In The Spotlight

by Shona Husk

  ‘I have to empty my bag anyway.’

  They both got up. Pierce opened the door. There were four people there, three women and a man, looking like they were dressed to go clubbing. ‘And now we know why Ripley is staying in.’

  ‘I’d be staying in too if I had you in my room.’ The blonde woman smiled.

  Pierce’s lips twitched but he wasn’t sure what was going on. Before he could respond, they were in the room. He shut the door as the other dancers took over and buzzed around Ripley. He seemed to brighten again. Before he’d been tired and flat; now he was in 3D and colour.

  He was shaking his head. Then he looked over. ‘Do you want to go out?’

  Now it was all on him. He didn’t want to go out. He wasn’t dressed for it. He had to work tomorrow. People would see him with Ripley.

  People were already seeing him with Ripley. They all knew exactly what was going on the moment he’d opened the door and no one had said anything. He’d be in a group … It would be okay.

  ‘Maybe one drink?’

  ‘Pierce has to get out the door by half past six.’ Ripley added. He held up one finger and nodded. That probably meant one drink only. He hadn’t planned this, he’d turned them down.

  ‘Why would you get up that early?’ the man said.

  ‘He’s a submariner,’ Ripley answered for him.

  The rush of heat hit his cheeks. They didn’t need to know anything about him, and now they knew what he did and his name.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘That’s crazy.’

  One of the women hugged him. ‘My grandfather was Navy. It’s people like you that mean the rest of us can enjoy living.’ Her American accent meant he had to think about what she was saying.

  This was getting weird fast. He gave her a quick hug back. ‘Um … thank you.’

  ‘In Australia they don’t appreciate the armed forces like they do in America.’ Ripley was smiling. ‘If you came over you’d be shocked.’

  He was already shocked and he hadn’t left the room.

  Someone rapped on the door. He was almost too scared to open it in case more dancers poured in. Was six people in a room a party?

  He opened the door. It was the pizza. He took the tray. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘OMG pizza!’ The pizza was taken out of his hands.

  ‘Are we crashing a date?’

  ‘This is a lame date.’

  ‘Come out.’

  ‘I only have what I’m wearing and my uniform.’ If he’d known they were going out he’d have worn a shirt, not a T-shirt. ‘I hope this is fine.’

  At least he’d put on proper shoes, not flip-flops.

  ‘Borrow one of my shirts. There might be a couple hanging up.’ Ripley looked at the spare bed covered in clothes and dancers. ‘Otherwise they’re there.’ He pulled a pair of jeans out of the pile, and a shirt.

  ‘He is the biggest slob.’

  ‘I’d noticed.’ Pierce managed a small smile. ‘How do you tell what’s clean and dirty?’

  One of the women offered him a piece of the pizza he’d bought. He ate it.

  ‘I did laundry. I just haven’t folded anything up.’ He found his clothes and got changed right there in the room, with everyone talking to him. Ripley looked up. ‘There is no such thing as privacy.’

  ‘What do you do on the submarine? Do you have your own room?’

  ‘Are kidding? Only the captain does. I have a cabin I share with five other guys.’ It was like they were actually interested. And still they hadn’t said anything about Ripley and him.

  ‘How big is the cabin?’

  ‘About the size of that area.’ He pointed at the wall and then the outer edge of the bed. ‘The bunks are triple stacked.’

  ‘Nope, I need more space than that.’ The man shook his head.

  ‘The pizza is gone, grab a shirt and let’s go.’ Ripley opened the wardrobe door. There were two shirts. He lowered his voice. ‘I didn’t expect them to turn up at my door.’

  ‘I figured that.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I know you … um … you’re okay with this?’

  Not really, but chickening out didn’t seem to be an option. ‘It’s one drink.’

  Ripley nodded. ‘I didn’t want to go out tonight.’

  ‘But you can’t say no?’

  ‘I did, but it’s harder when they are here and bursting to meet you.’

  How much had Ripley told them? His toes curled in his shoes. Did everybody know he was dating, if they were in fact dating, Ripley? Did they all know that when the show moved on it would be over?

