And Loving It! gs-6

by William Johnston

  “Maybe yes and maybe no,” Max replied. “What’s your plan?”

  “We heard Buckley say that they were going to bed,” Brattleboro continued. “That means that, right now, they’re in separate rooms. Buckley will be in his bedroom, and Guru Optimo will be in his bedroom. In other words, at this particular moment, Buckley is unable to work his influence on Guru Optimo. Right?”

  “I’d rather not commit myself,” Max replied. “What about the plan?”

  “We’ll separate,” Brattleboro said. “You and 99 will look for Buckley’s room. And I’ll look for Guru Optimo’s room. When we find them, we’ll destroy them both.”

  “Why didn’t you just say that? Why all that involved explanation?” Max asked.

  “I’m a fuzzy thinker.”

  “Oh.”

  “But this is such a big castle,” 99 said. “And we don’t have any idea where their bedrooms might be.”

  “See what a fuzzy thinker I am,” Brattleboro said apologetically.

  “Maybe I can straighten it out,” Max said. “How does this sound? Brattleboro, you go one way, and look for Guru Optimo’s room, and 99 and I will go another way, and look for Buckley’s room.”

  “Fantastic,” Brattleboro said. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “Because you have a fuzzy mind,” Max informed him.

  “But, Max, that doesn’t make the castle any smaller,” 99 pointed out.

  “Did I say it did? Are you catching Brattleboro’s fuzzy-mindedness, 99?”

  “I better go before I start an epidemic,” Brattleboro said.

  Max stopped him. “Just a moment. We’re in the dungeon. And there’s only one way out. So how can we separate?”

  “By cracky, you’ve done it again-lit a candle in the darkness!” Brattleboro said, impressed. “But what’s the answer?”

  “We’ll go to the first floor-then we’ll separate,” Max decided.

  “Brilliant! Brilliant! Now, I know why Control is the organization that it is!”

  Max smiled modestly. “Why?” he asked.

  “Because it has the Government behind it. KAOS could be the organization that it is, too, if it had all that tax money to support it.”

  “Frankly, I doubt it,” Max replied scornfully.

  With Max in the lead they made their way along the narrow corridor, then up the steps to the main floor. The main floor halls were almost totally dark.

  “I’ll go that way,” Brattleboro said.

  “I can’t see which way you’re pointing,” Max replied.

  “That way.”

  “Nevermind. Just go.”

  Brattleboro disappeared into the dimness.

  “We’ll go this way,” Max said to 99.

  They started out, staying close to the walls.

  “Excuse me,” Max said.

  “You’re excused.”

  “99, your voice is changing.”

  “That wasn’t me, Max.”

  “It was me,” Brattleboro’s voice said. “What are you doing here? You were supposed to go the other way.”

  “I didn’t know which way the other way was until now,” Max replied. “99?” he said. “Are you still here? We’re headed in the wrong direction.”

  “I can’t see you, Max.”

  “Here. . take my hand.”

  “I’ve got it, Max.”

  “That’s my hand,” V. T. Brattleboro’s voice said.

  “I thought you’d left,” Max said.

  “I did. But in this dark, I must have gone in a circle.”

  “We need a light of some kind,” Max said. “Anybody got a match?”

  “I have a miniature flashlight,” Brattleboro said.

  “That’s even better.”

  “You think so? Every try to light a cigar with one?”

  “For this purpose, I mean, it’s better,” Max said. “Light your miniature flashlight, then go in whatever direction you want to, and we’ll go in the other direction.”

  “You did it again,” Brattleboro said.

  A pinpoint of light suddenly appeared. Then it moved down the corridor.

  “Shall we go, too?” 99 said to Max.

  “Shhhh!”

  “Why, Max?”

  “I don’t want Brattleboro to hear you.”

  “But he knows we’re going to go.”

  “Yes, but he doesn’t know which direction we’re going to go, 99. Let him get a little bit ahead of us, then we’re going to follow him.”

  “Max. . that isn’t the plan.”

