The Romany Rye

by George Borrow

  CHAPTER XVII

  THE PUBLIC-HOUSE--LANDLORD ON HIS LEGS AGAIN--A BLOW IN SEASON--THE WAYOF THE WORLD--THE GRATEFUL MIND--THE HORSE'S NEIGH

  It was rather late on the following morning when I awoke. At first I wasalmost unconscious of what had occurred on the preceding day;recollection, however, by degrees returned, and I felt a deep melancholycoming over me, but perfectly aware that no advantage could be derivedfrom the indulgence of such a feeling, I sprang up, prepared mybreakfast, which I ate with a tolerable appetite, and then left thedingle, and betook myself to the gypsy encampment, where I entered intodiscourse with various Romanies, both male and female. After some time,feeling myself in better spirits, I determined to pay another visit tothe landlord of the public-house. From the position of his affairs whenI had last visited him, I entertained rather gloomy ideas with respect tohis present circumstances. I imagined that I should either find himalone in his kitchen smoking a wretched pipe, or in company with somesurly bailiff or his follower, whom his friend the brewer had sent intothe house in order to take possession of his effects.

  Nothing more entirely differing from either of these anticipations couldhave presented itself to my view than what I saw about one o'clock in theafternoon, when I entered the house. I had come, though somewhat in wantof consolation myself, to offer any consolation which was at my commandto my acquaintance Catchpole, and perhaps, like many other people who goto a house with 'drops of compassion trembling on their eyelids,' I feltrather disappointed at finding that no compassion was necessary. Thehouse was thronged with company, the cries for ale and porter, hot brandyand water, cold gin and water, were numerous; moreover, no desire toreceive and not to pay for the landlord's liquids was manifested--on thecontrary, everybody seemed disposed to play the most honourable part:'Landlord, here's the money for this glass of brandy and water--do me thefavour to take it; all right, remember I have paid you.' 'Landlord,here's the money for the pint of half-and-half--four-pence halfpenny,a'nt it?--here's sixpence, keep the change--confound the change!' Thelandlord, assisted by his niece, bustled about; his brow erect, hischeeks plumped out, and all his features exhibiting a kind of surlysatisfaction. Wherever he moved, marks of the most cordial amity wereshown him, hands were thrust out to grasp his, nor were looks of respect,admiration, nay almost of adoration, wanting. I observed one fellow, asthe landlord advanced, take the pipe out of his mouth, and gaze upon himwith a kind of grin of wonder, probably much the same as his ancestor,the Saxon lout of old, put on when he saw his idol Thur dressed in a newkirtle. To avoid the press, I got into a corner, where, on a couple ofchairs, sat two respectable-looking individuals, whether farmers orsow-gelders, I know not, but highly respectable-looking, who werediscoursing about the landlord. 'Such another,' said one, 'you will notfind in a summer's day.' 'No, nor in the whole of England,' said theother. 'Tom of Hopton,' said the first; 'ah! Tom of Hopton,' echoed theother; 'the man who could beat Tom of Hopton could beat the world.' 'Iglory in him,' said the first. 'So do I,' said the second, 'I'll backhim against the world. Let me hear any one say anything against him, andif I don't--' then, looking at me, he added, 'have you anything to sayagainst him, young man?' 'Not a word,' said I, 'save that he regularlyputs me out.' 'He'll put any one out,' said the man, 'any one out ofconceit with himself;' then, lifting a mug to his mouth, he added, with ahiccough, 'I drink his health.' Presently the landlord, as he movedabout, observing me, stopped short: 'Ah!' said he, 'are you here? I amglad to see you, come this way. Stand back,' said he to his company, asI followed him to the bar, 'stand back for me and this gentleman.' Twoor three young fellows were in the bar, seemingly sporting yokels,drinking sherry and smoking. 'Come, gentlemen,' said the landlord,'clear the bar, I must have a clear bar for me and my friend here.''Landlord, what will you take?' said one--'a glass of sherry? I know youlike it.' '--- sherry and you too,' said the landlord; 'I want neithersherry nor yourself; didn't you hear what I told you?' 'All right, oldfellow,' said the other, shaking the landlord by the hand--'all right;don't wish to intrude--but I suppose when you and your friend have done Imay come in again.' Then, with 'A sarvant, sir,' to me, he took himselfinto the kitchen, followed by the rest of the sporting yokels.

  Thereupon the landlord, taking a bottle of ale from a basket, uncorkedit, and pouring the contents into two large glasses, handed me one, andmotioning me to sit down, placed himself by me; then, emptying his ownglass at a draught, he gave a kind of grunt of satisfaction, and fixinghis eyes upon the opposite side of the bar, remained motionless, withoutsaying a word, buried apparently in important cogitations. With respectto myself, I swallowed my ale more leisurely, and was about to address myfriend, when his niece, coming into the bar, said that more and morecustomers were arriving, and how she should supply their wants she didnot know, unless her uncle would get up and help her.