  ‘It’ll be fine.’ Ripley kissed his cheek then pulled out the dark green shirt with a tiny leaf print. ‘This will look good on you.’

  He couldn’t escape into the bathroom to change shirts. He wished he spent more time at the gym. If they were all as fit as Ripley he was going to look rather soft. He tensed his stomach and took off his T-shirt, swapping it for Ripley’s shirt as quick as he could.

  ‘Let’s go.’ The blonde woman shook her butt as though getting ready to dance.

  They filed out the door. Pierce put the pizza tray on the floor in the corridor. Ripley caught his hand as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

  Maybe it was and he had to stop worrying about what other people thought. His fingers closed around Ripley’s hand and Ripley gave him one of those melting smiles. The wind was whistling past his ears and the ground was racing up to meet him. His heart was going to get shattered.

  Chapter 9

  It was easy for one drink to become two. To watch as Ripley seemed to shake off the lethargy. It was odd to feel included in this group of strangers. They used lingo he didn’t know and had in-jokes that really weren’t that funny when they tried to explain them to Pierce.

  However, if he’d dragged Ripley to one of the navy get-togethers, the dancer would’ve been in exactly the same position. Maybe. He didn’t know if the sailors would be so inclusive. It wasn’t something he wanted to test either.

  The blonde woman leaned against him. ‘You know he doesn’t do long-distance?’

  Pierce didn’t look at her. She’d introduced herself as Cait. She seemed very comfortable with Ripley. So comfortable that for a moment Pierce thought there was something there, but Ripley had said he’d never been with a woman. And the banter that was between them wasn’t always kind.

  ‘Yeah, I know. But a guy can dream right?’ He shouldn’t have said that out loud.

  ‘Dreams.’ She shook her head. ‘They are pleasant little delusions. If you want something, you have to work.’

  Pierce shrugged her hand off his shoulder. ‘Some dreams are never going to be achievable.’

  He wasn’t an idiot. He knew how this was going to end but he’d signed on anyway. The fun and adventure outweighed the inevitable wound. He wasn’t going to make it hard for Ripley to leave when the time came. Their jobs would take them in different directions.

  ‘Then why waste time on them?’

  ‘Why not?’ He stood up to join Ripley on the dance floor. He didn’t want to waste the time they did have.

  ‘You need a heart to love and he doesn’t have one,’ Cait said. ‘You’re sweet and he’s not.’

  Pierce turned around. ‘A week ago I’d have said the same thing about me.’

  He’d thought himself only capable of meaningless sex. That he’d never be able to fall in love. Ripley had shattered that illusion. If that was all he got from this affair, it was plenty. He lost himself in the crowded club and found Ripley.

  Ripley grabbed his hands and moved in close. ‘Whatever she said about me, it’s all lies.’

  Pierce smiled, but he didn’t feel it. Cait had been telling the truth about a lot of things. Was there a reason Ripley moved from lover to lover without stopping? He’d become one more story, that sailor I dated briefly back home …

  When Ripley looked at him, he didn’t feel that. There was lightness in his heart, and a need in his blood. As he danced w
ith Ripley, he forgot to worry about what people might think. He wasn’t going to waste what time they did have.

  ‘I have things to do on Saturday, but we can hang out on Sunday. I’ll pick you up and we can go to the beach or something.’ The only thing he had to do on Saturday was laundry and ironing. They wouldn’t take the whole day. But Ripley had family here, and if he was spending all his time with him that wasn’t fair.

  Ripley’s grin widened. ‘Perfect.’ He leaned in close so his lips were brushing Pierce’s ear. ‘Shall we go?’

  ‘Yeah. They won’t try to make you stay?’

  ‘I’m not staying, even if they beg … you might have to make sure my resistance doesn’t weaken.’

  ‘Can’t say no to a good time?’

  Ripley didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. Pierce knew guys like him; they were always up for going out. He had been one of them once. When he’d joined the navy it had been the first time he’d had money to spend and he’d wasted a chunk before realising that if he kept going he’d have nothing to show for his service. He’d end up unemployed and begrudging everybody, like his father. That was no way to live, but instead of doing anything about it, his old man just whined.

