The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess: A Historical Regency Romance Book

by Abigail Agar

  “Reasonable?” Victoria questioned. “I think there is very little that we can deem reasonable about an unjust society.”

  Mr. Smith grinned at that, allowing the slightest of laughs to escape his lips.

  “I imagine that you understand that better than most. And while I am sorry for what happened to your family, I can appreciate that you understand the lack of justice,” he remarked to her.

  Once more, Victoria cringed that her story was so well known in society. But she thrust the concern away. For the moment, she was content to live in the pain of Mr. Smith and ignore her own. No matter how brief the moment might be, she appreciated the freedom of not having to think about it.

  “I am sorry that they did not allow the two of you to marry,” she said in reply, keeping the conversation focused on him.

  “Yes, well, it is Lady Ingles for whom we ought to feel sorry,” he sighed.

  Victoria looked at him sharply and immediately Mr. Smith’s eyes widened and he began to explain what he meant.

  “Oh, I meant no disrespect to the Earl. He is a wonderful man. Any woman would be lucky to wed him. I only meant that it was upon learning of our affections for one another that her mother and father approached the Earl. He knows nothing of our past,” Mr. Smith explained.

  “He knows nothing?” Victoria asked, needing confirmation.

  “Indeed, he does not. And while we had that one indiscretion that evening you found us, there is nothing more between myself and Lady Ingles. We understand that she must marry him. But she was not the one to choose him. It was her mother and father, of course,” he continued.

  Victoria had assumed as much, although it was a shame. The Earl was such a tremendous man and the fact that he was marrying a woman without knowing that her parents were simply using him to keep her away from a lower class man was a shame.

  “They informed him what a suitable wife she would make. I must say that no truer words have been spoken. And although she is young, I believe she shall make a wonderful mother to his daughter,” Mr. Smith added.

  “Yes, I hope that she shall,” Victoria said.

  “You care very much for the child, yes?” he asked.

  “A great deal,” she agreed.

  “And…perhaps…if it is not so wrong of me to ask, you care a great deal for the Earl as well?” he questioned.

  Victoria looked at him in surprise that he would dare to ask something so personal. She had no idea how to respond to that, thinking how anything she said could be construed in a way that might be reported to Lady Ingles as though she were trying to take the Earl from his betrothed.

  “I care for my employer as any employee might. I care to see him prosper and succeed in all things, including his marriage. And if he should not, I would find myself devastated on his behalf,” she answered, feeling that it was the only appropriate thing to say.

  Mr. Smith nodded this time, as if understanding that she could hardly confess anything further.

  But he had confirmed everything that she had suspected about the feelings that existed between the Earl and Lady Ingles. There was no love between them, not really. There was only the matter of a shared convenience within the marriage. There was only the fact that it had all been arranged to mutually benefit them both.

  Truly, Victoria and the landowner shared the same fate. Mr. Smith was no less human than she. The shame in which she had once caught him was understandable as he explained his love for Lady Ingles.

  She felt a deep sense of relief knowing that she was not alone in this. Her pain, the pain she had tried so desperately to ignore, was not unfamiliar. Others around her knew the same agony. They knew the same desire.

  Her eyes found the Earl along the side of the ballroom floor, standing next to his betrothed and engaged with her guests in conversation.

  Victoria would never be a part of that again. She would never be restored to her former status or have a position of marrying the man that she had come to love. But Lady Ingles would not have that either. For her, the station into which she had been born was the curse that she had to bear.

  Mr. Smith took a glass from a tray that passed and downed it in one gulp. His pain was familiar and it was deep. He was evidently in great pain over the situation.

  And no matter what Victoria tried to do to overcome her pain, she was not alone. And in many ways, that mattered more than anything.

  Chapter 26

  Victoria knew that she must protect her heart. That had to be her first priority. It had been a challenge to be around the Earl and she could no longer handle it.

  It had seemed as though every single time the two were near one another, a conversation would occur in which she shared too much of herself. He had come to know more about her than she might have otherwise been willing to share. But alas, he was quite easy to speak with, which had led her into a closeness that she could no longer place herself in a position of keeping.

  It seemed unwise to allow such things to continue. With that in mind, Victoria made every effort throughout the following week to keep her distance.

