The Romany Rye

by George Borrow

  CHAPTER XXVI

  THE STAGE-COACHMEN OF ENGLAND--A BULLY SERVED OUT--BROUGHTON'S GUARD--THEBRAZEN HEAD

  I lived on very good terms, not only with the master and the old ostler,but with all the domestics and hangers-on at the inn: waiters,chambermaids, cooks, and scullions, not forgetting the 'boots,' of whichthere were three. As for the postillions, I was sworn brother with themall, and some of them went so far as to swear that I was the best fellowin the world; for which high opinion entertained by them of me, I believeI was principally indebted to the good account their comrade gave of me,whom I had so hospitably received in the dingle. I repeat that I livedon good terms with all the people connected with the inn, and was noticedand spoken kindly to by some of the guests--especially by that classtermed commercial travellers--all of whom were great friends andpatronizers of the landlord, and were the principal promoters of thedinner, and subscribers to the gift of plate, which I have already spokenof, the whole fraternity striking me as the jolliest set of fellowsimaginable, the best customers to an inn, and the most liberal toservants; there was one description of persons, however, frequenting theinn, which I did not like at all, and which I did not get on well with,and these people were the stage-coachmen.

  The stage-coachmen of England, at the time of which I am speaking,considered themselves mighty fine gentry, nay, I verily believe the mostimportant personages of the realm, and their entertaining this highopinion of themselves can scarcely be wondered at: they were low fellows,but masters of driving; driving was in fashion, and sprigs of nobilityused to dress as coachmen and imitate the slang and behaviour ofcoachmen, from whom occasionally they would take lessons in driving asthey sat beside them on the box, which post of honour any sprig ofnobility who happened to take a place on a coach claimed as hisunquestionable right; and then these sprigs would smoke cigars and drinksherry with the coachmen in bar-rooms, and on the road; and, when biddingthem farewell, would give them a guinea or a half-guinea, and shake themby the hand, so that these fellows, being low fellows, very naturallythought no small liquor of themselves, but would talk familiarly of theirfriends lords so and so, the honourable misters so and so, and Sir Harryand Sir Charles, and be wonderfully saucy to any one who was not a lord,or something of the kind; and this high opinion of themselves receiveddaily augmentation from the servile homage paid them by the generality ofthe untitled male passengers, especially those on the fore part of thecoach, who used to contend for the honour of sitting on the box with thecoachman when no sprig was nigh to put in his claim. Oh! what servilehomage these craven creatures did pay these same coach fellows, moreespecially after witnessing this or t'other act of brutality practisedupon the weak and unoffending--upon some poor friendless woman travellingwith but little money, and perhaps a brace of hungry children with her,or upon some thin and half-starved man travelling on the hind part of thecoach from London to Liverpool with only eighteen pence in his pocketafter his fare was paid, to defray his expenses on the road; for as theinsolence of these knights was vast, so was their rapacity enormous; theyhad been so long accustomed to have crowns and half-crowns rained uponthem by their admirers and flatterers that they would look at a shilling,for which many an honest labourer was happy to toil for ten hours under abroiling sun, with the utmost contempt; would blow upon it derisively, orfillip it into the air before they pocketed it; but when nothing wasgiven them, as would occasionally happen--for how could they receive fromthose who had nothing? and nobody was bound to give them anything, asthey had certain wages from their employers--then what a scene wouldensue! Truly the brutality and rapacious insolence of English coachmenhad reached a climax; it was time that these fellows should bedisenchanted, and the time--thank Heaven!--was not far distant. Let thecraven dastards who used to curry favour with them, and applaud theirbrutality, lament their loss now that they and their vehicles havedisappeared from the roads; I, who have ever been an enemy to insolence,cruelty, and tyranny, loathe their memory, and, what is more, am notafraid to say so, well aware of the storm of vituperation, partly learntfrom them, which I may expect from those who used to fall down andworship them.

