Jax

by Penny Anglene

  I jump in my car and take off for home. I get there and remember to call my mom.

  I dial her number and she answers on the second ring. “Mom, it’s looking bad this way. You just want to keep Sassy another night and I can get her in the morning sometime?” I say. She responds that she’ll keep her and bring her home on the way to her doctor’s appointment. “That’s fine, Mom. Love you. Talk to you tomorrow sometime. Okay?” We hang up. I look around as I grab my keys and groceries and I get out of my car. I just get a feeling that someone is watching. I bet it’s Mrs. Franks again. I thought they would have stopped since I was in Tennessee. I unlock the door and turn around and relock it. I turn on some lights as I go into the kitchen. It’s small but I love the granite counter tops and small island that sits there in the middle. The cabinets are a medium tone gray. Off-white with gray splatters in the flooring tiles and white granite counter tops. This is a small replica of what my dream kitchen would be when I get married. I wonder where Jax lives. I have never been there, but he keeps saying he’s moving me in. I put up the few things I picked up, putting the beer in the fridge to keep it cold. I throw the ground beef in a skillet and turn the burner on low.

  I head off to change clothes and come back out about three minutes later. I look over as I’m coming out of the hallway and think I see someone looking in the side window. I jump and let out a yelp. The bell rings. I go slowly to answer it. I look out the peep hole and it’s Pete.

  “Yes, Pete,” I say opening the door. He looks amused and pissed. “Is there a problem?” I question with a grin.

  “Is there a problem?” he snaps out with a foul attitude.

  “I don’t know, I asked you first, dickwad. You came here. I didn’t come to your place.” I sneer back at him with my nose up in the air.

  He starts to come forward and I lock the front screen door on him. His mouth drops open. “Look you, big ape, I have plans tonight. Don’t respond to Mrs. Franks unless she says someone is dying. Do not come to my door. Don’t be calling my phone either, officer,” I yell at him, the sound escalating louder with each word. “Now, is there a problem, Pete?” I ask again.

  “You know you can be a real pain in my ass, Ria. I can’t believe you told Trent. He is all over my ass. Now I have to try and control Mrs. Franks. That is almost impossible,” he hisses at me.

  I smirk. “You started it. I just finished it you green-eyed jackass.”

  He stomps his booted foot on the porch. You can actually see the steam coming out of his ears. He turns and storms off the porch to go to Mrs. Franks. He looks over his shoulder. I wave my fingers and mutter “Ta-ta.” He knows what I said. I could see it in his eyes.

  I shut and lock the door and run to the kitchen to make sure nothing burned. I put the fries on the pan and start the oven. I get the fine china out for dinner tonight, within our family that means paper plates. I have no desire to do the dishes. I just finish up dinner when I hear a knock at the door. It’s not but a little after seven so I don’t believe it’s Jax. I go look through the keyhole and open the door.

  Chapter Ten

  I stare mesmerized with tears just flowing down my face. I start to sob uncontrollably and can’t seem to stop. I have so much emotion running through me, and all I can say is, “I love you Jax. I love you so much.” He looks at me bewildered with an uncertain look in his gaze. He goes to open the door and it’s still locked.

  “Open the door, beautiful. Open the door,” he demands in a gruff voice.

  I stretch my arm out with a shaking hand, my whole body seems to be trembling as I unlock the door. He has it open before my hand is off the lock and I fall forward into his arms. He wraps his arms around me, lifts me up, and closes the door locking it behind us.

  “Hey, beautiful, what’s wrong?” he asks as he wipes the tears off my face.

  I just continue to sob, I can’t talk. I shake my head as he continues to whisper in a crooning voice. I’ve held off for the last month, keeping all of this to myself. I should have discussed this with him before.

  He hears the timer on the oven go off. He moves me to the couch, sets me down on it, and goes and turns off the oven and removes the fries. He comes back into the living room and sits beside me, picking me up and putting me in his lap. I am still a mess but slowly the water works slow down. He takes a Kleenex off the end table and mops my face.

  “Are you going to tell me why you’re crying and sobbing like this. Are you sick or something?” he asks me, worriedly.