  'The customers!' said the landlord, 'let the scoundrels wait till youhave time to serve them, or till I have leisure to see after them.' 'Thekitchen won't contain half of them,' said his niece. 'Then let them sitout abroad,' said the landlord. 'But there are not benches enough,uncle,' said the niece. 'Then let them stand or sit on the ground,' saidthe uncle; 'what care I? I'll let them know that the man who beat Tom ofHopton stands as well again on his legs as ever.' Then, opening a sidedoor which led from the bar into the back-yard, he beckoned me to followhim. 'You treat your customers in rather a cavalier manner,' said I,when we were alone together in the yard.

  'Don't I?' said the landlord; 'and I'll treat them more so yet; now Ihave got the whip-hand of the rascals I intend to keep it. I dare sayyou are a bit surprised with regard to the change which has come overthings since you were last here. I'll tell you how it happened. Youremember in what a desperate condition you found me, thinking of changingmy religion, selling my soul to the man in black, and then going andhanging myself like Pontius Pilate; and I dare say you can't haveforgotten how you gave me good advice, made me drink ale, and give upsherry. Well, after you were gone, I felt all the better for your talk,and what you had made me drink, and it was a mercy that I did feelbetter, for my niece was gone out, poor thing! and I was left alone inthe house, without a soul to look at, or to keep me from doing myself amischief in case I was so inclined. Well, things wore on in this waytill it grew dusk, when in came that blackguard Hunter with his train todrink at my expense, and to insult me as usual; there were more than adozen of them, and a pretty set they looked. Well, they ordered about ina very free and easy manner for upwards of an hour and a half,occasionally sneering and jeering at me, as they had been in the habit ofdoing for some time past; so, as I said before, things wore on, and othercustomers came in, who, though they did not belong to Hunter's gang, alsopassed off their jokes upon me; for, as you perhaps know, we English area set of low hounds, who will always take part with the many by way ofmaking ourselves safe, and currying favour with the stronger side. Isaid little or nothing, for my spirits had again become very low, and Iwas verily scared and afraid. All of a sudden I thought of the ale whichI had drank in the morning, and of the good it did me then, so I wentinto the bar, opened another bottle, took a glass, and felt better; so Itook another, and feeling better still, I went back into the kitchen justas Hunter and his crew were about leaving. "Mr. Hunter," said I, "youand your people will please to pay me for what you have had?" "What doyou mean by my people?" said he, with an oath. "Ah! what do you mean bycalling us his people?" said the clan. "We are nobody's people;" andthen there was a pretty load of abuse, and threatening to serve me out."Well," said I, "I was perhaps wrong to call them your people, and begyour pardon and theirs. And now you will please to pay me for what youhave had yourself, and afterwards I can settle with them." "I shall payyou when I think fit," said Hunter. "Yes," said the rest, "and so shallwe. We shall pay you when we think fit." "I tell you what," saidHunter, "I conceives I do such an old fool as you an honour when I comesinto his house and drinks his beer, and goes away without paying for it,"and t
hen there was a roar of laughter from everybody, and almost all saidthe same thing. "Now do you please to pay me, Mr. Hunter?" said I. "Payyou!" said Hunter--"pay you! Yes, here's the pay," and thereupon he heldout his thumb, twirling it round till it just touched my nose. I can'ttell you what I felt that moment; a kind of madhouse thrill came upon me,and all I know is, that I bent back as far as I could, then lunging out,struck him under the ear, sending him reeling two or three yards, when hefell on the floor. I wish you had but seen how my company looked at meand at each other. One or two of the clan went to raise Hunter, and gethim to fight, but it was no go; though he was not killed, he had hadenough for that evening. Oh, I wish you had seen my customers; those whodid not belong to the clan, but had taken part with them, and helped tojeer and flout me, now came and shook me by the hand, wishing me joy, andsaying as how "I was a brave fellow, and had served the bully right!" Asfor the clan, they all said Hunter was bound to do me justice; so theymade him pay me what he owed for himself, and the reckoning of thoseamong them who said they had no money. Two or three of them then led himaway, while the rest stayed behind, and flattered me, and worshipped me,and called Hunter all kinds of dogs' names. What do you think of that?'

  'Why,' said I, 'it makes good what I read in a letter which I receivedyesterday. It is just the way of the world.'

  'Ain't it!' said the landlord. 'Well, that ain't all; let me go on.Good fortune never yet came alone. In about an hour comes home my poorniece, almost in high sterricks with joy, smiling and sobbing. She hadbeen to the clergyman of M---, the great preacher, to whose church shewas in the habit of going, and to whose daughters she was well known; andto him she told a lamentable tale about my distresses, and about thesnares which had been laid for my soul; and so well did she plead mycause, and so strong did the young ladies back all she said, that thegood clergyman promised to stand my friend, and to lend me sufficientmoney to satisfy the brewer, and to get my soul out of the snares of theman in black; and sure enough the next morning the two young ladiesbrought me the fifty pounds, which I forthwith carried to the brewer, whowas monstrously civil, saying that he hoped any little misunderstandingwe had had would not prevent our being good friends in future. Thatain't all, the people of the neighbouring country hearing as if by artwitchcraft that I had licked Hunter, and was on good terms with thebrewer, forthwith began to come in crowds to look at me, pay me homage,and be my customers. Moreover, fifty scoundrels who owed me money, andwho would have seen me starve rather than help me as long as theyconsidered me a down pin, remembered their debts, and came and paid memore than they owed. That ain't all; the brewer, being about toestablish a stage-coach and three, to run across the country, says itshall stop and change horses at my house, and the passengers breakfastand sup as it goes and returns. He wishes me--whom he calls the best manin England--to give his son lessons in boxing, which he says he considersa fine manly English art, and a great defence againstPopery--notwithstanding that only a month ago, when he considered me adown pin, he was in the habit of railing against it as a blackguardpractice, and against me as a blackguard for following it: so I am goingto commence with young hopeful to-morrow.'