  Amongst the coachmen who frequented the inn was one who was called 'thebang-up coachman.' He drove to our inn in the forepart of every day, oneof what were called the fast coaches, and afterwards took back thecorresponding vehicle. He stayed at our house about twenty minutes,during which time the passengers of the coach which he was to return withdined; those at least who were inclined for dinner, and could pay for it.He derived his sobriquet of 'The bang-up coachman' partly from his beingdressed in the extremity of coach dandyism, and partly from the peculiarinsolence of his manner, and the unmerciful fashion in which he was inthe habit of lashing on the poor horses committed to his charge. He wasa large tall fellow, of about thirty, with a face which, had it not beenbloated by excess, and insolence and cruelty stamped most visibly uponit, might have been called good-looking. His insolence, indeed, was sogreat that he was hated by all the minor fry connected with coaches alongthe road upon which he drove, especially the ostlers, whom he wascontinually abusing or finding fault with. Many was the hearty cursewhich he received when his back was turned; but the generality of peoplewere much afraid of him, for he was a swinging strong fellow, and had thereputation of being a fighter, and in one or two instances had beaten ina barbarous manner individuals who had quarrelled with him.

  I was nearly having a fracas with this worthy. One day, after he hadbeen drinking sherry with a sprig, he swaggered into the yard where Ihappened to be standing; just then a waiter came by carrying upon a traypart of a splendid Cheshire cheese, with a knife, plate, and napkin.Stopping the waiter, the coachman cut with the knife a tolerably largelump out of the very middle of the cheese, stuck it on the end of theknife, and putting it to his mouth, nibbled a slight piece off it, andthen, tossing the rest away with disdain, flung the knife down upon thetray, motioning the waiter to proceed. 'I wish,' said I, 'you may notwant before you die what you have just flung away,' whereupon the fellowturned furiously towards me; just then, however, his coach being standingat the door, there was a cry for coachman, so that he was forced todepart, contenting himself for the present with shaking his fist at me,and threatening to serve me out on the first opportunity; before,however, the opportunity occurred he himself got served out in a mostunexpected manner.

  The day after this incident he drove his coach to the inn, and afterhaving dismounted and received the contributions of the generality of thepassengers, he strutted up, with a cigar in his mouth, to an individualwho had come with him, and who had just asked me a question with respectto the direction of a village about three miles off, to which he wasgoing. 'Remember the coachman,' said the knight of the box to thisindividual, who was a thin person of about sixty, with a white hat,rather shabby black coat and buff-coloured trowsers, and who held anumbrella and a small bundle in his hand. 'If you expect me to give youanything,' said he to the coachman, 'you are mistaken; I will give younothing. You have been very insolent to me as I rode behind you on thecoach, and have encouraged two or three trumpery fellows, who rode alongwith you, to cut scurvy jokes at my expense, and now you come to me formoney; I am not so poor but I could have given you a shilling had youbeen civil; as it is, I will give you nothing.' 'Oh! you won't, won'tyou?' said the coachman; 'dear me! I hope I shan't starve because youwon't give me anything--a shilling! Why, I could afford to give youtwenty if I thought fit, you pauper! Civil to you, indeed! things arecome to a fine pass if I need be civil to you! Do you know who you arespeaking to? Why, the best lords in the country are proud to speak tome. Why, it was only the other day that the Marquis of --- said to me--'And then he went on to say what the Marquis said to him; after which,flinging down his cigar, he strutted up the road, swearing to himselfabout paupers.