  Would Ripley burn out before he learned to stop?

  ***

  Ripley made his farewells and they left the club, walking the one block back to the hotel. The tiredness he’d felt before was gone. Pierce was next to him, holding his hand. A far different man to the one he’d first met who didn’t want to be seen out. Was he still feeling uncomfortable?

  ‘Did you have fun?’

  Pierce nodded. ‘Not what I was planning.’

  ‘What were you planning?’

  ‘Sleep. I wanted to slide into your bed and do nothing but feel you there.’

  That was the most romantic thing anyone had said to Ripley. The idea that his lover would be content to be with him and not want anymore … he didn’t know what to say.

  Across the street a couple of drunks yelled out. Pierce stiffened.

  Ripley gripped his hand tighter. ‘Ignore it. If you don’t bite, they have nothing.’

  But at the same time he was glad the hotel entrance was only a few metres away. They walked in and the elevator opened straight away.

  Pierce leaned against the wall; he looked as though he had something on his mind. Was it the drunks or something Cait had said or the whole night? He didn’t say anything. Not as they got out of the elevator, not as they went into the room and started to get ready for bed.

  The longer Pierce waited, the more Ripley was convinced that he wasn’t going to like it, so he didn’t press, only held him, their feet tangling together under the blankets.

  It was only as they were lying in the semi-dark and Ripley was almost asleep that Pierce spoke. ‘Do you really have a lover in every city?’

  What had Cait said this time? It wouldn’t be the first time she’d told a lover something unflattering. ‘Not like that. I am a serial dater. When touring I can’t expect anyone to wait.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Why would they?’

  ‘If they loved you they would.’

  ‘Then maybe they don’t love me.’

  ‘Do you love them?’

  Ripley rolled onto his back. ‘Mostly, no. They are fun for a short time. That’s all I want.’ He’d wanted to be Pierce’s first boyfriend but hadn’t expected the man to fall for him. Would he be better off ending it now? The idea filled him with dread. ‘I can’t give you more.’

  Pierce was quiet for a moment. ‘I didn’t ask for more. You were honest from the start. Maybe it was my mistake to think I’d be immune.’

  Ripley closed his eyes. ‘I had my heart broken once. It sucks.’

  ‘And you haven’t loved since.’ There was an edge that couldn’t be missed, even in the dark.

  ‘I have, but only a little … I know it won’t last. I move on. They move on. It’s all the fun of getting to know someone without the drama of a relationship.’ Except he’d given Pierce a key and they were spending far too much time together. This wasn’t a couple of dates a week thing. It had infected his whole life. He should be pulling back. Pierce was going to get hurt. He was going to get hurt.

  This was tumbling out of control and he didn’t know how to stop it. ‘I usually move on without looking back. I usually don’t get this involved.’

  ‘You wanted to be my first boyfriend.’

  Ripley winced. ‘Maybe I needed a boyfriend.’

  Chapter 10

  ‘How come you’re here?’ Ripley stood in the doorway of his parents’ home looking at his brother. He hadn’t been expecting to see him here on a Saturday—and would’ve been happy not to.

  ‘I’m staying here for the moment.’

  The ex-wife had obviously got the house. He should probably know that. ‘Are Mum and Dad in?’

  ‘They’ve taken Brandy for a walk. They won’t be long … Dad can’t go by himself anymore.’

  Ripley grimaced. That was a definite slide downhill. ‘Well, I’ll wait.’

  He dropped his bag by the front door; it was packed so he could go straight to the theatre. It was nice not to be doing two shows a day and to have that time to see his family. Tomorrow he’d go out with Pierce. The guilt was still there that he should be spending those few hours on Sunday with his parents.

  ‘Yeah, you do that.’ Paul walked back into the lounge room where the football was on. He sat in the recliner and picked up his beer.

  Ripley didn’t sit. He watched his brother drink. The divorce had hit him harder than it first appeared. ‘How’s it going?’

  ‘How do you think? Not all of us can have a flashy life overseas.’