  “It’s my plan, 99. Brattleboro’s plan is to double-cross us. That’s why I’ve instituted my own plan, which is to double-cross him.”

  “Could you explain that to me, Max?”

  “99, while we were having dinner with Buckley and Guru Optimo, Brattleboro had plenty of time to wander around the castle. It’s my guess that this isn’t a wild goose chase he’s on, that he knows exactly where Guru Optimo’s room is located.”

  “But why wouldn’t he share the information with us?”

  “Because, while we were roaming around in these corridors, chasing that goose, he would have time to go straight to Guru Optimo’s room and talk him into rejoining KAOS.”

  “Max, maybe, but-”

  “Come on, 99,” Max broke in. “We can’t let that light get out of our sight!”

  They moved quietly down the corridor in pursuit of Brattleboro.

  “Max, what’s the rest of your plan?” 99 whispered.

  “We’ll let Brattleboro lead us to Guru Optimo’s room, then we’ll put Brattleboro out of commission-temporarily, of course-then we’ll talk Guru Optimo into rejoining Control.”

  “Max. . I lost the light. Do you see it?”

  “I haven’t taken my eye off it since Brattleboro first lit it, 99. There it is, right up ahead. It seems to have stopped. Let’s get closer.”

  They crept nearer.

  “Max,” 99 whispered, “that doesn’t look like the light.”

  “I tell you, I’ve had my eye on it every second.”

  “But, Max, that looks like the moonlight from that window over there shining on a suit of armor.”

  “Exactly what Brattleboro wants you to think, 99.”

  “You mean-”

  “Isn’t it obvious? Brattleboro has clouded our minds, making us think that he’s a suit of armor with the moonlight shining on him. Very romantic, but it won’t work. You’ll notice that the suit of armor is standing by a doorway. That doorway leads to Guru Optimo’s room. As soon as we leave, thinking we’ve lost the light, Brattleboro will enter the room and do his dirty work.”

  “What can we do, Max?”

  “Since we now know where Guru Optimo’s room is located, we no longer need Brattleboro to lead us to it. I’ll stroll up to that suit of armor, pretending I’m lost, then I’ll suddenly turn on it and put it out of commission with a karate chop.”

  “All right. But. . careful, Max. .”

  Max meandered up the corridor, looking as if he were lost. Then, reaching the suit of armor, he abruptly raised an arm and chopped it across the back of the neck.

  There was a clanging sound.

  “What happened, Max?” 99 called.

  “I think I broke my hand, 99.”

  “How is Brattleboro?”

  “I don’t know. But the next time I see him, I’ll tell him that you asked.”

  “You mean-”

  “It’s a suit of armor with the moonlight shining on it.”

  Hurrying, 99 joined Max. “Then we’ve lost Brattleboro,” she said. “Oh, Max, we’ll never find him now!”

  “99, if he’s in this castle, we’ll find him,” Max promised her. “Remember back there where we took a left turn and saw this suit of armor? Well, Brattleboro must have taken a right turn, instead. So, we’ll just go back to where we started, and next time, turn right instead of left. That ought to take us straight to Brattleboro.”

  “Unless, after he made a right turn, he
made another turn-a left turn, maybe? Or a right turn again? Or two right turns and a left turn? Or-”

  “Well, we’ll just hope that we’ll be able to spot that light again.”

  “After all those turns, Max?”

  “Well, we’ll yell for him.”

  “Max, let’s face it, there’s no chance in the world that we’ll ever find him again. Your plan- Max! Look!”

  Several yards ahead of them a moving pinpoint of light had appeared.

  “Yes! It’s-”

  The light was gone.

  “Max, that was him, I’m sure of it!” 99 said. “He must have been in one of the cross corridors!”

  “Why would the corridor be cross, 99, living in a nice, comfy castle like this?”

  “I mean one of the corridors that crosses this corridor.”

  “Oh. Yes, that was probably it. Hurry! Maybe we can catch him!”

  They ran to the next corridor, then stopped and looked both ways.

  “Nothing,” 99 said disappointedly.

  “There!” Max pointed. He raced down the corridor in pursuit of a pinpoint of light.