  I deny being sick with a quick shake of my head. My head is tilted while gazing into his beautiful brown eyes, my lips trembling.

  “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” he asks while he still rubs my back.

  As he continues to rub my back, I calm down even more. The constant feel of him helps with that. I can’t go through what I went through before.

  “I am going to tell you, but please don’t interrupt until I’m done. Then if you need or want to ask questions, I will answer. You may decide to just leave,” I murmur in a low voice.

  I scoot off his lap and he looks so shattered that I take his hands in mine. I know I am fucking this up, although this is just as hard on me.

  He looks me in the eyes as I begin, and I look downward. “When I was fifteen, I was kidnapped coming off a park trail. Debbie was with me when we were both taken. He ended up dumping her along the side of the roadway in a ditch. She laid there overnight until someone found her. He had beaten the bloody hell out of her and had left her for dead.” I sniffle as I continue, “I was beaten bloody, broken bones, eyes were swollen shut, it took two months for the marks to heal on the outside. It’s taken years for the emotional side to heal as much as it has. At first, I had a blindfold on, and he took it off. He always smelled like liquor and cigarettes. He reeked of them both. I was held for a week, although it felt like forever. I didn’t know the difference in time. It felt like it was running all together. I thought there were two of them but only one ever came to the room I was held in. I remember crying for my daddy, ‘Please help me daddy.’ I wanted my momma. I cried so much I couldn’t talk,” I sob out in a tortured sound.

  This is bringing up some very bad memories for me, and I am having flashbacks as I talk to Jax. “He raped me, over and over and over. Kept calling me vile names.” Thinking to myself in my head. ‘Bitch and cunt, whore, but I wasn’t.’ I bawl intensely as I talk nonstop. “He beat me every single time he raped me. Every. Single. Time. He even started calling me by a name I didn’t know.

  My hands are shaking so badly Jax clasps them both in his hands to slow it down. He has tears running down his face.

  He goes to say something, and I ask him to let me finish first. I have to get this out.

  “He kept me on a nasty dirty smelly floor mat that smelled so bad I vomited more than once. I didn’t even have a bucket to go to the bathroom in. My body was covered in urine and shit; that’s one of the reasons I take so many showers to this day. He held me in a trailer, out of town. One day I heard a bunch of guns, people yelling. At first, I thought it was the television. Then I realized it wasn’t. The door was slamming, and I could hear voices out in the other room. I just didn’t know who it was. I was so frightened it would be someone else coming to hurt me. A lot of this time is still somewhat fuzzy to me, but I remember enough of it that I still have nightmares sometimes. I couldn’t yell for help. I tried so hard. I had cried so much that I had hardly any sound left to make. I was in a locked room. Debbie’s brothers found me. I wouldn’t let anyone touch me. I was afraid of every little thing. Trent, one of Debbie’s brothers, was the only one I would allow to touch me. I remember screaming at God in my mind and asking why he wouldn’t help me. I kept screaming for my mom and dad. Pete is the one that killed him. I spent a week in the hospital. I couldn’t let anyone in, I was still scared. Trent is my guardian angel. He took care of me for a long time after. I spent over two years in counseling. I didn’t attend school for two years. I was homeschooled.
A lot of it was kept quiet, but some of it still leaked out into the community. I was so ashamed at first. See I was no longer a virgin. He stole that from me.” I hiccup and weep as I said all of this so fast, so I could get it out.

  “I was finally rescued. I thought I was gonna die though. I didn’t think I was ever going to get to go home,” I bellow out in a howl, with tears running down my face like a faucet.

  I feel Jax jerk. I look up and he looks so devastated. I have tears running down my face. He picks me up and puts me back in his lap, running his hands up and down my back.

  He looks at me, lifts my chin so that I have to look him, “Who was he?” he growls. I jump a little and he looks contrite. “I’m sorry, please don’t,” he says to me in a whisper.

  “A lot of what happened is still foggy. I don’t know his name. They kept it from me,” I tell him.

  “Why would you think I would leave?” he says in a low voice.

