Kane

by Douglas, Cheryl

  “Fair enough,” he said, looking somber.

  “I don’t want to hate you, but I’m finding it hard not to.” I believed honesty was always the best policy in these situations and since I’d never been good at sugar-coating the truth, I came out with it. “After what you did to Mom, and us, I don’t know how not to hate you.”

  “I understand.”

  I’d expected him to try to defend himself. Maybe that’s what I’d hoped for, so I could fight back. But I didn’t know how to deal with his quiet resignation, his willingness to take all the blame without deflecting.

  “Just tell me why you did it.” I’d heard all about his troubled childhood from Brody, but we’d had a rough upbringing too, thanks to Jack, and we’d managed to turn things around. Not a single one of us got a woman pregnant only to abandon her.

  “That’s a good question,” he said, looking at his linked hands.

  His moment of quiet contemplation gave me time to really observe him. I could easily see myself or any one of my brothers in him. Same stature, hair color, eye color. He had his share of wrinkles and gray hair, but they only helped me imagine what I might look like in twenty-five years.

  “I didn’t know how to be a man. No one ever taught me.” He raised his hand before I could interject. “Before you tell me that’s a cop-out, you might be right. But it’s also the truth. Some guys instinctively know how to be good men, like you and your brothers. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of them.”

  We’d had our share of trouble over the years, but unlike the Jack I remembered, it didn’t follow us wherever we went.

  “I didn’t know what I was looking for when I came to Vegas, aside from getting lost. Instead, I found myself.”

  I barely suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. An enlightened Jack Steele? I wasn’t buying it.

  “I met a man who led by example, teaching me the kind of lessons my father had never learned himself.” After a shuddering breath, he said, “Then I met a woman who taught me how to love and forgive, starting with myself.”

  For the first time, I noticed the framed photos scattered on the end tables. Family photos of a loving father with his sons. The kind of memories he’d never made with us.

  “Mom loved you a hell of a lot more than you deserved,” I said, wondering if I could ever relinquish the bitterness that had been a part of me for so long.

  “You’re right.” He looked me in the eye. “And there’s not a day that goes by I don’t think of her. Whether you believe me or not, I loved her too.”

  I couldn’t imagine treating someone I loved the way he’d treated her, but I wasn’t an expert on romantic love. I’d had plenty of relationships, but I still couldn’t say without a doubt that I’d ever been in love. “If you loved her so much, why did you keep leaving? Her and us?”

  “I was doing you all more harm than good, Kane. I left because I thought you’d be better off without me.”

  “Sounds like a cop-out to me.”

  He shrugged. “Maybe it does, but it’s the honest truth. Thanks to God, I’m able to speak a lot more of that now than when you were a boy.”

  “God?” I asked, my voice dripping in sarcasm. “What are you saying, Jack? You’ve found the Lord? You’ve asked for forgiveness and feel it’s been granted?”

  “I’ve made my peace with my maker,” he said somberly. “Now I’d like to make my peace with my sons. I understand we have a long way to go and I’m not even sure it’s possible, but I’d like to try.”

  I reminded myself that I had come here because I wanted to bury the hatchet, but before I could respond, two teenage boys rushed through the door. Both stopped in their tracks when they saw me, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Seeing them was like looking in a mirror and seeing myself twenty years ago. Just like my brothers and me, these two looked so much alike they had to be mistaken for twins all the time. One thing I could say for sure about the Steele genes—they were dominant.

  “Kane?” one of the boys asked, stepping forward.

  “Uh, yeah,” I said, standing.

  I extended my hand, feeling awkward as I questioned whether I should shake their hands or hug them. I suddenly understood how Brody had felt an immediate connection with them. Seeing them was like stepping back in time and reliving what life had been like for us at their age.

  “I’m Tanner,” the slightly taller one said, shaking my hand. “And this is my brother, Beck.”

