The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess: A Historical Regency Romance Book

by Abigail Agar

  “My lord, forgive my intrusion, but I must speak with you urgently,” she began.

  The Earl closed his mouth to his own words and nodded at her to proceed; his eyebrows knitted together in worry.

  “I have written down what it is that I must say to you as I do not think that I could word it so well if I spoke from my own mouth in the moment that the words must be said. So I ask that you would bear with me as I read,” she requested.

  With a nod of approval, she continued, her voice shaking as she began.

  “My lord, I must tell you that my time has come to conclude these days in which I have worked for your household as a governess. I understand that this might come as a shock as there was very little in the way of warning and I have so enjoyed my time with your daughter.

  “However, I must ask that you accept my resignation as there is very little that I might do to prevent my leaving. A number of situations have arisen that I can no longer ignore and I am aware that for my own health, it is vital that I depart from my post,” she read.

  Victoria had hoped that the sentence regarding her health might not only explain her quick departure earlier, but also give him reason to think that she had physical limitations rather than emotional.

  It seemed silly, but it was the only thing she could think to write in the moment when she had been given so little time to think about it all.

  “As much as I have enjoyed acting as a governess to Miss Marian, I cannot continue further. I do not take this position or my departure from it, lightly. However, it must be done.

  “I thank you for all of the hospitality that I have experienced while living under your estate and I must insist that you know how glad I am to have known you and Miss Marian. I wish you all the very best as you enter into your new marriage and as Miss Marian gains a mother in her life,” Victoria read, feeling her chest tighten at the words which were meant to be supportive.

  There was an agony within her as she spoke them, a pain that she could hardly bear. But she knew that it still had to be said. She had to remain the sort of woman who encouraged her employer to the very end.

  “I commit to you that I shall remain until a new governess has been secured. I shall write to a few young women that I know who might be seeking. They are women who would make excellent governesses for Miss Marian, and I can search for others if none of them are looking to secure employment.

  “I hope that all of this shall be agreeable to you, but please understand that if it is not, I have no choice in the matter. This was never the way in which I wished to leave your estate, but I must go.

  “Thank you, once more, for all of the kindness that you have shown me,” she concluded.

  With that, Victoria folded up the letter and held it delicately in her crossed hands.

  The thought of finding another governess was a pain of its own. How was she to find another woman who could love Marian as she had? How could she leave the child to feel abandoned once more?

  The Earl’s mouth hung open in despair. He seemed utterly speechless and Victoria tried to blink back her own emotion at seeing his distress. But there was nothing more to be done. She had made her decision and had announced it. There was no turning back now.

  “Please,” he breathed, as if unable to get out another word. It was quiet as he seemed to attempt to gather his bearings, unable to comment further until his breath caught up to him.

  “My lord?” she asked, as if unsure what his ‘please’ meant. Victoria had decided she would remain strong. She could be vague and act as though she simply thought this was how to leave a position when an urgent situation arose.

  The Earl did not need to know anything further about her reasons. She had shared enough in the letter to make it appear as though something sudden had come up, perhaps with her health. Of course, she might have added a lie about her family, but he would be able to see through that rather simply.

  “Please do not leave,” he said, still appearing at a loss.

  The softness of his tone broke Victoria’s heart for a moment. She wished that she could hear his voice again. She wished that she could hear joy in it. But it seemed as though what she had done, what she had said, was truly wounding him.

  And that left her with both a taste of sadness and the cruel dagger of hope that he might wish for her to remain in the home. But that was a hope that she could not abide.

  “I must. I am very sorry to have upset you, but there is nothing that I can do. This is the only decision that I am able to make at this juncture. I ask that you understand and respect it, despite the sudden nature of it,” she requested as formally as she was able.

  “No. You cannot leave. Are you mad? Why would you think that this was acceptable? What has led you to believing that you may come and go as you wish or that you are not needed here? What has happened to cause this decision? You must give an account, some sort of reason for this sudden departure,” he demanded.

  “I cannot say, my lord. I understand that it must be frustrating and that noblemen are unaccustomed to such things, but this is how it must be for me at the moment,” she replied, knowing that her statement could easily be taken as disrespectful.