  “Max! No! That’s-”

  There was a clanging sound.

  A moment later, Max returned, looking crestfallen.

  “Are you all right, Max?”

  “Fine, 99. Fine, that is, as long as there’s no compelling necessity for shaking hands with anyone.”

  “Max. . shall we give up?” 99 said gloomily.

  “Well, 99, I hate to admit defeat. But it looks as if-”

  A pinpoint of light suddenly appeared from around a corner and moved toward them. Max and 99 watched it, fascinated. A few moments later the light reached them.

  “Are you two lost too?” Brattleboro’s voice said.

  “What gave you that idea?” Max asked cagily.

  “I thought you might be having trouble in the dark. Somebody’s been knocking over all the suits of armor.”

  “No, no, we’re fine,” Max said. “We’ve been going about this very systematically, checking from room to room. How about you? Any luck?”

  “Some.”

  “Good.”

  “No, it was bad luck. I fell down some stairs.”

  “Lucky you weren’t carrying a match,” Max said. “You would have lost your light.”

  “That’s not so lucky. I haven’t been able to light my cigar.”

  “In that case, too bad you don’t have a match instead of that flashlight.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I broke the cigar when I fell down the stairs.”

  “Are we going to stand around the rest of the night talking nonsense like this?” 99 asked. “I thought we were supposed to be looking for Lucky Bucky’s and Guru Optimo’s rooms.”

  “I knew I was carrying this flashlight around for some reason,” Brattleboro said. “It must be to look for that snake charmer’s room-it’s certainly no good for lighting cigars.”

  Brattleboro moved on down the corridor.

  “Did you get that conversation?” Max said to 99. “He’s trying to make us think he’s a harmless imbecile.”

  “Which part of the conversation, Max? What you said or what he said?”

  “99, I was just playing along. I wanted to make him think his trick had worked. He doesn’t want us to know how clever he is. He thinks he’s thrown us off the track. And now, as you’ll see in a second, he’s heading straight for Guru Optimo’s room, convinced that we think that he’s just blundering around blindly.”

  “You mean we’re going to follow him again?”

  “Come on, 99, before he loses us!”

  Moving quietly, they set out after the light once more.

  All of a sudden it disappeared.

  “Oh, Max! Gone!”

  “Aha! But this time I saw where it went!”

  Max hurried, with 99 at his heels. A second or so later they reached a door.

  “This is the place!” Max whispered. “This is the door to Guru Optimo’s room. And inside we’ll find Brattleboro.”

  “Careful, Max. .”

  There was a creaking sound as Max turned the knob. Then he flung the door wide open-and peered at a pinpoint of light that was staring back at them.

  “Brattleboro?” Max said warily.

  “Boy, am I glad to see you!” Brattleboro’s voice replied. “I blundered into this closet, then I couldn’t find my way back out!”

  There was silence for a moment. Then Max said, “Look, maybe you better let me take the light.”

  “That might be best,” Brattleboro agreed. He handed over the flashlight.

  “Thank you,” Max said. “Now, perhaps we can get something accomplished.”

  “Take this too,” Brattleboro said, putting two small objects into Max’s hand.

  “What are they?”

  “The broken cigar that goes with the flashlight,” the KAOS agent replied. “I don’t want to break up the set.”

  6

  In command of the flashlight, Max led the way along the corridor. He began quietly opening doors and looking into the rooms, searching for either Lucky Bucky or Guru Optimo.

  “Nothing,” he continued to report.

  “Max-”

  “Shhh-”

  “But, Max-”

  “99, please don’t talk unless you have something important to say. Lucky Bucky could be in any of these rooms, and he might hear you.”

  “Would it be important if we’d lost V. T. Brattleboro?”

  “Mmmmm. . yes, I think that would fit the category.”

  “Max, we’ve lost V. T. Brattleboro,” 99 said.

  “What!” Max responded, startled.

  “He was right behind me just a moment ago, but now he’s gone.”

  “That means he gave us the slip. He knows where Guru Optimo’s room is, and he’s headed straight for it Quick, 99! Follow him!”