  “About three years ago, actually two and a half, I was dating a man. He was older than me, I thought I meant something to him. I told him what happened. Shortly thereafter, he started making comments that weren’t so nice. See, I hadn’t slept with him. He started calling me a prick tease, cunt, bitch, and other names. Then he hit me. Debbie’s brother, Trent, had stopped by to see me and had seen him. He beat the hell out of him. I haven’t seen him since. I told him I never wanted to see him again. On his way out the door, he told me I wanted what that other man did to me. That I lied about it.” I weep so loud. I have snot running down my face. He hands me more Kleenex.

  “I haven’t dated or went with anyone since then. I know I freeze people out when they get too close. I don’t want that with you, ever. You mean something to me. I mean you have seen some of my quirks. Making sure everything is locked, windows shut and locked, always looking around me to see if anyone is watching me. I don’t go out after dark unless someone is with me. It would devastate me if you finally realized I was too much of a hassle to have a relationship with.”

  “Never,” he growls. “You are mine. That means all of you. Remember what I said. I love you too, beautiful. We do this together. Is this why you shy away from making love with me?”

  I nod. “Yeah, I haven’t ever had sex with anyone… other than him,” I state in such a sorrowful tone.

  “Listen to me. You are a virgin in my eyes. He took. He stole from you. You didn’t give that freely,” he whispers with tears in his big expressive brown eyes. “You’ve had counseling?” He wants to know.

  “Yes,” I tell him. “I go to group meetings still to this day. I help others and also work a Rape Crisis Center line at least once a month. Honestly, I’ve been doing so well. Hardly any flashbacks or nightmares. The more I started to care for you, the worse the old came up. I knew I needed to talk to you. I was afraid. I don’t want to lose you. Lately I have felt as if someone is watching me. I have had two nightmares and I hadn’t had one in a long time. Doors being unlocked when I know I locked it and stuff like that.”

  “We will make sure everything is locked and bolted. Keep an eye out and see if we see someone following you,” he replies.

  He continues to touch me. He kisses the side of my head. He taps the side of my leg. “I’m hungry, beautiful. Plus, I’ve missed you like crazy. Let’s get up and go eat. You calm down some and I will ask my questions. Okay? Just know I am not leaving. I told you to always be honest and no cheating. I can’t do either of those.” He leans down and kisses me with such gentleness. I put my arms around his neck and hug him with such strength. My face must look a mess. My nose feels all swollen from crying and my eyes feel like they are gritty.

  “I have really missed you too. I only made sloppy joes and fries. I’m sure the fries are cold by now. I can cook more,” I tell him as I let go and walk into the kitchen.

  I cook more fries in the air fryer this time and we eat. I take care of the kitchen for the night. He asks me where Sassy is, and I tell him she is still at Mom and Dad’s.

  He goes and grabs his things out of his car. He waves at Mrs. Franks and Pete who are standing across the street. I grin thinking about Pete’s ass chewing. I told him. He didn’t listen. Jax comes in, locks the door, checks to make sure everything is locked up tight, grabs my hand and drags me down the hall to the bedroom.

  As soon as I cross the threshold, he shuts and locks that door too. He sets his bag on the bed. He tells me to hold on. He goes back out and comes in with a Diet Pepsi and a beer for himself. He re-locks the door. I smile. We sit on the loveseat in my bedroom sitting area. It’s done in gray and teal colors. The loveseat is gray with teal printed toss pillows and blanket. I love to secretly sit here and read.

  “Are you up to me asking questions?” Jax asks me in a low voice.

  “Of course,” I reply as I look him in the face, with a guarded expression on my face.

  “Don’t look at me like that, beautiful. This is me. How can I help if I don’t know what you have been through?” he tells me in a determined but soft voice.

  “Was Pete the police officer?”

  “Yes, he was.”

  “You said you went to counseling?”

  “Yes, I did, for two years solid. I wouldn’t have made it otherwise. I became an emotional eater and gained about seventy-five pounds. It took a long time before I would even wear any clothing that showed skin. I thought If I was fat, guys wouldn’t look at me. I was afraid to show my feminine side. I was afraid of my own shadow. I was afraid of the dark, and for a long time, afraid of everything. It’s why I always lock everything up so tight. I used to shower with my underclothes on.”

  “You said Debbie was with you? Did they rape her as well?” I shake my head no.

