delighted that two of the books she had chosen were already finished and Marian was eagerly devouring them.
“I liked the girl in that story. She was funny. And I liked that she thought herself to be better than others but then she was very kind by the end,” Marian remarked.
Victoria tried to refrain from smirking, noting how similar the character was to her and how the changes in character seemed to be coming about far more simply in Marian. More than ever, she was certain that Marian’s outbursts had been the result of lacking her mother and now that Victoria was trying to show her motherly care, she was growing more sensitive.
“Yes, indeed she is. Now, what shall we move on to next? Would you like to work on your French or shall we have a few moments of comportment?” Victoria asked, knowing that Marian hated comportment.
They had decided that instead of spending an hour working on Marian’s posture and manners, they would do ten minutes at a time between other lessons. If, after three ten minute sessions, Marian had shown improvement, they would move on for the day. If she did not, they would add an additional half hour at the end of her other lessons.
“Oh, I might as well get it over with,” she groaned.
Victoria nodded, standing to find the board which would be strapped to Marian’s back to straighten her spine. Once it was securely in place, a book was set upon the child’s head and she walked about the room with a gracefulness that reeked of class. It came naturally to her.
“Excellent. Now, I am going to play a waltz on the piano and I should like to see you try the dance on your own. Do not allow the book to fall,” Victoria instructed.
Her fingers drifted across the keys and Marian looked rather amusing as she tried to step this way and that, her arms around an invisible partner. With the book steady upon the top of her head, Victoria gave a warning.
“I am going to increase the tempo. Do not be caught off guard and do not allow the book to fall,” she instructed.
Marian looked as though she were going to nod her head in acknowledgement before remembering the book perched there. She could not nod, so she crinkled her nose to show her disgust and concession all in one.
As Victoria slowly increased the tempo, bringing it a little bit faster with each measure, Marian moved her feet more quickly. Finally it evened out again once Victoria had reached the speed she wished for, and Marian made every effort to go at the correct pace.
“Excellent, my dear. All shall know the name of Marian Fairfax, most graceful of dancers,” Victoria called out, causing Marian to grin despite herself. It was clear that she was uncomfortable, but she held herself with a perfect posture nevertheless. Victoria knew that progress had been made.
In the end it lasted slightly longer than the promised ten minutes, but Marian did well and they were able to move on.
“Miss Jamison?” she asked, once they were settled back down and preparing for French.
“Yes, Miss Marian? What is it?” she replied.
“I wanted to ask you somet
hing. I mean, I have already asked my father and he said no. But I thought that you might speak with him,” Marian began.
Victoria disliked the sound of this. She had no desire to get between father and daughter on a personal matter and have to answer for it. She could hardly overrule her employer and was queasy at the thought of being asked to do so.
“I do not know if such a thing is appropriate,” she replied.
“It is. I assure you. My father listens to you and I think he will not mind,” Marian rebutted.
“Your father is not someone to be swayed by a governess. But what is it? You haven’t told me what you wish for and you do not know if even I shall approve or if I shall agree with your father in the first place,” Victoria pointed out.
Marian’s lips set in a disapproving way, as if she hadn’t thought about that possibility at all. It made her look pouty and foolish, but Victoria knew it to be a remnant of a personality that was leaving her.
“I…I want to go riding. I have asked Papa about it and thought that it would be a wonderful experience. You can ride, I know it. So I thought that together, with you guiding me, I should be allowed the chance to try riding. All young women of society have the chance to learn and I do not see why I should not,” she addressed breezily.
Victoria let out a deep breath, one she had been holding in during Marian’s request. It seemed so simple. Marian was right; most young women of society were afforded an opportunity to ride, given the chance to enjoy it and be skilled with it.
But she knew that the situation was rather different here. Was not her mother killed as a result of riding? It was hardly any wonder that the Earl might refuse to allow his only daughter a chance to ride when his wife had befallen such a terrible fate from the activity.
Surely that must have been his reasoning. And it was hardly fair to expect him to be alright with Marian going out for a ride in light of that.
“Miss Marian, I ask that you would listen to me. First, tell me, did your father give you a reason?” Victoria asked.
Marian shook her head rapidly. “No, he never does,” she complained.
