Kane

by Douglas, Cheryl

  “God, that’s so hot,” Courtney said, fanning her face. “He looks like that and wears a uniform? No wonder you jumped at the chance to marry him.”

  I laughed, thinking her assessment wasn’t far from the truth. “Anyhow, we’ll talk every day, and he’ll visit a couple of times a month until we can figure out the logistics.”

  “Think you’d ever consider moving back home to be with him?”

  I’d come to think of Nashville as home because I knew it was the place where I could make my dreams come true. But Tampa was where my memories lived, along with the people I loved most. “You know why I came here. If you want to make it in country music, this is the place to be.”

  “So you think Kane will get transferred here?”

  “I…” When faced with the impossibility of making this work, my gut clenched, reminding me how stupid it would be to fall in love with a man I could never have. “Um, I have to grab a shower now, Court. Sorry, but I have a meeting with a record label in a couple of hours. They’re interested in one of our songs.”

  “Oh, how exciting,” she said, setting her mug on the table before she stood.

  Boots jumped up on the spot she vacated, clearly appreciating that it was still warm as his eyes drifted closed.

  “Yeah, too bad we won’t be the ones cutting it.” Not that I had much reason to complain. At least it was a paycheck.

  When I walked her to the door, she said, “Well, congratulations on the whole marriage thing. I couldn’t be happier for you.”

  “Thanks.” I’d have shared her happiness if only I could convince myself what Kane and I had was real.

  Chapter Eight

  Kane

  After a grueling day and night, my third without Macy, I just wanted to fall into bed, pull the covers over my head, and shut out the rest of the world, but my brother had other ideas.

  “Look, man,” I said, when I opened the door to Brody. “I’m wiped out. Had to work all night. Can this wait ‘til tomorrow?”

  “It won’t take long,” he assured me, closing the door before he followed me into the living room.

  “Fine,” I said, scraping my hands over my face as I sank into the sofa. “Say what you have to say, but make it quick. I gotta get some sleep.”

  “One word—Macy.”

  How did I know this would be about her? He’d been blowing up my phone ever since I got back from Nashville. I knew it would only be a matter of time before he showed up on my doorstep, demanding answers.

  “What about her?” I asked.

  “Why’d you go to Nashville?”

  “To see the sights.” The sight of her lying naked in bed, begging me to make love to her.

  “You’re lying your ass off.”

  “No matter what I say, you’re going to accuse me of lying, so say what you came to say and get out.” I wasn’t usually so abrupt with my brothers, unless they stuck their nose where it didn’t belong, and lately Brody had been acting as though that was his job.

  “It’s obvious you have a thing for Macy. I want to know where it’s going.”

  “I told you before, what happens between me and Macy is none of your business.” I tipped my head back and closed my eyes. I’d have to tell him about us eventually, but I was too worn out to defend myself now.

  I’d spent thirty-six hours in shifts outside an apartment building while some deranged man held a dozen people hostage because his ex-wife was sleeping with the building superintendent. The gunman had been apprehended after hours of back and forth with a negotiator. Fortunately, there’d been no fatalities, but it had been draining nonetheless.

  “It’s upsetting my fiancée,” Brody argued, “which makes it my business. You know how protective Riley is of her sister, and she says Macy’s been shutting her out lately. We think that has something to do with you.”

  Only because I didn’t want to worry Riley, who I’d come to think of as family and a friend, I said, “Fine. We’re seeing each other. Are you happy now?”

  “Define seeing each other,” Brody said slowly.

  “Hanging out, sleeping together—”

  “Goddammit, Kane, you could have any woman you want! Why Macy?”

  Why Macy? I’d been asking myself that question for months. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about her? Why couldn’t I stomach the thought of her sleeping with anyone else? Why was Macy the only one who did it for me? “That’s like asking you why Riley. You don’t know why Riley’s the one for you, just that she is.”

  Riley had been the only woman on Brody’s radar since they were kids. I’d assumed he would outgrow the infatuation when he went off to college and she stayed behind, but their love had proved stronger than time and distance. I couldn’t help but wonder whether Macy and I were strong enough to endure the way they had.

  “What are you saying?” Brody asked, narrowing his eyes. “You have real feelings for her?”

  “Man, I’ve known Macy half my life. You think I’d mess with her if I wasn’t serious?” I didn’t have the best track record with women, but it wasn’t because I didn’t respect them.

  Holding his head, Brody said, “This doesn’t make any sense. Macy just broke up with her boyfriend. You have to know she’s vulnerable. And you’re, what? Content to be her rebound guy?”

  I met his eyes, the warning in mine clear. “It’s not like that. What we have is real.” I hadn’t intended to reveal so much, but Brody knew how to push my buttons.

  “Fine,” he said, extending his hands. “Let’s say I believe you. Where do you see this going?”

  I sighed. “Right now, the only thing I can think about is my bed. You want to talk about the future, come back and see me in eight hours.”

  “I’m serious, Kane. Riley is worried about her sister, and frankly, so am I.”

  “Let me get this straight,” I said, feeling dangerously close to losing it. “You’re worried about Macy and only Macy? Did it ever occur to you that she might be the one to hurt me?”