  “She has her own demons. She won’t let me go to counseling with her. She still goes. That’s how they knew I was taken. The police were doing everything they could to find us. It was Trent that actually found me. Him and his friends. Trent had Jimbo call Pete in,” I tell him trying to put everything in the simplest way. This was bringing a lot of memories back. I’m rubbing my temples. I’m starting to get a headache. “I still have flashbacks with all of this. It’s not you. Just, it’s because I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t really ready for the sexual part of our relationship until now. I think I’m ready. I mean…” As my voice trails off, my face blushes a nice rosy pink.

  He leans down and kisses my nose. “Are you remembering that night?” he whispers.

  I nod yes but won’t look him in the face.

  “Listen we are not making love tonight. It’s been a long day and you look just wiped out. In all honesty, I am too. I’ve been so worried. I thought you were going to tell me to kick bricks, beautiful,” he mutters to me in that deep sexy voice of his. “Let me go take a shower, sweets. I want to hold you in my arms. We will talk more later.” As I tilt my head yes, he gets up and heads towards the bathroom. I am in bed waiting on him, trying to relax my muscles and thoughts. I see him come out of the bathroom… naked. I have just a night shirt on, but Jax is still naked.

  “I thought we were gonna sleep, Jax,” I say with a worried expression.

  “We are but that doesn’t mean I can’t be comfortable, and you being in my arms, maybe on top of me for the night makes me comfortable,” he retorts with an anxious grin on his face.

  I climb up into his arms and get comfortable. He asks me if I am comfortable.

  “Does a bear shit in the woods?” I utter.

  He laughs out loud. “I miss your smartass.”

  “I’m glad, cause I kind of like her too. She is a friend of mine and keeps me on an even-keel,” I tell him in all honesty.

  I tell him some of my hopes and dreams. I tell him a little more of what happened the week I was held. I tell him I want to be one hundred percent healed. I tell him I want a life with him.

  Chapter Eleven

  He holds me all night long. He knew that I wasn’t ready and didn’t push. I wake up slowly to him rubbing his hands up and down my b
ack. No pressure, just soothingly. “You are so beautiful,” he tells me. He keeps looking with his eyes roving all over my face. He bends down, and so softly kisses me again. He presses his face into the crook of my neck and keeps kissing me all over. He rolls over and grabs my hands. “Let’s go take a quick shower.”

  We get out of the shower and get dressed. I am trying to show more on the physical side of things, more hugging and kissing, holding hands but I still am not really ready. I know that, Jax understands. We have talked about this and he promised he wouldn’t give up on us, me. We will work this out, he says this to me this all the time.

  He leans down, kisses my nose. “Do you remember when you put my cock in your mouth and played with it like a lollipop? Remember when I gave you my cum and you took it down your throat? That was the hottest thing I have ever seen. I am waiting for that to happen again, but what I’m really looking forward to is the first time I get to come in your pussy. Do you know how much action my fist has gotten? My fist should be sprained, I’ve jacked off so much,” he whispers in my ear, just low enough that I have shivers racing all over my body. My nipples are as hard as little pebbles.

  “I don’t know if I am ready, Jax. I want to, but I’m scared. What twenty-five-year-old is afraid to have sex,” I mutter.

  “Sweetheart, we’ll know when you’re ready. I can wait, this is on your time schedule.” He is holding the side of my face as he tells me this. He leans in and kisses me on my lips.

  “Now, let’s go for a ride or something today.” With a smile I agree. I know he is the one for me.

  Chapter Twelve

  One month later

  This past month everything has been going great. I didn’t know it but Jax's place is above the tattoo shop. It has two apartments and Toby lives in the other one. Sassy and I stay there a lot. She even has her own bed, food bowls, toys and bath stuff. Jax loves that baby as much as me. Tonight, I am on my way there with Sassy and groceries. Before I left my house, I felt as if someone was watching me again, although I never did see anyone or anything out of place. I made sure to lock up tight because we’re staying here at Jax’s for the weekend. It’s been quiet around my place. Mrs. Franks isn’t talking to me and Pete hasn’t been around much. I guess I need to make her some cookies as an apology.