  I shook their hands, impressed by their firm grips as they looked me in the eye as if they had nothing to hide, and nothing to be ashamed of. I liked that. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Uh, I think I’ll leave you three alone to get to know each other better,” Jack said, standing. “I’ll just be out in the garage if you need me.”

  I was grateful. I wanted to hear what they had to say about the man who’d raised them before I decided whether I was a fool to think he deserved a second chance.

  “You guys got some time to talk?” I asked, gesturing to the couch. “I know this is awkward, but I really would like to get to know you better.”

  “Sure,” Tanner said, sitting on the couch beside his brother while I reclaimed the chair. We stared at each other a few seconds before Tanner asked, “So are you really on a SWAT team? That’s pretty cool.”

  I chuckled, thinking he had no idea how crazy things could get for my team and me if he thought it was cool to step into the line of fire every day. “I love what I do, but sometimes I question my sanity for doing it.”

  “My buddy’s dad is a cop,” Beck said. “He said you SWAT guys are seriously bad-ass.”

  I smiled. He’d talked to his friend’s father about me. Even though we’d never met, he’d been thinking about me, just as I’d been thinking about him since I learned Jack had two more sons.

  “We’re just doing our job, but yeah, I guess you have to be pretty courageous to do what we do. But that goes for anyone in uniform.” I thought about the two years I’d spent as a detective before I returned to the streets, where I felt I belonged. “Even those who aren’t. We all put our lives on the line. It doesn’t matter whether we’re suited up in SWAT gear or not, we all have the same job—get the bad guys off the street.”

  Beck smiled, and I saw something akin to pride in his eyes, which made my heart swell. It was crazy that I could feel a bond with two kids I’d just met, but there it was.

  I cleared my throat. “Tell me about you guys. What do you do for fun?”

  Beck shrugged. “You know, the usual stuff. Sports, video games, hanging out with friends, working on cars.”

  I smiled as I thought about how much fun Seb would have teaching them about cars. “How about motorcycles?” I imagined Ryker and Nex taking them out for a ride. “You into that?”

  “Yeah!” Tanner’s blue eyes lit up. “Dad’s had a bike for…”

  I assumed he’d paused because he knew our father was a sore subject. “It’s okay to talk about him. I don’t mind. In fact, I’d like to hear your thoughts on Jack. It might help me make up my mind about some things.”

  The brothers shared a look before Beck sighed. “Look, Kane, we know Dad was an asshole to you guys. He’s admitted that to us.”

  That was something, I supposed. “But he’s been good to you?” I wanted to believe he had, that these two had a better life with him than we had. It wouldn’t make up for the mess he’d made of our lives, but it would score him some points with me.

  “He’s been really good to us,” Tanner said quietly. “He’s worked hard, always been there for us. He’s been honest about the mistakes he made with you, your brothers, and your mom. He said if he could do it all over, he would. But since he can’t, he’s just trying to get it right with us.”

  “I’m glad he’s trying so hard with you,” I said, meeting their intense gazes. “And I’m even happier to hear he’s getting it right this time.”

  “I know this may sound weird,” Tanner said hesitantly, “but we’ve always wanted to get to know yo
u and your brothers. Our brothers.”

  My chest tightened as I was reminded of the fact that these were my brothers, who also happened to be strangers. “Family means everything to us. The one and only thing we could always count on was each other.”

  “We get that,” Beck said. “And we know you’re not just going to accept it because we’re blood. We have to—”

  “I do. We do.” They didn’t have to earn our acceptance. They already had it. “You’re one of us. That goes for both of you. We want you to be a part of our family.”

  Beck’s smile was slow, as though he was hopeful but having a hard time believing I was sincere. “You really mean that?”

  “I do.” I inhaled deeply, feeling better than I had since I’d learned they existed. Brody was right. They were good kids, and no matter what the future held for Jack and me, I wanted these boys to be a part of my life. “Ryker mentioned something about the possibility of you guys coming out to Florida. Just know that if you do, you’ll always have a home with any one of us.”