  'You say it is three miles to ---,' said the individual to me; 'I think Ishall light my pipe, and smoke it as I go along.' Thereupon he took outfrom a side-pocket a tobacco-box and short me
erschaum pipe, andimplements for striking a light, filled his pipe, lighted it, andcommenced smoking. Presently the coachman drew near; I saw at once thatthere was mischief in his eye; the man smoking was standing with his backtowards him, and he came so nigh to him, seemingly purposely, that as hepassed a puff of smoke came of necessity against his face. 'What do youmean by smoking in my face?' said he, striking the pipe of the elderlyindividual out of his mouth. The other, without manifesting muchsurprise, said, 'I thank you; and if you will wait a minute, I will giveyou a receipt for that favour.' Then, gathering up his pipe, and takingoff his coat and hat, he laid them on a stepping-block which stood near,and rubbing his hands together, he advanced towards the coachman in anattitude of offence, holding his hands crossed very near to his face.The coachman, who probably expected anything but such a movement from aperson of the age and appearance of the individual whom he had insulted,stood for a moment motionless with surprise; but, recollecting himself,he pointed at him derisively with his finger; the next moment, however,the other was close upon him, had struck aside the extended hand with hisleft fist, and given him a severe blow on the nose with his right, whichhe immediately followed by a left-hand blow in the eye; then drawing hisbody slightly backward, with the velocity of lightning he struck thecoachman full in the mouth, and the last blow was the severest of all,for it cut the coachman's lips nearly through; blows so quickly andsharply dealt I had never seen. The coachman reeled like a fir-tree in agale, and seemed nearly unsensed. 'Ho! what's this? a fight! a fight!'sounded from a dozen voices, and people came running from all directionsto see what was going on. The coachman, coming somewhat to himself,disencumbered himself of his coat and hat; and, encouraged by two orthree of his brothers of the whip, showed some symptoms of fighting,endeavouring to close with his foe, but the attempt was vain, his foe wasnot to be closed with; he did not shift or dodge about, but warded offthe blows of his opponent with the greatest sang-froid, always using theguard which I have already described, and putting in, in return, shortchopping blows with the swiftness of lightning. In a very few minutesthe countenance of the coachman was literally cut to pieces, and severalof his teeth were dislodged; at length he gave in; stung withmortification, however, he repented, and asked for another round; it wasgranted, to his own complete demolition. The coachman did not drive hiscoach back that day; he did not appear on the box again for a week; buthe never held up his head afterwards. Before I quitted the inn he haddisappeared from the road, going no one knew where.

  The coachman, as I have said before, was very much disliked upon theroad, but there was an esprit de corps amongst the coachmen, and thosewho stood by did not like to see their brother chastised in suchtremendous fashion. 'I never saw such a fight before,' said one.'Fight! why, I don't call it a fight at all, this chap here ha'n't got ascratch, whereas Tom is cut to pieces; it is all along of that guard ofhis; if Tom could have got within his guard he would have soon served theold chap out.' 'So he would,' said another, 'it was all owing to thatguard. However, I think I see into it, and if I had not to drive thisafternoon, I would have a turn with the old fellow and soon serve himout.' 'I will fight him now for a guinea,' said the other coachman, halftaking off his coat; observing, however, that the elderly individual madea motion towards him, he hitched it upon his shoulder again, and added,'that is, if he had not been fighting already, but as it is, I am abovetaking an advantage, especially of such a poor old creature as that.'And when he had said this, he looked around him, and there was a feebletitter of approbation from two or three of the craven crew, who were inthe habit of currying favour with the coachmen. The elderly individuallooked for a moment at these last, and then said: 'To such fellows as youI have nothing to say;' then turning to the coachmen, 'and as for you,'he said, 'ye cowardly bullies, I have but one word, which is, that yourreign upon the roads is nearly over, and that a time is coming when yewill be no longer wanted or employed in your present capacity, when yewill either have to drive dung-carts, assist as ostlers at villageale-houses, or rot in the workhouse.' Then putting on his coat and hat,and taking up his bundle, not forgetting his meerschaum, and the rest ofhis smoking apparatus, he departed on his way. Filled with curiosity, Ifollowed him.

  'I am quite astonished that you should be able to use your hands in theway you have done,' said I, as I walked with this individual in thedirection in which he was bound.