  Brody laughed before sobering when he realized I was serious. “You don’t get caught up in relationships. I’ve never seen you so invested in a woman that you didn’t bounce back within a day or two.”

  I was a master at keeping my emotions in check, but my brother made it sound as if I wasn’t capable of feeling anything, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Especially where Macy was concerned. “Fine, you want the truth? I’ll give you the truth.” Or at least the part I could reveal. “But I can’t promise you’ll like it.”

  “I’m listening,” he said, sounding wary.

  “When Macy was in Tampa a couple months back, you know we spent a lot of time together.” My eyes drifted to the spot beside me on the couch, and I imagined her curled up under a throw, a big bowl of popcorn in her lap. She’d looked so at home here, in my house, I’d allowed myself to entertain the possibility of what life would be like if she became a permanent fixture. In my home and in my life.

  “Yeah. Are you telling me something happened between you two? Because I’ve known her a long time, and I’ve never known her to cheat on anyone.”

  “Something did happen,” I said, staring at the blank flat screen. “I fell hard for her. It couldn’t go anywhere because she had a boyfriend, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about her when she left or calling her, texting her…” I sighed. “When I found out she dumped him, I started to think maybe she’d be willing to give me a chance.”

  Brody swore softly. “I knew this was going to happen. Look, I know Macy is a beautiful girl, but—”

  “Just shut up and listen. You said you wanted to know what was going on. I’m trying to tell you.”

  “Fine. Talk,” he said, his jaw locking.

  “With the Vegas trip coming up, we talked even more.” I thought about the late night conversations we’d had when I should have been sleeping, after she’d gotten in from a show and was still wired. “The attraction clearly wasn’t going away. When I found out she’d had a thing for
me for a long time, I knew we had to act on it.”

  “I knew we shouldn’t have left you two alone,” Brody said. “I should have asked Gabe to hang out with you guys in Vegas, to chaperone.”

  “Nothing would have kept me from sleeping with her that night. Or every night after that in Nashville.” I stared at him, daring him to challenge me.

  “So that’s how it is?” Brody asked, pacing and linking his hands behind his head. “Have you thought about how awkward this is going to be? You’re going to have to see her at the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, not to mention all the big family events for the rest of our lives. I don’t have to tell you how close Macy and Riley are. They’re—”

  “Stop!” I raised my hand. “I hear what you’re saying. I do. But Riley’s just going to have to get used to the idea of me dating her sister. When and if we break up, we’ll handle it like mature adults. I promise we won’t make it weird for you guys.” I hoped that was a promise I could keep. Just picturing Macy showing up to a family event with another guy on her arm made me edgy. Witnessing it would make me…

  “You sure?” Brody asked, obviously sensing my turmoil. “’Cause I gotta say, you’re acting weird already.”

  I thought about the promise I’d made to Macy. She didn’t want them to know we’d been crazy enough to exchange vows on a whim, and I couldn’t blame her. She’d never hear the end of it from Riley, but the only way my brother and sister-in-law would back off was if they believed I was serious about Macy. “Maybe I am. The truth is, I’m still trying to process my feelings for Macy. It’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve felt like this.” Like never. “And you know I’m a little gun-shy when it comes to relationships. You don’t have to remind me Macy is coming off a serious one. Believe me, I know.”

  I’d seen the way Brendan looked at her. He wasn’t going to let her go just because she was wearing my ring. He was still in love with her. They had history, and I’d be a fool to think he wasn’t a threat to what Macy and I were trying to build.

  Brody sagged as the air, and presumably the fight, seeped out of him. “I’m sorry if I came off like an asshole, man. I didn’t mean to accuse you of using Macy.”

  “Good, ‘cause I’d never do that.”

  Brody sat on the edge of the armchair, regarding me carefully. “Now you’ve got me wondering if I should’ve had this conversation with her instead of you.”

  The last thing I needed was for him to give Macy a hard time about us. “What’re you talking about?”

  “I came here assuming you’d tell me you guys were just having fun. But that’s not what this is, is it?”

  “Clean your ears out,” I said, scowling at him. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. So you can go back home and tell your fiancée she’s got nothing to worry about. I’m not going to hurt her baby sister.”

  “But what if it’s inevitable?” Brody asked. “What if you wind up hurting each other without meaning to?”

  “Jesus,” I said, rubbing the scruff on my jaw. “What the hell’s with you? You sound like one of those therapists they make us see at the station when we take down a perp. I don’t want to talk to you about my feelings and shit.” I wasn’t even ready to talk to Macy about that.

  “I know a thing or two about hurting the woman I love, Kane,” Brody said, his voice low and gruff. “I did it to Riley for years. I’m not proud of that. It makes me sick every time I think of it.”

  “Why are we covering old ground? You and Riley are happy now. You’ve got your shit together. You guys are getting married and—”

  “I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes I did.”