  “I don’t know which way he went.”

  “Look for that pinpoint of light!”

  “I see it, Max.”

  “Where. . where?”

  “In your hand, Max. You have the flashlight.”

  “Oh. . yes, I forgot about that.” He put out the light. “There, now, we won’t make that mistake again.”

  “I’m sure that will be a big help, Max. What do we do next?”

  “We’ll just have to backtrack, 99, and look in every room until we find Brattleboro and Guru Optimo. Let’s go.”

  They retreated along the corridor, opening doors, looking into the rooms. But, again, Max kept reporting nothing, nothing, nothing.

  Then they came to a door that was standing partly open.

  “This has to be it,” Max whispered. “Careful, 99!”

  He peeked into the room.

  “Is it, Max?”

  “Yes!”

  “What do you see?”

  “Guru Optimo. He’s asleep in his bed.”

  “And Brattleboro?”

  “I can’t see him, 99, but I know he’s in there. I can sense his presence. Evidently he has clouded my mind and is making me think he’s something else. We can’t let that stop us, though. We’ll have to go in there, wake Guru Optimo, and attempt to persuade him to rejoin Control.”

  “Won’t Brattleboro try to stop us?”

  “Undoubtedly. But there’s nothing we can do about it until he shows himself.”

  “All right, Max. .”

  They crept into the room and crossed toward Guru Optimo’s bed. Max’s eyes darted to the right and left, looking for some sign of Brattleboro. And, preoccupied, he bumped into a chair, then stepped back, surprised.

  “Ouch!” a voice said.

  Max flew into action. He leaped to the window, yanked the cord from the drapes, and quickly wrapped it around the chair, binding it.

  “Max,” 99 asked curiously, “why did you do that?”

  “99, I’m very surprised that you can’t figure it out. That chair is V. T. Brattleboro.”

  “Is it?” She inspected the chair.
“How do you know, Max?”

  “Didn’t you hear it cry out when I bumped it?”

  “Max. . that was me.”

  “You, 99?”

  “When you stepped back from the chair after bumping it, you stepped on my foot. I cried ‘ouch!’ ”

  “99, didn’t I ask you to keep quiet unless you had something important to say?”

  “Ouch seemed sort of important at the moment, Max.”

  Max unwound the cord from the chair. “Well, it was still a good move,” he said. “If we can’t talk Guru Optimo into rejoining Control, we can tie him up and force him to put in with us again.”

  Max motioned to 99, and once more they crept across the room toward Guru Optimo’s bed. Then suddenly, when Max was only a step away from Guru Optimo, the floor opened up beneath him and he went hurtling downward. He landed in water, disappeared below the surface, then bobbed up. Treading water, he looked around. Facing him, treading water too, was V. T. Brattleboro.

  “Oh, so there you are!” Max said.

  “I see you found Guru Optimo’s room,” Brattleboro replied. “Wasn’t that a little sneaky? What about our agreement? You were supposed to look for Lucky Bucky Buckley’s room.”

  “Let’s call it even,” Max said. “You cheated too, you know.”

  “How?”

  “You were supposed to have been a chair.”

  “I wish I were a chair,” Brattleboro said. “I’d stand on myself and climb out of here. Look where we are! This basement, or whatever it is, has no doors and no windows, and the water is approximately ten feet deep. In a very short time, we’re going to become too tired to tread water and then we’re going to drown.”

  “Brattleboro,” Max replied, “if there’s one thing I’ve learned during my many years as a secret agent, it’s this: If there’s a way in, there’s a way out.”

  “We fell in through that trap door,” Brattleboro said, pointing upward.

  Max looked, “Mmmm, yes, I see. . it closes after the victim passes through it. Well, that certainly proves one thing.”

  “What?”

  “Sometimes the things you learn during your many years as a secret agent aren’t worth a hill of beans.”

  But at that moment the trap door was suddenly pushed open and 99’s face appeared. “Max! Are you down there?” she called.

  “Shhh! Don’t wake Guru Optimo!”