  The Earl looked at her, incredulous that she should say such a thing.

  “My daughter,” he interjected quickly and suddenly after a moment of quiet. “My daughter loves you. You cannot do this to her.”

  Victoria sensed that Marian was an excuse and she was unsure how to respond to that. The Earl was clearly speaking of more than just Marian.

  “Your daughter shall do very well with another governess now that she has learned better how to behave. And as I said, I shall ensure that the woman who replaces me is one worthy,” she specified.

  “I cannot let you leave. For…for Marian’s sake,” he continued.

  She had not expected such a passionate appeal, nor all of these remarks against her leaving. Victoria was surprised that the Earl cared so deeply to contest her leaving. More than that, she was surprised at how he grasped at excuses that seemed to be disingenuous.

  “She shall do just fine with a new governess and a new mother,” Victoria replied. She hoped that her tone at the end of the sentence did not convey the bitterness she felt when saying it. Marian’s new mother was a kind woman, but the wrong woman for such a task.

  The Earl scoffed, taking Victoria by surprise.

  “A new…” he trailed off, unwilling to finish what he had begun to say.

  “Forgive me for leaving and departing this way, but as I said, I have very little choice in the matter. My letter contained the extent of my explanation and if you should like to read it over once more, you are welcome to do so. But I cannot remain and I ask that you would respect that and know that it is the right thing for me to do,” she said, firmly.

  The Earl shook his head. He looked deeply frustrated at her and appeared as though he was desperate to say more. As if he had something still that he wished to say, to share with her.

  But he had heard her insistence and whatever his words might hold, he thought them unfair to speak now.

  At least, that was how it appeared to Victoria. And while she had always been fairly capable of observing the behaviour of others and judging it accordingly, she knew that she could not trust herself now. She second guessed the reading and moved past it.

  “Marian shall be devastated,” he told her, looking at her with misery in his expression.

  “She is strong. She shall move on and live a wonderful life with an excellent family and new governess. I truly believe that the next one shall stick,” she said in a light voice, trying to turn the conversation into a positive one rather than the dregs of what it had been thus far.

  “How can you possibly believe that?” he asked.

  “Because she has changed. You have said so yourself,” Victoria pointed out.

  “Yes, but these past days she has been having fits all over again. If she believes that you left because of her, it shall begin a new terror
in her heart. Beyond what she already feels,” he said.

  “I have thought of this and I intend to make it very clear to Miss Marian that she has had nothing to do with this decision,” Victoria promised.

  “How can you possibly make her believe that? You have yet to tell me your reasoning. If I cannot believe a word from you, how is my daughter to? How can she come to terms with your leaving when even I cannot? Reasons must be given. This is not how an employee leaves a position,” he insisted.

  Victoria felt the Earl drifting from one reason to another. He was angry, but he was unwilling to state something. She sensed that there was a deeper thought, a deeper excuse for to wanting her to stay. But he would not say it; rather he searched for other excuses that he might give for why she could not depart.

  “As I said, this is not how I would have wished for it to be done. But I have to leave rather suddenly and as a result, this is how it has come to be,” she told him again.

  Victoria tried her best to believe that the Earl was truly only worried for his daughter. But it was clear that it was not the case. It was evident that there was more to his feelings than he was willing to say and with every look it became more and more prominent.

  And in that moment, Victoria questioned her decision for the briefest of moments. She wondered if she was making a mistake, if she was giving up the only happiness she might ever find in this world that had been so cruel to her.

  Surely she could survive in the home. She could handle watching him marry Lady Ingles and seeing the woman be a mother to Marian. She could sit idly by while a marriage took place in which both parties were unhappy but content to know that they had wed for the benefits they both received through the union.

  But she pushed those thoughts away. There could be no second guessing her decision. This was best for them all. This was the only way that she could protect herself, and that the Earl and Lady Ingles could marry. This was the only way she could ignore the loyalty and responsibility she had to the Earl.

  But the Earl of Hanover rushed towards her in a fit of passion and Victoria was utterly taken aback by the way he placed his hands on her shoulders. He spoke with desperation, looking at her with a deep sense of longing.

  “Please stay,” he begged, his voice choked. “Why are you doing this? Why are you leaving?”