“Well, I have learned that your father is rather intelligent and he has reasons for all of his decisions. We must not question that. So I do suggest that when he says no to something, you try to understand that he has reasoning for it,” she said.
“But-”
“There are no rebuttals. Your father has the final say on these matters. I may go to him at your request, but you have to respect that if he tells me you may not ride, there is good reason for it,” Victoria said.
“But how am I to trust that there is a good reason if he never tells me his reasons when he refuses?” Marian asked.
Victoria understood the unfairness of the situation and agreed that it would be best if the Earl would explain his thoughts to his daughter that she might know why he was refusing her. But as it was, he tended to remain private on all matters.
“I know that it seems unfair. I know you are clever and wish to have answers for everything, but there are two things I might say to you and you shall not like either of them,” Victoria began.
“Oh bother, what are they?” Marian asked in dread.
“The first thing I must tell you is that you have to be obedient to your father regardless. You may not know his reasonings, you may not understand them. He may never explain himself to you about anything at all, but still you must listen and obey. That is the way of things and it is so for a reason,” she said.
“I dislike it, but I know you must say that since you work for him,” Marian acknowledged and Victoria nodded.
“Yes, well, I also know that it often went that way with my own father in regards to my studies and things I wished for,” she added.
“Alright then, and you said there was a second fact I would not like?” Marian asked.
“Yes, indeed. The second thing is one which women in England must live with every day. And that is the knowledge that we are always subject to the whims and fancies of others. Should they allow us a treat, we take it. But should they refuse us something we greatly desire, we must accept that as well,” Victoria explained.
Marian’s eyebrows drew together in confusion.
“You mean we may not have the world at our fingertips with study?” she asked.
Victoria sensed the same recognition of betrayal in Marian’s eyes that she had often felt in her own. The bribery of study, they idea that being an intelligent woman of great means came with a certain level of freedom, it was all a blend of true and false.
“You have the world at your fingertips, Miss Marian. But only a small world. The grander world is decided by men and we females are subject to it. Today it is horses, but tomorrow it could be another thing entirely,” Victoria began.
“Do not lose heart, however. Your father may not budge of the matter of riding, but he is a good man and I do believe that you are fortunate. He has your best interests at heart. He is not seeking to have power over you; he is seeking to keep you safe. And that is a very good thing for a father to do,” she concluded.
“But I want to ride,” Marian continued.
“I know. And I promise you that I shall petition your father on your behalf. But whatever choice he makes, we must respect it, do you agree?” she prodded.
Marian looked as if she would rather push back even more, but finally nodded in concession of the decision.
“Very well. I shall discuss with him later today about the option of your riding. Until then, we have French to work on and you must prove yourself competent with that before we move on to horses,” Victoria said.
The rest of the lesson was spent with a great deal of correcting pronunciation as Marian still often spoke lazily when she tried to use her French. Although she had shown improvement, there was still a great way to go.
Victoria was anxious about having to speak with the Earl about his daughter’s request to ride. She knew that it could mean bringing up a painful past for him. But despite that, she also felt a deep sense of excitement.
There was something about the moments she was able to spend with the Earl that always reached her soul. She loved to be around him, even for the briefest of periods. He had remained kind to her and she found him to be charming even with his quiet nature.
He was rather handsome, a thought which she often tried to push away but could not quite ignore. Victoria wondered if Lady Ingles had noted his beauty. Certainly he was far more handsome than Mr. Smith.
But it didn’t matter anymore. Lady Ingles and the Earl were betrothed regardless of her opinions and Mr. Smith would have to move on to another woman, preferably one who was not committed to another already. And until that happened, Victoria would sit by and watch as the Earl sacrificed his happiness for the sake of his daughter.
Chapter 17
Reginald stood at the window with his eyes gazing out over the land beyond his estate. There was a marvelous view and he loved to watch as the sun set in the distance, the wash of colours creeping closer and closer with every breath.
The study was certainly his favourite part of his estate. Not only was it a place all gentlemen tended to love for the privacy, but he had an exquisite fireplace, a breathtaking view, and more than enough room for all of his work.
Reginald considered the impending wedding; in a mere matter of months he would no longer be unwed. His bachelor days would be over. And while he didn’t mind that so much, he was still uneasy about his choice.