  'I will tell you how I became able to do so,' said the elderlyindividual, proceeding to fill and light his pipe as he walked along.'My father was a journeyman engraver, who lived in a very riotousneighbourhood in the outskirts of London. Wishing to give me somethingof an education, he sent me to a day-school, two or three streets distantfrom where we lived, and there, being rather a puny boy, I suffered muchpersecution from my school-fellows, who were a very blackguard set. Oneday, as I was running home, with one of my tormentors pursuing me, oldSergeant Broughton, {161} the retired fighting-man, seized me by thearm--'

  'Dear me,' said I; 'has it ever been your luck to be acquainted withSergeant Broughton?'

  'You may well call it luck,' said the elderly individual; 'but for him Ishould never have been able to make my way through the world. He livedonly four doors from our house; so, as I was running along the street,with my tyrant behind me, Sergeant Broughton seized me by the arm."Stop, my boy," said he; "I have frequently seen that scamp ill-treatingyou; now I will teach you how to send him home with a bloody nose; downwith your bag of books; and now, my game chick," whispered he to me,placing himself between me and my adversary, so that he could not observehis motions; "clench your fist in this manner, and hold your arms inthis, and when he strikes at you, move them as I now show you, and hecan't hurt you; now, don't be afraid, but go at him." I confess that Iwas somewhat afraid, but I considered myself in some degree under theprotection of the famous Sergeant, and, clenching my fist, I went at myfoe, using the guard which my ally recommended. The result correspondedto a certain degree with the predictions of the Sergeant; I gave my foe abloody nose and a black eye, though, notwithstanding my recent lesson inthe art of self-defence, he contrived to give me two or three clumsyblows. From that moment I was the especial favourite of the Sergeant,who gave me farther lessons, so that in a little time I became a veryfair boxer, beating everybody of my own size who attacked me. The oldgentleman, however, made me promise never to be quarrelsome, nor to turnhis instructions to account, except in self-defence. I have always bornein mind my promise, and have made it a point of conscience never to fightunless absolutely compelled. Folks may rail against boxing if theyplease, but being able to box may sometimes stand a quiet man in goodstead. How should I have fared to-day, but for the instructions ofSergeant Broughton? But for them, the brutal ruffian who insulted memust have passed unpunished. He will not soon forget the lesson which Ihave just given him--the only lesson he could understand. What wouldhave been the use of reasoning with a fellow of that description? Braveold Broughton! I owe him much.'

  'And your manner of fighting,' said I, 'was the manner employed bySergeant Broughton?'

  'Yes,' said my new acquaintance; 'it was the manner in which he beatevery one who attempted to contend with him, till, in an evil hour, heentered the ring with Slack, {162a} without any training or preparation,and by a chance blow lost the battle to a man who had been beaten withease by those who, in the hands of Broughton, appeared like so manychildren. It was the way of fighting of him who first taught Englishmento box scientifically, who was the head and father of the fighters ofwhat is now called the old school, the last of which were Johnson and BigBen.' {162b}

  'A wonderful man that Big Ben,' said I.

  'He was so,' said the elderly individual; 'but had it not been forBroughton, I question whether Ben would have ever been the fighter hewas. Oh! there is no one like old Broughton; but for him I should at thepresent moment be sneaking along the road, pursued by the hissings andhootings of the dirty flatterers of that black-guard coachman.'

  'What did
you mean,' said I, 'by those words of yours, that the coachmenwould speedily disappear from the roads?'

  'I meant,' said he, 'that a new method of travelling is about to beestablished, which will supersede the old. I am a poor engraver, as myfather was before me; but engraving is an intellectual trade, and byfollowing it, I have been brought in contact with some of the cleverestmen in England. It has even made me acquainted with the projector of thescheme, which he has told me many of the wisest heads of England havebeen dreaming of during a period of six hundred years, and which it seemswas alluded to by a certain Brazen Head in the story-book of Friar Bacon,who is generally supposed to have been a wizard, but in reality was agreat philosopher. Young man, in less than twenty years, by which time Ishall be dead and gone, England will be surrounded with roads of metal,on which armies may travel with mighty velocity, and of which the wallsof brass and iron by which the friar proposed to defend his native landare types.' He then, shaking me by the hand, proceeded on his way,whilst I returned to the inn.