  “Thanks,” Tanner said, grinning. “That means a lot. Seriously.”

  Chapter Four

  Macy

  I was packing the last of my things when someone knocked on my door. Since housekeeping wouldn’t come until after I’d checked out and our family and friends had already headed to the airport, I knew it could only be one person. My husband.

  Opening the door slowly, unsure what to expect after his meeting with his father, I was relieved to see his smile. “Hey, how’d it go?”

  “Better than I thought it would,” he said, looking devastatingly sexy in a black Henley, worn jeans, and scuffed boots. “The jury’s still out on Jack, but the boys are great.”

  “I’m glad.” I stepped back, inviting him to enter. “So, uh, we’ll have to get to the airport soon… if you still want to come to Nashville with me?”

  “Of course I want to come,” he said, frowning. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “I don’t know.” I licked my lips innocently, watching with interest as his eyes tracked the gesture. “You’ve had some time alone to think. I thought maybe you were questioning—”

  He pulled me close, silencing me with a kiss that had me fisting his shirt while I wondered if we had time for a quickie before check-out.

  “I’m not questioning anything, Mace. Not where you’re concerned.” His intense blue gaze wandered over my face, obviously trying to get a read on my thoughts.

  “Oh, uh, good to know,” I said, patting his chest as I struggled to breathe.

  “What about you?” he asked, stepping back. “Can you say the same? Are you regretting what we did last night?”

  I didn’t know whether he was referring to the sex or the vows, so I decided to play it safe. “I’m not one to dwell on regrets. No sense, right? We can’t change the past.”

  He watched me walk to the bed. I could practically hear the questions he was fighting to hold back while he scrutinized my every move. Needing something to do with my hands, I carefully refolded the shirts I’d already folded, then I placed them in the suitcase.

  “You have to know I’m not very good at letting people evade questions,” he said, crossing his arms.

  Of course he wouldn’t be, but I hoped he would give me a reprieve today because I honestly didn’t have any answers. I still couldn’t believe what I’d done. What we’d done. Not the sex—I had no second thoughts about that. Well, maybe one. I wanted to know when we could do it again.

  Turning to face him, I met his gaze and squared my shoulders, knowing that was what he expected. “We made an impulsive decision last night. Was it the right one? Maybe, for me, given my situation with Brendan. But I still can’t see how it could be anything but a nightmare for you. You know as soon as Brody and—”

  “I don’t care what my brother thinks,” he said, clenching his jaw. “Right now, I care about what you think. Are you regretting this because you think it’ll cost me something? Or are you regretting it because you—”

  “I didn’t say I was regretting it.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Then you’re not?”

  I could just imagine how he interrogated suspects. No wonder he’d moved through the ranks so quickly. Beat cop. Detective. Sergeant. SWAT team leader. “Honestly? I’m confused. I’m just getting out of a long-term relationship with a man I thought I loved. Now I’m married to a man I’ve secretly been crushing on for years—”

  “Are you implying that I’m your rebound?’ His voice sounded rough, with a hard edge.

  “No,” I said, shaking my head furiously. “No, of course not. How could you think that?”

  “I just want to know how you’re feeling about what happened last night. Why can’t you tell me?”

  We’d never been shy about our feelings before. I’d had some of the most honest, soul-bearing conversations of my life with this man, yet I was having a hard time describing my conflicted feelings about our marriage. God. Just thinking that word made me break out in a cold sweat.

  “The sex”—my gaze drifted to the bed—“was incredible obviously.”

  His eyes traveled to my left hand, and he seemed to relax when he noticed I was wearing the ring he’d given me. “And the fact that we got married last night… what about that?”

  I swallowed. Once. Twice. “It’s not that I’m a romantic. I’m not. I’m not like my sister. I haven’t been imagining my wedding day since I was a little girl, but—”

  “You never expected it to be in a cheesy Vegas chapel to a guy you didn’t love?”

  He seemed able to read my mind, and that was unnerving sometimes.