  Yes, in order to protect her heart, Victoria had little choice but to be a wall. She had to keep as much space and distance around herself as possible and it could, at times, even mean being distant from others within the household.

  A day had passed in which the Earl had seemed interested in engaging her opinions. He had been wondering about further potential opportunities for Marian in her riding.

  With great eagerness he asked her opinion, wondering if Marian was old enough to begin formal lessons or not. He had reasoned that he could either protect her by keeping her away from horses or he could protect her by teaching her how to ride well and how to handle dangerous situations.

  But with as much grace as she could muster, Victoria pushed him away through her excuses. She told him that she was hardly the right person to ask and wished she could help but perhaps the groom would be a better man to inquire of.

  Initially, it had seemed as though the Earl was hurt by her rejection. But that no longer mattered to her. She simply had to protect herself. And when two more occasions passed in a similar way, Victoria noticed that he was not coming to her as frequently with the questions that he had or the issues that he wished to discuss.

  One evening, while dining in her room with Miss Franklin, the maid inquired about it rather unexpectedly.

  “There seems to have been a change between yourself and the Earl,” she noted. “Is everything alright? Has something terrible taken place?”

  Victoria looked at her with shock, not having realised that others had noticed the difference or even that the two had been rather conversational prior to that.

  “Whatever do you mean?” Victoria asked. A panicked laugh escaped her lips, the sort that made it very clear that something had happened which she did not wish for anyone to know about.

  “Well, before the two of you enjoyed one another’s company, did you not? But it would seem that you have avoided him of late,” Miss Franklin continued in her observations.

  “I see…” Victoria replied, vaguely.

  “Has something passed between the two of you?” she prodded again, curious about any incident that might have taken place.

  Victoria felt like a specimen for study. She could not have imagined that anyone would ask her about this or have even picked up on the change. and yet Miss Franklin knew well of it.

  She also knew that while Miss Franklin was her friend, gossip spread like wildfire in estates like this one. Maids loved to gossip. And if Miss Franklin did share anything with even one maid, it would soon be known throughout the households of London near and far.

  Victoria could not bear the thought of that. She wished only for all of this to go away. She was doing all she could to protect herself as it was, and thought that there was no need for anyone to notice or care about how she and the Earl interacted.

  She cared not even for how he perceived their interactions anymore.

  �
��It is nothing, really. I am simply choosing to remember my place in this household,” she reasoned.

  For a moment Victoria wondered if she might be able to share everything with Miss Franklin, but then remembered herself. She could not tell the full truth without exposing both herself and Lady Ingles. A profession of love for her employer was shameful enough, but sharing the secret of another was equally dire.

  Miss Franklin eyed her with worry, but accepted the answer. Victoria felt bad keeping things from a woman who had become a dear friend so quickly, and yet she knew that it was the right thing. She had no other choice.

  “And your place in the household means…what exactly?” Miss Franklin pressed, ever so gently.

  “That I am a governess and not the friend of my employer. I must keep that distinction lest I find myself recalling the status of my former self and allowing that to be a part of my behaviour and interactions with him,” she said.

  It was true and it felt a relief to say, even if it was not the full reason behind her change of behaviour.

  “You mean you think that you might forget that you are no longer considered an esteemed member of society? Do you think that the Earl even cares about that? He has shown that he has a great deal of respect for you. I do not think you need worry that he would view you poorly for simple interactions,” Miss Franklin reasoned, trying to understand the situation.

  Victoria nodded, not wishing to go into further detail.

  “It is a strange thing to be knocked down from the heights of society. I wish I could express it better, but one must remember their place and constantly remind themselves of it. And I should like to be no more than a governess and an employee of the Earl,” Victoria declared, hoping that would lead to the end of the conversation.

  It had been a relief to discuss these things even vaguely with Miss Franklin. Victoria knew that letting it all out was the only way in which she could learn to accept the pain that she was in, but there was only so much that she could allow herself to say.

  But it was only a day later when she was on her way to teach Marian that she found herself once more stuck in a situation of having to explain herself. Only this time, she could hardly tell the truth even in its simplest form.

  Victoria arrived in the school room to discover Marian in one of her moods. Unwilling to participate in any of her studies, it was when she threw one of her books from the desk that Victoria decided she had had enough of Marian’s temperament.

