by Blythe Stone
“You know I can't eat much,” Olivia said.
“A little variety can't hurt,” Nat pushed.
She slid into the seat next to Olivia and started to take out containers.
“She knows I’ll eat the rest anyway,” I commented.
“I've gotta keep you fed,” Nat teased, staring at me.
“I’ll get fat and then you’ll be sorry.”
“Mmm. I doubt I'll be sorry.” She was always checking me out.
“Well, then I’ll have to spend more time at the gym then,” I said.
“What are you talking about,” Natalie laughed.
“I’m just joking about getting fat and having to work out more. Not that I work out enough now,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Baby, you have an amazing body,” Nat said, standing up and tugging on me to be close. “If you gained weight you’d still be sexy. And there’d be more of you to love,” she beamed.
“Oh, I know you feel that way. I’d hate it of course but I’m just joking anyway so all is good,” I said.
There were times I did get a little obsessive in the gym but it was a way to work my shit out. That was a good thing. Without it I’d probably be a terrible person.
Olivia took one of the containers from Nat and I took one. I’d eat just about anything and Nat had great taste anyway.
“They really did get a great company this time. I love everything they have,” I said, opening the container and starting to get a piece of spinach to eat.
Olivia ate quietly and Nat sat down again, resting.
“Not so bad,” Nat mentioned.
“So, we’re going to go to a bookstore when you start filming again.”
“Uhoh. Sounds like Olivia’s idea,” Nat teased. “What happened? Bored already?”
“Not at all,” Olivia said.
“There's this new author I want to check out.”
“Isn't there always,” Nat teased, looking over at me.
“She wants to read one of my books. You know, those books?” I added.
“Ahh-ohhh-" Nat said, nearly choking on her surprise. “Oh fuck,” she laughed. “My only question is, how do you know she hasn't already read them?” Nat stared at me.
“I didn’t think about that but I always assume that no one reads them,” I said with a laugh.
“They're in stores Avery. People read them,” Nat laughed even heartier this time.
“Yeah, but I don’t think about that. I just know they exist,” I said, laughing.
“If Olivia's even a fraction of the reader she used to be I bet she's already read them.”
“Well, then I'll read them again,” Olivia said.
“I guess it depends on what she reads regularly,” I said.
“Are you kidding? She reads everything,” Nat teased. “And she writes too.”
“I don't publish,” Olivia said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Too secretive,” Nat said. “Plus, she's a perfectionist. It wouldn't work.”
“Oh, yeah, but she might have the self-flagellation down,” I commented.
Olivia stared at me, narrowing her eyes but saying nothing to that.
“She’d get mad at me when I read her stuff,” Nat said.
“Because I asked you not to,” Olivia responded.
“See,” Nat said. “Secretive.”
“Yeah, couldn't possibly be that I don't like what I write and it's embarrassing for me,” Olivia said.
“Your writing is insanely good, Olivia. It always was. And I know you turned publishing deals down so you can't tell me I don't know.”
“How did you-”
“I found your letters,” Nat said.
“Oh…” Olivia said, setting her chopsticks down. “Is there a bathroom-" She asked, holding her stomach.
Nat got up and pointed toward the door.
Olivia stepped away.
“Guess she didn't want to talk about that,” Nat huffed an apologetic laugh. “How's it going?”
“I think I insulted her somehow and I’m pretty sure she’s going to be weirded out by my books.”
“Are you kidding,” Nat beamed. “She’ll love ‘em. I know her.”
“Why do you think you hurt her feelings?” Nat wondered.
“She got a little huffy when I asked her some questions. I just wanted to make sure that we were good and I probably said it wrong. I don’t even remember what I said, honestly. You know how I can be,” I said.
“Um. Vague,” Nat said, not needing an example. “Why wouldn't you have been good? Did something happen?”
“Because she’s totally in love with you and I’m in the way,” I said.
“Please don’t say stuff like that,” Nat asked lowering her voice. She moved over to my side of the table and slipped her hand down my inner thigh. “Look, I’m sure she doesn’t feel that way about you. Olivia’s not like that. She wouldn’t just hate you because you got to be with me. And she wouldn’t waste her time pretending, believe me. I’m actually surprised she’s even here.”
“She said she realized that it was better to be here than not. She spent time hiding from it and now she’s not. I just wouldn’t blame her for feeling sad about seeing us like this. I remember the feeling of not having you even for a week and it was so not a place I would want to go again. It’s been a long time and she still blames herself totally for losing you. That’s gotta be tough,” I said.