  “It’s not that I’m a traditional girl, but growing up in my house… my parents have been forcing their ideals down our throats for as long as I can remember. It’s hard to treat marriage as a matter of convenience,” I said, shrugging. “I know that may seem silly to you—”

  “It doesn’t.” He looked at me intently. “You may not believe this, but I take marriage seriously too, Macy. That’s why I’ve never been married before.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  He stepped forward and took my hands. His thumb traced my ring. “I always told myself if I couldn’t be reasonably sure it would last forever, I just wouldn’t do it. So I haven’t.”

  That made me feel even worse about what happened last night. I’d drawn him into my mess, forcing him to make a decision he wouldn’t have made had he not felt obligated to help a friend. “I’m sorry you—”

  He rested his index finger against my lips. “Don’t apologize. I’m a big boy. I knew what I was doing last night, and I have no regrets today. I just need to know that you don’t have any regrets either.”

  Looking into those beautiful blue eyes, how could I regret marrying him? There was a reason I’d been fantasizing about him for years. He epitomized strength, courage, and sex appeal. He was loyal, fun, and trustworthy, and falling for him would be frighteningly easy.

  That was the last thing I needed—to fall in love with my own husband.

  “No regrets,” I whispered, leaning in for his kiss.

  ***

  The butterflies were flitting around in my stomach as I turned the key in my lock. I’d seen Brendan’s car in the lot when we pulled in, and I knew there was no way to avoid an ugly scene. Kane told me to relax, that he’d field my ex’s questions, but I couldn’t let him do that. I’d already asked too much of him.

  “Hey, there you are,” Brendan said, looking up from a small vase of fresh flowers he was arranging on my dining table. “How was…?” His eyes widened when he saw Kane step into the apartment behind me. “Who’s he?”

  “Um, this is Kane,” I said, feeling my mouth go dry. “He’s Brody’s brother.” I’d imagined how I would tell him, but I thought I’d have a little more time before having to face him.

  “What’s he doing here?” Brendan asked, scowling as he flicked his longish hair out of his eyes.

  Kane closed the door quietly
before stepping up beside me, his hand on my lower back. “Look, I know you and Macy have a lot of history, so this probably won’t be easy for you to hear or accept, but—”

  “Kane, please,” I whispered, turning my back to Brendan. “Can I please have a moment alone with him? I need to explain.” Now that the opportunity was staring me in the face, I wasn’t looking forward to breaking my ex’s heart. We’d had a lot of good times together, shared our dreams, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I just wanted him to understand it was over, and we had zero chance of going back.

  Kane looked over my shoulder. “If you’re sure, I can take a walk. But I’m not sure leaving you alone here with him is a good idea.”

  “I’ll be fine. Thank you,” I whispered, rolling forward on my toes. “There’s a pizza place just down the street. I’m famished. Would you mind?”

  “Not at all.” The fact that he didn’t even have to ask what I wanted on it was further evidence that he knew me. Well.

  Once Kane had closed the door behind him, Brendan asked, “What the hell, Mace? Who is that guy? What’s he doing here?”

  “I’ve known Kane for years. Like I said, he’s Brody’s brother.” I bent to pet my white Persian, Boots, who’d just woken up from her nap on the couch and was snaking through my legs.

  “That still doesn’t answer my question.”

  I knew it was shameful to compare the two men, but seeing Brendan and Kane in the same room made their differences even more apparent.

  Brendan was slim, just shy of five eight, which was perfect for me, since I barely cleared five feet. He had dirty-blond hair, green eyes, and was handsome by most standards. He’d been compared to Keith Urban a time or two, and I had to agree.

  But Kane was his polar opposite. He was big, dwarfing me by over a foot, not to mention ripped from all the time he spent in the gym. His hair and skin were dark, his eyes light. And he was intimidating, while Brendan had the laid-back artist vibe.

  “We have some history.” I had to let him believe that, or our marriage would seem totally implausible.