  “Alright then. That is enough. I shall not teach you if you are in such a dark humour. Whatever has you so bent up, you had best get over it and I have little choice other than to leave you here, on your own, until the day is over,” she decided.

  “Of course that is your answer,” Marian hissed.

  Victoria turned and looked at her, not having expected such a reply.

  “What do you mean by that? I have done nothing to deserve your attitude. It is not my behaviour that has called for this, but your own. If you insist on treating your governess in such a way, you must expect discipline from her,” Victoria warned.

  “But you are not simply a governess. You were my father’s friend. His best of friends. But you have changed, turned without a word. I have seen how he is downcast when you walk away from him, unwilling to speak for more than a word or two,” Marian said, sharing the observation that she had made.

  Dumbfounded, Victoria stared at Marian. She had forgotten how intelligent the child was and could scarcely believe that even this had been noticed.

  “Marian, you must not make assumptions. First you assume that I am the dearest friend of your father and now you make the grand leap of saying that I am unwilling to speak with him?” Victoria challenged.

  “Is it not true? You have become indifferent with him. It makes me sad when I see that the two of you do not speak as you did before,” she said.

  “And how did we speak before?” Victoria asked, scoffing as if nothing had changed in the slightest.

  “You spoke comfortably, as friends. Why are you questioning me as if I am wrong? I saw you two together. And my father confessed that he had spoken to you and enjoyed your wit. So why do you keep asking me?” Marian asked, innocently.

  Victoria took in a sharp breath and let it out slowly. She had not realised how evident her affection for the Earl had been and was ashamed that so many had noticed it.

  “Miss Marian, your father is a good and decent man. He is my employer and that is enough for him to be. I shall remain respectful and grateful to him. When you are older, you shall understand that this is the way of things. A governess and a Duke may interact only as employee and employer,” she explained, slowly and steadily.

  Marian did not seem to accept it, but she remained quiet, still as stone.

  Victoria tried once more to resume their lecture but it was clear that the child would not participate, leaving her no option but to return to her room.

  “That is all, then. You may sit here until the time has passed and your lecture ought to have been over. But I shall give you no attention for this behaviour. You must know that it is improper for a young lady to act so disrespectfully,” Victoria declared as she left the room.

  Later that afternoon she found herself in one of the halls, needing to go to the library to check something for a future lecture in English. As she passed by one of the rooms, she overheard the voice of Marian, raging and furious, speaking to her father.

  “But, Papa! It must have been something that you did. I cannot imagine why she is so sad now, or why she will not explain herself,” Marian demanded.

  “My dear, do calm down. I have no idea what you are speaking of,” the Earl replied with as much patience as he could muster.

  Victoria flattened herself against the wall, curious, but not wishing to be caught listening. She wondered if Marian was giving him the same lecture she had given her earlier in the day. But whatever was happening, she knew that it would be uncouth to be discovered listening to the conversation between them.

  “You must have hurt Miss Jamison somehow,” Marian insisted.

  “I cannot think of what it might have been,” he answered, calmly.

  “But you pushed her away. Somehow. Will you not speak with her? Can you not ask her what it was? The two of you were the dearest of friends not so long ago and now you hardly speak. I see that you look unhappy when she walks away, but it must have been something you did,” Marian pushed again.

  Victoria remained impressed with the child’s intelligence and observational skills. She was stubborn and that was quite a problem, but Victoria could see that it was sheer concern and determination that held her so intent on discovering the truth. There was an innocence in her pushing, as if she did not realise how improper it was to speak back at the adults in her life.

  “My dear, please calm yourself. I am not sure why you are accusing me of these things, but I wish for you to know that Miss Jamison is a wonderful young woman who loves you dearly. She is entirely devoted to your studies,” he explained, slowly.

  Victoria listened closely to his tone of voice and wondered if there was anything in it that might mean something for her. Could he possibly care for her? Would that ever be a hope that she could experience for even a moment?

  No. He was engaged. It was foolish to hope for anything else, for anything more. And in the meantime, she had to continue in her concern for Marian’s best opportunities. Marian was the one that mattered.

  Victoria slipped away quietly, returning to her room once more without the book that she needed. She had to leave the hall before she was found and she figured that there would be time to lesson plan later.

  For now, she simply had to ease her heart and nurse her wounds.