  Gasping against the sudden fervour and trying to still the pounding of her heart, Victoria opened her mouth to reply.

  With a quiet and gentle honesty, she whispered, “You must know why, my lord. You must know how I feel about you.”

  Victoria swallowed against her vague confession. She could say no more. She had said too much already. Tearing herself from the Earl of Hanover’s grip, she rushed from the room and retired to her own.

  Chapter 30

  “Miss Jamison?” called a voice from the other side of the door, adding a soft knock and waiting to be welcome in.

  “Yes? Come in,” she replied.

  Miss Franklin entered the room with a paper in her hands and a look of sadness on her face.

  “Is it true?” she asked.

  Victoria knew what she was wondering. Was she really going to leave them? Was she really going to abandon her post?

  “I fear so, Miss Franklin. I must depart from here. If not now then it shall only become more difficult. But I will never forget you and we shall continue to write to one another,” Victoria promised.

  Miss Franklin looked grim, but she sat on the bed and handed Victoria the paper in her hands.

  “What is this?” she asked.

  “I should like to know myself,” Miss Franklin replied, curiously.

  Victoria opened the paper to its fullest extent and saw the handwriting upon it. It was the hand of an intelligent man, scripted in a way that she might easily understand his heart.

  My Dearest Miss Jamison,

  I have had little time to write this, but understood that it was urgent that I speak with you on this matter. Just as you had written a letter to me, and read it to my face, so I must write to you. It is unfortunate that I am not able to speak these words directly, but I assure you there is reason for that.

  First, I must inform you that I am leaving for a short trip. This trip is extremely important and has a great deal of influence on my future.

  I shall return in three days’ time. What I have to ask you, what I have to beg you for, is that you shall not leave before my departure.

  I ask that you would remain in the time that I am gone and that you will watch over my daughter until my return. She can do a great many things, but we must both agree that you bring this out in her. I should not like for her to have to adjust to a new governess while I am not present.

  Not only this, but the business to which I must attend concerns your opinion of me. There are many things for which I must make amends. As it is, I am going to make things right. I am going to make everything right.

  Miss Jamison, you have shown me what I am capable of. Furthermore, I wish to prove to you the sort of man that I truly am. I wish to prove to you that I am the man that you made me believe once more that I am.

  I think that until I met you, I did not know who that was. I saw myself as far less. But you have consistently shown me what I could be. And that is a man that I once knew myself as.

  You see, long ago I knew my place in this world. I knew who I was, and I knew who I wished to be. But all of that was lost upon the death of my wife.

  I had to learn how to be a father on my own. I had to learn how to be the sort of man of society that I was expected to be. Each of these things was difficult in and of themselves. But nothing has been so difficult as hearing that you wish to leave.

  For that reason, I must prove to you who I truly am. I must show you that I can be the man that you think me to be, the man that you believed I was.

  Forgive me for the length of this letter. I hope that you do not believe my words to be meaningless or a waste of your time. But I simply could not allow you to leave without knowing that there’s much more I have to say.

  Until I return, please look after my daughter with all the love that you have for her. It is a joy to see you interact with her, and I cannot wait to return and see it again.

  Until that time,

  Reginald Fairfax, the Earl of Hanover

  Victoria sat in astonishment. This was not the sort of passionate plea she had ever expected to receive from the Earl. He had begged her already not to leave, but that had been nothing quite like this. Such an impassioned letter was hardly the sort of thing she expected from him at this point.

  “What does it say?” Miss Franklin inquired.

  Victoria looked at her as if she had been asked a terrifying question. She could not answer. There was nothing about this letter which she believed ought to be shared. In fact, she wanted nothing more than to read it over again once more to herself and consider each word as it was.

  She wished to know the exact thoughts behind all the things that the Earl had said and it would drive her mad with not knowing.

  What sort of man did she make him believe that he was? Did he understand now that confession, the small sentence she had given to allude that she cared for him? Did he recognise that she was the one, the woman in this world with whom he truly belonged?

  Would he ever see that?

  There was no telling. But Victoria was convinced that if they were ever to become anything more than they were, now would be the time for it. And yet that was a foolish thought and she knew it.