“It’s not your job to fix her, baby. And if she’s here seeing us, maybe she’s right, maybe she needs to be.”
Nat wrapped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me tight against her body.
“No, it’s not my job. I wouldn’t be good at that. You’re the one that has that talent. I’m the assistant,” I said.
I leaned into Nat and let her take me over.
“I just wanted to find out if me being around was going to be more hurt than help,” I admitted.
“Olivia’s just a really independent person,” Nat spoke quietly. “She probably doesn’t want to put you out. And she probably feels guilty about even coming here.”
Nat pushed my hair back and kissed my head.
“I gotta go back,” she said, breathing me. “Are you gonna be okay here? You guys don’t have to be hanging out. She’ll understand if you want to do other things.”
“I’m gonna be fine. I don’t feel like working so I’ll just keep her company if she wants it,” I said.
I leaned back to look at her.
“I’m just sad you have to go.” I pouted and reached to smooth a finger along her jawline. “I’ll miss your face.”
Her eyes traced my expression and then she leaned in to kiss me. “I’ll miss your face too,” she said. “I’ll also miss being quiet and not endlessly screaming,” she laughed, a little tired from work.
“I’ll make you tea when you’re done and you won’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”
“Mm. I’m excited,” she smiled softly. Her lips kissed mine again and she rocked us together before moving to stand.
“Tell Robert to fuck off if he gets mean again. I’ll call Tom if he’s being a dick and that’ll set him straight, no pun intended,” I smiled.
She had worked with this director before and this was her third movie with the production company. Robert had a tendency to set impossible goals and then yell a lot when they weren’t met.
“He’s just trying to get that special something,” Nat rolled her eyes. “It’s always just his moods. You know it passes.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t give him the right to be a dick to you just because he’s a moody bitch,” I fumed.
“It’s nothing I can’t handle, baby,” Nat said, warning me that she didn’t need protecting. She started to walk to go. I heard the toilet flush and the water run from inside the bathroom where Olivia was hidden.
“Be careful with that one,” Nat whispered a small tease.
10
(Olivia)
The
flight out was okay. I kept having regrets though, that pit in my stomach and the fluttery feeling in my chest like I just ran a hundred miles. My heart was beating fast about coming here even before the wheels of the plane touched down on the Vancouver tarmac.
“Can I get your number?”
“That’s not such a good idea,” I laughed.
“Why not?” The man smiled, randomly checking me out. “You said you’d be staying all week just like me.”
“I’m gay,” I said, not caring if it was partly a lie. I was a little gay but I’d had relationships with men, I’d had sex with men. It wasn’t 100% foolproof. I just wanted him to not see me that way.
“All the reason to try something new,” he teased. “Oh come on. It doesn’t have to be about sex,” he whispered.
My throat pained me and my heart was already beating fast about everything else. My mind was with Natalie now, Nat and Avery and this person beside me who had tried to pry his way into my life was just clinging onto me like a parasite. His body was now touching mine.
“Please don’t,” I said, sitting to my side a little and pushing him away. His breath had pet my ear and it reminded me of one of my exes. I person I’d tried to love once when I thought that maybe I could just make myself love someone.
“Well. I apologize,” the man said. It wasn’t completely his fault but this would never have happened if we had been just two men. “The way we were talking. I actually thought you were interested.” He scratched his stubble and acted a little disappointed because of me.
“I was interested in the conversation,” I said, staring over at him a little pissed. How else was I supposed to calm my nerves and fill a couple of long hours? Can’t a woman talk to a man without it meaning something else?
I admit, I was already upset when I got on the plane. Telling Farrow I was going to take some time off, he didn’t exactly have a reaction and that grated on me. But this was really annoying.
“And what about future conversations?” The man posed.
“Now that I know you’re just interested in having sex with me I’m going to politely decline. Had I known that before I wouldn’t have even talked to you.”
“Ouch,” the man laughed.
It wasn’t funny to me. I kept quiet and, for a while, he left me alone.
The plane landed and when I stood up the man stood against me, even reaching around the front of my body and holding me close to him at one point, under the guise of keeping me safe from a large man who was passing us in the aisle and swinging his bag a bit too close to my face.
Once the careless man had gone, I pushed the jerk’s arm off of me and I turned to face him.
“Here,” he smiled, holding out his business card. “Just gimme a call if you change your mind. I loved talking to you.”