  'I really cannot help congratulating you on your good fortune,' said I.

  'That ain't all,' said the landlord. 'This very morning the folks of ourparish made me churchwarden, {116} which they would no more have done amonth ago, when they considered me a down pin, than they--'

  'Mercy upon us!' said I, 'if fortune pours in upon you in this manner,who knows but that within a year they may make you justice of the peace.'

  'Who knows, indeed!' said the landlord. 'Well, I will prove myselfworthy of my good luck by showing the grateful mind--not to those whowould be kind to me now, but to those who were, when the days were rathergloomy. My customers shall have abundance of rough language, but I'llknock any one down who says anything against the clergyman who lent methe fifty pounds, or against the Church of England, of which he is parsonand I am churchwarden. I am also ready to do anything in reason for himwho paid me for the ale he drank, when I shouldn't have had the heart tocollar him for the money had he refused to pay; who never jeered orflouted me like the rest of my customers when I was a down pin--andthough he refused to fight cross _for_ me, was never cross _with_ me, butlistened to all I had to say, and gave me all kinds of good advice. Nowwho do you think I mean by this last? why, who but yourself--who on earthbut yourself? The parson is a good man and a great preacher, and I'llknock anybody down who says to the contrary; and I mention him first,because why: he's a gentleman, and you a tinker. But I am by no meanssure you are not the best friend of the two; for I doubt, do you see,whether I should have had the fifty pounds but for you. You persuaded meto give up that silly drink they call sherry, and drink ale; and what wasit but drinking ale which gave me courage to knock down that fellowHunter--and knocking him down was, I verily believe, the turning point ofmy disorder. God don't love those who won't strike out for themselves;and as far as I can calculate with respect to time, it was just themoment after I had knocked down Hunter, that the parson consented to lendme the money, and everything began to grow civil to me. So, dash mybuttons if I show the ungrateful mind to you! I don't offer to knockanybody down for you, because why--I daresay you can knock a body downyourself; but I'll offer something more to the purpose; as my business iswonderfully on the increase, I shall want somebody to help me in servingmy customers, and keeping them in order. If you choose to come and servefor your board, and what they'll give you, give me your fist; or if youlike ten shillings a week better than their sixpences and ha'pence, onlysay so--though, to be open with you, I believe you would make twice tenshillings out of them--the sneaking, fawning, curry-favouring humbugs!'

  'I am much obliged to you,' said I, 'for your handsome offer, which,however, I am obliged to decline.'

  'Why so?' said the landlord.

  'I am not fit for service,' said I; 'moreover, I am about to leave thispart of the country.' As I spoke, a horse neighed in the stable. 'Whathorse is that?' said I.

  'It belongs to a cousin of mine, who put it into my hands yesterday, inhopes that I might get rid of it for him, though he would no more havedone so a week ago, when he considered me a down pin, than he would havegiven the horse away. Are you fond of horses?'

  'Very much,' said I.

  'Then come and look at it.' He led me into the stable, where, in astall, stood a noble-looking animal.

  'Dear me,' said I, 'I saw this horse at --- fair.'

  'Like enough,' said the landlord; 'he was there, and was offered forseventy pounds, but didn't find a bidder at any price. What do you thinkof him?'

  'He's a splendid creature.'

  'I am no judge of horses,' said the landlord; 'but I am told he's afirst-rate trotter, good leaper, and has some of the blood of Syntax.What does all that signify?--the game is against his master, who is adown pin, is thinking of emigrating, and wants money confoundedly. Heasked seventy pounds at the fair; but, between ourselves, he would beglad to take fifty here.'

  'I almost wish,' said I, 'that I were a rich squire.'

  'You would buy him then,' said the landlord. Here he mused for sometime, with a very profound look. 'It would be a rum thing,' said he,'if, some time or other that horse should come into your hands. Didn'tyou hear how he neighed when you talked about leaving the country. Mygranny was a wise woman, and was up to all kind of signs and wonders,sounds and noises, the interpretation of the language of birds andanimals, crowing and lowing, neighing and braying. If she had been here,she would have said at once that that horse was fated to carry you away.On that point, however, I can say nothing, for under fifty pounds no onecan have him. Are you taking that money out of your pocket to pay me forthe ale? That won't do; nothing to pay; I invited you this time. Now,if you are going, you had best get into the road through the yard-gate.I won't trouble you to make your way through the kitchen and myfine-weather company--confound them!'