  I was usually the one warning Brody it was time to grow up. I couldn’t remember a single time in our lives when he’d had to warn me about the danger he saw ahead. “You know I don’t shy away from danger.” I rubbed the back of my neck, thinking I’d give anything for a massage right about now. Preferably from Macy. “It’s not who I am. Don’t ask me to play it safe, to be cautious. You’re just wasting your breath.”

  “Fine, how do you see this playing out then? Your life is here. Hers is in Nashville.”

  “Tell me something I don’t know,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You think I haven’t thought about this? Trust me, I have.”

  “And…?”

  “I don’t know.” I knew that wouldn’t satisfy him, but it was all I had.

  “Would you be willing to give up your job, leave your friends and family behind, so you could move to Nashville to be with her?”

  Tampa was my home, the only place I’d ever wanted to live. “You’re getting way ahead of yourself. We’re not even close to being there yet.” Which was ridiculous, since we already had the marriage license.

  “I just want you to think about it for a minute,” Brody said, raising his hand. “Fast forward a year. You love her, she loves you. You’re tired of sleeping alone. You want to see her more than once a month.”

  “I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it.” Though I didn’t think it would take a year for me to feel the way Brody described. It had only been a few days and I missed Macy already.

  “Man, can’t you see how irresponsible it is to go into a relationship without thinking about the end game? Where do you want this to go? Where are you willing to let it go?”

  “I don’t know, okay!” I strode to the door and hauled it open. “I’ll figure it out… with Macy’s help. Not yours!”

  He surprised me by gripping my shoulder on the way out. He looked me in the eye. “When I screwed things up with Ri, you were the one to tell me I was going to lose her if I didn’t get my act together. You were the one who forced me to face the cold, hard truth. I figure I owe you.”

  I watched him climb into his new pick-up truck before I closed the door. Damn it. He was right. I had to face reality. This thing with Macy was a ticking time bomb, and the people we loved would be rocked by the explosion.

  ***

  I’d been dreading this conversation all day, but after Brody’s visit, I knew Macy and I needed to face facts.

  “Hey, sexy,” she said, picking up her landline after the first ring. “I was hoping you’d call tonight. I know your text said you were fine, but I needed to hear your voice.”

  I’d texted to tell her I wouldn’t be able to call her last night because I was on duty. But a single night without hearing her voice had been a hell of a lot harder on me than I thought it would be.

  Damn it. We were in real trouble here.

  “So listen, Mace, we need to talk.” I was a coward for having this conversation over the phone, but I couldn’t go on pretending everything was fine until I saw her again. That would make me feel like even more of a fraud.

  “I’m not sure I like the sound of that,” she said, her voice suddenly soft and wary. “What’s up?”

  “I had a talk with Brody today, and he made me face the reality of our situation.”

  “Meaning?”

  “As it stands, we’re friends. And I’d like us to go on being friends, for the sake of our family connection.”

  She made a choking sound as though she was struggling to catch her breath. “I don’t know about you, but what we did… I don’t do that with my friends.”

  I’d had a few friendships like that, but this wasn’t one of them. “When we slept together…” I was struggling to find the right words, knowing nothing I could say would soften the blow. “When I was with you, I really thought we could make it work somehow.”

  “But now you don’t?” There was a hard edge to her voice. “Because of what Brody said?”

  I didn’t want her to hate my brother. This wasn’t his fault. This was simply a case of wrong time, wrong place, wrong people. “This isn’t about Brody. This is about us. I just don’t see how we can make this work, Mace.”

  “But you were the one trying to convince me we could!” she cried. “You said you could come here and—”

  “I know what I said.” I sat up in
bed, resting my back against the headboard. “But I was wrong.” Just like tearing off a Band-Aid. Make it quick to minimize the pain. “Look, I think our attraction to each other was overriding our common sense.”

  “You’re saying you would have said or done anything to get me into bed, is that it?”

  “No!” The last thing I wanted was for her to think I’d used her. I cared about her. That’s why I was trying to save her from more pain months down the line when we realized there was no possible way to make our relationship work. “You know this was about more than sex for me.”

  “How do I know that?” she asked defiantly. “You think you’re the first guy who’s used me for sex, then discarded me like a piece of trash?”

  My gut clenched at the realization she hated me now. There was no way to come back from this, to convince her that I only had her best interests in mind. “You know I would never do that. You’re just upset. When you’ve had time to think about it, you’ll realize it’s best to put an end to this now, before we get in too deep.”

  A voice in my head chided me that it was way too late for that. I was already in so deep, I could have used a pair of hip waders.

  “You know what I think? I think you’re a goddamn coward! You’re afraid of what you feel for me, and rather than face it, you want to hide from it, pretend it doesn’t exist!”

  I’d never been accused of being a coward. If anything, those who knew me might describe me as brave and courageous, but Macy’s words had a ring of truth I couldn’t deny.

  “You let me fall for you,” she accused. “I never intended to. That first night, in Vegas, I thought it would just be sex. And I was okay with that. But you let me believe it could be more. Why? Why did you do that?”

  Christ, she was slaying me. “I’m sorry. I never meant to—”

  “Forget it,” she said, drawing a shaky breath. “It doesn’t matter. I get it. It’s over… before you even gave it a chance to get started.”