I took the card, to shut him up. But there was no way I was keeping it or calling him. We pushed out into the aisle.
Soon as the people parted for us I was off but then I waited for him to be out of my sight before looking for Avery. I didn’t want to take any chances of having another stalker situation, I’d already had too many in my miserable short life.
“What are you thinking about?” Avery asked.
We were in the car now, riding side-by-side. It was at least an hour since I got off that stupid plane.
Given everything, I didn’t exactly know how to be with her. Her eyes and ears were searching for inconsistencies and negative reactions to the things that she said.
I just wanted to be myself and to not have to worry about anyone getting hurt but I knew I rubbed people wrong and I knew that I couldn’t just relax without hurting her.
It hit me too late that my face was probably showing my displeasure due to what I was thinking about.
“Asshole on the plane,” I told her. Despite my better judgement, I told the truth. We had to fill the silences somehow. She was very insistent on connecting with me if I would allow her to. That was already working backwards though. It was making me like her and want to shake her a little, maybe ask her to love me when I shouldn’t do that.
“Uh oh, did someone get too friendly?” She asked.
“I just hate when guys are cute and normal and fun to talk to and then all of a sudden they make things weird and take shit back.”
I’d been listening to a podcast. It would’ve been nice to have just kept listening on the plane instead of being sucked into all that.
“Ah yes, they figure since you spoke to them that you want to have sex with them. Ick. That's so gross. I'm glad there are guys out there that aren't like that but it feels like they're the minority.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure I’ve met a guy who isn’t like that,” I confessed. My days of hiding my bitterness about men being trademark selfish were long since gone. I’d been working with nothing but egocentric men for my entire adult life now. Having to sit in on sexist conversations and pretend they weren’t happening, that was kinda my thing. I had to work with them to get my shit to sail. Which was part of the reason I wanted to get the fuck out when Nat suggested this spur of the moment trip.
I tried to bring my attentions back inside of the car. I didn’t like that we had a driver. He couldn’t hear us but I liked to be behind the wheel of a car and I also liked to not feel like I had to impress or entertain. When Nat said Avery would pick me up at the airport I didn’t think she meant as an escort.
Of all the things I imagined Nat’s lover being, an, overly kind, obedient assistant wasn’t one of them. Avery intrigued me but she also made my stomach twist into painful knots. Sitting next to her made me feel like I was losing while still gambling with the potential to lose more.
“I've met a few. My ex was a decent guy. Too bad I broke his heart,” Avery said.
“Sorry,” I apologized. The way she and Nat talked I fell under this sort of spell in thinking they'd only ever been together, like even I was erased.
We rode in silence to the store. A lot of our time was sucked up by trying to see if the store was even open before we got there. My data was in and out and the page I landed had all these weird reviews for the cooler bookstore so we talked about them openly.
We stood outside for a second and Avery got the door for me which is something I might be annoyed about if it wasn't done specifically by her.
I tried to imagine what Nat had been through, what could make her become the person who adored someone getting her door. A person who got her to live in being loved this way which was opposite from us.
“Okay, where am I going,” I wondered. There were gifty books first and several rows of magazines. I was sure Avery would try again to steer me toward something more academic of hers but I wanted her hidden work, the kind that came natural.
I envied anyone who could get to the public stage without having it tarnish them. That was true in many arenas. Avery was brave to put her work out.
“Um, do you see the romance section?” She looked over the stacks.
A smile tucked itself up on my face and I tried to hide it by looking here and there. “Um. I don't know,” I said, too flustered to really focus.
We had something in common. A love for romance.
“Oh! Over there,” she pointed, loose with her body but also strong and a leader, somehow.
“Right,” I said, accidentally taking her hand.
I laughed nervously and let it go as I walked. My instinct to physically touch her kept getting the better of me.
“Sorry- I- swear, I'm not always like this with everyone.” Looking down at my hands I wasn’t even sure what possessed me.
Perhaps it was some chemical connection to Nat or something.
I didn't just go around touching people and taking their hands.
“The guy on the plane touched me,” I said, traveling back. I didn't want to be like him. What if she didn't like to be touched?
“Don't apologize. I'm a touchy person with people I like. Don't be afraid to do it,” Avery said.
“Yeah, I
just mean… I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, I already know you're worried about me.”
We got to the romance section and I wondered what kind of characters a person like Avery would create. What would her stories be? Were they fantasy? Were they straight?
My heart sped up again, remembering how I felt on the plane remembering Avery's body at the beach.
