by Abigail Agar
Marian had warmed up to her governess, but would she ever warm up to Lady Ingles? Would Lady Ingles be the right mother for her? He hoped so, but all he had was hope. There was little evidence provided to suggest it.
A knock sounded at the door and he was startled out of his thoughts. It was not the light hand of Miss Franklin, and he called for the intruder to come in.
The door opened and Miss Jamison stepped through, causing his stomach to twist a little. Reginald made his way over to greet her and they sat at opposite ends of the desk.
“Thank you, my lord,” she replied after he gestured for her to sit. Miss Jamison did not look at him directly and he saw that she was still thinking through whatever it was that she had come to say.
“To what do I owe this visit?” he asked, watching her with intent.
She inhaled deeply and turned her eyes towards him with a smile that was meant to hide a gentle anxiety. Whatever she was going to say, it was something he would not like. But it was something she deemed important.
In the short time since her arrival at the estate, he had come to learn these cues from his governess. Although he was not as observant of human behaviour as she, Miss Jamison was not perfect at hiding her own thoughts.
For a moment, he wished that she would not bother to say what it was that she wanted, but he knew that she was bolder than that. Whatever Miss Jamison deemed important, he would hear it. There seemed to be no stopping her on that front. Perhaps it was the very thing that made her such an excellent match for Marian.
“I have spoken with your daughter today about a matter which she brought to my attention. She is rather desperate to go riding, my lord, and has imposed me to make the request of you,” she told him, finally ready to say it aloud.
Reginald swallowed hard and wished he had a glass of brandy in his hand that he might turn to. This was not the sort of discussion he might have been prepared for and he wondered why his daughter—or Miss Jamison for that matter—would have thought it appropriate for this woman to come in asking about it.
“I have made up my mind on that issue, Miss Jamison. I do not understand why you would come to me asking about it when you are aware that I already told my daughter no,” he replied in a low voice, hoping that it was enough to warn her not to proceed further. He could not fathom what had led her to suggesting this.
A blend of emotions passed over Miss Jamison’s face, from hesitancy to stubbornness, and he hoped she would choose wisely and relent to his decision.
“Yes, my lord, I am aware that you have. And if I may be so bold, I did at first wish to cater to that wish, although I promised your daughter that I would ask anyway. However,” she continued, taking in a deep breath, “upon further consideration, I have recognised that Miss Marian is right.”
For a moment, the room fell silent with distaste. Reginald could hardly believe what he was hearing. The governess was speaking against him, telling him that he was wrong. How she sought to justify that he couldn’t help but wonder, but he was determined that she would not in any way feel a peace or ease in doing so.
“You mean to say that I am wrong in the decision that I have made for my daughter?” he asked.
“Forgive me, my lord, for dissenting to your will. What I mean to say is that Miss Marian needs a more complete physical education. The outdoors would do her well and I do believe that she would benefit from riding. Her overall health is dependent upon it,” Miss Jamison replied.
Overall health.
Reginald scoffed. He knew what riding did to one’s overall health. He knew what this more complete education could result in and he would not stand for it.
“I shall not relent to this whim of yours and I suggest that in the future you do not push past the boundaries of your station in suggesting that I do so, Miss Jamison. I am uncertain as to what led you to believe that this was in any way appropriate, but I must insist that you stop,” he seethed.
Once more he saw the two emotions conflict in her brow and once more he knew that she would choose the unwise option.
“I fear I must push, my lord. This is an essential part of a young woman’s education. Riding is the English way. Your daughter needs this if she is to have a well-rounded, formal study,” Miss Jamison proceeded with a gentle passion, as if trying to appeal to society and reason.
But he began to grow even more irate, with the blood pulsing in his veins hot and angry. Who was this woman to tell him how to raise his daughter? This was not her place and her boldness was going to get them all into trouble someday. He couldn’t believe he was sitting here, allowing this to happen before him.
“Miss Jamison,” he said, his voice raised, “I must insist that you cease in this. I do not know what has led you to forget your place, but you are not a young woman of society anymore. You are not someone who has any position at all to tell me what must be done with my daughter.
“Not only that, but even if you were still in a position like that which you had when you were young, we are speaking of my daughter. And you are a woman and by rights cannot insist upon me,” he concluded.