  His life was hardly flashy, dancers didn’t get paid that well. There was no point in arguing that; he’d tried and his brother didn’t get it.

  ‘I thought you’d have been too busy shaking your ass to visit.’

  Breathe. Do not go and smack him in the face. ‘I have to be back by five to warm up and get ready. Put my make-up on.’

  Paul slid a glance at him. It probably wasn’t wise to goad him, but Ripley was sick of putting up with his shit.

  ‘You should come see the show. I’ll get you a ticket.’ Ripley smiled.

  Paul didn’t. ‘I’ve been dragged to enough of your pussy performances.’

  ‘I’ve grabbed more pussy than you. How many asses did you pat while playing footy? I did so enjoy going to see you play … all those guys in shorts. I should have done that, not ballet.’

  Paul stood. He wasn’t quite Ripley’s height, but there was only an inch in it. Ripley stood tall as his brother walked over.

  ‘You think you’re so fucking perfect.’

  Ripley laughed. After the week he was having, it was clear he was so far from perfect. Whatever Anton was looking for, Ripley didn’t have it or couldn’t find it, but he was not backing down or giving up. It was becoming a battle of wills and they both knew it.

  With his brother, it was just a battle.

  Paul gave him a shove.

  Ripley took a couple of steps back. ‘You want to take this outside?’

  ‘Yeah, maybe I do. Knock you down a peg.’

  Ripley backed through the house. ‘Come on then? You think I’m afraid of you?’

  ‘What are you going to do, pirouette me into submission, Jacob?’

  The back door was open. Without taking his eyes off his brother, Ripley stepped out. ‘Jacob isn’t my name.’

  ‘It’s on your birth certificate. Everybody has always pandered to you. The baby of the family. The delicate little dancer.’ Paul minced outside, then took a swing. ‘You always sucked up all the attention.’

  Ripley ducked and countered with a punch to Paul’s gut. A warning shot. ‘You forget. I learned how to fight at school.’

  ‘Maybe if you hadn’t been such a girl you wouldn’t have got picked on.’

  ‘Maybe if you weren’t such a cockhead, you’d be able
to stop blaming me for your problems. You homophobic tool.’

  Paul lashed out hard; Ripley managed to get out of the way. He was quick on his feet. That had always been in his favour—unless there was more than one of them. At school they had travelled in packs.

  ‘Did you cheat on your wife? Girlfriend or boyfriend?’

  As Paul lunged again, Ripley swept his brother’s leg out from under him. Unfortunately Paul grabbed him and he hit the grass too. He moved out of range fast while his brother lay there. Not dead, Ripley could see his chest heaving. How unfit was his brother?

  ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ Ripley rolled his shoulder. He’d landed on it. He’d strap it for class and get another massage. It would be fine.

  ‘I got it.’

  ‘Got what?’

  His brother wasn’t out of breath, he was crying. Ripley froze. His brother hadn’t even cried when he’d broken his arm playing football. Ten-year-old Jacob, as he’d been back then, had been in awe. His big brother was like a superhero. Back then they’d got on much better.

  ‘Huntington’s. I got the test.’

  ‘Fuck. When and why?’ How had Ripley not known about this? Why had no one mentioned it?

  Paul still hadn’t moved. He was staring up at the sky. ‘Are you clear? Give me one more reason to hate you. Are you gay because you know you have it?’

  ‘No.’ How did that even make sense in Paul’s mind? Was this what it was like for Pierce, all the time? That thin edge of resentment always there, always applying a little pressure at exactly the wrong time? Ripley forced out a breath and hugged his knees. ‘I’m too scared to find out. It’s this big black cloud that I can see, but I don’t know if it’s going to pass me by or if it’s going to destroy me.’

  He did not like getting tests and having to wait for the results. It freaked him out, even though he’d only ever been worried about the result once. That time his dancing had suffered and he’d been celibate for the entire time. He knew this was different but still couldn’t do it. He should, then he’d know. Then he’d be as gutted as his brother. ‘Do Mum and Dad know?’

  ‘No. I didn’t tell them I was getting tested.’