His words had been harsh. Reginald knew that the way he had spoken to her was callous. In one moment he had both shamed her for her loss of station and accused her for merely being a woman. It was wrong of him and the guilt began to settle, but it was when he looked at her face that he broke inside.
Miss Jamison, normally strong and firm, appeared wounded for the first time. She was hurt and it had come from his own words. Reginald knew that he had gone too far. Yes, she had pushed in a way that she ought not to have done. She had been out of line.
But he had been cruel and there was no excuse for that in the least.
She looked about, with her eyes downcast, as if waiting for him to dismiss her. It was difficult, seeing her in this state when he had never seen her at a loss for words or a loss for pride. But he had managed to cause this and now he felt that he must undo it. Her hurt was causing him to ache as well.
“Forgive me, Miss Jamison,” he whispered.
She did not look up at him, but he saw a slight nod from her.
“Shall I go?” she asked quietly in reply.
Shame welled in his heart and he didn’t want her to go. He wanted her to stay and he wanted to make things right. He was still angry at her persistence, furious that she would come to him like this. But he found himself feeling the weight of his actions and how he had spoken to her, and wishing that he could take it all back and undo the damage he had just caused.
He would not give in just because of guilt. But he also had to consider for a moment the truth behind her words.
“No. No, I think that you are right,” he began.
Reginald didn’t wish to relent. Everything in his heart told him not to allow Marian to go riding. He knew that it was dangerous; he knew that she could be injured and everything in his world could fall away.
But he was keeping his daughter from the education due her. He was causing her to miss out on things that every English girl should be able to enjoy. Miss Jamison was right and he knew it. Reginald hated to admit it, even to himself, but he knew that she was right. He knew that it was the better decision and that accidents such as that of his late wife were uncommon.
“You believe that this is essential to my daughter’s education, correct?” he prodded.
“Yes, my lord,” she replied in a quiet but firm voice. Miss Jamison held to her convictions even when she was reminded that she was not in a position to be afforded them. Reginald admired that.
“Then I shall relent. But only on one condition,” he said.
“What is it you wish?” she asked, looking up and making hopeful eye contact with him for the first time since he had scolded her.
“I should like to accompany you both in order to protect you should the need arise. I would not like to be far from the two of you during this and I cannot allow my daughter to ride without my presence,” he explained.
“Certainly, my
lord. That is more than agreeable. I am certain that Marian shall be ever so grateful, as am I,” Miss Jamison replied.
“Yes, well, I cannot say that I am entirely comfortable with it, but you are an excellent judge of activities and I have seen the impact you have made on my daughter already. If you believe this is wise and shall continue to improve her character than I cannot dismiss it,” Reginald conceded.
Miss Jamison nodded, “I am sure that she will be delighted. And I am glad to be able to share it with her. Truly, she is a good child. These opportunities will only continue to help her grow.”
Reginald found himself hearing her words but not responding immediately. Rather, his eyes caught Miss Jamison’s and he was unable to look away for a moment. Hers lingered as well and he sensed that she was caught in her emotions as he was.
Miss Jamison impressed him. She was greatly determined and strong in a way that he did not know young women to be. She cared for his daughter greatly and he hadn’t seen that in another woman since the loss of his wife.
She was not only caring about the simple lessons that a governess must teach a child; Miss Jamison truly wanted to see Marian brought up with a full and proper education, to grow and be given every opportunity. She cared enough to insist and go against his wishes in order to see Marian develop as she ought to.
Miss Jamison wished for his daughter to experience the whole of the world and that was something that many young women were kept from. But perhaps he had kept Marian from it even more than others.
And as the eye contact between them broke away, with Miss Jamison blushing and he giving a nervous laugh, Reginald sensed that all the things he had noticed about this governess were stronger than even he had seen.
She was more than just beautiful and she was more than just the stations in life she had faced. She was clever and bright and brave. Just the sort of woman that he knew Marian could look up to.
“Thank you, Miss Jamison, for your determination,” he said.
“Thank you, my lord, for hearing out my reasons,” she replied.
“I hope you know that the words I spoke, the harsh words, were spoken out of anger and are not truly my thoughts,” he said by way of apology.
Miss Jamison paused, hesitant to respond.
“I understand the workings of society, my lord. And I know that it was not my place to push as hard as I did. But I am relieved that you have seen how this will be a benefit to Miss Marian,” she said again, apparently unwilling to reference exactly the harshness of what he had said to her.
With that, Miss Jamison took her leave and Reginald stayed in the study. He thought for a long moment about the way he had captured her eyes. She was exquisite. He couldn’t help noticing it.
But her beauty was only a small part of her. And although their eyes had connected far longer than what might be deemed polite by society, he was left with a thrill in his gut that he had been able to connect with her for that long.
Such a lingering look had never even taken place between himself and Lady Ingles. He felt a bit of guilt once more, feeling conflicted on that matter. But ultimately, Reginald brushed it aside, favouring instead to think about riding with his daughter and her beautiful governess.
Chapter 18
Victoria was readying herself the next day and trying to remain undistracted, but the lightness has followed her throughout the night.
The Earl had said some harsh, cruel things to her, but she knew that he had spoken in response to his anger that she had continued to push for what she wanted. She had been too brash and that was her own fault. She could hardly judge him for that when she knew that society would not allow such a thing.
Still, she was not one to bend to society’s rules.
But that moment that had come after, there was something about it that had stuck with her.
When he had held her gaze, when she had been free to look upon his handsome face, to examine the uniqueness of his scar and how it only added to his appearance. It had been a moment of freedom that she had never experienced before in all her life.
Seeing how the Earl loved his daughter, the passion with which he spoke when defending his decision and then the way he relented when he knew that he was wrong, all this impressed her further. He was a good father, a loving father who wanted what was best for her even when it hurt him.
Knowing that he was going to allow this, despite his own comfort, was a relief. It had come unexpectedly after the angry speech that he had given her and when the Earl finally relented, Victoria wondered if she had imagined it.
But in the morning all was confirmed as she was led to the stables with the Earl and Marian and they were each fitted to a horse.
Marian was given a smaller mare, who was known for her gentle manner. Victoria was given another mare who had been declared a horse of sweet nature. She wouldn’t have minded no matter what, as she was an excellent rider and knew that she could handle just about any beast.
The Earl had his great steed, a magnificent black beast that was a head above the others.
“Oh, Miss Jamison, thank you! I cannot believe I’m to ride today! Papa, thank you! This is all too wonderful,” Marian had been exclaiming the whole morning. Now that she was ready to climb up the back of the horse that had been assigned to her, her delight was even greater.
Victoria couldn’t keep the grin off her face, amazed that this was such a treat and experience for a young woman for whom this ought to have been a normal occurrence.
“She is the most beautiful horse I have ever seen in all my life. Is she mine, Papa? If you allow me to ride again, shall I have this same beauty?” Marian inquired.
“Let us first see how today goes, my dear. But yes, should we decide that this is to be a regular part of your education, you may have her to yourself,” he promised.
Victoria grinned at this exchange, excited for Marian and enjoying seeing the joy on her face. She loved the horse instantly and her father saw it as well, noting how her demeanor changed so rapidly in the midst of it.
Marian took to the ride immediately, listening to the directions of how to lead the horse and guide it and being diligent with her own safety. It was deeply encouraging to watch and Victoria saw that the Earl was impressed with his daughter. She wondered if he thought Marian might try to prove difficult and disobedient with this, but instead she was being cautious while still enjoying herself.
“She is naturally inclined to this,” Victoria noted. The smile spread across her face in recognition of Marian’s freedom and the very fact that it was what the child needed in order to know that she was being heard and being cared for. Those were the two things that a girl without a mother truly needed.
“Indeed, I am rather impressed. I never would have imagined her to be so secure in riding. I know she has longed for this for a rather long time, but seeing her on the horse, seeing how she enjoys it, I am amazed and thrilled,” he replied.
They allowed Marian to ride just ahead of them, certainly near enough that they might step in should anything go awry, but far enough that the child felt she had a bit of independence.
Victoria listened to the mumbles of Marian speaking to her horse. She was whispering words of care and appreciation to the beast and it showed even further how important this had been to her.
As they rode behind, the Earl and Victoria made gentle eye contact with each other now and then, which continually left each of them glancing away shyly. She felt that something had changed after their communication the day before. There was a greater level of respect and a new sense of friendship that had formed.
It left her with a greater confusion in regards to her position. Victoria was a governess, but one who understood the finery of society. Now, interacting so comfortably with the Earl and having stood up to him on the matter of the ride, there was a sense of equality between them. She wondered if that was wrong somehow.
